Facing the Unknown

You must realize the hardship I faced when I had to face Ashleigh again after the accident.

I knew it wasn’t her fault. Hell, if Evelyn were still here, she’d know it wasn’t Ashleigh’s fault either. But I felt like I had to blame someone. Especially considering the other driver got away.

Yes, the man or woman that was in the opposing vehicle, who was partly responsible for the accident ever even happening, just ran away.

I wasn’t sure what to think of this when my mother first told me. No one did. Even though I couldn’t see her face, I knew my mother was appalled. And my father, well... he just avoided the situation entirely. Locked himself in the home office, as if he were the one most affected by this, when clearly that was a draw between Ashleigh and me. Currently, he still acted distant, and I didn’t have to see to know he probably didn’t look directly at me during the few times he had talked to me.

Ashleigh’s legs were pinned down during the accident. So she was left... disabled, too. But instead of not being able to see like me, she was currently in a wheelchair.

But that wouldn’t be permanent. She would be up and walking again in a few months, a year at most depending on how fast or slowly her recovery went.

The point with that being, she wouldn’t have to be in a wheelchair for the rest of her life. While, in comparison, I would most likely be blind for the rest of my life; the doctor had told me there was a slim chance that I would ever regain my site. Slim, yes, but the chance was still there that I would.

I talked to Ashleigh only once since the accident. I didn’t talk to her more than that considering how the conversation went:

I had been sitting in my room, on my bed, when there had been a knock at the door.

“Rileigh? There’s someone hear to see you,” my mom said, as soon as I had said that it was alright to come in.

“Who?” I asked.

“Me,” I heard a voice say, and I didn’t have to hear it say anything else to know who it was. I didn’t say anything. After another moment, I heard Ashleigh say, “Mrs. Palms? Can Rileigh and I have a minute alone?”

“Sure,” I heard my mom say, and I scrunched my face toward where her voice was coming from, hoping it looked like a glare. If I achieved that, she didn’t acknowledge it (or meaning, say anything), before I heard the door close again.

“Hey,” she said, I knew trying to sound more upbeat, but failing to do so. I then asked her what I really wanted to know.

“What do you want?”

“I wanted to see you,” she started, “you know, to see how you were holding up...”

I didn’t say anything, not picking up from there like she probably wanted me to. She sighed.

“Look, I know you don’t want to, but we have to talk about the accident,” she tried again, but I stopped her.

“What is there to talk about?”

“Everything. Rileigh, you need to talk to someone. Your mother said that all you’ve been doing is staying up here in your room every single day.”

“What am I supposed to do? I can’t exactly go out and hang out with you like we used to, Ashleigh,” I said, bitterly. “In case you haven’t noticed, I can’t see a goddamn thing, so how the hell am I supposed to go anywhere and act like everything is like it was?”

“I have noticed, Rileigh. I know you can’t see. And I’m sorry for that, I truly am. And I’m not expecting you to go back and act the way you did before the accident, because things are different now. But you need to talk to someone. You can’t just stay bottled up in your room like this,” she explained, and at that moment I felt her touch my arm. I notably flinched back.

“You’re sorry? Wow, like that’s going to change anything,” I spat. “You have no idea what I’m going through. It’s easy for you to say all of this because you can see. If you couldn’t, then you would understand why I stay in here.”

“You’re right, I don’t know what you’re going through, relating to your sight. But I do know what you’re going through when dealing with the accident. Evelyn was my best friend too! You have no idea how I wish I could go back to that day and stop it from ever happening. I would’ve given my own life instead of Evelyn’s! I would’ve given up my sight so that you could have yours!”

“Yeah, well that’s not happening, is it?” I questioned rhetorically. “You can never take back what you did. Evelyn will always be gone, and I’ll always be blind. If you had been paying attention to the road instead of the goddamn radio, things would be different.”

She didn’t say anything after that. And I knew I had made my point with her. A few seconds later, I heard shuffling, and then the sound of my bedroom door opening and closing.

I knew that Ashleigh wasn’t to be blamed for all that happened. But that’s exactly what I did at the end of our conversation; put the blame on her. I believe that’s why she hasn’t bothered to talk to me since.

I was heading back to school soon. It had started last week, but I clearly couldn’t go with everyone else considering all that had happened. But my mother told me I needed to head back soon so that I wouldn’t get too far behind. I understood her reasoning, I really did (because the last thing I wanted was to stay at that school even longer when I didn’t have to), but I didn’t want to go back. Ashleigh was going back on Monday, and my assumption was I would join her not too long after. I would have a mentor in each class helping me out since I couldn’t see.

I was nervous about the fact that I would be going back blind, but I was also nervous about what people would say. Would they treat me like an outsider? What would happen when I went back?

I guess I had to wait until I actually went back to find out.