In 102 Languages I Love You

Dan and I sat beside each other on the metal chairs inside a small white room. There were posters loosely hung on the bare walls. In less then fifteen minutes I had memorized all two hundred and six bones in a full human being, and learned to label them properly in their correct spots. My right leg bounced up and down as we waited anxiously for the doctor to walk in and greet me like he has been for the past six years. Drake had once said that the best part out of all of this was proving the doctors, and 'facts' wrong. I was supposed to be dead around the time I was twelve, or earlier then that. But I'm still here five years later, still trying to hang on.

Dan beside me has his arm folded, and he sits uncomfortable on the chair. I'm not exactly sure why I asked him to bring me here, and not our mother. I think it's because I'm expecting to hear bad news, and I didn't want mom to sort of break down in front of me. I knew if I received bad news the last person to show much emotion would be Daniel. He's been that way since I can remember.

I slip my hands under both my legs to keep them warm, and in a matter of seconds the door knob is twisting, and the door burst open. On the other side stands the very same man I've been seeing for six years now, Dr. Lennex. He's aged so much over six years, it's kind of surprising. Six years ago his head was fully brown, sure the strands weren't completely slick, and shine like on the hair commercials, but they were close. Now, he barely has any strands at all. If possible, it seems like he's kind of shrunk, and he looks kind of bulgy. He's grown a kind of stomach, and his hands looked...overused. He has a wife, her name is Mara, and he has two younger kids named Tony and Miranda. I know too much about this man for my own good; my whole family does.

"Madison, Daniel." He greets with a struggling smile forming over his dried, cracked lips. He's in those usual 'doctor coat suits', holding my files, my records, my life in a simple manila folder. How can a thing such as complicated as life be defined in sheets of paper?

"Hey Will." Daniel greets first standing up in his chair. They shake hands, and then I stand up. I'm not allowed to call him 'Will.' Mom never liked Daniel calling him 'Will' either, but after Daniel turned twenty-one he thinks he can do anything, which he probably can.

"Hey Dr. Lennex" I smile meekly at him. Our hands grasp onto one another. His fingers are thick and grubby and they feel rough and worn out. When my hands leave his grasp, they feel as if he doesn't want to let go.

"Where's your mother, Jennifer? S-She should be here with you, Madison?" He stammers with his words, taking a seat on the other side of the same room.

"She's working. I didn't want to bother her or anything, so Dan's here in her place. He is 22 now so he can count as a guardian." I shrug. "How am I doing, Dr. Lennex?"

I can't stand it when people don't tell me the truth. Heck, I can't stand it when people are afraid to tell me the truth when they hesitate. I've been hearing bad news my whole life. I'm used to all of this shit happening to me, but somehow the other person always finds it harder to say. Do they know how I even feel when I receive the news? Dr. Lennex looks at me, as if afraid to speak. I can count the number of age spots in his hands, he can count my days, my weeks, my months left breathing. His eyes are cold, he's lost. He sits on that chair with the folder open in his lap, but he won't speak.

"Madison, y-your...Jennifer should really be here. I should run this by her first." He mumbles, closing up the folder ready to get up from his chair.

you see what I mean?

"With all due respect Dr.Lennex, my mother is my mother, I know that. But, I'm seventeen and this is my life, not hers." I state clearly, in a high, proud voice that gets him to sit down again on that metal chair across from Dan and I.

He clears his throat getting rid of the mucus, and when I clear mine and feel the substance slide down my pipe, it hurts and becomes harder to even do, it's a symptom.

"Madison, your muscles have begun to atrophy quicker now, that's why you've been feeling weaker. Your motor neurons haven't been responding like they were. Things are disintegrating faster then we expected." He says as he fumbles with the folder in his hands.

I feel a cool sensation rush up my body, almost making me shiver. Things are disintegrating faster then we expected? When I was old enough to understand this disease was going to lead me to my death, I taught myself to accept it, because no on else around me would. I taught myself to get the best out of it, but not until a few months ago did I actually do that. To know death is coming closer to me now when things are finally seeming to fall back in to the puzzle in perfect place this just comes along, and towers down what I had been working for, what I had built with the help of others.

I'm afraid to look at Daniel beside me. I think whoever I'm abandoning behind might actually have it harder than me. They, themselves, simply can not accept that I'm going to die. They like to fight against the fact, and despise it when I talk about it as if it was as simple as going shopping. They don't understand that though, it is as simple as that. Tomorrow? Tomorrow may not even come.

"H-how long do you think I have?" I ask, still trying to keep a comfortable tone.

I look up at Will. His eyes have learned to hide behind his spectacles for so long that you can't really tell how he's feeling. Not to me though, I can tell easily. This is someone who's watched me battle my disease since I was ten, and now it was his own turn to let me go, as will my mother, my brother, Frank.

Frank.

"We don't know, Madison, we don't know. Every case of ALS is different, and everyone lasts differently. B-but from the rate I'm seeing now...maybe a month, two months tops. Madison...your muscles are going so q-quick."

I inhale in a breathe, and crack a smile. I smile because it's the only thing left for me to do. I get up off of my seat, and walk over to Will. He stands now, too. I remember coming here for the first time being a fourth grader, and hating to see him all the time. He'd be the one poking needles in my skin, or checking to see what was wrong with me. He'd be limiting what I could do, and I really couldn't stand the man. But growing up, I had learned to actually care for him, and he had learned to care for me.

"Thanks Will." I smile. I open my arms to hug him. I know he's not exactly expecting it back, because he's stiff for a couple of seconds, but soon enough slender arms are wrapping around my torso. I wanted him to be there at my funeral. I let go, and still keep that same smile on my lips. Dan now gets up and shakes his hand.

We say our goodbyes, and I turn towards my door, my fingers lacing around the doorknob when Will interrupts me.

"Hey Madison, we've been wrong about this before, remember. This might be another false alarm."

My hands freeze on the knob. For some reason, this time, I don't think he's wrong.

This isn't a false alarm.