You Know I'm Never Gonna Let You Go

Alex

I shouldn't have said that. God, I am so stupid.

The words I had said even sounded harsh to my ears, and they had come out of my own mouth. Why can't you just drop it Avery?! God, you're such an annoying and whiny bitch! I can't believe I put up with you all those years! I am such a dick.

Why would I say I that? Just thinking about telling her that to her face makes a knot twist in my stomach. The look of hurt that flashed over her made me cringe.

I stop walking.

I have to go back. I have to apologize. How could I say that to her? I mean...I love her. I still have feelings for her. Oh my God. I am so fucking messed up. Maybe we can figure this out. Maybe we can make it work. A grin slowly appeared on my face. Yeah. If we just talk, even though I didn't want to earlier, we could make it happen.

I turn around immediately and start jogging back to the car. Luckily I hadn't stormed off too far, because when I turned on the road, I saw the car a couple yards away. Avery was there, sitting on the hood. She looked to be on the phone.

I sprint over, the apology already set on my lips, when I hear her talking.

"Hey Jack, I'm sorry about what happened," she sniffs, wiping at her face. Oh my God, is she crying? Shit, I made her cry. I am the worst person in the world. I go to say sorry again when she spoke for a second time.

"About me having sex with you to get back at Alex."

I froze. What? When did...how did...when did she have sex with Jack? Did she do it while we were dating? Well, no...because she said that she had done it to get back at me. For sleeping with her friend? That's low. Even for her.

Jack must have responded, because Avery was jumping off the hood saying, "Thanks Jackie, love you." She hangs up soon after, turning around.

She caught sight of me. "Alex!" I could see a swallow go down her throat. "H-how much did you hear?"

I narrow my eyes. The apology was gone. "Enough," I spit.

I spin on my heel to stomp away for a second time. White hot rage was filling every cell of my body, my vision ringed in red as I blindly walked ahead of me. I didn't even keep the image of Avery's face falling in pain before I had walked away.

"Alex! Wait! Please!" I could hear her pounding after me, but I speed up. "Alex! Please! I...I..." Her hand catches my arm, and I whip my head around to look at her.

"You what?!" I ask, my voice booming around us. She winces.

She opens her mouth to speak, but nothing came out. I could feel my face morph into anger again and I shake her off before continuing my journey away from her.

I hear her say my name one more time, her voice filled with so much sadness and pain that I almost stopped. Almost. But I kept going. I couldn't be around her right now. I couldn't. This is such a stupid thing to be upset over, but she slept with my best friend to get back at me. How long was it after we had broken up? Was it a day? Two days? A couple of weeks? Months? Years? I'll never know. And honestly, I don't want to know.

I don't know how long I marched away from her before I came upon a gas station. By now I was exhausted from all the anger that had built up inside of me. I felt drained as I walk up to the store, pulling open the door, letting the AC hit me in the face.

I walk up to the counter. "Can I get a gas carton? I broke down about a mile away and we need some fuel." The guy nods and disappears, coming back shortly.

I take the carton from him before returning outside, going to a station to fill up.

As I waited to get the gas, I feel my phone buzz in my pocket. I pull it out, not bothering to look at the Caller ID, and answer. "Hello?" I ask, switching hands on the nozzle.

"Alex!" It was Jack. "What the hell did you do to Avery?"

I laugh bitterly. "Nothing. I said some things I didn't mean to. Then I came to apologize, to find her on the phone with you, talking about some unknown night where you guys had sex. But, whatever, it's casual."

"God, Alex, you're so stupid!" Jack screams. "It was one night! We got drunk, we somehow ended up in her room, and it didn't mean anything! It was awkward--"

"It still happened!" I snap.

"Yeah, after you two had broken up!" he retaliates. "We both regret it, because it wasn't a situation we wanted to be in. She only did it because she was still pissed that you had slept with her best friend, and felt the need to get back at you. But it's in the past, you need to get over it."

"I can't get over it!" I yell, removing the carton from the nozzle since it was done. "I can't get over it because I'm fucking still in love with her!"

And with that, I hang up the phone.

It took me a moment to realize what I just did, and when I finally did, I throw my phone against the wall. I pick up the pieces once done, shoving them in my pocket. I knew what I just did was incredibly stupid, but it couldn't be taken back.

The Avery situation, and throwing my phone.

I make the trek back to the car, not knowing how much time had passed since I stomped off. I see the familiar bend about a half-hour later, and I breathe in relief when I see the car in the distance.

As I come up, Avery was sitting on the ground, her head in her hands. I instantly wanted to run over and gather her in my arms, but pass the urge and go over to the car.

She looks up at the sound of my footsteps, and I see she had been crying.

"Alex," she stands up, "let me explain--"

I put up a hand up to stop her. "Don't," I reply. "Jack already did. Now we're even."