It's Gonna Be My Year

I closed my eyes to the rising sun, as it gently hit my eyelids. The television hummed lowly in the background and almost instantly everything flood my mind like a dam breaking way.

I hesitated getting up for the day, knowing just what to expect. It would make or break the start of a good day.

"Riley, it's time to get up," rumbled from downstairs, though I had technically been up for an hour and a half.

I didn't reply, only got to my feet and inched towards my hair straightner. I turned it on, glancing at my clock and read the red, digital numbers that signaled it was six-fifteen. I grumbled lowly, crawling back into bed to give my body ten more minutes of rest.

"Dominic, Riley, get up, now," mom hollered once more, though I knew just what she was doing; curling under her fleece blanket until her own clock read seven.

Again, I ignored the noise and closed my eyes. I waited until the vibration of my cell phone rocked my bedside table, before getting back up to start my day officially. Dominic shuffled to his feet, grabbing various articles of clothing before he headed downstairs. I could faintly hear mom's 'Is she up?' inquiry, before I turned my television up louder.

My name was Riley Waters, oldest child of the couple Anne and James. Each day I regretted who I was born as, and each day I knew I couldn't change it. Dominic was the youngest of the four siblings people hardly knew, and Evan was the oldest. Chris and I were stuck in the middle, coasting on a thin line no matter how well behaved we were.

Day to day life was different for me, which wasn't something new. Sure, it had it's moments that seemed to want to relive themselves, but were unique when they wanted to be. Granted, I grew up well; my home life was anything but stable.

Just like any family, ours had its ups and downs (more downs than anything, though). Now days, it seemed like any road we took only lead to more despair, and we had no choice but to face it. No matter how hard we prayed, the hand of God never graced our cheeks to show us that all we needed was hope.

School, however, was about the only thing that could get me away from daily put-me-downs. As odd as it seemed, school was something I looked forward to, even if I missed as many days as it took to drive my teachers to the loony bin. Being a junior was possibly what got me through it all. Just knowing I only had one year left meant I was one year closer to being away from my parents and younger brother.

Usually, my school days were exceedingly dull. I mostly spent the first four periods in a tired slum due to medications, and the rest of the time after lunch pumped me up for the last period of the day. No matter how crappy my morning had been, just knowing who I could see made my mood completely turn around.

By nature, I was never really the type to where my heart on my sleeve. So many times, my heart had been torn from my chest and smashed with a sledgehammer; it got to the point where I could no longer handle it.

When I turned fifteen, give or take a few weeks, I was swept in by a guy I thought would be my prince. Two years of my life had been sucked down the drain, until I finally came to my senses. I finally figured that he was no good for me—that I could do so much better than what he providing. He was pushy, controlling and an utter 'tool-bag' (as Chris had put it). From the get-go, Chris couldn't stand the kid and made it very, very clear. February twelfth was when my senses finally kicked in, and I dumped the kid.

Maybe that was about the time second semester started. Maybe that was the time my heart began to soften and forced me to feel like an open book ninety-six percent of the time. I guess that was the time when I finally realized that not everyone had to be looked at as an enemy.

It started with my Public Speaking course, noted for the college credits that would be transferred the day I graduated and went to college. I took the class initially for my dreams: want to be in front of a crowd, learn to be comfortable in front of them. That was when things started turning for me greatly, and I knew that a dark cloud no longer hung over my being.

It happened a few days after I had given my self introduction speech. It was my third speech of the first two-ish weeks and nervous was an understatement. I talked about my bass and how music was the greatest influence in my life. I talked about how music shaped me into thinking that I was not the only person in the world with a tough life, and that I was fully aware of children suffering ten times worse than I was. I told the seniors (and by this time, the class had dropped all but twenty students: eighteen seniors, two juniors) about my dad and his PTSD, yet can't recall just what I said. I was nervous to the point where I momentarily blacked out, yet could still finish my speech.

After class, this boy I was vaguely aware of came up to me with a girl. They both told me how good my speech was, and all I could do was smile and mutter 'thanks'. I was shaking, visibly maybe, but shaking nonetheless. I didn't think much of it then, but as the class progressed; my eye kept catching this boy.

Whether he was doing it out of kindness or what, we slowly began to become friends. Honestly, I don't remember what made him switch his seat to in front of mine, but I was happier than hell. Not too long after that did our friendship kind of perk up...

Ethan Daniels turned in his seat, as we waited with the lights dimmed for someone to give their speech. My head was buried in a notebook, as usual, and I barely noticed the boy staring at me.

"Oh my God, you like All Time Low?" he inquired, forcing me to look up at the mention of one of my favorite bands. He forced me to move my arm to show the bracelet more, before he did a double take and looked at my necklace. He sighed happily, "No way, is that Kingdom Hearts? Why were we not best friends before?"

I felt my cheeks flare, as I smiled. I caught the boys' eyes next to us watching us, and noted the heat from the sun now present against my skin. I smiled; giggling. As dumb as it felt, it was the only thing I could do, "I don't know."

He smiled widely at me, as the person began their speech after the rest of the class clapped for them. Slowly and steadily, my head began spinning as the oxygen rushed back into my blood and forced me to exclude the speech in the background.

- - - -

It was Friday, what Friday to be exact was beyond me. Fridays were final speech days, and final speech days meant we had no work to do, other than listen to the classmate. It was the perfect end to another blurry Friday.

I walked into public speaking, being greeted at the door by Mrs. Collins like each day and smiled warmly at her. Of all the teachers I had in the last eleven years, Mrs. Collins had to be my favorite.

I followed into an invisible line of one, inching passed the others before I made my way to my seat in the back of the room. Ethan stood at his seat in front of me, cookies and drink in hand as he took a drink. I went to walk passed him, but he stopped me; plopping one of the cookies in my hand with a genuine smile.

I grinned back, "Thanks," and took my seat. I fiddled with my pencil, twirling it between my fingers as my notebook lay open and let out a huff as the kid was setting up his PowerPoint.

A few minutes passed, before both Mrs. Collins and the kid were ready and Ethan was surely becoming bored. I had my legs crossed under the desk, rocking my Converse covered foot gently. Much to my surprise, I watched Ethan reach his hands down and grip the front legs of my desk. My eyes widened, as he lifted it off the ground and gently set it back down.

He cocked his head to the side, brunette locks shifting slightly, "I bet you regretting being my friend," he said with a chuckle.

"No," I laughed in unison, but secretly wanted to add 'never' to the end of that.

The boy had me head over heels, and how he did it was beyond me. We hadn't even known each other that long and here I was slowly sewing my heart on my sleeve in vibrant motions. Could it have been the fact that our taste in music was equivalent? Lord knew it wasn't just the boy's looks; I wasn't that pig headed.

However, the weeks were dwindling by quicker than I could keep track, and our days were numbered; he was a senior after all.

Why couldn't I grow a pair and at least ask Ethan to a movie or something?