We're Not Perfect

It was one week until our gig and here I was bent over the toilet, my guts spilling out of my mouth. It had been two days since I’d taken any pills or smoked. I thought I’d be ok, since I’d been easing myself off, but it looks like I was wrong. As I threw up once again, I felt someone kneel behind me, taking hold of my hair for me.

“Rylii, are you ok? What’s wrong?” Max. He gently rubbed my back as I sat still, breathing heavily.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered.

“Why? You didn’t do anything wrong,” Max said softly.

I shook my head, shifting so I could see Max. “I thought I was done. I didn’t want you to see this.” I could see the confusion in his face, so I reached into the back of the cabinet under the sink and pulled out the bag of pills I still had. Carefully, he took the bag from my hand, inspecting its contents. I could tell he recognized some of the pills. “I’ve been addicted for a few years now. Anything I could get my hands on, from something as simple as aspirin to Vicodin. I’ve been getting clean for you; I was afraid you’d hate me if you knew about this.”

Max had listened silently as I explained. When I finally stopped talking, he pulled me close. “I wouldn’t have hated you. I might have been upset, but I could never hate you.” He paused as I leaned over the toilet once again. “It’ll be ok,” he said. “Once this is over with, we’ll all be happier, you and I especially.”

“What’s gong to be better?” Craig asked from the doorway. I hadn’t heard him coming.

Max answered my brother as I threw up yet again. “Rylii and I are just fixing a problem.” That probably wasn’t the best choice of words.

“What the fuck is this?” Craig asked. I turned around to see him holding my bag of pills. “You’re drugging my sister? I thought you were fucking clean, man.”

Max and I protested. “It’s not what it looks like. This is my fault. Just listen.” We were saying the same things, but together it came out jumbled.

We fell silent when Craig held up a hand. “Max, get away from Rylii. I don’t know what you were trying to do and I don’t want to know. Just get away from her and stay away. I’m not going to stand by and watch you hurt my sister. I don’t care about any relationship you two had; it’s over now. You’re not to speak to each other or have any form of communication. If you do, Rylii and I are leaving this city and the band.” Craig’s eyes and voice were cold. Every time Max or I tried to say something, Craig cut us off.

I faintly felt Max squeeze my hand as he stood up. Watching him walk to the door, I lost consciousness. I’d been throwing up for over an hour, leaving me dehydrated and exhausted. The last thing I saw was Max turning to help me, only to be pushed away by Craig.

I was alone in my bed when I woke up. I wasn’t worried about the time, as I had tonight off, but I could tell I’d been asleep for hours. Stumbling out to the living room, I found Max and Craig sitting on separate couches watching tv. I fell into a seat next to Max. Looking towards Craig, I saw him staring at Max with a death glare. I sighed when Max jumped up and all but ran up the stairs.

“Craig, listen to me,” I pleaded. “Max wasn’t trying to drug me, he was helping me.”

Craig cut me off. “I don’t want to hear it Ry. I know what I saw and I’m doing what I have to. I meant what I said about your relationship though. You’ll get over Max soon enough and you’ll both move on to someone else.” I didn’t bother protesting, knowing it was useless when Craig was like this.

I got up and made my way to the kitchen. I quickly ate and grabbed a couple beer bottles before returning to my room without another word. If I couldn’t be with Max, I didn't want to be sober.

Max

I couldn’t believe Craig was doing this. If he really loved his sister as much as he said he did, this wouldn’t be happening. But it was.

Rylii slid into the seat next to me, which made me smile. At least she wasn’t ignoring me. However, my smile faded when I saw Craig glaring at me. I jumped up and ran to my room, escaping him.

I wanted to be with Ry, I really did, but I knew Craig meant it when he said he’d take her and leave. I couldn’t bear the thought of being without Rylii, so I’d do what I had to. I’d cut off all communication with her as demanded. If I couldn’t be with Ry the way I wanted, I could at least do my part to keep her here, where I could see her every day.

I locked my bedroom door, not wanting to be disturbed. Then I did something I hadn’t done in a while. I got high. No, I wasn’t completely clean, but I had learned how to control my drug use after my time in rehab. This was one of those times I indulged.