In 102 Languages I Love You

She wasn't walking anymore.

I swear, I don't see her for three full days, and things don't feel right. I don't know how I'll manage when she's gone...forever. I'm gone for two days without seeing her, and walk into her house on the third day to find her in some wheel chair. She doesn't look miserable though, she was laughing when I walked in. She was laughing at the jokes Mikey, and Ray were telling her. And when I walk over, she doesn't say anything. She smiles at me, and puckers her lips for me to kiss. We don't discuss the fact that her ALS is worsening, that she is now dependent on some piece of metal, that soon she won't be with me, with Dan, with her mom, with any of us. We just don't talk about any of it.

I lean against the wall in the corner of the adoption center kind of being anti-social while Dan, Mikey, Ray, Bob, Gerard, Maddy, and Tiffany are all wondering the adoption center, looking in awe at all the little puppies locked away behind glass windows. I watch Mikey roll Maddy around to whatever dog she wanted to see. I can see it through her deep pools of blue, I can see she's living these few weeks as best she can because something inside her dies every day, and she's still fighting strong.

Her face is pressed up against the glass along with her hands. Her fingerprints are going to stick on there until that window is cleaned with some Windex, or something. She's making kissy noises at the puppy contained inside while Mikey reads off the details it gives you about the dog. She begs for me not to think about her death, and she begs for me not to cry, but I don't understand how I'm not supposed to. I don't understand how none of us are supposed to.

"Hey man, you okay?"

My attention is shifted towards Gerard as his body makes his Way ass towards me. He rests against the same wall I'm leaning on, and we both stare out into the crowd of our friends as they observe the puppies around the adoption center.

"I'm fine" I respond, which is obviously a lie. I didn't understand the point of his question. Obviously he knows I'm not okay! Why did he even think of asking such a thing?! I watch closely from the corner of my eye as he reached down into the pocket of his jeans, and pulls out his lighter. He flicks it on with his finger, and the little flame erupts from with in it. "Gerard, they're going to kick your ass out if you smoke in here."

Gerard shakes his head, and stared down towards the small flame below him. I, to, look down out the magnificent flame just inches away from me, and watch it burn. The bottom of the light was dark, but just as your eyes moved up on the flame, you could see the blues and the reds before it was all orange mixed in with yellow.

"Every fire burns out eventually, Frank." Gerard says, before he flicks the lighter closed, sticks it into his jean pickets, and walks away towards where Ray, and Tiffany have their own faces pressed against another glass display of puppies.

And soon we'll all fade away.

My feet drag me towards Maddy were she is safely secured in her wheelchair, and Mikey behind her is helping her peer through the bin of dogs laid in the center. It's kind of crushing to see so many animals just jump out at you. They beg for you to play with them or give them any attention. And it's only ever the hyper, active ones that like to lick you, and cuddle next to you that get adopted. The shy ones are left behind. Bob is off towards the cat section were he is making faces at the kittens, he was never much of a dog person.

"Hey Maddy" I say, bending down beside her as she peers through the glass. "If there was a dog in this place you could pick out for yourself, which one would it be?"

Madison's face turns to look at me with a questionable look. "Why do you want to know? You're not going to get me a dog are you?" She asks, almost smiling.

I shrug, and shake my head. "I was just asking. I want to know which one you'd pick. You know Otis needs a friend, he gets lonely too." I smile, standing up, and motioning for Mikey that I'd be her guide for now. "Just tell me where to wheel you over so you can point out the dog." I tell her as my hands wrap around the wheel chair bars. They press against the rubber as I wait for her answer.

"That one!" She finally burst out after a few seconds. She's pointing towards the very end of the adoption center. I rolled her over towards her destination, and bent down towards the five puppies behind the glass
.
"Which one?" I asked.

"Not those silly." She explains when I take a look back at her. "That one over there!" She says, pointing again. My eyes follow her index finger towards another dog now. Now this catches me by surprises because the dog behind the glass is in fact a dog a full grown dog, and not a puppy. It's lying on its stomach, and staring out onto whatever human being walks by it. It looks miserable, and a bit old.

"Wheel me over Frank, wheel me over!" Madison demands hitting her hands on the arms with excitement. I get up from my spot, and walk behind her chair, and wheel her over towards the dog still a bit confused. I push the chair right in front of it, so she can be closer. She presses her face against the glass, and stares at the dog. His big, chestnut brown eyes suddenly looks intrigued to the attention we're giving him. He stands up from his lazy position, and begins to tap his snout lightly were Madison's own face is.

"Hey baby! How are you? Can you hear me? Look at you, you little pretty thing!" Madison is cooing softly, in some sugary tone.

I bet I could ask any other girl what dog they'd adopt from here, and surely enough they'd pick out something cute, and small they could carry in their bags or something. It was what they all liked; small dogs were just more 'accessorized' and 'cuter' then big, old dogs. So why was Madison choosing some big, and old dog?

"Why this one?" I ask, hoping for an answer. She was always that girl proving me wrong, and confusing the shit out of me.

"Why not, Frank?" She asks. "Just look at...her." She smiles, taking a look at the sex of the dog.

"She's beautiful with her big gorgeous eyes, and her soft fur. Look at how well her snout is shaped, and how her ears flop. Look, her tail is waging, she's excited! I know I can pick some tiny dog in here that be easy to take home. But as pain crushing as it is for me to admit, no one will ever adopt this one. And that just hurts. It never gets a home, and it will die here, without ever having a family, a friend. If I could, I'd take this one home in a second." Her face turns back to me, her eyes beaming.

I don't know where my next urge comes from, but soon enough my lips are pressed against her own. I quickly open up my mouth a little as I let her tongue enter my own mouth. She's actually been getting pretty good at this whole hooking up thing, and quiet demanding with her tongue.

"Oh dude, Frank! Don't make out with my sister when I can see it!" Dan says, interrupting our kiss as we pull away. Madison, and I laugh lightly, and watch Tiffany pull him away in a different direction.

"What was that for?" Maddy asks, as she takes a quick glance at the miserable, slightly unattractive dog, lying on the other side of the glass.

"for giving things a chance."



My eyes were trying to sink through her pale skin. I wanted to sink into them, reach into her blood stream, or into her achromatic bones. They stared at her face, tracing her features from the top of her forehead, expanding right, and left to her two black eyebrows before they went south towards her beautiful blue eyes, and sinking even further into her sunken cheeks. If I followed down more, they'd land onto her thin, bumpy lips, all the way to the very edge of her small chin. I noticed myself now a days just staring at her a lot, trying to remember every tiny detail on her face. Hoping I'd never forget the tiny, simple things that made up her features.

There were certain things about her face I really adored. She had a small beauty mark just above her right side of her lip. It was light, so you couldn't see from far away, but as you got as close to her face as I did, you could notice it. Along with that, you could notice the tiny, light freckles she had on her nose. They are as simple details as little scars I never wanted to forget on her face. I was terrified of forgetting.

Her eyes weren't closed, they were staring at the ceiling above our heads. What she found fascinating on the ceiling, I didn't know. They were just white plain walls that were chipping away. My arm was loosely draped around her small waist, and the tips of my fingers were occasionally pressing against her exposed flesh between her pants, and shirt. It was too much of a hassle to move her around all the time, because the bottom of her body wouldn't obey. So we'd pick a position she wanted to be in, and that's how she'd stay for hours.

"Stop staring at me Frank, it's beginning to creep me out!" She suddenly burst, turning her head to look at me.

I can't help but smile back, and sink my face into her soft, vanilla scented hair. I close my eyes, and mumble "I'm afraid I'll forget things about how you looked. And I don't want too."

I listen to the steady of her breathing, the rhythm of her heartbeat, and her swallowing for a little while. "Maybe you should be heading home or something. The masseuse is going to be here soon, and your mom might get worried or something."

I shake my head in objection. "Nah, I'll stick around until the masseuse gets here, and then head home. How do you wanna kill time in between that?"

"Can we talk?" She asks, turning her head; our foreheads colliding against each other a bit.

"Okay" I shrug, against the bed. "What do you want to talk about?" I question.

I watch her every move; from scrunching up her face, to biting her bottom lip as she thought.

"Where do you see yourself in ten years?"

Anywhere, as long as you're by my side.

I don't dare say that, because knowing her, I know that answer will disappoint her. "Doing something I really love doing. Making a change, with someone beside me to love."

I can see her lips stretch from one side of her face, to the other. It is my turn for a question, and my time to be cheesy. "Why are you so perfect?"

Maddy scoffs at this, and sticks out her tongue at me rolling her eyes. Her right hand reaches over to smack me, and it even hurts a little! "I'm no where near perfect!" She objects.

"Mmmm, but to me you are." I smirk, pressing up my nose into her face. She lets out a small giggle, and pushes my face away.

"Oh please! I can be pretty bitchy when I'm on my period. I have really bad morning breathe, and my hair is a wild jungle. I can't stand it when people poke me, or when they underestimate me. I like getting on people's nerves sometimes, just to get a little reaction out of them. I get jealous kind of easily, but I never show it. Drake, and I would have burping contests, and my mother would always yell at me saying it was very 'un lady' like. I think if I'd ever be a leader in something I'd get too big headed, and too bossy. My right boob is slightly bigger then the other, and my nails get dirty too easily. I hate taking too many regular showers, but once I'm in there I take forever to get out."

My mouth is slightly agape as my mind races to memorize every new fact I had just learned about her. "Wow..." I begin. "Your right boob is slightly bigger then the other? That's interesting!" I laugh softly, digging my nose into her cheek again.

She laughs, pushing me away once more. "Pervert! And since I just kind of made fun of myself there, it's your turn!" She demands, turning her face to meet mine.

I scrunch up my nose, and think for a second. There are a million things wrong with me, so it's not really easy to even think about.

"I smoke too much for my own good, and I'm a terrible drunk. I have a weird girlish giggle I want to get rid of, and I fart after I have too much eggs or beans. I slightly hate the scar on my face, and wish I could have gotten braces earlier in life. I get annoying easily apparently, and can be the biggest bastard, or sore loser when playing a game. My dad always told me I jump to conclusions too much, and need to learn to cook before it's too late."

Madison reaches over, and runs a finger down my cheek, making me goose bumpy. "Oh sweetie, you forgot to mention your weenie is kind of small." She smiles sweetly.

I can feel myself blush at her comment, and burst out laughing. "Wow, you surprise me all the time. Who's the pervert now?" I ask.

She laughs along with me, her mouth open wide, her face scrunching up, teeth visible and all, and joy behind her blue eyes. "Sorry" she mumbles, "I just couldn't resist." She sticks out her tongue, and pokes my nose again.

I mimic her smile, before pressing my lips against her quickly, and snuggling up next to her. "God Frank, you're such a cuddler."

I pouted, rubbing my nose lightly against her skin. "Do you not like people who cuddle?" I ask.

"No" she sighs. My eyes flick open at this to protest. "I love people who cuddle." She smiles. "And I'd so try to cuddle if I could. Oh, and can you help me up please? I want to sit against the bed post."

I quickly let her go, and follow her commands. I get to the other side of the bed, and let her arms wrap around my neck. We were all actually taught to do this by the nurses in the hospital before Madison decided she didn't want to stay in there for her remaining months living. And because her mother couldn't really afford much nurses, she had people like us as her nurses. Slowly, but carefully I begin to pull her up from her lying position, until I get her back completely against the bedpost. "Is this fine?"

She nods, "Thanks" She smiles. "And last favor of the day; over there by my shoes should be a notebook, and pens or something. Could you get that for me too?"

In so little time she had gone from an independent woman, to someone so dependent on everyone else. I know she really didn't like asking all these favors from anyone, because she just wasn't that type of girl. She likes getting things down on her own, the way she liked it. But now, she had no choice. I had always thought that she never actually needed me. She would always do fine without me actually being here. I was the one that needed her.

I grab the small black notebook on the floor, and my eyes scan for a pen. After reaching down towards a black one, I walk back to Madison and hand them to her. She smiles mumbling a 'thanks', and pouts her lips for me to kiss quickly. I get on the bed again, and sit against the bedpost beside her. I watch as her hands run down the fresh piece of paper, and when she presses down the tip of the pen to it.

"Jeez Frank, how many times do I have to tell you not to stare?"

"Too many actually. What are you going to write?" I ask, getting closer to her body. She pulls the notebook further away from me, and sticks out her little pink tongue.

"It's none of your business." She states clearly, before bringing back the notebook to her face. "Snooping isn't very good."

I roll my eyes at this, and keep my eyes off the notebook. "Tell me something interesting, Frank." She mumbles as her pen begins to scribble against the piece of paper.

"Uhm..." I think for a second. "I haven't showered in three days." I smile childishly over at Madison. Her head swiftly turns my way, making a face before she laughs.

"I didn't need to know that one."

"Well now you do!" I grin.

She shakes her head, and sighs. "Oh Frankie..." She mumbles. "How do you think things would be if I was fine? I honestly think I wouldn't have ever met you. Or, well, ever dated you. How crazy is that?"

"I don't like 'what ifs'." I shrug. It was true, I didn't. Things were as they were, and I didn't like wondering how they'd be if one small little detail was changed. That small little detail changed the course of many changes of events, thoughts, lives, everything.

"Good point." She says, sniffing her nose. Her hand is swiftly running against her paper, and I catch the corners of her eyes looking at me once in a while. "Do you think sickness can be blessings?" She asks setting her notebook down on her lap.

"No" I say sternly, "And don't argue, I don't want to hear it. Anything that's taking your life away to early...is never a blessing..." I say, almost choking on my words as they make their paths out of my mouth.

I soon feel her fingers caressing my cheek lightly. My heart leaps in my rib cage when her door is opened quickly. Standing there is Jennifer. "Oh Hey Frank. I didn't know you were still here."

I nod at her when her eyes shift to look at Maddy. "Maddy, the masseuse is here, she's waiting downstairs. Are you going to bring her down Frank? Or do you want Dan to come up and help you?"

I shake my head, "I can get her down myself. We'll be there right there." I tell her, getting off the bed. Jennifer nods, and walks away. We listen to her feet slap against the carpet as they make their way down the stairs.

Madison sticks out her arms out forward for me to grab on too, just like a baby does when they want to be carried. I wrap my arm around her torso and get her off the bed easily. This girl weights absolutely nothing, it's so unhealthy. Her arms are wrapped around my shoulders, and I can feel her breathe falling on my neck.

"I think you can stand." I mumble out of no where. Her arms wrap around my neck tighter.

"What? What are you saying! I can't stand, I can't feel my legs!" She cries.

I don't know what I'm doing or thinking. I think it's the fact that I know she still has strength in her to still stand, that I let her go.

I take a step back and watch her standing their against the carpet for about five seconds. "Oh my god." She mumbles.

As I see her legs tremble, and fall, I catch her before she reaches the ground, and gets hurt. Her arms wrap around my neck really hard, and soon I feel her tears dampening my shirt. "Frank you're such an idiot!" She whimpers.

"W-why would you do that? Why?" She asks, and I feel like I'm about to choke from the pressure she's putting around me.

"Don't ever say you cant do something Maddy."