You Know I'm Never Gonna Let You Go

Alex

"Don't look."

I nod to myself, barely paying attention to what she was saying, my mind being elsewhere. I was still reeling from the conversation we just had. The one thing I kept repeating was something Avery had said. You really thought I could just stop loving you? I felt like I heard a double meaning behind it. Like she still loves me now. Maybe I'm crazy.

I look up into the rearview mirror to see if Avery was done changing, and my eyes widen when I see her shirtless. No matter what I said to myself, I couldn't drag my eyes away from her. And when she turned to see me staring, I still couldn't help myself.

It's been too long since I saw her like this, and I wince at how close we were in the car. A memory I had buried in my head was pulling itself back up.

It was years ago, when Ave and I were still dating.

It had been date night for us, and I was taking her out. It was the night I was gonna propose.

"Avery! Are you ready yet?" I call from the closet, tightening the tie around my neck. "Ave?" She didn't answer again and I walk out, looking around the bedroom. The bathroom door was ajar, so I walk over, nudging it open.

She was in front of the mirror, her make-up spilled across the counter. Her hair was in light curls, cascading down her shoulders and back. She had picked her red strapless dress to go out tonight, and I secretly smirk at myself. She knew how much I loved her in that outfit. Her black heels were beside her feet, waiting to be put on.

"Alex!" she cries when she sees me through the mirror. "I wanted it to be a surprise!"

"Sorry," I grin, my eyes sparking in the reflection. "It's not my fault I can't keep my eyes away from my sexy-ass girlfriend. Is it so bad that I want to see her?"

Avery rolls her eyes. "You're a horn-dog."

I laugh, walking farther into the bathroom. "That's why you love me," I sing, my voice echoing off the tiled walls of the bathroom. "And you know it." I wrap my arms around her waist from behind, my lips finding her bare shoulder.

"You're right," she says, leaning into me. "But I need to finish getting ready. Do you want me to look like an ugly motherfucker for our big date?" She picks up her eyeliner pencil.

I roll my eyes. "You look gorgeous already. Can't we go yet?"

"No!" she gasps as if I had committed a felony. "Why are you in such a hurry anyway? Our reservation isn't until seven. I still have a half-hour." She points at my reflection in the mirror with her pencil, setting it down when she was done.

"I think you're finished," I say, turning her around in my arms. "And tonight is supposed to be special. We haven't gone out in awhile. I want to make the most of it."

She smiles. "Fine, fine. Since you're so persistent."

I chuckle. "Another reason as to why you love me." I keep the grin on my face as I lean down and connect our lips. She responds immediately, tangling her fingers in my hair. I could feel the zipper on the back of her dress, my own hands fumbling across it, but I keep myself from pulling it down. Wait until tonight, Alex.

"I do love you," she says as we pull away. "You know that, right?"

"Of course," I smile, pecking her lips once more. "Because I love you."

I snap myself out of it as I hear Avery getting back into the car. Remembering how we were then put a huge knot inside my chest, a knot that need to be untied. I wish we could go back to that, but there are so many reasons as to why we can't.

But then there are so many reasons as to why we can. I love her, to begin with. I know I shouldn't but I can't just keep that hidden, can I?

"Avery," I clear my throat, looking over at her. "Do you remember anything from when you were drunk last night?"

She blinks. "Only getting drunk and calling Jack. Then nothing."

I could feel the words on the tip of my tongue. Should I tell her? Or would I just get a bad reaction out of her? Ugh, I need to know what she thinks of it. God. Here we go.

"When you were drunk," I swallow, "I took you back to the hotel room. I then put you to bed." She nods. "But you asked me to stay with you...so I did. We got to talking and you...you said something." I bite my bottom lip.

"Oh God," she says, looking embarrassed. "What was it?"

"You told me you still love me," I tell her slowly. "That you never got over me."

She didn't answer for a long time. She kept her gaze out the window, her face blank. I couldn't read her, because she sat as still as a rock. I was scared as to what she was gonna say.

"I was drunk," she finally speaks. Her voice was stiff. "I didn't mean it. It was silly. It was the alcohol talking."

"Was it?" I reply instantly. "Was it really the alcohol?"

She turns her head so our eyes lock, and all of our emotions began swirling around us. It was like a tornado of pain, desire, love, and so many different feelings combined into one. I could feel myself leaning in, and I could see Avery doing the same thing.

And, as if one person, we both meet halfway and share a kiss. It wasn't like the drunken one. This one held so much more. Her palm moves up to cup my face, and my arms curl around her torso. Her free arm wraps around my neck, and we pull each other closer at the same time. I felt so in sync with her, so together that it released the tension that had built in my chest minutes before.

I felt at home.