Think Happy Thoughts

Let's get one thing strait, you can't pick your family. Nor can you pick which family business you're born into. So with that bit of context, here is the introduction to my little predicament. I'm not the best son in the world, but just hear me out for a second.

God how am I going to explain this. . . well, just try to keep up with me. . . my father, well he isn't. . . he isn't what you would classify as, a 'normal' father. He hunts down teenage boys in black skinny jeans and red feathered hats for a living.

He also looks for treasure and shit, but just wait a sec, I'm not there yet.

My father's name is James Hook. No wait, Captain James Hook.

And let's just get the obvious out of the way here but, you can already guess how his personality is. Yeah he can be a little bitch . . . fuck don't tell him I said that. I really don't need to get grounded again and clean the docks of this dirty ass ship.

Not. Cool.

It's not my fault Bartholomew 'fell' off the plank. . . again. Hey! In my defense, life can get a little boring when you live in the middle of the ocean or perfect Island.

Captain James Hook.

When just saying his name those damn chills run through you. Weirdly enough, I live for rebellion. So of course, I don't feel that sensation.

His cold blue eyes make the crew's blood on the Jolly Rodger freeze in an instant, but his looks unfazes me. For I have equal cold eyes, but of the color Emerald, the expensive jewel. Thing is, I don't use menacing looks a lot. I'm not a mean dude, I'm pretty chill when it comes to hanging with the crew.

My father's hair is awesome in my opinion. It's pitch black, and curled like black candles. From a distance, you expect to see flames scattered at the tips as if they were actual candles. It suits him well and compliments his tan skin. But alas, I am not graced by sun kissed skin or beautiful hair.

Nope, not at all. Yeah sure my hair is as dark as his, and yeah I do look bad ass anyway. But my hair doesn't grow long, maybe because I don't really want to look like a chick. And even though he is my father, I don't have tanned skin, which is weird because I live in the middle of the ocean on a boat. But we can get into the specifics of Human Anatomy at a later time.

Let's just get back to the matter at hand shall we? Now where was I . . . oh well of course, my truly amazing father who deserves 'Father of the Year' .You know, that stupid award that's actually fictional? Yup, if only you could hear the sarcasm in my voice right now. Captain Hook is a fuck up of a dad. What, with all the rum and sea hallucinations, who wouldn't be? Damn, I'm a fuck up of a son.

What do I do to please my father? Nothing. Well nothing anymore.

At first, when I was a child, I'd only come to Neverland in the Summer. My mother wasn't my favorite person in the world, but I still loved her, and she loved me, and she loved my father. So she didn't have the heart to give me a sob story (which would actually turn out to be a lie, then one day, I would dramatically find out in an epic manner resulting to a major plot twist and sending my-insane-self into a world of self pity, despair, and not to mention. . . drugs. So yeah, you can say that we're super ahead of schedule) and just raised me by telling me the truth. Great fun-fact about my mother: she's very blunt.

So I'd spend my child hood mostly with my mother, but my most fun times were with my father. It actually felt as if we were a family, just divorced, and set in a different world all together. Yeah we aren't the most normal family, but you don't need me to tell you that, right?

Well anyway. I'd train early in the morning, just to make my father proud of me. I trained and trained and trained. Got up before the sun rose, and went to sleep hours after the sun settled under the sea to sleep. See, still to this day, I don't believe that the cause of the Earth's rotation results to the sun staying in the same place, as we move around it. Hell no, all that science shit is false, how can you explain that I'm living in another fucking star in this very moment? Yeah thought so, science is irrelevant to my life right now.

But anyway. The truth is that the sun's too tired and has to sleep, so then it can wake up in the morning. And because the sun isn't selfish, she asks her little sister to help. So that's where the moon comes into this picture. The moon watches over us while her big sister goes off to bed, and the moon tries her best to keep the tides down and calm; however, she does slip up at times. For no beautiful creature is perfect. Yet, I still love the relationship I have with the sky.

And don't bitch at me and say I'm wrong, because deep down you believe that too. And even if I'm 17, and shall be that age till the day I die in battle, I will always believe it with all my heart.

So back on track (once again), I was a kiss ass. Always trying to be the best, ahead of the game. And trust me I was, boy was I amazing. And I just got better and better, and father would smile. And everything was just great, until that summer of the accident. I was young, but I remember it all as if it was caught on an HD camera and I re-watched it over and over again every chance I got. But it was a once in a life time thing, and I remember every little detail. . .

***flash back***

“Son! Help me get the crew aboard! Your father wants to discuss something important!” Uncle Smee yelled from the top deck. Me being the little kid I am, I always follow the rules with excitement. I'm only eight, but I still understand a lot. Like, I can't tell my friends about my special summer vacations. I know I'm special, that this world is special. I also understand that the red juice is for the grownups, and that I shouldn't drink it. Daddy doesn't like to drink it in-front of me, I guess he feels bad that I can't drink it, so he doesn't drink the juice so I don't feel left out.

“Wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait!” I cry as I run up the wooden stairs of the Jolly Rodger. I loved that name, it reminded me of a Jolly Rancher, and they were delicious, but I really like the red and blue kind. Yummm. “Don't say it yet! I wanna say it!” My squeals are heard throughout the ship, but I didn't care. I just really wanna say it!

“Don't worry boy!” Uncle Smee pauses to laugh a me. I must look like a crazy monkey or something. I try to pat down my messy hair and breathe like a normal person. My black bandana is sliding off, and I try to fix it, but it's too hard! There's a knot in it, and I can't untie it right to put it back on me. I just look up to Uncle Smee, knowing that he understands my little problem. He laughs again. “Look at you. You must be the most messy pirate in the world, Frankie Boy. Come here.” I feel something warm on my face, and I know that I must look like Ketchup. . . eww I don't like Ketchup.

“There, all done. Now try to keep this one on your head this time,” He stares at me, but I can't really tell if he's mad. So I do what I always do, and smile. Everyone in any world knows that smiles can fix anything. And I'm right, he smiles at me again.

“It wasn't my fault that the wind blew it off my head and into the water! Doesn't it happen all the time!?” I squeal once again. This is what I hate the most about being little. I can't drink the red juice, I can't go hunting for treasure with the rest of the crew, I can't keep a rag on my head, and I sound like a girl all the time. Eww, I don't like girls. They have cooties, and if you get those cooties you die!

“Of course it wasn't your fault squirt!” Uncle Smee smiles. His young face reminds me of those people who play other people on TV. You know, actoress-sess-sess or something. He wasn't old at all, he looked old enough to be an adult, but not old to be like, ugly, and gross looking. I feel more warmth on my cheeks, and I hide my face in my dark hair. My daddy says I'm bashful, but I really don't know what that is. But I do think I'm shy around people. Oh well.

“Good, so now can I say it? PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!” I feel my eyes go wide and my face relaxes, now I know that my puppy face is on, and that I'm going to get my way. Uncle Smee's face softens, and he looks very thoughtful, like if he's thinking of something good, something he loves. Love, I love 'love'. It's pretty and perfect. My mommy loves daddy, and daddy loves mommy. It's just how it works. That's the point of living. Love. You can't go without it.

Love's when you would do anything for someone, and you buy flowers for no reason. It's when the prince and princess end up together, in a land far far away. Away from any problem. They live in a castle for the rest of their lives. And they live happily ever after. And that's how it should be. And that's how it is. And that's the ending to every Disney Channel movie.

Too bad girls are icky.

“Of course you can, Frankie,” and with that a wide smile crosses my face and I bellow out the words I've been itching to scream. “ALL HANDS ON DECK!” I try with all my might to be as loud as possible. I love this. I hear my squeaky voice bounce back to me, and I swear I think my mommy heard it from where she is now. I open my eyes again and I see the crew running to get in a line. They're all smiling and trying not to laugh at my childlike behavior, and all I can do is smile. Because that's all I can do, and that's the only thing that fixes every problem. And it always will, I just know it.

“What have you brought us here for Capn'?” Johnny asked, making a funny hand movement. I just stared and lifted my shoulders,”I dunno,” I say quickly. Finally I see my daddy coming. He doesn't look so happy. He doesn't look grumpy around me, but now he does, and I'm scared.

“That low life, good for nothing, disgusting piece of-”

“Sir!” I hear Uncle Smee shout, making my dad stop shouting to look at him angrily.

“Why interrupt me, Smee?” He says calmly, very calmly, like he's about to explode like a volcano. I look over to Uncle Smee and see him look back. I look back to my daddy, and finally he looks at me. His face turns back into a normal color, instead of red, and closes his eyes. He breathes deeply and starts talking again.

“Frankie, can you please go see if the storage room has enough food to last us the day?” I don't want to go, but I know that when my daddy's mad, I have to do what he says.

“Ok daddy,” with that, I turn around and walk towards the stairs. Just when I'm about half way down the steps, I see something. A shadow. It's flying. It's a boy! It's a flying shadow of a boy! It took me a minute to process it, and once I look up, I can't see him any more. I shake my head a little. Am I going crazy?

I look down again and-

Look there it is again! It's the shadow! It came back! I look up one more time, but still see no one!

“What in the cheese is this!?” I scream, I don't like cursing, so I just scream out random cheese names. So far I only know cheddar cheese, and mozzarella . . .yummm. My daddy runs towards me and asks what's wrong.

“It's a shadow! A flying shadow! I flying shadow of a boy! A BOY DADDY! I DIDN'T KNOW WE COULD FLY! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME!?” I began to get really excited. Maybe I could learn to fly!

“No son, you can not-” He never finished. Instead, I heard a beautiful voice come from above my head. It was a beautiful voice, I was expecting to see an angel flying above me. I look up and the sight makes my heart jump. I don't know why, but it did, and I liked the feeling.

“Shadow! Where'd ya go mother fucker!?”My eyes go wide. He just cursed! Hasn't his mother taught him better?

Wow, he looks so. . . so pretty.

His face is very very white, almost like vanilla ice-cream. . .yummm. His hair's really pretty too, it's really dark, just like the night sky when the stars are hiding.

He was wearing really tight black jeans. His shirt was black and tight too, it was short sleeved and cut off at the end. His black boots were tall and shiny. Like I said, he was really pretty. If only girls could be this pretty.

“Gerard Way! Give me back my treasure at once!” My daddy's face was more red than before, I would have moved away, but I was frozen and just staring at the pretty angel.

“HOOK IS A CODFISH A CODFISH A CODFISH!” I hear Gerard sing, his voice is so beautiful. “Haha such a fuck up ain't ya Capn'? I, a mere child, has the balls to steal your precious treasure. Ha! I bet you feel manly now!” He was cocky, I don't like cocky people, now I'm mad.

“Hey! Stop being mean! What did my daddy ever do?” I was scared, but I didn't care. No pretty boy will push my family around.

I think it was the first time Gerard actually turned to look at me, and when he did, my heart pounded even harder.

He smiles, and I almost forget my hatred towards him. Why is he smiling and bullying us?

“Why, look-y here, Lynz.” He says to a bright yellow bug that's flying next to him. “What's a little lad like you doing on a boat with all these fu- screw ups?” He talks to me like I'm a child, and I can tell that he tries not to curse at me, but I don't care.

“Don't talk to him, Franklin. He's a stranger,” I hear my daddy say, but something about Gerard makes me answer him.

“I'm Captain Hook's son!” I yell back at Gerard, trying not to sound scared. Gerard doesn't look happy, but quickly smiles...his smile's really pretty...

“Oh are you now? What's your name?” I know he's mad, I just don't know why.

“You're a stranger, and my mommy always told me never to talk to strangers!” My hands are in fists and I stare back at him. Gerard laughs and starts to fly down towards me.

“I'm not a stranger,” He says while flying closer to me. “I'm the most known child on this-here-island,” By now, his smiling face is right in front of me. His green eyes are shiny, just like his boots, and his nose is small. It's a really pretty nose. He looks like an elf, I wonder if he works for Santa.

“Do you work for Santa Claus?” I can't help it, I just really want to know. This is the type of gossip an eight year old pirate wants to know.

His smile disappears and he frowns.

“Sorry to break it to ya kid, Santa's not real. He's just a lie that your...parents...tell you,” His hair falls in front of his beautiful eyes, and a shadow covers his face. He looks sad, but he can't be more sad than I am. Why is he lying!? Santa IS real!

“Stop lying! My mommy says he IS real! Right daddy?” I finally look back to my daddy, and I see a sharp piece of metal in his hands. It's his sword, and I'm afraid that he might hurt Gerard.

“Of course, Franklin.” that's all he says before he charges to Gerard.

Gerard looks up and quickly dodges my daddy's strike. I see a flash of fear in his eyes, but that quickly changes. He smiles, and it looks sorta evil.

“Well Well Hook, looks like some one's pissed,” Gerard takes out his own sword and charges to my daddy.

“No! Stop it! Someone's gonna get hurt!” I try to go in between them, but Uncle Smee pulls me back.

Out of now where, four more kids fly towards the boat. I notice that two of them are girls, and the rest are guys. They land on board and start attacking the crew. A black haired girl runs towards Uncle Smee and throws a blow to him. He pushes me out of the way and blocks her attack.

I fall on the floor and hurt my wrist, I cry out in pain and crawl to a corner. I bring my knees up to my chest and silently cry. I watch the fight through my bangs and tears.

'Once upon a time, there lived a pirate crew in Neverland. Everything was beautiful and perfect. Nobody would fight, and no one hurt each other. ' I try to distract myself from the battle by making a story up in my head. It's not working.

'Once upon a time there lived a beautiful angel. His name was Gerard.'

I notice that my bandana is lying a few feet away from me. I reach for it but someone kicks my arm out of the way. I scream in pain but no one hears me. I look up to see who hit me, but I can't tell, everything is blurry. I can't tell if it's caused by my tears, or the lack of air I'm getting.

I grab my bandana and dive for my corner once more, but not before a sharp sword slices my left arm. Again I yell, praying to whoever would listen, but no one did. I clutch the black piece of cloth against my heavy chest and huddle in a small ball, trying to make myself invisible. Trying with all my might to blend in, kind of like those Chameleon thing-ys. I push myself against the side of the boat and cringe away from the fight.

Unfortunately, people still kick me and I keep getting sliced with random swords that fly everywhere. I make up my mind and try to gather courage, even if I don't have much. I get on my hands and knees and put my bandana in my mouth, so it wouldn't fall or get knocked away. I begin my journey to the stairs to get under the deck. Weirdly enough, this plan isn't the best. I get stepped on and kicked every two seconds. By the time I get to the stairs, I'm actually dragging myself.

I look up one more time, and what I see isn't good. My daddy is losing to Gerard. Gerard thrusts his sword to my daddy's right arm, and what happens next still haunts me. Everything happens in slow motion.

His sword slices my daddy's right hand off and kicks him in the stomach. My daddy cries out loudly, causing everyone to freeze. He falls to the ground before Gerard, while his hand flies to the ocean. I see a green crocodile jump up and eat it.

I almost throw up.

The blood.

The blood's the thing Disney movies don't show. It's everywhere. The floor's all red. Not only from my daddy's blood, but mine, and half of the crew's blood is under my knees. I'm laying on a mix of everyone's blood, while my daddy is laying without a hand.

The only thing you hear is my scream. It echos again, and it's haunting in a way. A child's scream of agony is never a good thing. I crawl to my daddy and try to hug him, but I can't. He's in so much pain that he keeps rolling on the floor.

I look up to the monster who did this. The tears run down my face but I can't care less. This beautiful angel is actually a demon in a Halloween costume.

I feel helpless and beat up, but that's actually what I am. I know some of my ribs are broken and I'm covered in blood, and it's all His fault.

“Daddy!” I cry, and cry, and cry. That's all I can do. The man I look up to; the man I wish I can be, is slipping away from me. How can he go on with just one hand? Didn't God give us two of everything for a reason? That's what my mommy said. We have two arms, two legs, two hands, and so on. It's for balance, I think. . . is he going to die now? Is this the end for my hero? “Daddy please, please get up,” I don't know who hears me, but sooner or later I feel something on my arm.

“Let's go little guy, this piece of crap won't hurt you anymore,” Looking up at those eyes, I see that he points to my daddy. Those scary eyes that show's everything evil in the world. Everything wrong in the world is shining in his eyes, and I shiver.

He's evil.

“Leave me alone!” I scream at his face. I don't care if I'm acting stupid. He tried to kill my daddy!

I open my eyes and see that he looks mad, and he should be. He should be mad at himself for what he did.

He's a monster.

“I hate you!” I can't breathe. My stomach hurts, my chest hurts, my arms and legs hurt, my heart hurts, I just hurt. Why is the boat spinning? Is the ocean spinning? I hear nothing else after that. I see nothing else after that. I close my eyes and fall to the ground. But I never reach the ground, I keep falling, and I won't stop. The ground looks really far away, it's dark, and completely black. I still can't breathe.

It's so cold.

I feel something warm and wet on my face, I also feel the ground against my cheek. Am I lying on the deck floor? If I am, then why am I still falling?

Gerard. . .
He's the face I see in my nightmares.

***End***

He's the face I see in my dreams.