Breathe

Nicole:
Today I woke up and remembered what today was. It was the anniversary of Beau's death. I can't believe it's been a whole year since he died. I guess it seemed a little longer since we we're eliminated from the playoffs early this year. Jon has been working so hard over the extra time that's been added to our off season. We are in Chicago for the anniversary, we couldn't go to California. There was too much work to be done with the team. I still haven't fully moved into Jonathan's apartment. Most of my stuff is still in Edmonton. One thing I definitely have with me is a picture book with many pictures of Beau and I in it. I pulled it off a book shelf and sat at the counter to flip through it.

Looking at the pictures I couldn't help but cry. I loved Beau so much and I still felt it was unfair for him to die at only 20 years old. Jonathan must have heard me because he came in and put a hand on my shoulder to comfort me. "Nicole? Are you okay?" "I guess. I just still can't believe it." "I know. Me either, but we have to face it that life will through us curve balls like that sometimes and we have to roll with them." "I guess you are right." Jonathan seemed nervous, like he was almost hiding from me, I just couldn't tell what it was. "Jonathan is there something you need to tell me?" "Nicole. Look I should have told you this a long time ago." "What is it?"

"When Beau was in the hospital he told me to tell you that he will always love you no mater what." That was something that was hard to hear, especially on a day like today. "Okay?" "that's not it. I was thinking about what he said and it made me think that, if a guy can say things like that and be that great of a guy then." "What are you saying Jon?" "I could never be like Beau. I could never be as great as he was." "But I am not asking you to be like Beau, I love you for who you are Jon." "That may be true, but it's not fair that you are stuck with me when there is a better guy for you and he can't be with you." "Jon stop saying this kind of stuff. You are the guy I wan't to date, that should be clear." "It is, but." "But what? Is there something else you want to say?" "I guess the last thing I want to say is, I can't do this anymore." "So you are saying-" "It's done. We're over Nicole." That was worst thing he could have said on a day like today.