We're Not Perfect

I shifted where I was, letting Max get up. I felt him put a blanket over me before he left to get ready for the band’s interview. I could hear the rest of the guys upstairs already. It took them forever to get ready; especially since two each shared a bathroom up there. I should have told Max to get ready in my bathroom; I wasn’t using it this early. I wasn’t getting up to tell him now though. I would later, when I wasn’t trying to sleep. I drifted off again before waking up enough to know the guys were leaving.

They lined up to kiss my cheek as they left. I have to admit, it made me feel like Snow White, with all her little dwarves trying to wake her up. Not that I’ve ever been a big fan of Disney and their happy endings. But that’s beside the point. Max was last, and I heard him tell me they’d be home as soon as the interview was over. After I heard to door close, I fell back asleep.

I woke a while later, annoyed by the sun coming through the blinds. It was later than I normally got up, which was strange for me. I couldn’t remember what time the interview was supposed to start, so I had no idea when to expect anyone home. Making my way to my room I dug out my bag of pills and took a few different colored tablets, not as many as usual, but this was a start. I had to get clean for Max, if no one else. Putting the bag back, I climbed in the shower.

I heard noises coming from the house, which I assumed meant the guys were back. That or someone had just broken in. I heard the floor upstairs creaking, so I went with my original guess. Getting out, I went through my daily routine of getting ready for the day before going back to my room.

I found Max stretched out on my bed asleep. Carefully, I sat down beside him, calling his name softly. He shifted slightly but didn’t open his eyes.

“It’s too early to be up,” he mumbled. “I just want to go back to sleep.” I laughed, and grabbed my notebook and a pen before lying down beside him.

For the next few hours, there wasn’t a sound from the house. I worked on some songs for The Last Leaf, which kept me occupied. I was so lost in my own world that I didn’t notice my body’s cravings for pills. That was good right? I was able to ignore it, and go on with what I was doing? Theo only time any part of me other than my hand holding the pen moved was when I got a text.

It was from Aaron. Somehow, he’d gotten us a show at another club in two weeks. I told I wanted to have some of our own songs ready by then, and I’d give them all copies of the lyrics I had later, so we could start working soon. I didn’t mention I wanted to have the songs ready as a surprise for Max when he and everyone else finally got to see us.

With my new inspiration, I got back to work. I almost jumped when I heard Max’s voice. “Did you write that?” he asked.

“Yeah, but it’s still a work in progress,” I replied. I hadn’t even known he was awake.

“It’s good the way it is though,” he said. “Do you have more?”

I nodded before closing my notebook and tossing it on the floor. “You’re going to have to wait though.” I couldn’t help but smile when he started begging me to let him read more. “I was going to ask if you guys wanted to come with me tonight, but I have a couple things that I need to do, so I won’t be able to see you before or after the show.”

Max’s eyes widened when I said that. “But we want to see you,” he said.

“Wait two weeks, and then you can.” Max pouted, but didn’t complain.

We got up and found Monte cooking in the kitchen. Robert and Craig were playing Xbox in the living room. We joined them after being chased out of the kitchen. “Guess what?” Max said, falling on the couch.

“What?” Craig asked, his eyes not leaving the screen for a second.

“We get to see Rylii and her band in two weeks,” Max shouted.

“Why two weeks from now?” Craig asked.

“I was going to invite you guys tonight, but then some things came up,” I explained. “Besides, we’ll be at a new place that night, so you can come support us there, where not as many people know us.”

Robert and Craig tried begging to go with me tonight, but like I did with Max, I made them wait. They went back to their game, with Max and I watching them. Eventually, Monte let us back in the kitchen to eat. Afterwards, I left the group to get ready for the night. Once again, I wasn’t looking forward to it. This was normally a night I’d get more pills from Tony. But I didn’t need them; I still had enough for the next two days, when my next meeting with him would be. But I had my new songs to share with my band, so at least there was something good coming for me tonight.

I got my things together, being sure to get the songs I wanted to share before leaving. I stopped to tell the guys goodbye and tell them once again that they weren’t coming with me. Max walked me to the door as usual, promising me he’d be waiting when I got home.
Walking down the familiar path, I was a mess inside. A part of me was excited about the new songs, but a part of me was afraid of Tony’s reaction to my news. I decided to confront him before I went on stage, hoping it would keep him from being too hard on me. He was easy to find when I got there, as he was surrounded by his drug addicts. He didn’t seem pleased to see me, but led me to a back room anyway.

“Coming earlier now?” he sneered. “The pills are going faster now, and pretty soon, I’ll have you hooked on everything there is.”

I shook my head, backing away from him. “I don’t need more, I’m getting clean.” Tony shoved me roughly up against the wall.

“What the fuck do you mean you’re getting clean?” he shouted. “That’s not how things work around here.” He punched me in the stomach repeatedly. “Doing this for your little boyfriend? Just wait, he’ll find out what you’ve been up to and leave you. And I’ll be waiting for you to come crawling back to me, begging for something to make you feel better.” He pulled an arm back, and I braced myself, waiting for his fist to connect with my face as it had so many times before. Instead, I felt it in my ribs. “You were smart coming to me before your show,” Tony continued. “You knew I couldn’t fuck up that pretty little face of yours before going up there, didn’t you. Next time we meet, you better be ready; I won’t be holding back.” With one last punch, he left, and I slid to the floor, holding my stomach gently. I knew without even looking that it was already covered in bruises.

Pulling my phone from my pocket, I saw that I had ten minutes before I had to be onstage. Quickly, I ran to the restroom to fix my make-up before finding my guitar in the back and tuning it. I met my band near the stage. “Sorry guys, I was running late,” I said.

“It’s all good,” Blake said. “As long as we talk about these songs you’ve written.”

I assured them we would after the show before pushing them onto the stage. Just like all our other shows, I sang half the songs before switching with Blake for the second half. We ended up playing a few extra songs because the band after us was afraid to come on stage until the audience was ready for us to go. When we finally finished, the band found a room for the next few hours.

As I showed the guys the songs, joints were rolled and drinks were poured. During all of that, we somehow managed to start writing music. By the end of the night, we’d managed to write the music to four of the six songs I’d brought with me. And I had only smoked one joint, and was buzzed, but not drunk.

I stumbled home and took a shower before curling up with Max. He pulled away from me and looked me straight in the eyes. “What did you do tonight?” he asked seriously.

I giggled at how serious he looked. “Just one joint and some vodka,” I said. Max sighed, looking away from me. I could tell he was disappointed. “I told you I was cutting down; you should know it takes time. I used to smoke three or four joints, and I’d drink vodka, whiskey, and anything else I could get a hold of.”

“I know, Ry,” Max said, pulling me back towards him. “I just don’t like you doing this to yourself. I’ll be happiest when you’re off everything completely.” A few more weeks, and I would be. I had to be.

We sat on the couching watching tv for a while longer before I told Max I didn’t want to sleep on the couch again. I led him up to his room before climbing in the bed. For some reason, I seemed to sleep better with Max; alone, I’d wake up every few hours, but with Max, I’d sleep an entire night through without waking up once. And I had the clothes from earlier in the night in my room that smelled like drugs and booze, which I knew Max wouldn’t like. Not that he minded us sleeping in his room. Curling up with Max, I was asleep in minutes.