Spinning

"What?"

I lean back in the seat and fight the urge to run from his car, "We're dating, is that correct?"

He nods slowly, as though careful to avoid a trap.

"Meaning that you chose me, and only me, to be with."

He doesn't say anything and those blue eyes hold such emotion that I can't even figure them out.

"So," I continue and clasp my hands together to stop their constant motion, "What is it about me that isn't good enough for you? What did you need from her that you couldn't get from me?"

He opens his mouth to reply but no words come on.

"Patrick," I say and feel myself breaking once more, "I really love you. I hate that I do sometimes," he meets my stare with worried eyes, "because you're a little more complicated then a regular boyfriend, but I still love you. And, look, I really try to be all you need but if I'm not everything you need then I shouldn't be dating you. Do you see that?"

I keep my eyes lowered and try to be discreet about wiping the tears off my face. If he stopped breathing, I wouldn't be surprised: it's as quiet as ever in the vehicle now except for the sound of the rain outside.

"Carly?"

I don't move.

"Carly," he says again, softer now, as he leans over and lifts my chin carefully up with his finger, "You are everything I need. I don't want anything else, because there's nothing else I need."

"Then why did you kiss her?"

He leans his cheek against mine, "I don't know," comes his soft voice and I find my fingers are, out of habit, sliding through his soft curls, "I wasn't thinking. She was saying all kinds of things, and I was drinking, and we had just won the game and--well--I shouldn't have done it. There's no excuse; I know that."

I hold my hand against his neck and press my lips to his cheek, "It kills me, Patrick."

His arms tighten around me so hard that my breath leaves my lungs with a soft squeal, "I'm so sorry," he chokes out and his strong arms grip me again, "I'm so, so sorry."

I move my hand through his curls and a soft breath escapes my lips, "It's..." I can't bring myself to whisper forgiveness just yet.

He sniffs in the silence and I can feel my shirt soaking up his silent tears.

"Pat," I say and push him off of me slightly so that his face is in front of mine. His eyes are red with tears but he doesn't try to hide it as I put my hands on either side of his face, "I still love you. I'm hurt, babe, but I still love you." For some fucking reason, I still love him more than anything.

"I love you, too, Carly. I love you too. So much."

I kiss him slowly, losing focus for a moment when his hands trail up my sides, "But Pat," I say a moment later, trying to find a breath, "You have to be sure about that. You shouldn't have to kiss another girl if I'm everything for you."

He nods and leans forward to kiss me again but I move to the side and avoid those pretty lips.

"This is important, baby. If you love me, I need to be all you need. No exceptions. If a pretty girl is begging for you to kiss her, you shouldn't have to. You should be able to say no, because I'm enough to satisfy all your...needs."

He nods over and over again, trailing his fingers over my legs and staring into my eyes with a look of pure surrenderance, "You do."

I let my hands fall from his shoulders, "You have to be sure, Patrick."

He nods again, leaning in a pressing kisses to my cheeks and lips with a firm hand on the side of my neck, "I'm sure."

I force myself to pull my lips from his and put two firm hands on his shoulders, holding him just inches from me. Those eyes are red, tired and worn while his lips are parted slightly in a half-lost kiss, "And I'm just suppose to believe you?"

He looks so small as he nods gently and lifts his lips to rest on mine, "I'll prove it to you."

"How?"

He kisses my lips thirce before resting his forehead against mine, "By giving me another chance."

~

"He did what?!"

I let my head fall into my hands, "He kissed a girl at a bar."

"WHEN?"

I widen my eyes, "Jill, really, it's okay. We figured it out."

My roommate rushes over to where I'm seated at the table, "You figured it out? Tell me that means you broke it off with him?"

I shake my head, avoiding those fiery eyes.

"Are you kidding? You don't care if he kisses random chicks then?"

I open my mouth to defend myself but she holds up a hand.

"He's not a king, Carly. You don't have to just let him walk all over you. Did you know that?"

This time, I manage to interrupt, "Jill, you didn't see him. I really think he was sorry about the whole--"

"He's a fucking guy, Carls. Of course he seemed sorry! Any guy can 'seem' sorry; it doesn't mean they are. And at the end of the day, you're just going to crawl right back into his big, expensive bed and fuck him anyway, aren't you?"

"Jill!" I gasp, taken aback.

"Well," she says, shrugging, and walking into the living room where she gathers up the dirty dishes, "I'm being honest. You've dated him for how long now, and he still thinks he can cheat on you whenever he wants?"

I close my mouth which had apparently dropped in shock, "Really, Jill. People make mistakes."

"People make choices," she argues and sets the glasses into the sink, "And he made the choice to make out with her. Doesn't that bother you?"

I let my face fall into my hands, "Of course it bothers me, but I can't just end it."

"And why not?"

I wipe a silent tear from my cheek, "Because I lo--"

"Don't say that, Carly. Don't even think that. You don't love him. You're being irrational."

My jaw drops.

She's silent, focusing her attention on the meal cooking on the stove.

"What did you say?" comes my soft whisper.

She clears her throat, keeping her eyes on the stove, "I said you don't love him. And you don't. It's stupid to say things like that, Carly. People get hurt that way."

All I can do is stare at her with my heart beating madly against my chest. How can she possibly know whether I love him or not? How can she possibly know that?

I stand from the table and grab my purse off the couch.

"Where are you going, Carly!?" She calls after me, but I'm already shutting the door and heading down the hall without a moment's hesistation.

I take my phone from my pocket and find his familiar number in my phone, dialing quickly and putting it against my cheek.

Moments later, he answers.

"Hi, Jonny."