Looking at the Letter That You Left

Jordan looked at the letter in her hands, which she found in her friend’s bedroom. Claire, Jordan’s best friend had died three days previous from leukemia. Jordan sniffled back tears thinking about the last time she had been in Claire’s room. It had been when Claire was in the last stages of her life, the illness slowly killing her.

”How are you feeling?” Jordan said gently perching on Claire’s bed.

Claire couldn’t reply, she didn’t have the strength she just took Jordan’s hand and gave it a little squeeze. Their eyes teary they both knew they had a matter of days left with each other.

“Silly question right?” Jordan laughed nervously. Claire managed a small smile.

Claire had made sure Jordan knew she loved her and she could have everything in her bedroom when she found out she had Leukemia a few months ago. Jordan had just told her not to be stupid and that the chemotherapy would make her better. Needless to say the treatment didn’t work.

The two best friend’s just sat there for hours holding hands and enjoying each other’s company.

Jordan was sat on Claire’s bed, with a letter in her hands. She found it lying under the pillow, it was addressed to her. She recognized Claire’s messy writing gently teasing the envelope open.

Dear Jordan,

Because you are reading this I am probably long gone, don’t forget to take everything you want. If I am still alive, I’m sorry you had to find out about this in a letter. Anyway I guess I should start explaining should I? Jordan gave a small smile at Claire’s bluntness.

I am writing this from my computer table, because I know the chemotherapy hasn’t worked, I have a matter of months left. I know this may surprise you because I haven’t told you I know I’m not going to be cured. I just can’t bare to see the look on your face when I tell you. It’s strange writing this you know I always thought we would live past 80 in a nursing home in our wheelchairs but I guess it’s my time to go.

I don’t want you to feel like you shouldn’t be alive, like you should have gone instead of me because at the end of the day you still have your whole life a head of you. So start as you mean to go on, stop crying and start singing to the Jonas Brothers again.

I’m sorry if I didn’t make it to the Jonas Brother’s concert; I want you to give my ticket to someone who deserves it and go with them. I know it was meant to be our little outing but I will be with you in spirit- heck I will be on the stage checking them boys out ;) Please go, if not for you then for me.

Now, if I know you as well as I think I do- which of course I do- you probably haven’t even though about what you are going to wear to the funeral. I have a surprise for you in my closet, in a dry cleaning bag. I can’t be having you turning up in normal black clothes now can I!
If this freaks you out I’m sorry but there are a few more letters to come. Don’t try looking for them you won’t find them, I have given them too many people, when the time comes for the next letter you will receive it.

Bye for now. Take care and remember to smile and sing “Much Better” extra loud for me.

Ps- I love you, best friends forever and always in eternity. (I bet you never thought you would have to wait an eternity to see me again).

Jordan wiped the tears that had began running down her face and slowly walked towards the wardrobe. She found a bag and unzipped it, in there was a black knee length skirt with a teal button up blouse with a joining belt. The post it note read- I was always jealous of you because teal really suited you so go and shine.

The funeral was tomorrow, Claire was right Jordan was planning on turning up in her pajamas which she had been wearing since she got back from the hospital. Silently Jordan took the letter and the outfit, turned the light off and went home.

She walked to her house a few streets away, thinking how she was going to explain to her mum what she just discovered, the letter, the outfit all of it.

She walked in to find her mum on the phone. When her mum noticed she had just came in she quickly ended her conversation with the person on the phone giving her daughter a warm smile.

“Mum, you are never going to believe this but.” Jordan stopped talking trying to find the right words.

“What is it darling?” Her mum, Mandy guided her onto a chair and hung the bag that was in her hands up on the door.

“I found this letter addressed to me on Claire’s bed and well just read it.” She handed her mother the letter her hand shaking slightly.

After a few minutes of silence where Mandy read through the letter, she looked up at her daughter and felt the urge to hug her. Jordan looked so fragile; no one thought this day would come so soon especially Jordan.

“Sweetie, why don’t you go have a shower and then get in bed it’s going to be a long day tomorrow.” Mandy suggested kissing Jordan on her head before handing her the letter and walked out of the room tears rolling down her face. She dialed a number on the phone before saying “She found it.”

Jordan hung the outfit up on her bedroom door and went and showered before she sat on her windowsill clutching the letter close to her heart. She looked out to the brightly lit night sky, all the stars looked beautiful but she noticed one sparkled brighter than the others.

“Goodnight Claire.” She whispered before climbing into bed sleep instantly taking over her body.

Jordan spotted her best friend’s face in a crowd of people. Calling out as loud as she could muster Jordan ran towards Claire.

“I miss you.” Jordan said flinging both arms around her shoulders.

“You shouldn’t, I’m still with you.” Claire smiled up at Jordan.

“I know, but it’s not the same. Wow your hair it’s blonde again.” She instantly regretted mentioning it. Claire’s hair fell out due to her chemotherapy, this was one of the things Claire cried about, in fact now that Jordan thinks about it. That was the only thing Claire cried about.

“I know, you always said I was blonde at heart even when I dyed it brown. I guess you were right.” Claire smiled unfazed by the observation Jordan had made.

“Claire, I don’t think I can go through tomorrow.” Jordan almost whispered.

“Yes you can, you won’t be alone I promise I will be there by your side.” Claire said pulling out of there long embrace.

“But-.”

“But nothing, oh and well im here you may as well know I am fine, everything is dandy so stop worrying about me and live your life!” Claire playfully shoved her friend.

“How many letters did you write?” Jordan asked out curiosity.

“I wrote seven, but don’t be expecting them because they may not all come so soon. Now go out and live your life twice as better. I’ve got to go now, you shouldn’t be dreaming about me, Nick Jonas won’t be happy.” Claire said taking a step back.

“Don’t go.” Jordan pleaded reaching out for Claire.

“I love you, take care of yourself.” Claire said before she vanished.

Jordan sat bolt up right in her bed, it had been a dream a strange dream. She tried getting back to sleep but ended up staring at the pictures on her wall until her Mum came in at eight to wake her.

A few hours later

“Jordan, are you ready we are going to Christine’s now. I think she wants to see you.” Christine was Claire’s mum.

“Yeah, im coming now.” Jordan said looking at her reflection, Claire was right teal did suit her. She wore her hair down, with a little bit of mascara on. She touched her best friend’s necklace slightly that Claire had given her has a Christmas present years before.

When they reached Claire’s home the front door was open her dad was stood outside smoking a cigarette. Claire had always hated her dad smoking, and tried to make him give it up but she never did succeed.
“Jordan, you look very pretty. Are you sure you want to do this, I’m sure Claire would understand if you didn’t feel up to it.” Christine said worry in her eyes.

“I have to do this, for both of us.” Jordan said causing Christine to smile slightly.

At the cemetery

Jordan and Gemma, Claire’s younger sister, walked hand in hand behind the coffin. Eternity by The Jonas Brothers was playing quietly. Jordan was in a world of her own as the priest conducted the funeral.

Once the service was over, everybody exited their pews and made their way outside. Jordan waited until everyone was outside before she stood up and walked towards the pine coffin.

“Sweet dreams Claire.” Was all Jordan could choke out.

“You know she came to see me a few weeks before she passed.” Jordan turned round to see the priest she didn’t say anything so he continued.

“She told me to give you this and tell you to go to the park she said you would know where to go.” He said handing her another letter.

“What- Just go now?” Jordan asked uncertain.

“She didn’t say when she just said you will know where to go.” He said before touching her shoulder lightly and walking out.

Jordan looked at the letter in her hands, this was letter two meaning there were only five more left. She walked out into the memorial garden where her family were waiting for her; Claire’s family had already left to go to the wake.

“Mum i-I’m just-“ Jordan showed her mum the letter, hoping she would understand. Her mum nodded her head and hugged Jordan slightly before getting into the car.

Jordan walked in through the park; she went straight over to the swings where she and Claire used to hang out on a weekend. She opened the letter gently as not to rip the envelope.