You Know I'm Never Gonna Let You Go

"No...stay. Please."

I look down at Avery, her big eyes staring back at me helplessly. I knew I shouldn't, she has a boyfriend and she's drunk to boot, but I couldn't deny her. So I sigh and lay down beside her, keeping my eyes trained on the ceiling.

It was quiet before she said: "I'm sorry." She too was staring up, keeping her gaze fixed away from me. "I'm sorry I never told you why I left." She sounded sober.

"It's cool," I say shortly. "You can't change the past right? I mean, you've moved on."

She suddenly giggles, the drunk factor coming back to her. "No, I didn't. Josh broke up with me," she manages to say between her laughter. I raise my eyebrows. "Wanna know why?" She stops her incisive noises and looks over at me, her eyes wide. "Because I never got over you." She sits up. "I still love you, Alex."

I didn't comprehend it at first. Those were the words I'd been itching to hear this entire time, and now, even though she finally said them, I knew there was nothing that could be done. But...couldn't a little something...you know, be done?

So I wrap my arms around her waist and pull her down on top of me. And then we kiss.

It was exactly like I remembered, except I could taste the alcohol on her tongue. I could almost pretend it wasn't there, if it weren't so damn strong. "I love you too, Ave," I murmur against her lips, crushing her into me so we were almost one.

I feel her hand slide down my chest, making goosebumps rise on my skin, and trail down to my belt. As she begins to undo it, a light bulb goes off in my head, waking me up.

I gently push her away, holding her at arms length.

"Ave, we can't," I say softly, aching to feel her lips on mine again. "You're drunk. It wouldn't be right." She juts her bottom lip out in a pout, but I pretend to ignore it. "Come on, go to sleep." I nudge her back onto the bed.

I try to get up to return to the couch, but she keeps her grip on me. "Stay, please." It wasn't a question, it was a demand. So I get back down beside her, letting her snuggle into my chest.

And even though it was insanely wrong, I fell asleep with a smile on my face.



The next morning I got up before her, gathering our things so we could leave right away. After I finished showering and changing, I heard her grumbling from the bed. I pick up the glass of water and Aspirin I had gotten out earlier, and walk over to where she was laying down.

"Here," I remark, handing her the pill and drink.

"Thanks," she groans, holding her head as she sat up.

I watch her take the pill, making sure she didn't spit it back out. Once she had drunk most of the water, I take a seat across from her on the bed. "What the hell happened last night?" she asks, making a noise I didn't know was possible to human kind.

I chuckle, shaking my head. "A lot. What's the last thing you remember?" She rubs at her eyes as she thinks, pulling a hand through her rat-nest hair.

"Uhm, let me see..." she trails off. "I remember storming out of the room. Going to a bar. Getting smashed." A thoughtful expression comes over her face. "I vaguely remember something about the hotel bar, but after that it's blank."

I could feel myself droop. Avery doesn't remember us kissing. God, now I have to walk around all day knowing we made out and she can't even fucking remember it. So I just slap a smile back on my face, trying to keep my friendly composure up even though I couldn't believe she had been that drunk.

"Yeah, you ended up in the hotel bar. The bartender called the room and I came to pick you up," I smirk. "I carried you back to the room and put you in bed." I pat the mattress.

She nods, her face flushing.

"Uhm, thanks for that," she says sheepishly. "I'm gonna shower real quick and get dressed so we can go. We can get breakfast on the way, if that's okay."

"Sure," I murmur, still reeling from the outcome of last night.

After she was done, I had everything ready to go, the bags by the door. Avery comes out, her damp hair brushed and ready. She was wearing a pair of Bermuda shorts and a red v-neck, her Aviators perched on her head. I melted at the sight of her; how can she look so fucking gorgeous in attire everyone wears?

"You're driving," she suddenly exclaims, tossing me the keys. I catch them, letting that trade mark smirk appear back on my face.

"I would hope so," I say as we exit the hotel room. "Don't want you driving in that state."

She rolls her eyes. "You know you want to drive. So shutup."

I grin but don't respond, leading her downstairs so we could check out. Once we were back in the car, our bags in the trunk, I desperately tried to claw around for a topic of conversation. Silence seemed too...awkward to me, but I couldn't think of anything to talk about. Hey Avery, did you know we almost had sex last night? Score! Yeah, definitely not.

Finally, I decided that just listening to the radio would have to suffice. A Britney Spears song comes on, and I smile, remembering when our band covered it at a show a couple of months ago. I tap my fingers on the steering wheel to the beat.

I hear Avery sigh heavily. "I forgot you did that."

I look over at her, raising a brow. "Did what?"

"Always turned everything into a musical," she smirks, leaning back in the seat more and propping her feet up on the dashboard. She doesn't say anything more and returns to looking out the window. I just smile and put my eyes back on the road in front of us.

I kept thinking about last night, small flickers of us on the bed invading my mind. I tried not to dwell on it too much, but it kept coming back to me like a moth to a fucking flame.

I shouldn't be thinking about this.

She was drunk. She probably didn't mean what she said. She probably doesn't love me. She ran out three years ago on everybody; you can't get more spiteful then that. She probably just drunkenly said it. She can't love me.

I just desperately wish she did.

No matter how many times I deny it, no matter how many girls I sleep with, I will always love Avery. Looking at her now, I know that my heart will always be in her hands.

Which isn't the best thing, because--

"We're running low on gas," Avery suddenly speaks, snapping me back to reality. "We didn't fill up yesterday. The pointer is almost at Empty." She points up ahead. "Go a few more miles and there'll be a station."

I nod and move into the next lane, not even glancing over at her. I can't love her. I just can't. If that means cutting off as much communication between us during this trip as possible, so be it.

And she won't be too torn up over my decision.

She doesn't want to talk to me, so I'll just not talk to her.