Spinning

"I'm sorry; I didn't know who else to call."

Jonathan Toews stands in the doorway of his apartment, staring down at me with those dark, intense eyes, "I'm probably a pretty decent choice."

I manage to smile weakly and he grins, putting an arm around my shoulders and leading me inside.

I've been here a lot within the last two years and it's a familiar view as I step inside, walking to where the large windows are and looking out onto downtown Chicago.

"You wanna tell me what happened?"

I turn around, laughing softly and folding my arms over my chest, "He didn't tell you?"
Jonathan laughs now, putting a hand on his neck and blushing a little, "He may have said something."

"Or everything."

He smiles, pocketing his hands and walking over to me, "He feels awful, Carly."

I nod, sighing deeply and looking back at the skyline, "He mentioned that."

"He loves you."

I laugh at his random statement, brushing away sudden tears from my cheeks, "He mentioned that, too."

Jon pauses, leaning against his couch and looking at me with those focused eyes, "What's bothering you, Carly?"

I shake my head, folding my arms against my stomach, "It's silly," I whisper, looking away from him and clasping a hand over my mouth, "I just--"

And then, I'm spilling everything to him. From my parents disapproval, to Jill's harsh words, to my own terrified feelings, "...and I don't know what to believe anymore. I don't know if I should trust him, or if I should just move on with everything. I love him, Jon. That's the thing. I love him more than anyone else and I'm just not sure if that's a good thing because no matter what happens, no matter how many girls he might kiss, I don't want to let him go."

Now, he's wrapping himself around me and holding me tightly against his strong frame, "If you only knew how much the kid loves you back, you wouldn't have to doubt it for a moment."

I bury my head into his chest and swallow hard.

"He'll never go to bed without calling you first. On road trips, you're the first thing on his mind when we're gone. He never stops mentioning you, and telling me all these stories. You're his inspiration, Carly. You make him understand things, and you make him a better person. He's impossible sometimes, yeah, we all know that, but you shouldn't have to question if he loves you back. He doesn't want to hurt you, Carly. All those stupid girls that he kissed, and all those mistakes that he made don't make sense to me because, the way I see it, you're the only girl he actually gives a shit about."

I let go of him, hugging my knees and frowning, "Then why does he still do that?"

Jon sighs and puts two comforting hands on my shoulders, "I don't know, girl. He's never been in a relationship like this before. Maybe he's scared of what it means."

Tears slip from my eyes for the seemingly millionth time in the last forty eight hours, "Maybe," I whisper and try brush my cheeks dry, "I just wish I was enough."

His eyes seem to weaken at that statement and I force myself to look at the floor.

"Do you want to stay here tonight, Carly? You can sleep in Pat's old room."

I look back up at his eyes that are now full of concern, "I--I shouldn't--if Patrick found out I stayed here--"

"I'd tell him the truth if he found out."

I nod slowly, letting go of my legs and rubbing my eyes, "Fine," I say with a weak smile, "What time is it anyway?"

He checks his phone, "Almost eleven. I'll get you something to sleep in, alright?"

I nod again and follow him down the hall, into the bedroom that I'd spent many nights before in with a huge bed, large floor-to-ceiling windows and a big TV. Patrick's old room.

"Here," he says several moments later, holding a pair of boxer shorts and a big t-shirt out for me, "If you need anything else, let me know."

"I will," I whisper, taking the pajamas and looking at him in the eyes, "Jon?"

He pauses on his way out of the room and looks back at me, "Yeah?"

"I just wanted to say thank you."

He smiles and scratches the back of his neck, turning a little red, "Yeah. For sure. Goodnight, Carly."

"Goodnight."

"Why? What? Are you serious?"

"Yeah. She came over after dinner."

"She didn't take her phone; I've been calling her all night. I thought she was hurt or something. You couldn't tell me she was with you?"

"I thought she would have told you."

"Well, she didn't." Silence. "Is she okay?"

I open my eyes, blinking softly and sitting up in the bed. The room is dark but a thin strip of artificial light enters from under the door. I rub my eyes in confusion, wondering where exactly I am for a moment before recalling the night before. Then, I refocus on the voices from behind the door and frown.

"Is she sleeping?"

The door opens slowly a moment later and I clasp a hand over my mouth, feeling my heart accelerate at the sight of my boyfriend. He smiles a strange, almost relieved smile and immediately rushes over to my frame.

"Carly..." he whispers, burrying his face into my neck and breathing me in. I can't find my voice so I simply hold him tightly and force myself to hold back my tears, "I'm so sorry, honey. Are you mad at me? I'm so sorry."

I shake my head, "I'm not mad, Patrick."

He presses his lips to mine and pulls my waist to his, "I'm a terrible person, Carly. I'm really sorry about all of this."

I put my lips against his warm skin and whisper, "You're not terrible."

"I am."

"No, no, no, Patrick, you're not. Please don't say that."

His hand settles against my cool stomach and his lips touch my forehead, "I've made my girlfriend feel like she has no one. And I made her feel like she's not loved, not important and not beautiful, which you are, Carly. If that doesn't make me terrible, then what does?"

I clutch him tighter, "Nothing, Patrick. Not a thing would make you a terrible person; I love you too much to ever even think that so stop saying it. I forgive you for all of this, and I love
you, okay? I love you."

"I love you too."

It's quiet for a moment before he releases me and puts a hand on my cheek.

"Why'd you come here, Car?"

I shake my head, "I didn't know where else to go. I was just really upset and--" I stop, resting myself against his strong chest and closing my eyes, "Can we talk about this in the morning?"

He shakes his head, kissing my forehead and running his hand through my hair, "We're leaving tomorrow, until Thursday."

I sit up quickly, suddenly awake, "Three days. Oh, well, we'll talk then I guess." I pause and kiss him deeply, holding his face in my hands and ignoring the fact that tears are slipping down my cheeks again, "You should be sleeping, Patrick. You and Jonny should both be sleeping then."

"No, no, no. I had to make sure you were okay--"

I kiss him again, laughing softly and crying silently at the same time, "I'm fine. Now you're going to be tired tomorrow."

"I don't care."

I laugh a tearful laugh again, kissing him entirely and then letting go of his cheeks, "I'll be right back," I tell him, sliding from the bed and stepping softly out into the hallway.

"Jonny?"

The brown-haired man with a serious expression on his tired face looks up at me with surprise, "Hi. You okay?"

I nod, hurrying over to him and wrapping my arms around his shoulders, "Would you mind if we stayed here tonight?"

He shakes his head, looking like my question was the most obvious question in the world.

"Okay. Thank you." I hold him tightly and then kiss his cheek, holding his face in my hands, "Go to sleep, okay? You're too tired to keep your eyes open."

He leans back, and nods, "Don't have sex in my spare bedroom," he replies in a tired voice.

I roll my eyes and hug him once more, "We won't, Jon."

He stands up, turning off the light and heading into his own bedroom as I head back into the bedroom that used to belong to Patrick before he moved out.

He's sitting there on the bed, resting his arms on his knees and staring at me with those gentle eyes, "Remember this bed?"

I smile, walking slowly over to him and curling up into his arms, "I remember."

He wraps his strong arms round me and presses his lips to the top of my head, "You were wearing that sexy blue dress and those crazy heels..."

I close my eyes, resting my head against his chest and listening to his beating heart, "You remember what I was wearing?"

"And what you said."

I smile, "And what did I say?"

"That you would never sleep with a hockey player."

I grin, resting my hand on his strong hand, "I didn't say that!"

"You did!"

I laugh as he traces his fingers along my back, "But you still slept with me."

"I wasn't going to just tell you to leave."

I kiss his lips, keeping my tired eyes closed, "You didn't make me leave for three days," I whisper.

"I didn't want you to ever leave."

"But you had a game in St. Louis," I reply, kissing him again

"And I told you I'd call you when we landed."

I put my arms around his shoulders and rest my head beside his, "I didn't think you would."

"I called you before we even got off the plane."

I keep my lips on his, just breathing, "Hockey players weren't suppose to keep in touch with one-night-stands."

"You weren't a one night stand, Carly. I loved you before that."

I'm too sleepy to even move, curled up against his body with our lips touching in the darkened room, "How could you love a girl you'd barley talked to?"

"I don't know. It was just...a feeling. I loved you the moment I saw you."

And with his soft voice echoing in my mind, I slowly drift off into a deep slumber, unable to stay awake a moment longer and ruin the strange perfection that we are currently in.