In 102 Languages I Love You

"Where are you going?" I ask Dan, quickly getting up from my seat, making sure I didn't hurt myself in the processes. Frank's words quickly replayed in my head when Dan turns back to look at me from the door.

"Tomorrow, around eight or so, Dans going to spiffy himself up, and leave the house. Go with him, he'll be going to a party his friend Michelle is hosting. Everyone's going to be there; Gerard, Mikey, Bob, Ray and people from school. I'll meet you there, okay?

Dan eyed me for a second as he straightened his jacket, grabbing his car keys from the small coffee table beside him. "Party." He responded nonchalantly, turning away from me again, to continue his walk out of the house.

"Uh, can I come?" I ask, stopping him again. His face looks surprised, bewildered in hearing those words escape my mouth. I know Dan still saw me as his younger, tiny, innocent sister, but he really needed to shed that image of me soon. I'm growing up, whether he will admit it or not. He still got pissed at me whenever I said shit. I wasn't ten!

"You wanna come?" He asked, curling the top of his lip.

I shrugged, completely keeping it cool and calm. "Sure, why not? I'm going to be stuck here all night doing nothing, and mom's already sleeping like a rock. I'm going to be bored....Please?" I plead casually.

Daniel looked as if he didn't know what to say, being torn in two. He was kind of like a brother and a father all at once. Obviously he knew how these parties worked, and how fucked up you could get at them. He knew that they'd be filled with drunken idiots, smokers, druggies. It's kind of being hypocritical. He says "don't drink, don't smoke", when he does it himself! By now, it all just has to do with trusting me.

"Fine" He mumbled, kind of annoyed with me, knowing now that I was coming. I tried not to look much excited, bottling it up inside me. I had kind of dressed myself about two hours earlier, ready for this very moment. I grabbed my jacket quickly from the coat rack, put it over my bare arms, and followed Dan behind as we walked out the door.

"Do you have your keys?" He questioned, walking over to his car. I stuck both my hands into my pockets, swimming inside for the pocket that contained my keys. I found it in my left pocket; it had been there from yesterday when I had gone out with Frank. I took them out of the pocket, dangling them in front of my face for Dan to see.

He nodded, sticking his key into the drivers door. I heard all the locks inside unlock before opening up my door, sitting myself down in the passengers seat, and bringing the seat belt over my body, all buckled down. Dan mimicked my actions, and stuck his key into the ignition. Soon the car was rumbling with anticipation, and we were off, down the old Jersey roads.

The car ride was a mixture of being silent, and kind of awkward. Dan would clear his throat, or cough lightly, occasionally. He wouldn't even let me put on music to relax the silence! He had changed a lot in the last couple of months, but in situations like these, he was back into 'big brother mode.' My head rested against the cold window of his car, watching the silhouettes of houses as we passed each one. I really had no idea where this party was being held, but when Dan's car began slowing down, a pool of nerves cooked in the pit of my stomach. Dan pulled over on the block right in front of the house.

The scene was just as the one at Clara's party, from the last time I remembered it. That was when Frank kissed me for the first time, he was drunk. This house in front of me however, was a lot bigger, and if possible, reeked of of more alcohol and cigarettes then last time. I'm going to suffocate, I just know it! When the car stopped shaking my hand quickly aimed for the door handle, but I was interrupted by Dan's large hand grabbing onto my wrist.

"Wait a minute young lady!" He said, sounding like some older man, like a father. "If you consume alcohol, or smoke something, or do anything stupid, I swear you're dead! I'll have Gerard or Ray find you to take you home around ten or something."

My mouth opened up in objection. "That's only two hours!" I whined.

"Deal with it." He muttered, getting out of the car himself. I stayed put for a few seconds, letting the fumes of anger rise out of my body. Well, I know three people I'll definitely be avoiding tonight. I sighed, and got out of the car. The smell of smoke entered my nostrils, and rushed all the way up to my head, making me slightly dizzy. Now all I have to do is find Frank. How hard can that be?

I walked through the people scattered in the front lawn. Random eyes stared for a second, before going back to whatever they were doing. I pushed through the front doors to be exposed to loud music booming in every one's ears, and a grind floor in the middle of the living room. I could feel heat burning in my cheeks, making me slightly blush as I stared at the freak dancing happening in front of me. It almost made me want to shiver seeing how close the guys and girls, or even girls and girls, were together. All their body parts touching certain ones, rubbing together, ah! I darted my eyes somewhere else, slithering my way through people, trying to look for a familiar face. Last time I did this my best friend was by my side, keeping me company. Now, I was on my own.

I kept my head down for Frank, maybe even Mikey, or Bob, or any of the guys. Sure enough Frank would be with one of them right? As long as I don't see my brother, Gerard, or Ray I was going to be fine. I pushed my way towards the end of the living room, and was in the hallway leading to other rooms. People were either pressed against the walls 'hooking up', or having a little chat. It really sucks to be alone in situations like this! I need to make a friend or something. I pushed through a little crowd, making my way towards the dining room when I felt a tap on my shoulder. I kind of jumped slightly at the touch, and turned around to face a guy. He had on black thick rimmed glasses, a bit chubby on the side, but only slightly. His loose baggy shirt displayed the name 'Weezer' across from it. The same black dyed hair as Frank shined from the light above us.

"Hey, are you Madison?"

"Yes." I mumbled, nervously at the guy in front of me.

A quick smiled overpowered his curiosity. His hand stuck out for me to take. "Hey, I'm John, you can call me Hambone, though."

I hesitated for a second. Was this guy..flirting with me? Do I just shake his hand, be polite, and walk away? How did he know my name anyway? He could sense my nerves, and confusion. "I'm good friends with Frank. Don't worry, I don't stalk you or anything. He talks about you non-stop. It's kind of a bit annoying to be honest." He laughs lightly.

All my muscles relax, and I sigh. My nerves leave, and the shyness disappears. "Oh.." I say. "Nice to meet you, and sorry on all the Madison torture talk.." I laugh along, shaking his large, rough hands.

"What did you do to that guy, seriously! I mean with Whitney he was talkative about her to, and other past girls. But you man, Jesus." He smiled. I could feel my cheeks heat up quickly, embarrassed. Wow, he really liked me.

"How did you know it was me anyway?" I ask in curiosity. A whole lot of people were here, and damn, how did he seriously manage to find me?

"I saw you walking down that hallway, over there. Frank told me to look for you earlier. Quote," if you see a small girl, skinny, pale, blue/gray eyes, short choppy black hair, probably looking scared and lost..oh and Gorgeous, it's probably my girlfriend. Unquote." He finished smiling. Gorgeous? I felt my cheeks heat up more.

"Ohh.." I mumble trying not to blush anymore then I was already. "Wait, you know we're dating?" I ask, suddenly letting that little fact digest in my brain.

"Yeah, don't worry. I-I know..the whole situation with your family, and with y-you...Frank told me. I'm one of his best friends, I would never tell anyone. I've got both your backs, after all you are his chick and Frank is my bro." He laughed, taking a swig of his beer.

I smiled softly, nodding at his words. "Well, would you have any idea in where he is now? I've been looking, but no such luck." I sigh, shifting my weight to my other leg. I finish until 'Hambone' is done sipping his beer.

"I actually don't know. Last time I saw him, he was getting pretty hammered. He wasn't sure you were going to come, so he stopped waiting by the front lawn. He should be around somewhere though.."

Getting pretty hammered?

The smoke, and the smell of beer was getting to me. This was never my scene, something I would never get accustomed to, something I don't think I'd ever like. I picked at my jeans, watching 'Hambone' look around the room. "Well.." I say, getting ready to walk off. "It was nice to meet you Hambone, I'm going to go look for Frank." I finish.

He nods, taking another drink from his bottle. "Nice meeting you to. And hey, I'll tell Frank you're looking for him if I find him." I hear him say, as I walk off to find Frank.

My eyes wonder to every face, every body, squeezing through little pacts, trying my hardest to find Frank. I sigh, looking up at the clock noticing it's nine-thirty five. This is hopeless! Dan is going to send Gerard or Ray to come searching for me soon and get me home! I had been searching through the living room, even looked for him in the grind floor (got touched in awkward places), and still no Frank. I walked back out to the front lawn, and he wasn't there. I searched through the bathrooms, and saw disturbing things happening in there. I got yelled a lot actually, from couples, ruining the whole 'moment.' My tongue felt dry, and I felt like I needed to smell some air that wasn't too polluted. I pushed through the living room once more towards the stairs. I walked quickly and thought I noticed Frank. I turned back to get a closer look, still in motion, realizing it wasn't him. This caused me not to be looking forward, and knocked into something hard. I got pushed back, and the person in front of me pushed slightly.

"Madison?"

I shook out the hard feeling I had gotten, my arms felt limb. I squinted to get a better closer look at who I had knocked into. "Mikey!"

He smiles, taking a swigs of his beer. "Whoa, you're out of the house! Surprise!" He laughs lightly, leaning against the wall. His eyes are kind of red, and it makes me wonder how all of these people decide their transportation home.

"Hey, have you seen Frank? Oh, and..how bad does he..drink?" I ask randomly. Maybe, I shouldn't have said that, Mikey might get suspicious.

He smirks. "He's a lightweight actually. But whenever he gets the chance, he chugs down more then he can actually handle. This is his first party since Clara's last time, actually. He was always busy on the weekends." Busy with me. "With you I'm guessing." He grins.

I'm taken back by his comment and almost forget to breathe. "Jesus, how many people has Frank told?" I whine to Mikey, covering up part of my face with my freezing hands.

"Don't worry. Just me, Ray, Bob, Hambone..Gerard." He counts off in his fingers. My face whitens, and I feel a rush run through my body.

"All of you know?" I gasp, cupping my hands over my mouth. "Dans going to find out!"

Mikey shook his head. "No, we're good friends. We would never tell Daniel! Don't worry about it Madison, it's our secret. Cute what you do to him, though.." He laughs lightly, taking another sip of his beer. What being drunk can do to you. Completely change your personality! "Oh, speaking of Gerard, he was looking for you.."

"Don't let him find me!" I yell in frustration, catching stares from the people around me. "See you later Mikey.." I say, walking off in another direction now. The upstairs for me was now off limits, or not ready to be searched yet. I still needed the kitchen. I was suffocating in this room full of people, people I didn't even know, and care for. I pushed, and squeezed through a little pack just outside the kitchen door. I sigh, being able to breathe before opening up the door.

You know, maybe I should of just checked upstairs, realized I would have never found him, and found Gerard to take me home. So I would have never known what he had done, or what he was about to do.

"Frank?" I squeaked.

His face was only inches away from touching another girls lips

"We're busy honey." The girl beside him tells me in a snotty tone, and grabs onto Franks neck, pulling him closer. His eyes squint, they're way to red for his own good. He finally looks at me, squinting my way.

"Holy shit, Maddy?" He yells surprised, shooting up from his chair.

That's all I hear, or see before my body is lost, pushing through people trying to get out of this place, trying to breathe. My head feels spinney, my hands began to tremble and sweat forms in the creases of my palms. My breathes begin to come in shorter, and I feel completely lost. What's this feeling? I've never felt it before.

"Madison, wait up Ma-"

I stop in mid track, not being able to concentrate on anything. I turn around to see Gerard. "I've been looking for you!"

"Take me home." I demand before he even says anything else.

When I was ten my mom isolated me from the world for one reason. She didn't want anything to harm me. She protected me from the cruel world that lie outside my wooden door. She kept me inside, immune from any lies, from tears, from friends, from anything that could harm me. She taught me how to be a good person, a good friend, and protected me from people that could possibly do harm.

She never however, protected me from heartbreak.