Think Happy Thoughts

Now that my little flash back moment has ended, let's get to the present.

Well, currently I'm narrating my life story like a lune. . . other than that, I'm just sweeping up around the deck. Looking up to the dark gloomy sky, knowing that a big storm's-a-brewin.

Of course, all my hard work for nothing!

You know what? I should just throw this stupid broom off the boat! It doesn't deserve to be used! It's a piece of rotten mozzarella!

“Frank, don't you dare throw something overboard again!” I must have had that, 'I'm pissed and gonna throw something off the boat' look on my face again.

“Oh wa-wa” I make little baby noises at the person addressing me. “That chair had it coming, Bartholomew! I mean, what kind of furniture squeaks at the most inappropriate times!” I make crazy mannerisms due to the Italian blood. Bartholomew doesn't smile at my comment, he hates it when I call him by his first name.

When I was younger, his name was 'Uncle Smee', now I just use his birth name. It's boring, it's long, and it sounds like it belongs to an old spazzy man. Bartholomew may be a little spazzy at times, and yes he can act like a pansy as well, but he isn't old nor boring. He's a great guy, and he's like a father.

And that's just it, he's like a father, he's not my real one.

“How many times-” He cuts himself off. He knows I'm not going to listen, I never do. It's part of my personality, and not to mention my generation. We teenage kids live for rebellion, it's as if a chip was implanted in our brains, making us love everything our parents hate. “Whatever, you and your father are both so stubborn,” I know he mumbles it to himself, probably thinking that I'm too oblivious to hear anything.

Of course, I hear it. I'm not oblivious at all. Even as a child, I was more observant than anything. Which in a way, made me fucking annoying to be around. Oh well, I've toned that down, and now I act oblivious to everything. You know why? It's to get information. People think you don't notice anything, so they let little bits of information slip out randomly.

That's right, I'm one on sneaky bad ass mother fucker!

“What was that Bartholomew? I couldn't hear you,” I lie, trying not to smirk at him. He sighs and shakes his head, he turns and walks away while shouting at me to hurry before the storm hits.

Brooms really suck, they miss random spots on the floor. How will I ever finish in time if this piece of crap won't do it's job! It's ONLY job? Holy grilled cheese-us this sucks. I should of used the Swiffer Wet Jet or something.

Crash!

“SHIT!” I jump about 5 feet off of the deck floor, resulting in my broom 'accidentally' flying out of my loose grip and off the boat. Yes! Mission accomplished! “What the fuck!” I scream, forgetting to sensor myself again, which I really don't need to do, I don't use my 'cheese' method as much as I used to.

My wild eyes search frantically for the source of the bang. My breathing is calming down, but quickly picks up speed again once I see my fallen angel- I mean, the monster that ruined many lives.

There he is, in all his black clothed glory. Just laying there in a pile of broken barrels. Damn, I wonder if he got splinters. . .oh well, he most likely deserves it.

I must look like a crazy hobo or something. My jeans are torn and worn out around the knees, my face is dirty, and my favorite black bandana must be sliding off again.

Dammit...

I just stare at his wide green eyes with my equally big, green eyes. He's frozen and I do believe I see a light pink tint on his cheeks. I smile slightly, I don't know why, but I just do.

“You're back again,” I say quietly. His eyes go even wider (didn't think that was possible) than before, maybe I shouldn't have said that.

“What do you mean by, 'again',” his voice is soft and shows evidence of confusion. He really didn't know did he.

“I see you,” that's all I give him. Call me a tease, but it's fun.

“W-w-whoa-wait-what?” Stumbling over his words, he starts to pick himself up from the heap of broken wood.

“I mean, I see you stalking the Jolly Rodger all the time, man. I'm not stupid,” Call me crazy, but he get's more pretty everyday. . . I mean, he get's more evil everyday. Was that a good save? NO? Oh, yea h it kinda sucked didn't it. Holy Swiss I suck at this! Gerard raises an eyebrow, still not fully understanding what I'm saying. Sighing, I try to explain once more.

“I look up, see big black bird, look closer, see boy in black flying with a glowing bug,” Christ, I have to talk to him like a child. I see his brow furrow once more, but suddenly it clicks. His soft pink lips make an 'O' shape and he smiles. I fight of a blush, I was always shy as a younger child.

“Freaking Cheddar Cheese why are you here anyway?” I suddenly realize that he's not supposed to be here. “I mean seriously, I don't want you cutting off anybody else's hand!” I whisper/yell at him, pushing him to the dark corner so no one would see him.

Gerard frowns and I don't like it. Smiles should never be upside down, even if my smile is half the time.

“I mean, that stupid crocodile won't leave us alone, and it's a hassle trying to find a hook that fits, ya know?” I try to joke, trying to see his smile again. It isn't working, Gerard looks at the ground, looking like a guilty little boy, afraid his mother would grab a belt and punish him. I try again, “But you know what, hooks are in fashion right now, especially the gold ones with those pretty jewels on 'em,” this makes him look up at me, and I continue,”yup, the mermaids said so themselves,” He finally smiles, which makes me smile, which also makes me internally frown.

'Why am I being so nice to him?'

“Frank! Franklin where are you!? Your father has asked for you presence at once!” I hear Johnny yell. Dammit what does he want now?

I look at Gerard and in an instant he's gone. I look up and see a black dot in the sky. . .

He left without saying goodbye.

***GPOV***

Stupid stupid stupid! You fucking stalker! I hope you're happy! You scared away a little boy once, and now you're doing it again! How can I be so. . . so . . . so fucking STUPID! Mother was right, I am a screw up.

I wonder how she's doing. . . rotting in hell no doubt.

I fly to Skull Rock, my favorite place in Neverland, and sit in one of the eye-sockets out-looking the ocean. I messed up, messed up big time. Why did I have to fuck everything up? Why did I have to cut off someones hand!? It's just not right. I still remember that day, it's implanted in my brain forever. It was the day I met the most beautiful creature in Neverland and Earth combined.

***flash back***

“Gerard! Why the fuck are we taunting pirates!?”

“Fuck off Ray it's fun! And he lost his shadow again!”

“You fuck off, Alicia! No one asked you!”

“Oh hell no don't talk to Alicia like that!”

“Jamia back off!”

“Shut it Bob!”

“OW! Fuck! GERAAAAARD!!!!! JAMIA HIT ME WITH A CLUB!” Jeez, these teenagers act like little kids sometimes.

“Ray, Alicia, Bob, Jamia. . . CALM THE FUCK DOWN!” and with that, the fighting stopped. See, now this is why I'm the leader of this little group. I glance over at the little glowing fairy next to me, Lyn-Z. She was beautiful and so delicate, yet she had a temper that could fuck you up in a second.

Lyn-Z looks back at me and smiles, making her way to my shoulder and sitting on it. I look back at my crew of delinquents and smirk, what a great team.

Brian slept on his bunk, totally clueless to the mission at hand.

“Gee, when are we gonna play treasure again?” Jamia asks, batting her lashes in false innocence. She was a great person yeah, but if she didn't get what she wanted. . . well let's just say her and Lynz on the same side of an argument will result in guys singing soprano for a week.

“Well Jamia, answering Ray's question too, we're taking Hook's treasure and keeping it for ourselves, and trying to find my shadow as well, that little fucker always gets us in so much trouble,” I smile, I love stealing, it's such a rush.

“Gerard, this isn't a good idea,” Ray Toro, total buzz kill. “I mean, what if someone gets hurt?”

“Oh but my friend, that's half the fun,” I reply, smirking in a manner that Lyn-Z classifies as, 'evil'. She loves my smirk, apparently it makes me look sexy, but whatever.

“Seriously Ger-”

“Oh shut it Ray-Ray,” Alicia interferes, she's the most adventurous one out of all of us. “don't be the one to kill our joy again! Last time I wanted to swim in the river, you wouldn't let me! I'm still pissed about that!” Alicia raises her voice and directs her words to Ray. He frowns and retorts,

“For the last time, Alicia! THAT WAS A WATERFALL!!!!!!!!!!! YOU COULD OF DIED!” Ray's fro begins to go berserk and hits me in the face. Trust me, a mouth full of Toro Hair is not delicious.

“Well you didn't know that for sure! Now we'll never find out!”

I spit out his hair and gag, trying to catch my breath. I hear Lyn-Z's pixie giggles by my shoulders. They sound like little bells ringing on a spring sunset.

“Look what you did Toro, you got the fro all up in Gee's mouth!” Jamia comes to my rescue. I look toward Bob and he just stares back. He's the most chill out of all of us, but he still gets random bursts of ADHD at the most spontaneous times.

“Lost Boys! Fall in!” I yell, making all the bickering stop at once.

They all file in a horizontal line in front of me. All except Brian, who was still snoring up a storm from his spot in the bed. I let it slide, for he is the one who kept guard over night, keeping the treasure hidden at our secret location.

I rest my eyes on my crew once again, these are the finest juveniles anyone could ever ask for.

Youngest member is Alicia. She's always thinking of a dangerous stunt to complete. Defiantly the dare-devil of the group. No one can stop her when she puts her mind into it. No one but Ray, but that's a whole different story. She's a total bad ass when it comes to physical activity. From running, to sword fighting, she can kick your ass. And not to mention, her sharp tongue. Lack of wit isn't her problem, not at all.

Next up is Brian, he's pretty lazy. He's the one who sleeps during the day, and wonders at night. Yet, he can kick ass as-well, only in emergency's though. He always has his trusty club in his hands, he even sleeps with it tucked under his arm. One whack from that heavy piece of metal can send you flying over a boat in no time.

Then there's the pair of explosive twins. Jamia and Bob aren't related, but you could never tell. By their personalities, they can be classified as the same person. They're in charge of the traps, explosives, and any other type of dangerous item. Together, they could create a nuclear bomb. . .if they had the tools anyway. They both stay quite, but have a sassy edge to them. You'd never think that Bob would have a sassy side, but trust me he does, almost as bad as Jamia's. But yet, Bob keeps us grounded in weird ways.

Ray's the most. . .what's the word. . .'responsible' out of the crew. Even though we're the most irresponsible group of kids in any planet. But in our standards, he's responsible. He's also what we call, the silent genius. He can come up with a plan in less than a minute. He's always conjuring up new ideas of stealing and having fun. He's the one who told us throwing a rock at a bee hive will make them mad and chase us. . .needless to say, he was right. Still to this day I have a lingering sting somewhere in my body. Oh yeah! And his fro is the coolest thing in the world!

Lyn-Z. . .well she's weird. She's a fairy, or a pixie, or whatever. She's always following me around, but I'm grateful. She doesn't talk, but she makes little noises so I understand how to communicate with her. I feel honored to be the only one who understands what she says. Anyway, Lynz (that's her nickname) is like, super tiny. . .cause you know, she's a fairy/pixie thing. She glows a neon yellow and when she's mad, she turns bloody red. Which is really cool. Also, she has pixie dust, which makes us able to fly. And that's totally awesome!

And lastly, we get to me. The proud leader of the Lost Boys. Don't ask why we're called that, the girls don't seem to mind, since they act just like us. Anyway, I'm the mischievous Gerard Way, never knowing when to shut my mouth, or turn away from bad ideas. No one knows of my past, and I make sure they don't know. My past is for me, and me only, no one should be burdened of that kind of knowledge, or how I'm a cry baby and run away from everything. I never think about the consequences.

Live fast; die young.

Never slow down.

Keep running.

Think happy thoughts.

Those are my little sayings that always run through my mind. They keep me going. I try not to look back at my regrets, at my failures. I just keep going. I keep running. God dammit, just think happy thoughts. God, why must I always lose my shadow?

“Alright men,” the girls never protest remember? “Time to raise some hell,” With that, the Lost Boys cheer and charge for the door.

*

Soaring high above in a birds view can never get old. Sea breeze against your flushed cheeks, the smell of the ocean flying up your nostrils. The only problems the harsh wind. I hate the sound of it. That's why I wear a black beanie. It covers my ears so I don't hear it as much, and the red feather. . .well it's there to look classic. Thanks to my hat, my bangs are always in my eyes, but I see through them with no problem.

“Alright guys!” I holler out, getting the attention of my crew, “Charge in when you see trouble!” They all scatter, hiding behind clouds. I fly over the Jolly Rodger and begin to look for my shadow, there it is! No wait, never mind. . .

“Shadow! Where'd ya go mother fucker!?” I have a dirty mouth, sue me!

“Gerard Way! Give me back my treasure at once!” I look down to the angry voice, I smirk.

“HOOK IS A CODFISH A CODFISH A CODFISH!” I sing, I swear this guy looks just like one! I can't help it, I can act like one cocky bastard at times. . .“Haha such a fuck up ain't ya Capn'? I, a mere child, has the balls to steal your precious treasure. Ha! I bet you feel manly now!” I know I'm pushing it, but it's just so God damn fun sometimes!

“Hey! Stop being mean! What did my daddy ever do?” What the. . .? I hear the sweetest little voice coming from the boat. I look down and discover the most adorable sight I've ever seen. I can't help but smile at this little boy on the Jolly Rodger.

His small figure is such a contrast from the rest of the crew, who look like they're all in steroids. He looks about five, since he's so short. His black hair is messy which adds this crazy look to him. His black bandana is falling off, and his fringe is also in front of his emerald eyes. His face has a tint of red, just like a rose in bloom. His little mouth is set in a pout and his eyebrows are furrowed in determination.

. . .Wait! Did he just say DADDY? When did this happen!

“Why, look-y here, Lynz.” I finally stop my mind from wandering to Neverland. . .haha get it? And address my little fairy for a split second.“What's a little lad like you doing on a boat with all these fu- screw ups?” Sorry, I'm not good around little kids, at least I didn't curse directly to him!

“Don't talk to him, Franklin. He's a stranger,” God Hook, you're such a mood killer. I ignore what he says and keep my eyes on 'Franklin'. Eww, that name's too formal. . .Frankie suits him better, don't ya think?

“I'm Captain Hook's son!” He ignores his. . .'father'. . .and replies to me. Wow, who would of thought that this codfish could get a girl? And who would of thought that the same codfish could raise such a beautiful child. Sorry for that comment, I'm very artistic and this child is defiantly a work of art. I didn't notice that I stopped smiling, how does Hook treat his kid? Is he nice? Does he care? Is he. . .abusive? I mentally shake those idea out of my head and smile once again.

“Oh are you now? What's your name?” Oh God, am I being too forceful? Well, I always did like kids, I just hope I don't sound like a creepy old dude.

“You're a stranger, and my mommy always told me never to talk to strangers!” I internally cringe, I never had a mommy, whatever. Then, I find what he said kind of amusing, the way he said 'mommy' was really cute. This kid's smart, you should never just give your name out anyway, but I'm not a stranger.

“I'm not a stranger,” I try to reason with him, I already know his name, but I want to hear him say it, for him to trust me. Even if he has no reason to. He still doesn't budge,“I'm the most known child on this-here-island,” Yes, yes I am.

I continue to look at him, waiting for him to reply back. I see him studying me closely, he has this hint of wonder in his eyes and finally voices his thoughts.

“Do you work for Santa Claus?” Oh. . .didn't see that one coming. . .this time I stop smiling and feel anger rise up within me. Santa Claus, such a foreign name, yet so familiar. I never had the opportunity to believe in such a thing. Every Christmas I was reminded that he was real to other families, to other children, and not me.

“Sorry to break it to ya kid,” actually I'm not sorry, I hope this kid feels as bad as I did when I was his age, “Santa's not real. He's just a lie that your. . .” I can't say the word, “parents,” oh look I said it, “tell you,” I look down, trying to hide in my own hair, not really working is it?

“Stop lying!” Oh god, he looks like he's going to cry, please don't! Man I wish I never said that, why do I feel guilty? I'm only telling the truth! “My mommy says he IS real!” Well my 'mommy' says he's a waste of time and that little fuckers like me don't deserve presents from him! “Right daddy?” Damn, bring Hook into this why don't ya?

“Of course, Franklin.” I barley register his words before I look up and dodge his sword. Dammit! Don't get distracted, Gee! I ignore me 'childhood' flash backs and remember why I came here wanting. . .my shadow and some pirate ass whooping. I smile in my evil way and forget the little angel next to me.

“Well Well Hook, looks like some one's pissed,” Let the battle begin!

I hear a faint yelling coming from behind me, but I ignore it. Then I see the little kid run in between us, damn that kid has to get out of here before my crew comes! Luckily, Smee (I believe that's his name) pulls him out of the way.

I look over to see my wonderful gang beating the crap out of these ugly pirates. They leave Hook for me, I'm his number one enemy, and he's my number one prey.

I charge to him and slash at his face, making a nice size scar and blood visible from my line of view. I back up away from his sword at the right moments. His moves are sloppy today. . .hmm his loss.

“Hey, getting old?” I below over the yells, he hears me and strikes my sword harder.

“Stay away from me boy!” God, pirates need better grammar, am I right? I voice my opinion, which only makes him more angry, hey I'm only trying to help.

The battle continues, grunts and screams are heard everywhere. I wonder if, Frankie is Okay. . .yes his official name is Frankie, it fits him right? Of course it does. Bob is swinging his club at these two pirates, Alicia and Jamia are double teaming and slashing at everyone like destructive barbie girls. I smirk at that comment and charge at Hook one last time.

He's panting like crazy, and I feel the sweat dripping off me like rain, I'm not tired, but he is. I kick him in the gut and he falls down, I slash at his right hand, aiming to disarm him, but missing terribly. Due to the sweat, some went in my eye, resulting to mildly blinding me, causing me to not see my swing full through, accidentally cutting off Hook's hand.

Hook screams out in agony, this made all the other battles stop immediately. Everything was quite, chilling, you could hear a pin drop if you had one. That is, until little Frankie noticed what happened.

Never, ever do you want to hear a little child cry out in pure anguish. I'm not talking about stealing their candy. I mean, put yourself in his perspective. Little boy, see's father on the ground, crying, bleeding, hand-less, all because of one person.

And that one person is me.

“Daddy!” I can't take it, I didn't mean to! I look up to his his little face, once holding joy, happiness, and any other type of naive emotion. Oblivious characteristics robbed from his eyes, he's overpowered by emotions, negative emotions.

Because of me.

I cringe and try to hide once more when he continues to cry and scream, his high pitch voice ringing in my ears, bouncing off the walls.

I did this, it's because of me.

The blood on his little body is plenty full, most of it is his, I almost throw up. A child should never have to bleed, but he is.

Because of me.

The haunting screams, the blood, the guilt, it's just too much! But wait, I did him a favor, this codfish isn't a good father.

“Let's go little guy, this piece of crap won't hurt you anymore,” Maybe it is uncalled for, but he should be grateful. . .right? What he says back almost shocks me more than the Santa Claus comment.

“Leave me alone!” He's in hysterics once again. I frown, I did him a favor!

“I hate you!”

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

I look up at him, thinking he's crazy, but maybe I'm wrong. He looks out of it. He's as pale as a ghost; eyes vacant and stained. He sways from side to side, losing balance, he falls to the ground. The little thump he makes sounds loud due to the silence. Blood splashes everywhere, and soon he's covered in everyone else's blood, not just his. Another scarring site.

This is all my fault, it's because of me.

***end of flash back***

Now at night, when everyone's fast asleep dreaming of sugar plums and fairies, I stay up, those images, thoughts clouding my head. I draw that scene almost every night. His black bandana lying in the blood next to him. Hair sticking to his face because of the sweat and blood. Scars littering his body, tears making streaks in the dry blood on his face. . .

And this is my fault, it's always because of me.