Could You Be An Angel?

Jack’s favourite colour was blue. That was because it was the colour of the sky, and the sky was where his brother lived.

Alex was seven years old when he went to Heaven. That’s where Jack believed he went. To Heaven, in the sky. Jack liked to think Alex was going to earn his wings right away. He liked to think that God loved Alex, and made him an angel, too. Maybe Alex denied his wings. Maybe that’s why he never came to visit Jack because couldn’t angels visit Earth when the received their wings? That’s what Jack thought, at least.

-

At night, the sky turns dark and angry. Jack used to sit out on his back porch and talk to Alex.

“It’s your birthday in a few weeks, ‘Lex.” Jack says to the sky.

“Mine’s tomorrow,” he adds after a minute. “Did you remember?”

“Yes, I did.” He imagines Alex to say.

“I already know what I’m getting you.” Jack replies, smiling. “I think you’ll like it.”

”I know I will.” Alex would say. “I always like your gifts.”

It’s silent for a few minutes before Jack continues.

“I miss you a real lot, ‘Lex.” Jack sighs, leaning back into the lawn chair so that his shoulders fit perfectly with the wooden plates of the chair

“I miss you too, Jay.” He thinks Alex says.

Jack grins and sits up straight.

“So,” he continues to adjust himself in the chair so he’s sitting comfortably. “Have you gotten your wings yet?”

He’s still smiling, even as he doesn’t get a reply. Alex’s probably waiting until the right time to tell him the news.

“Can’t wait to see you.” Jack nods, blinking only four times before standing and wriggling off the invisible dust that gathered on his clothes. “I love you.”

Alex doesn’t reply, but Jack smiles anyway. Alex is probably watching him, waiting for him to go inside and cuddle into his bed. Either that or he’s already asleep. It’s around his bedtime anyways, Jack thinks.

-

In the morning, Jack peeks out his window and glances at the blue sky.

“Looking pretty today, ‘Lex.” Jack notes before leaving to catch the bus.

At school, he manages to sit quietly through all of his classes. He’d have someone to talk to in math in the morning if Alex was still here. He’s have someone to draw goofy pictures of in Art, and have someone to help him with the big words he didn’t understand in Reading. He doesn’t mind, though, because he’s not lonely at lunch.

He imagines the empty seat next to him to be taken. He sees his brunette, brown-eyed brother next to him, eating his banana-and-peanut butter sandwich, while Jack eats his turkey one.

“Nice shirt,” he pauses chewing to add. “I’ve got the same one.”

“It’s funny because I’m pretty sure this one is yours.” Alex is supposed to add, but doesn’t.

-

It’s night time again, and Jack is sitting in the same chair he always sits in. His mother’s already asleep, and if he listens, he can almost hear her snoring through the window to his left. It almost reminds him of the way Alex used to snore, all curled up in his blankets with almost just enough air to breath. It almost reminds him of the way Alex used to almost fall off his bed at night, scrambling to get the covers around his body just right. It almost reminds him of the way Alex had a little hole for his face in the blankets, while the rest of his body was covered and warm and snug. It almost reminds him, but doesn’t.

“Happy Birthday.” Alex greets, bringing a smile to Jack’s face.

“You remembered.”

“How could I forget?” Alex says. “I’ve got a surprise for you.”

Jack waits with a grin on his face.

“I got my wings today.” Alex adds, and Jack can already feel Alex in the chair next to him.

“I love you too.” Alex replies. “I forgot to tell you last night.”

“It doesn’t matter, really,” says Jack with a smile. “Because you’re here now, and that’s all that’s important.” He says, even though he knows his brother isn’t really there.

He wishes he was, though. He really does.