In 102 Languages I Love You

"Frank's in the hospital."

"What! Is he okay?" I ask standing there in front of him, feeling all my muscles constrict making me almost mumble a low 'ow' from how much it hurt. My feelings, and ALS symptoms have been confusing themselves lately, because I didn't know if it hurt from the news I had just heard, or the weakening of my muscles because of ALS. Was it bad that I didn't care if he was cheating on me? Was it bad that all I wanted to know now was if he was okay? All I wanted to do was comfort him, be by his side, and make sure he was doing fine.

Gerard flicked his cigarette away, letting the white stick bounce against the floor. The end of it was still lightly lit. Soon, the bottom of Gerard's sneakers were stomping on it, making the fire at the end stop. When I notices he's not going to pick it up, and litter, I almost bend down to throw it away myself. His voice stops me from doing this. "Yeah, he's fine. The kid just has a terribly weak immune system. He's getting better. He should be home in a couple of days and treated there. His mom's a nurse you know."Oh I know.

"What does he have? What happened? Please don't tell me he did something stupid!" I say, curious now. There are a million things that cross my mind when it comes to the conclusion of Frank lying in a hospital bed. The guy is crazy enough to do anything that can stir up bad consequences.

"He has a case of pneumonia. It's nothing too bad. Apparently the bacteria only infected one lung, so he's going to be pretty okay. They just got him on fluids and stuff. He keeps telling me he feels like shit all the time. And he's been asking for you for about five days now. So here I am. Now, can we go?"

Five days? How long has Frank been in the hospital, and I didn't know?

I nod quickly and walk ahead of Gerard towards what I guess is his car. I pull on the door handle, and slip into the passenger seat. My nose is quickly exposed to the deadly smell of even more cigarettes mixed in with the stench of coffee. The odor tickles away at my nose, almost suffocating me in a way. None of these guys obviously know the word clean and organized existed in the English languages, because all their cars are dumpsters. I pull over my seat belt, and secure myself down. Gerard takes his time walking over and starting the car. "

"Sheesh, for someone who almost got cheated on by Frank you sure are desperate to see him."

I freeze again in my spot and it hurts once more. Did Gerard really just say that to me? A couple of silent seconds races past us before Gerard groans. "Sorry Madison, I-I didn't mean it like that..." Gerard speaks softly. I feel his eyes trying to rip through the side of my face. I keep my eyes towards the car parked ahead of us, and don't speak just yet. "You know, he really beats himself up for what he almost did to you."

I shrug, and again lifting up my shoulders, and bringing them down is such a hard obstacle from everything feeling heavier. "So, I'm guessing he told you what happened? And I'm guessing you know now why I demanded you take me home, and why I didn't talk at all through the whole ride?"

"Basically." Gerard says. "And I know it's none of my business, but the pansy boy Frank is a good friend of mine. And trust me, he didn't mean what he did. I, myself, could have grabbed Frank at a party since he was loaded, and I myself could have made out with him!"

A feel an urge at the end of my lips wanting to tug into a smile at Gerard's words. "Just saying though. Do what you want, I don't want to sound like some relationship god or whatever."

The car was soon vibrating with anticipation, and Gerard reels it out of its parking space, and now we're off to visit Frank. The silence embraced us comfortably as the car rolled fine along the Jersey roads. I tried to not really think about anything, because I knew I'd just end up worrying myself, and stuffing my head with a million 'what ifs' or questions. Instead, my eyes focused to the window on my right, and my eyes explored whatever was displayed for mere seconds before disappearing. My eyes would often drift towards the red numbers that glowed in dark spaces, in between the cigarette disposer and the car stereo. It was currently one-twenty-two PM, and I had kind of left without saying anything. Mom would be home in three hours from work and my tutoring had been in the morning from eight to twelve thirty. I'd have to be home on time.

About fifteen minutes flickered away at the digital clock, and we weren't there yet. I tried everything I could to keep myself entertained so I wouldn't result in asphyxiating myself in stupid, worried thoughts. I tapped my clear, short nails against the car material on the window. My leg shook constantly in different rhythms. I twirled my finger through my hair, and even rocked slightly back and forth in my seat. I knew Gerard by now must think I have ADHD or something, because I was beginning to believe it to.

Five more minutes were added on to the one-thirty seven, making it one forty-two when Gerard's car was finally pulling into a large gray parking lot. Gerard searched quickly for a free spot before finally settling his car into it, and pulled the key out of its engine. Last time I had stepped into a hospital was for Drake, but his hospital was about two hours away for a specific hospital containing cancer patients. This hospital was smaller and looked a bit more local. I stepped outside, letting my shoes tap lightly against the dirty floor below me. I could spot several emergency ambulances off to the corner, in front of the 'emergency entrance.' Their vibrant red lights could catch any one's attention, and let me not forget the annoying alarm it sent off too.

"Come on, this way's the entrance." Gerard called after me, as he began his walk the complete opposite way. My feet were quick to respond to his words, and soon I was walking a little faster to catch up to him. we soon reached the clear double doors that read, 'Entrance' in bold, black letters. As soon as we both stepped into the hospital, my nerves on my spine scrunched up, and shivered causing me to feel cold. No matter how different hospitals may be everything happening in them is the same, and it's never quite good. The white around me irritates my eyes when I follow Gerard past the counter. There are people sitting in front of the counter around in bendable chairs, all looking the same, miserable.

"Frank Iero, but we know the room and where he is already.." I hear Gerard say.

"Alright, you guys can go." The woman behind the counter says, before going back to her finger tapping on her black keyboard.

"This way Madison."

I follow Gerard and try not to look through the open doors we pass that are displaying people inside. I keep my eyes glued on the white tiles below me, and the back of Gerard's converse. We made different turns at the end of hallways before finally ending up at an elevator. "He's on the third floor, and I don't want to take the stairs."

Gerard clicked on the button outside of the doors, and we waited a couple of seconds before the doors finally opened. We waited for a little girl, and what I assumed was her mom walk out. Their fingers were tied together, and both their eyes were slightly red. I could make out the smudged eyeliner on the mothers face deteriorating, and the little girl glued on to the mothers side as they walked out of the elevator.

My eyes tore away from their faces, stepping into the elevator with Gerard. He pressed his finger on a button, and the doors closed. I pushed myself as far back on the wall as I could, trying to grab onto the wall itself with my fingers or nails. The elevator began its way up, and I could feel myself lose sense of gravity for a second as it began. I shook the feeling this thing gave me off, and tried not to look like I was about to throw up. Soon the elevator doors had opened once more, and Gerard and I were out. I followed him down one hallway before we turned into another room. I was expecting it to be Frank's room so I hesitated, only to realize a few moments later that it wasn't.

There was a table in the middle of the white room, and a bathroom door off to my right side. There were chairs randomly scattered along the white walls, and were occupied by none other then Mikey, Bob, Ray, Whitney, two girls I didn't know, and beautiful mother Linda. I don't know about you, but I never liked the feeling of eyes scanning me up and down, and giving judgments right there. Linda was in her work cloths, drinking something in a black, oval, cup with white, sparkly snowflakes designs. She was the only one who sat at the table. The others sat in the chairs pressed against the wall. "Hey Madison's" broke out through out the whole room, before everyone else went mumbling back to each other.

"Madison, honey!" Linda's voice projected louder then everyone elses. She walked over my way as I was taking off my jacket, and placing it on the chair beside me. "I'm so glad you're here! Frank's been asking for you so much! Why didn't you tell me you guys were dating?"

My face heated up, and my eyes quickly flew to where Whitney sat. Her eyes had quickly looked up at Linda, before playing it cool, and talking to one of the girls I didn't know, beside her. Well Mrs. Iero, I really don't know if we're 'dating' seeing as in your son was about to cheat on me! "Y-yeah, we are." I mumble, pulling back the edges of my mouth into a small grin. "How is he doing?"

"Oh he's doing just fine. My little Frankie was always getting sick when he was younger. He had a terrible case of Mono as a kid, which weakened his immune system even more. He's breathing on his own now. The bacteria only infected part of his right lung, on the bottom left. He's doing well actually. Would you like to see him?"

"U-uhh, sure." I say, and Linda smiles softly, leading the way out of the room. I follow behind, but can easily feel pupils trying to tear away through my back as I walk. Linda leads me out of the room to a door across from the one we were just in. She tells me to wait outside for a second and walks in. I lean my back against the wall, and close my eyes. I hear slight movement from the other side, and low words I can't make out. About a minute later Linda walks back out, smiling.

"He's ready for you sweetheart." She says, before walking back into the room we both were in two minutes ago. Okay Madison, now just stay strong. This is going to be fine. My hands wrap around the fake, gold, metal knob and twist it; exposing part of Frank's small room. I suck in air, bracing myself, and walk in courageously.

I see Frank about ten feet in front of me; his eyes wide opened, his lips shading into the color purple and pink. His hair looks unhealthy, and way too greasy, and his face looks kind of naked without his nose ring, or lip ring. The light above us makes his face shine, they beam off his white skin, and he looks too pale. It's kind of weird to see him like this; in a hospital. If there was ever a time I pictured Frank and I in the hospital together, besides being there for Drake, it be when I was slipping into death. And now that Frank's the one sick, and I'm the one kind of 'fine,' it makes me feel weird. We've switched roles.

"Maddy."

His voice is hoarse, and lacking strength. He immediately sat up when I walked in, causing me to get slightly alarmed. "Frank lay yourself back down! You need to rest!"

"Maddy.." He repeated again, still trying to get his body up. I rolled my eyes at his stubbornness, and walked towards him. His eyes looked like they were fading away. "This is perfect. I look like shit, don't I?" He mumbles, finally lying back down as I sit at the edge of his bed, near his hands.

"You do." I laugh lightly. "But it's okay."

His lips tug back into a smile, before he pouts. "Thanks." He mumbles.

My eyes scan around the room, anything but look at him. As an awkward silence envelops both of us, I find a way to keep busy by examining everything with in this small room. My eyes land on the IV bag Frank is hooked on. When I was younger, I had always wondered what was in there. It looked like a bag full of water, and I had never understood why patients needed it. Not until last year, did I learn that the bag was indeed filled with water, but it was also mixed in with salt and a few other minerals. That would all go into Frank's blood stream, helping him keep homeostasis, and his cells from not exploding, and him dying. Throughout all of this my eyes wondering everywhere, and I feel Frank's focus on my face. "Hey Maddy.."

My eyes wonder back to Frank's face. I think I look away, because it's almost heartbreaking to see him like this, to see him sick, to see him weak, to see him in a hospital bed. "Hmm?"

I sit just above him, half my body towers over him even if I'm short since he's lying down. His big, hazel eyes stare up at me, and I swear he can definitely see up my nostrils or something. "I-I'm sorry." He says in a strong, scratchy voice. "I miss you. I miss you a lot. I'm a fucking jackass, a bitch, an idiot, an asshole, any profanity you can think of I am. I'm sorry. I know that word doesn't work, and you don't have to forgive me, because what I did to you was terrible. I just hope you don't hate me. I don't think I could live with that. Alcohol just does bad things to me, and I swear that as long as we're together I won't touch it again. I can't risk that." He says, as his hands search for mine on his bed. When his fingers reach my palm, I can't help, but smile.

His fingers are freezing.

They're just like mine.

Our fingers tie together, and my face lowers to look at him better. "You're like the king of being cheesy." I laugh lightly.

He frowns, and his eyebrows furrow together. The way they were shaped and aligned had always amused me. "I was being serious!" He mutterers, giving my hand a squeeze.

"Are we still dating?" I ask, hoping he can clear up all this confusion for me.
His eyes wonder my face. "That's up to you." He mumbles, squeezing my hands harder.

It was my choice, what I wanted. I cared for the sick man holding my hand, lying in front of me. I cared for that high pitched giggle, his hazel eyes, his chapped purple lips, his unhealthy greasy hair. I cared so much for the guy lying in front of me, it kind of got me worried, it kind of got me scared. It's easy to dislike, or hate someone, but it takes courage to understand that people make mistakes, and forgive them for it. I lean in and kiss his cheek lightly.

"I forgive you."