In 102 Languages I Love You

She was still walking, and for that I was grateful. She didn't walk around much though, she'd prefer to sit somewhere and just stare out into the air right in front of her nose. Whenever I asked her what she was doing, she'd always respond the same thing: "I'm just thinking."

That answer never seemed to satisfy me completely, however. I always wanted to ask her 'about what?', but I never actually did. In just three simple days everything seemed like they had drastically molded themselves into something different. She seemed different. She smiled more, she talked more, she was more touchy, she liked kissing more, and she laughed at things that weren't even funny. But along to this, if it made any sense, she was more quiet, more serious, more immobile, and more distant.

I could tell when something inside her was hurting; she'd give away little signs in her face that I could make out. She never once whined, or complained to someone it hurt, but I could tell. It was times like these I would just hold her, and we'd spent two hours lying next to each other saying nothing. The silence spoke for itself. Her breathing was something I came to treasure listening to also, it just made me happy.

"Well Gerard, you're not one to really crush on girls easily, or impressed much easily. So if she really hit you that hard, I think you should just ask her out or something. And even if she doesn't end up being the 'one', don't worry about it, she can still be a good friend. Who knows what an amazing person you might be missing out on." I hear Maddy speak into the phone beside me.

I watch her every move, and love it when she laughs into the receiver, or even smiles into it. She might be dieing, but the joy in her smile isn't, not anytime soon.

"Maddy tell Gerard to call you some other time, and come spend time with me!" I whine, sticking out my bottom lip at her.

She rolls her eyes, and sighs. "Listen Gee, some one's being selfish, and wants me only for him. Just remember what I say and tell me how it goes tomorrow, okay?"

There is a small pause before she speaks again. "Alright take care, bye bye." She puts the phone back into the receiver before looking at me, and sticking out her tongue childishly.

It's just breathe taking how this girl can keep so positive about...all of this. How she can keep sane, and act like everything is fine. Better yet, how death and everything dealing with it doesn't seem to make her cringe.

"Well selfish Frankie, entertain me now that you've cut my conversation short with Gerard." Maddy huffs scooting over towards me.

She doesn't exactly look the same. Her face looks a little thinner, and she looks whiter. Her hair looks as if it's losing whatever glow was left, and her hands are colder then the temperature outside. Her skin is still alive and rich though, and so is her laughter, and her mind. Her body might be giving up on her, but her spirit isn't.

"Well, I'll leave it up to you then. Have anything in mind?"

I wait for her answer as she tilts her head, biting her bottom lip, and looking in thought. Soon enough, a smile is playing at her lips and she looks excited. Her eyes bright up and she gets up from the couch. I sit up alerted as she slightly wobbles on her feet. "Maddy, sit down if it hurts."
She shakes her head, and steadies herself on her legs.

"It's okay, I'm fine. Come on, stand up, I've got an idea."

I oblige, and get up from the couch. "Now what?" I ask as we both stand in front of each other, and I stare dumbfounded.

"Hmm, move the coffee table right here to that corner over there."

It is my turn to look at her confused. "Your mom will kill me for moving her 'oh so perfect beautiful crafted' table." I argue, not following her orders.

"Oh Frank, my mothers working, she won't see you do it. And by the time she's back, it will be in it's place again, okay?"

I sigh. The only thing I can do is just follow her orders, and so that is what I do. We both take off the little decorations, and tiny status Jennifer had placed on top of the table, and I shoved it off to the corner of the small living room, beside the TV.

"Now what?" I ask, scratching my head still not fully understanding what we're doing.

She grins, "We dance."

If possible, I look at her even weirder. "We dance? What? I can't dance! I have two left feet!"

She frowns at what I had said, and in that moment I want to take it back.

"A-and you have no stereo or anything to blast music through, anyway." I add, trying to make the on blame me not wanting to dance on something else, then just rather not wanting to dance.
She shakes her head, and shrugs.

"We don't need music to dance."

I scratch my head at the silly idea. She noticed this too, and begins to talk.

"Frank, I don't know how much longer I have until I'm going to be sitting in a wheelchair, unable to feel my legs at all. I've never danced before, and I thought I should try it before my legs give up on me. Please, dance with me?"

I swallow, and shake my head taking steps closer to her. Her face falls even more if possible, but is soon over come with a smile when I say, "No, allow me. Madison Darko, may I have this dance?" I ask, in some weird accent I swear I've just made up, and stick out my right hand in some 'courteous' manner you see in those weird, cliche, romance movies. A cliche we're about to experience.

"Yes poophead!" She giggles. I was expecting someone along the lines of, 'Why yes Frank Iero, or 'you shall,' something fancy right back. But it's just like Maddy to prove me wrong.

I take her small hand into mine, and twirl her body over to me. Every time it looks like her knee's about to collapse, it worries me. Two of our hands are in mid air, and her other one is softly laying on my shoulder, while my own is safely secured around her small waist. "Now what?" I ask, not sure where to go from here.

"Let's waltz." She smiles. "It's just a box step, and simple."

"Forgive me ahead of time if I step on your feet or something." I warn.

She shrugs it off, and we begin. I think the last time I 'waltzed' was at Debbie's wedding when I had to be the ring holder, and dance with this girl two years younger then me. We had practiced for hours because I could never get it right. I knew the other girl despised me because all the other guys could dance in harmony, and rhythm, yet I was putting her toes in pain the whole time.
I stared down at Maddy's head because her face was looking down- making sue she didn't take a wrong step, and this wasn't what I wanted. "Look up, I want to see your pretty face."

Her blue eyes soon meet mine, and a small smile is on her lips. She's slightly blushing, and still trying to keep in time, and rhythm.

"It's hard." She shrugs, and I almost step on her foot for not moving her left leg back.

She rests her head on my shoulder blade as we sway around her living room, hand in hand, body pressed against each other, her with me. I don't think I can imagine her in a wheel chair. It doesn't make her less of a person, it just hurts not being able to see her walk. She once told me people take so many things for granted. Every time I walk, each step will mean something, but soon they won't be able to mean something to her.

"F-Frank...i-it hurts, F-Frank I-it hurts, I need to sit down."

And when she pleads like this, my heart runs, and I feel petrified to the bone. I hold her tight against me, and sit her down on the couch softly. I ask her over, and over if she needs anything, what I can do to help, that the pain will be over soon. All I can do is sit down beside her, hold her hand, watching her sit there in pain.

All I want to be able to do, is somehow save her.

Some how help her.