Thinking of You

My eyelashes fluttered slightly as the brightness of the morning sun stung my closed eyes. I opened them slowly, and reached for my phone, seeing the time was just before eleven. I put my phone down and sighed heavily - suddenly remembering I was 'leaving to visit my family' today. I bit my lip; a mixture of anticipation and nervousness surging through my veins suddenly.

Of course I wasn't actually going to visit my mother in Connecticut. I was going to stay with Gerard for a few days. I don't even know how this arrangement had happened, and the more I thought about it, the more stupid and weird it sounded. We'd known each other perhaps a month by this point, and whilst I found myself falling irrefutably in love with him; there was a part of me, albeit a very small part, that found my plans absolutely ludicrous and not to mention insanely risky.

I felt my stomach start to grow nauseous at the thought of telling Andrew my sudden and unexpected plan to leave our home for a few days, and my mind began to race with ideas that he'd believe. Andrew was quite dim, so it wouldn't be particularly hard to make up a believable lie. He knew he had me under this thumb and that I wouldn't dare to go against him in any way, and I wouldn't have… up until this point. As I realised that; I was suddenly surprised and in a way, proud of myself and happy that I was finally beginning to break free from the chains he'd tied me down with for so long.

I heard some noise coming from the kitchen, and figured Andrew must be making breakfast. I suddenly remembered it was Saturday, and that he didn't have to be at the studio today or tomorrow. This just made my plans that much harder, as he'd be expecting to spend the weekend with me, and he'd no doubt be angry if this opportunity was ruined.

I got out of bed and walked into the bathroom. I began to shower - absolutely dreading the hour ahead - and afterwards slipped on a pair of jeans and a white vest. I did my makeup how I usually do it, and walked into the kitchen nervously, seeing Andrew at the table watching the morning news and drinking coffee.

"Hey…" I started, sitting down opposite him and twiddling my fingers.

"Morning." he said cheerily - much to my surprise. He had that false smile on his face - as if he knew I was about to tell him something he didn't want to hear and he was silently taunting me with his eyes 'I dare you'.

"I have some bad news." I stated, almost solemnly, my eyes meeting with his icy cold blue ones.

He reached for the remote control and muted the television, not saying a word, but looking at me as if telling me to continue if I dared.

"I, uh… I got a text from my Mom last night." I whispered, looking down. "She's not doing so well and needs me to go Connecticut to look after her for a few days…"

He looked at me, as if digesting the information, and after a minutes worth of silence he said; "Okay."

I let out an internal sigh of relief before he added;

"When does she want you up there? I can book some time off work and go with you."

Oh god.

"Actually…" I started, "She wants me down there in a few hours. For the weekend."

His emotionless face didn't change, and his eyes never lost contact with mine. He looked at me jestingly, and leant back in his chair.

"Today?" He asked, as if he was almost suspicious.

"Yeah… She's really not well. I'm worried about her, Andrew…" I lied, reaching my hand across the table to grip his compassionately.

I feel like such a bitch for lying that my Mother is sick. I mean, it's not a total lie - her health is declining and has been for a while now - but lying about it right now was making me feel awful.

He looked touched by my small affectionate gesture, and he let out a deep, almost irritated sigh.

"Fine. But just this once, Lindsey." he looked at me warningly.

I nodded quickly, and got up from the table. "I guess I better go pack some stuff. I have to leave soon if I want to avoid the traffic going through Manhattan."

That wasn't a complete lie. Gerard and I had decided to meet at a Starbucks we're both familiar with in the Lower East Side - which, fittingly, was near the MOMA (Museum Of Modern Art).

He muttered an 'mm-hmm' and switched the television back on, as I walked into my bedroom. I closed the door and clenched my fists together triumphantly. I was so happy and I couldn't believe I'd done it. I texted Gerard excitedly, and began to get my things ready, opening my small suitcase and throwing in the essentials; makeup, a change of clothes, and my toothbrush. I grabbed my purse and slipped my boots on, and walked back into the kitchen.

Andrew walked over to me, taking me by the arm and gripping hard, so hard that I was sure it was bound to leave another bruise.

"Don't let this happen again Lindsey." he said through clenched teeth, twisting my arm slightly. I winced in bearable pain, before nodding violently in agreement.

"I pro-promise I won't."

He aggressively let go of my arm and sat back down at the table to finish his breakfast. He was angry and now in a bad mood -- but at this moment I could careless. I was free! (For now anyway…) I walked down our apartment halls and made it outside -- something about the world seemed better today. The sky seemed bluer, the sun seemed brighter, and I felt over the moon. Was I in love?

--

Gerard kissed me ever so softly as we embraced each other, he pulled my body into his and wrapped his arms all the way around my waist, pressing his sweet sweet lips against mine. This moment had been a long fucking time coming. I smiled at him and he kissed me once more.

"You look so beautiful, baby." he whispered.

I blushed and looked around nervously. What if Andrew's followed me… What if he's watching right now. Oh God. I suddenly thought, and my stomach dropped. I'd just met up with Gerard in Starbucks, it was busy in Manhattan - and the big, open coffee shop's window was more than suitable for someone to look in and see the pair embracing.

"What's wrong, angel?" Gerard frowned, pulling me back from my paranoia.

I sighed heavily, trying not to blush or smile at his adorable pet names that made me weak at the knees.

"I'm just scared…"

I didn't know what else to say, I looked up at Gerard and saw he'd understood and he quickly grabbed his jacket from the pulled out chair he'd previously been occupying.

"Why don't we grab some coffee to go and walk around the city?" he suggested.

--

Gerard and I were walking around Manhattan. It was a beautiful day -- in terms of both the weather and what was happening. Much to my relief, my paranoia soon settled and we could finally just spend time together happily. I loved being with him. I loved the way he laced our hands through each other's while we walked. I loved that he would randomly tell me interesting or nerdy facts about certain buildings we'd pass. I loved how he kissed me almost constantly. I loved how he would find ways to touch me -- so discreetly but so noticeably.

We were currently in the MOMA, in the pop-surrealism part of the museum, just happily observing art and loving each other's presence.

"We should see how long we can go without touching each other," he whispered from behind me.

"Hmmm?" I looked around at him wonderingly, my mind had been temporarily caught on the Warhol piece in front of me.

"From now on, we can't touch each other." he grinned.

I giggled softly, trying not to be too loud, and shrugged at him playfully.

"Fine. That's easy. I'll win." I said confidently, walking ahead onto the next piece.

And it was easy… for about the first fifteen minutes or so.

We'd moved into the fine art section -- which was deserted. I turned around, he was trailing behind me, looking at a Monet. He looked so beautiful. So entranced and interested. He really was perfect. I sighed deeply and he looked at me, grinning knowingly.

"Struggling, sugar?" he grinned.

I stamped my foot and crossed my arms like a small child. "It's not faiiiiir. This game sucks." I whined.

He walked closer to me, crowing his head around to see if anyone was around. Nope. Completely empty. He pressed me against the wall softly, his strong frame on mine… what seemed like electric shocks traveled up and down my body… Oh yeah, I was totally getting in too deep…

"Give up?" he whispered against my lips, pressing his nose deliciously against mine.

My eyes rolled back as I fought hard to not just smother him with kisses. "No." I whispered weakly, not yet joining our lips. At my refusal, his lips drifted to my neck, and he kissed and bit and nuzzled gently. I gasped into his ear, my legs spreading involuntarily.

After what seemed like an eternity, I opened my eyes and saw an elderly couple walk in the room. I jumped, and quickly pushed him away. His eyes were coated with lust and confusion, and I signalled towards the door, almost doubled over in laughter. The old woman looked at us with somewhat disapproval… but fuck her, I didn't care. I was having too much fun.

I grabbed Gerard's hand and we walked into the next section of the museum, me trying to stifle my giggling.

"We're touching. You lost!" he said, pointing at me and grinning.

"I don't wanna play that game anymore…" I looked at him with puppy eyes and kissed him gently. "I like kissing you too much."

His face lighted up and he put his arm around my waist, kissing my forehead lovingly.

I sighed happily. This is what I wanted every fucking day for the rest of my life.