In 102 Languages I Love You

I could feel the wind whipping away at my body trying to slow me down from my destination. But with Drake's words repeating over and over in my head playing over like a broken record, I gained the courage to push of the wind, and keep going. Failing is for the weak, and I'm going to gain more strength, with Drake beside me. This past month and a half there is only one thing I have been, and that's stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid! And it takes one slap in the face to realize just how much of an idiot I was being. But now, all of that was okay, because a mistake is only a mistake when you do not correct it.

My legs felt sore from how fast I was pushing them to move. The bottom of my converse scraped against the dirty, cracked cement below me; causing scrunchy sound waves to bounce off around me. I keep going, I keep walking, I'm going to do this! As I pass that familiar sidewalk, memories are raging with fire inside my head. Those initials will be cemented into that ground for years, and years to come. I don't know what I can picture him doing in ten years, in fifteen, in twenty, and so on. He seems like he can be doing so many things. I just know one thing he'll be doing for sure.

He's going to be saving lives.

Because he's saving mine, without even knowing it.

Five more minutes pass, and I find myself standing outside the wooden door, chipping away withered from time. I can spot scratches on the fake old doorknob, and as my finger's wrap around the metal, I could feel them too. I suck in air, making myself almost light headed for what I'm about to do. And after all this time, in that very moment standing outside the door, I realized he had always been right. It had been all my fault! I had put both of us through this slump this past month and a half. I let the air go, my body slightly shaking as the air left my lungs. My arms feel like a hundred pounds as I raise them up towards my head. My hands clench into a fist, and now there is absolutely no turning back.

I close my eyes and let my knuckles hammer against his wooden door. It felt as if the doors vibrated from my touch. I can feel my muscles in my body knot up into a big mess, and it hurts more then it would have hurt three years ago. Signs.

I press my face closer to the door, and knock one more time, just to make sure whoever was inside heard it. I could hear movement and scurrying on the other side. And then, I hear his voice. This certain feeling wipes out the rest. It was the feeling he gave me, the one I never wanted to go away. I step back, almost feeling afraid of what comes next.

The door peeks open a bit, and I catch a glimpse of those beautiful hazel eyes. I watch closely as his pupils dilate, and one side of his forehead, the side only visible, rises up along with his eyebrow. He opens the door more, and stares at me completely drenched in shock. I take this as an advantage, and take these quick seconds to look at him again. His eyes, those eyes, they don't look the same. They look like the way they did on Christmas eve. There was nothing illuminating them. It's been a month and a half since seeing him, and his hair is no longer long, he's cut it. Now, it's back to the same black dye he loved coloring it. His lips weren't chapped! It almost made me want to smile as my eyes continued to wonder his face, and remember every tiny features and imperfection I loved about it. They landed on the shiny ring piercing through his skin, but it wasn't his lip ring they landed on, it was his nose ring. Something new.

"You pierced your nose" Those words flowed so calmly out of my mouth, that it made me panic. Did I really just say that? I bottle the panic up inside me, and watch him stare at me still, it gets uncomfortable. I hated it when he stared.

"M-madison?"

My heart sinks. The way he says my name has even changed. I shake my head lightly. "Frank Iero knew me as Maddy. He thought it was cute." I respond actually keeping my cool.

My eyes leave his face and wonder towards the inside of his house where I spot blonde hair within it. I don't recall his mom having blonde hair. I mean maybe his sister did, but who knows. I was just trying to come up with anyone random, because inside, I knew who it was. I gulped down saliva, and stared her way. She stood there looking terrified herself as she stared at me, our eyes locked for long seconds. I swear I tried not to rip her up through eye contact, but she looked mildly pissed herself. I felt challenged at that very second, as she stood there in tight pants and a tank top revealing half her body, and then remembered I was zipped up in a big, puffy, black jacket that made me look like a burnt marsh mellow. I wore a goofy colorful hat on my head to keep warm, and huge sweatpants to warm my legs. How was I supposed to compete with that?

"Hi Whitney," I said in a normal tone, giving her a small wave, leaning in so she could see me. Frank turned back to look at her, and then twisted his head over to me. I gave him a small grin, trying to show him that I was fine.

"We're just working on a project together, that's it." He mumbled low at me, closing the door so she'd be out of my view.

I nodded agreeing to him, feeling relief come over my body. "Can I talk to you..uhh, out here?" I ask, taking a step back away from him. He nods as well looking nervous.

"D-don't you want to grab a jacket or something? It's kind of freezing."

He furrows his eyebrows. "It's only sixty five degree's."
I flush from embarrassment. Great, I look like it's freaking negative 5 degree's out! I can't help it though. Having ALS makes everything feel so much colder then it was.

"Right," I mumbled looking up to meet his face.

"You cut your hair." He says, breaking the silence. "It looks nice." He adds.

Why does everything feel so awkward?

"Thanks."

Another silent moments passes where the only things we can hear are the occasional cars driving by, the wind whipping away at our bodies, the branches of the tree's snapping in the air, movement within Frank's home, and our very own breathing. We stand in front of each other, suddenly he looks away and so do I. We're both cowards.

"I've made a mistake." I say, in strong voice looking terrified, but sure as hell making it clear he knows I mean this.

I watched every little move he makes. How the muscles on his face twisted up, confusion running through his system. He opened his mouth to say something, and I took this as my very own cue to do what I've been dying to do for a while now, but never could. Now that someone has slapped me back into reality, I could. I cut him off completely.

"I want to be your girlfriend." I demanded. And this time, it was not him who started a kiss, it wasn't him that showed he really cared for me. I was the one who took a step towards him, grabbed his face gently, and smashed our lips together in perfect places.

For seconds we keep our lips connected, I could feel the shock for a second, before he completely reacts. His long arms wrap around my waist and he pulls me closer tight against his body. This is how it should have been. My fingers run to brush against his face as I let him have entrance inside my mouth. Hooking up was finally enjoyable. I can feel him digging inside my mouth for more, and right when that feeling that I never wanted to go away sparks agai, it leaves, and I panic. He pulls away, violently. He breathes out loud, and shakes his head.

"Am I dreaming?" He asked sounding completely serious.

"N-no." I croak.

"Thank god" He breathes, before I felt him press his lips against my own again.