Tattooed

“Danni.” Zack stared at me in shock, his `friend' still under him.

“Who's she?” The girl asked disappointed he stopped.

“His wife.” My fist clenched as the shock turned to anger. I threw my hands up gritting my teeth and started to walk off. I was in the building in a matter of seconds.

“Oh shit. What's wrong?” Jimmy was the first to spot me.

“Let's go.” I growled as Zack came in the door still trying to get his pants on right.

“Danni. Listen to me.” He was moving closer and placing a hand on my shoulder. Everyone just looked on either in fear of what I'd do to him or in shock.

“Don't touch me.” I shoved his hand off only to have him pull me into a hug. I fought against him and saw his newest toy walk in.

“Danni. I love you.” He said once I'd gotten out of his grip. I didn't bother with a verbal response. I simple balled my left fist and allowed it to connect with his right eye before watching him fall to the floor. Water started to sting my eyes but I refused to cry.

“I could ignore once. I won't twice.” I stepped over him and walked out of the door.

“Danni!” Jimmy's voice made me turn around just in time to have his long arms wrap around me burying my face into his chest. The tears finally spilled as everyone surrounded us.

“I had no idea. I'm so sorry.” It was the girl he'd just been with that spoke. I pulled away from Jimmy and wiped my eyes.

“Thank you.” I said after taking a deep breath. She looked confused. “Thank you for showing me he's no longer the man I fell in love with. I'm sure you're a nice girl so I'm sorry you got pulled into this.” Tears were still flowing down my cheeks but I was calm. I turned to the guys. “Don't let this effect anything. Something big is about to happen for you guys. Don't let your feelings interfere with your success. I'm a big girl and I can handle this.” I closed my eyes and bit my lip.

“Danni.” Was all Matt said before pulling me into a tight embrace. I wrapped my arms around him before feeling Brian at my back. I took another deep breath before separating myself from the 2 men. I closed my eyes to try to stop the tears but it was no use.

“How did you know about the first time?” Zack asked once he was out of the club stumbling to the group. Both Matts, Brain, David, Jason, and Chase all stepped in front of me blocking him.

“She never forgot. You've done enough damage Zack.” Jimmy said putting his arms protectively around me, Val rubbing my back.

“Danni.” He tried to shove through the group only to be shoved to the ground by David.

“You're so fucking lucky she loves you.” He said through gritted teeth.

“I'm sorry!” He called through the line of people.

“Dude, just stop. Go inside and get ready for the show.” Chase said shaking his head. I felt bad for him. He was torn between his two best friends.

“Chase! You of all people know I love her and wouldn't do anything to hurt her.”

“I thought so man. You proved me wrong.”

“I want to go home.” I don't know how anyone heard me because of how quiet it came out but they did. David and Chase nodded stepping away from Zack and closer to me.

“If you need anything you know all of us are only a call away and the girls will be home in a week.” Matt Sanders said pulling me into a hug leaving Matt Berry and Brian to keep Zack from me. I nodded before hugged Jason then Brian. Justin was nowhere to be found which didn't bother me. I didn't care for him anyway. I pulled Matt Berry into a hug before turning to face Zack. I took a deep breath before putting my arms around his neck.

“I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. If I could take it all back I would.” He felt his tight grip around my waist. I looked into his beautiful eyes knowing this would be the last time I was going to for awhile. His right eye was already turning colors. I pushed my lips against his to silence his words. I felt his grip loosen.

“I'm sorry I wasn't enough for you.” I whispered in his ear before tearing myself out of his grip and bolting to the waiting SUV. David and Chase were inside and we were pulling out before my words registered with Zack. He started after us only to have Jimmy and Matt hold him back. I watched out of the back window as they faded out of view.

“Are you ok?” David asked pulling me into a hug. We were in the backseat while Chase was driving. I could see him looking in the rearview mirror at me.

“No.” My nose started to burn and tears welling up in my eyes. David quickly wrapped his arms around me as I sobbed into his chest. I don't know how long I was crying but I passed out after awhile.

“Is she still sleeping?” I heard Chase say as I was waking up.

“No. I'm awake.” I said keeping my eyes shut. I felt like I had a hangover from hell.

“Come on. We're home.” David said softly stroking my hair.

“This isn't home.” I said looking up at the large house that belong to Zack and I. “I want to go home, not here.” Tears were stinging my eyes again.

“I know. We'll leave tomorrow. It's late.” His voice was soft. He picked me up and walked into the dark house.

“Set me down please?” I asked as we entered the kitchen. He did as I asked. “Go ahead to bed.” I smiled at him weakly grabbing a bottle of water and some Advil. I down the pills as he nodded and headed upstairs. I pulled my phone out to find it was turned off. I turned it on and watched it light up. I had 26 voicemails all from Zack. I just deleted them not bothering to listen. I pressed some buttons and lifted it to my ear.

“Hello?” A very groggy dad answered.

“Daddy.” I sniffled softly.

“Danni. I already talked to David. What do you want to do?” All sleep was out of his voice.

“I want to go home. I can't be in this place. And can you get your lawyer to draw up some divorce papers?” I said in a small voice. I hated to do this but I knew it would be best for both of us.

“Saying?”

“He gets everything except what I take with me tomorrow.” The tears were stinging my eyes again.

“They'll be there first thing in the morning.” I could tell he was concerned but he knew I was thinking clearly. “And the children?”

“Not born and he doesn't know. I didn't get a chance to tell him.” The tears slid down leaving a sliver trail behind them for the next to follow.

“Ok. Are you alright?”

“I will be.” I sniffled.

“Do I need to come over?”

“No. I'm going to bed. I love you Daddy.”

“I love you too.” With that the phone went dead. I turned it back off and headed down stairs. I went into the music room and sat at the piano. I just started tapping on keys until I started to like what I was playing. I quickly scribbled it onto the music paper I had setting on the piano.

“I wish I could be the one…” I tapped a few more keys before writing it down. “The one who won't care at all… But being the one on the stand… I know the way to go… No one's guiding me…” It was true. I wished I could just get over this but the wounds were too deep. I had no one telling me what I should do. No one would even if I asked. I kept tapping out notes. “When time soaked with blood turns it's back…” After almost four and half years, and everything we'd been through, it had all turned it's back to us. Nothing could fix this. “I know it's hard to fall…” I'd just watch my guardian angel fall from grace. I tapped out a few more notes before starting over again but when I hit the last line I'd written I remember our wedding. “Confided in me was your heart…” I wrote it down. “I know it's hurting you but it's killing me…” I placed my head in my hands tears still falling. I crumpled the paper and threw it at the drum set on the other side of the room and stormed out. I couldn't do this now.

“Danni?” Pierre asked from behind the bar. I looked up at him with my puffy red eyes. “Come here.” He pulled me into an embrace. “It'll be ok I promise. Those kids have a huge family who will love them no matter what.” He lifted my chin to look me in the eyes. I nodded and just held onto him for a few minutes. I caught a glimpse of the clock and realized I'd been home for 2 hours, most of it spend in a failed attempt at writing.

“I think I'm going to go get some sleep.” I sniffled again. He nodded and let me go. I walked to the elevator to exhausted to us the stairs. When I reached my bedroom door my hand just rested on the knob. I stood there for a good 5 minutes before deciding I couldn't do it. I walked down the hall and slipped into David's room to find him sleeping peacefully with Nyx at his feet. She stirred at my entering. I slipped under the blanket and curled up next to my life long friend. Nyx found her way to the small space between us and fell back asleep. I just didn't want to be alone right now. After a few seconds I felt David's arm find it's way to my waist and pull me closer. I looked up to find him completely asleep and smiling. I settled my head down on his other arm and fell into a light slumber.

“Hey.” I heard his song voice fill my ears and felt his hand running through my long dark locks as he tried to wake me up. “Come on. I'm going to cook.” I dragged myself out of the bed. “You slept in your clothes?” David gave me a worried look.

“I didn't even notice.” I mumbled before going down the stairs with Nyx. I sat at the bar with my head down after downing some more aspirin. If I looked half as bad as I felt, then I didn't want to look in a mirror. I heard both Chase and Pierre enter the room and asking me how I was doing but I was too spaced out to answer. The anger and pain just kept building as I sat in my silence. It was like wave after wave of despair kept crashing down over me, pulling me out to sea only this time Zack wasn't there to pull me to safety. The three men just kept talking around me about things my mind didn't process. It started to get harder to breath. Every breath felt like it was breaking my ribs. In seconds I was out of my seat and running down the beach. I didn't know where I was going or why all I knew was I wanted to outrun the pain. I finally collapsed to find I was in the same spot where I'd first laid eyes on Zack. I just laid in the sand sobbing. This was all too much.

“Danni?” I looked up to see Alex, the lead signer of Atreyu, standing over me. I just curled into a ball and kept crying. “Hey. Don't cry. It can't be that bad.” He sat by my head. I just continued to sob feeling like I was dying. “You can talk to me. You know that.” He was right. I knew I could talk to him but I couldn't stop crying long enough to say anything. I'd become close to the guys in Atreyu in the last year.

“Danni!” Chase's voice was in the distance.

“She's just crying.” Alex called as Chase neared. I know they talked but I didn't hear any of it over my pounding head and my body wrenching sobs. I felt a pair of arms around me and I didn't bother to look at the man before grabbing onto his shirt and hiding my face. My cries softened to sniffles and soon darkness surrounded me again.

“We leave in 3 hours. Privet jet straight to Montreal.” Chase said as I started to wake up yet again. I noticed the pair of arms were still holding me only now he was sitting. I looked up to see Alex was the one holding me.

“So just like that she'll be gone?” He asked. “He fucks up and everyone loses one of the best friends they've known? Is there anyway I can convince you guys to stay?”

“It's not forever. Just until we can find another place in Cali. She loves it here but it's better for her mental health to get away for a few weeks.” Pierre said sitting on the couch across from us.

“What if he comes up there? He knows it's the first place she'd go.”

“She'll be at my place. He doesn't know where it is. If she wants to see him it'll be on her terms.” David spoke. They still hadn`t noticed I was awake. My world was crashing around me. Because of Zack I was losing the one person who knew me as well as I did, Jimmy. Then there was everyone else I was going to have to leave behind just so I wouldn't have to face him on a daily basis.

“And no one knows she's pregnant?” Alex was still trying to make sense of everything.

“Just us and her parents. It's better he doesn't know. The band is starting to pick up and you know as well as the rest of us she cares more about that band becoming a success than anything else. If he knew it'd end the band. Besides, I know her well enough to know she won't want him around them until she's had time to heal. Look at her, she's a mess.” David was right. He knew me as well as Jimmy did if not a little better.

“That's not fair to him.”

“No but this isn't fair to me.” I whispered. They all looked at me.

“Matin, ma amour. Combien de temps avez-vous etre reveille?” (Morning my love. How long have you been awake?) The one thing I liked about David speaking to me in French is no one other than Pierre had any idea what we were saying because they'd all forgotten anything they learned in school.

“Peu de temps.” (Not long.) I sat up from Alex's lap.

“Avais-je raison en supposant que vous ne voulez pas le voir?” (Was I right to assume you don't want to see him?) I nodded.

“I think I'm going to go get a shower. Then I`ll pack.” I said standing. I made my way to my room and entered after hesitating. I went straight to the shower and started that shower. I scrubbed at my skin longer than I should have because by the time I got out it was raw. I got dressed not bothering with my hair or make up and walked into my room and saw David and Alex sitting on the couch waiting on me.

“Chase said these were yours.” He handed me a stack of papers in a large envelope. I pulled them out and singed them not bothering to read it- I knew what they said- before placing them back in the envelope. I grabbed my 3 black and electric blue suitcases from under the bed and set them on it. I opened the largest before walking to my closet and grabbing an armful of my clothes.

“Let me help.” Alex said softly helping me fold them and place them in the open luggage. David grabbed a box and packing tape from the bottom of the linen closet where we'd stashed them when we moved in.

“What do you want to take?” He asked looking around.

“Pictures. All of them.” I said distantly as I grabbed more clothes, folding them, and placing them in the quickly filling suitcase. I grabbed the 2 pictures off my nightstand and looked at them. One was the one I'd kept next to my bed since I'd moved to Cali of David, Chuck, Pierre, and myself. The was from my wedding. It was much like the first. The guys were holding me up; Matt Berry had my feet, Jason next to him, then Brian, followed by Matt, and Jimmy had my shoulders with my arms around his neck. My head was leaning back and Zack had bent down and kissed me. Eliza, Devin, Jazz, Michelle, and Val were all kneeling under me. Tears stung my eyes so I quickly shoved it into my suitcase under some clothes. I found another picture David hadn't packed yet setting my the TV. It was from the spring Freshman year. Zack was giving me a piggy back ride and we both had huge smiles. I placed it in the suitcase as well before shutting it. I finished packing my clothes before starting on everything in the bathroom. In less than 2 hours almost everything was packed an in the jeep.

“Your dad is going to meet us at the airport and take the stuff and your cars to his house. Which suitcase is going with you?” Chase asked.

“This one.” I pointed the medium one that contained 2 weeks worth of clothes and toiletries that had yet to make it to the jeep. I grabbed a pad of paper and quickly wrote a note. `Guys I'm sorry I didn't say good bye. Matt and Eliza, good luck I love you both and I know you'll make it work. I'm sorry for not being at the wedding. Jason and Jazz, I'm going to miss the craziness you both brought. Matt, Sing more. You're voice is too amazing to always be screaming. Val, keep his ass in check. Michelle, Don't kill anyone. I'll come back, I just can't say when. Brian, the bike is yours. I know you've had your eye on it since I got it. Think of it as a birthday present. Last but not least, Jimmy, monkey balls. I love you all. Never forget that.' I laughed at my inside joke with Jimmy before signing the paper. I shoved it in a envelope and sealed it. I placed it on the kitchen counter under the envelope that contained the papers I'd signed a few hours ago. I pulled off my engagement ring and wedding band before setting them on top of everything next to my keys for the house. I grabbed Nyx as David grabbed my suitcase and we both got in my mustang after locking up the house. Pierre took the jeep as Chase got in his Hummer giving Alex a ride home. Within minutes I was staring down watching everything I knew disappear under a blanket of clouds with my hand resting on my lower abdomen.