Spinning

It happened during the Blackhawks family Christmas party.

We had been laughing, joking and simply talking and playing with the kids. It was a perfect December day...

"You wanna race? Is that it?"

I smile, blushing and clutching his hands tighter as he pulls me to him, "No!" I laugh, leaning my head on his shoulder as he skates slowly backwards, "That's not what I meant!"

"Then what did you mean?" he whispers with his lips grazing softly against my ear.

I bite my lip, putting my hands on his chest and grinning up at him, "I meant that I can skate on my own. I won't fall."

"But I like pretending you need my help. I mean, this is my specialty." He leans his forehead on mine, pouting that lower lip and making my heart beat faster.

"Fine," I laugh, letting him press his lips to mine and pull me to him, "We'll pretend."

He grins, taking my hands tightly again but then abruptly letting go and making me lose my balance.

"PAT!" I scream, losing balance.

He scoops me up mid-fall, laughing and smoothing my hair behind my ear, "I thought you said you could skate? Thank god I was here to catch you."

I roll my eyes but my smile doesn't falter, "You're ridiculous!"

He just laughs, grinning, before kissing my cheek and leading the way as we skate round and round the arena. Eventually, he finally lets go of me and entertains some of the little ones, pulling them in sleds and playing some pass until they tire and we all head off to enjoy some dinner.

"You're face looks better," I say softly. The families have all gathered in the suite, eating a delicious meal that the many wives and girlfriends aided with making, "How's it feel?"

"Don't worry about me," he laughs, putting a finger on my chin and kissing me, "How's your dinner?"

And it went on like that for a long while, under Sarah pulled me aside.

"Do you have a minute?"

I turn around from conversation with the boys, seeing Sarah and nodding with a smile before stealing a last bite from my Christmas cookie, "I'll be right back, Patrick."

The look on her face makes me nervous and immediately, I ask her what's wrong.

"Oh, nothing, nothing. I'm alright. It's just...well, I've been meaning to talk to you and I--I've put this off for longer than I should have."

We're standing off to the side of the room, near a big window where the snow is falling softly onto Chicago. Sarah's looking nervous in front of me, chewing on her lip and tightening her crossed arms across her chest with anxiety. Her and I have never really been particularly close. We became friends through Amber just towards the end of last season when she started dating one of the boys but then summer came and we didn't stay in touch. My thoughts pull me from reality, thinking about the summer again and all of those late nights spent out on the lake. I've lost focus, staring off at the pretty city and thinking about Patrick and myself.

"Carly?"

I turn back to her abruptly, shaking my head and forcing a smile onto my face, "Sorry, what were you saying?"

"I'm just going to come right out and say it, Carly. I'm not going to put it off any longer."

The concern on her face makes me let out a soft comforting sound as I put my hand on her arm, "Sarah, don't look so stressed. You can tell me anythi--"

"Patrick slept with me."

It took so much strength for me to keep from crying, screaming and falling to the ground in pain when she said those four words. I forced myself, though, to keep calm and I did.

"What did you say?" I found myself asking her stupidly with a small, weak voice.

"I--Oh, Carly, we had sex. In September, when the boys were in Florida. I'd gone to stay with Troy for the games, and we all went out to party one night and..."

Whatever she's saying, I can no longer hear it. It's as though someone has filled my ears with water and sunk a stone into my throat. I can't seem to breathe, and the room appears to be swollen with heavy, unclear sounds that fill me with an unexplainable pain.

I do, though, feel her hand on my shoulder when my own palms grip the cool metal door behind us. Quickly, though, I manage to shake her off and find myself in the basement of the arena, running fast away from the sickening feeling of the party.

She had sex with my boyfriend. She had sex with Patrick?

I've slowed to a walk now but the halls are now empty and dark with my footsteps echoing loudly through the hollow corridors. Is she lying? Surely Pat would have said something. Surely he would have told me if he had cheated on me...

But maybe he wouldn't.

I stop in my tracks, closing my eyes and tightening my arms around my middle. It's so quiet right now that I swear I can hear my own heart beating but abruptly through the thin silence, the sound of someone approaching from in front of me is clear.

"Carly?"

I know his silhouette probably better than I know my own and through the shadows, I recognize Jonathan's body with ease.

"What're you doing down here...?" he asks slowly, approaching me quickly with worried eyes and a pair of runners in his left hand.

I can only shake my head and focus my gaze to the floor.

"What happened?" he asks immediately, dropping the shoes and putting his hands on my shoulder, forcing me to look into those serious eyes, "Did he hurt you? Are you okay? Where is he?"

The amount of concern and care in his voice, with a bit of fury tied into it as well, forces me to fall victim to being a typical girl yet again. I burst into unavoidable tears and cry onto his chest as he holds me so tightly that the pain seems to ease after a while.

"What happened, Carly? Tell me what happened."

I can't seem to find my voice.

"Carly. I swear to God if he put a finger on you--"

"He didn't! Jesus, Jon. He didn't hurt me like that...I don't even know if I'm crying for the right reasons right now."

Stunned by my sudden response, he has loosened his grip on me slightly in order to take a look at my tear-stained face, "What do you mean?"

I make a move to wipe the tears from my face but he is quicker, using his sleeve to rid me of the wet stains, "Sarah slept with him, Jonny. She slept with my P--Patrick."

He blinks, obviously confused, "Troy's girl? Sarah DiPalma or DiPalmer or something?"

I shake my head, trying to pull myself from his arms and focus on finding a way out of this building but he's stronger than I am and he keeps me to his chest.

"Who told you that?"

"She did."

"Have you talked to Patrick about it?"

I shake my head again, wiping a tear away as he catches the other ones with his sleeve once more, gently moving his hand across my cheek and staring me hard in the eyes.

"How do you know it's true then, Carly?" he asks me gently and I can feel his strong fingers holding the small of my back in place, "She could be lying to you or something like that."

"She said it happened in Florida, in September."

Something flickers across his eyes, like a memory he has briefly forgotten but now remembered.

"He did, didn't he? They did. Oh, Jonny, let me go please! I have to go. I can't do this anymore--I--"

The lights around us suddenly turn on and loudly from down the hall, I can hear Pat's voice calling my name.

"Jonny, please," I beg him suddenly, pulling loose of his hold and stepping back from his tight grip. I don't hesitate a moment longer before tearing down the hall and finding an exit that leads me out into the frozen Chicago streets.

It's only about five but despite the time, the city is already covered in a blanket of Winter's darkness. The snow has come to a halt in its falling and now, a sharp chill hangs on my bones that makes me wish I would have grabbed my jacket.

Well, we don't live much further from here.

I clutch my sweater around me tighter, ignoring my frozen ears and fingers as I round the corner and catch sight of the apartment just a half block away.

Without warning, the coldness suddenly hits me like stone. I move quickly, now, and then enter the building using the padlock though I can barley press down the buttons with my frozen fingers.

The building is fairly quiet for the Friday evening and I manage to take the elevator with ease to the our floor without any interruptions. From there, I open our door and step inside before collapsing onto the floor and sitting in a strange numbness until the door opens behind me with a panicked quickness that causes it to bang against the wall behind it.

"Carly..." he runs over to me, putting a hand on mine and squeezing it tightly, "baby..."

I've curled up into a small ball, clutching my knees to my chest and turning my face from his "Is it true?"

"Sarah's a bitch, Carly. No, it's not true. Nothing she said is true. It never happened."
I blink hard and tears fall from my face onto the hardwood flooring, "Why would she lie about that, Patrick?"

"Because--I--she was drunk. We were both drunk. But it never happened!"

Swallowing hard, I shakily stand up and move away from his touch, "Why're you lying to me? I'm so tired of you lying to me. I can't, Patrick."

"I'M NOT LYING!" he yells suddenly, grabbing my arms and pulling me to him, "WHY WOULD I LIE ABOUT THAT?"

"Because you don't want me to leave you!"

He drops his hands from my arms and turns from me, pulling at his curls and letting out an angry sound, "She's a bitch, Carly! Don't fucking believe her."

Shaking, I take a step away from him, "I can't, Patrick. I--I--can't do this--again..."

Tears stream down his face as he turns to face me but my own is dry. I can't cry anymore.

"I'm sorry," he whispers and takes a step towards me but I quickly step back.

"You're not sorry. If you even knew what an apology meant, you wouldn't have fucked her."

"I didn't--"

I turn from him, opening the closet and pulling my suitcase from it.

"What're you doing, Carly? I didn't fuck her! Okay? I didn't!"

Without hesitation from his words, I grab the my suitcase and hurry into the bedroom where I pull my clothes from the drawers and shove them into the bag.

"Carly...don't do this. Please. You have to listen to me. I didn't sleep with her!"

I look up at him with fierce eyes before moving swiftly into the bathroom and grabbing just a few of the many items on the counter.

"Baby, please, stop. You're not listening to me. She lied to you, okay? She lied to you."

Now the tears are starting to fall, blurring my vision as I pull the zipper shut on the bag. What the hell else do I have here? Books? Photos? I don't even have room for any of it. This suitcase won't even fit all my shoe--

"Carly, please. You have to listen to me!"

I break from my thoughts, looking up from my bag to see him sobbing hard as he tries to grab hold of me.

"I'm--I swear--I didn't mean for--"

Asswhole. Fucking asswhole. It's happening all over again except this time, I'm going to be stronger.

"Carly, wait. Please, Carly."

The apartment is behind me as I walk down that familiar hallway, gripping my suitcase so tightly that my knuckles are white.

"Baby, sweetie, I love you. I never meant for this to--"

He's gripped my arm having followed me down the quiet hallway and to the elevators. My Patrick...with a face red from tears and a quivering, desperate lower lip. The scar near his eye; that one curl hanging down his forehead: why would you do this to me? I loved you too. I loved you with everything I had and so much more.

"Don't," he cries out desperately, holding me tighter when the elevator doors open.

I take a step forward and his grip tightens even further.

"Carly. Please. Where are you going to go? Just stay here. I'll leave. I'll stay in some hotel. Just stay, Carly. This is your home too, okay? Don't go, baby. You don't have to go. I'll go."

I stare at him with blank, empty eyes and then, "You're hurting me, Patrick."

Did I mean physically? Mentally? Emotionally? Psychologically?

I don't know what he thinks I mean but regardless, he releases his grip on my arm and I carefully step back into the elevator.

"I love you," he says; his voice breaking, "I--love--you."

The doors close slowly between us.