We're Not Perfect

I’d changed my clothes and make-up, preparing myself once again for the stage. On my way out, I passed through the living room, where the guys were watching a movie. The all looked up as I did, and I saw Max’s eyes widen before he choked on whatever it was he was drinking.

“Not staying in tonight?” Craig asked.

“Sorry, but I can only stay home for so long. Don’t worry; I’ll be fine,” I said, leaning over the back of the couch to hug him. I could tell he was worried, but I was his little sister after all.

“Do you want someone to go with you?” I reminded Craig that I’d been going out alone since he’d left. Craig nodded slowly.

“Don’t bother waiting up, I’ll be home eventually,” I said, heading to the door.

“Hey Rylii! You’re gonna need to get back in,” Craig said, tossing me a key. “I forgot to give it to you earlier, but that’s your key.”

“Thanks. Bye everyone!” I saw them wave as I closed the door after me.

On the way home from the airport, I’d seen some clubs that looked promising. And nearby. It was still fairly early, so the lines weren’t insane. When I got to the door, the bouncer didn’t ask for my id; he just let me in. After getting a drink from the bar, I made my way to the stage, where I’d seen a guy in a suit giving directions to a group that looked like performers.

“Are you in charge if the music?” I asked, approaching him.

He looked me up and down. “What if I am? Are you a performer?”

“I sing and can play any instrument you want.” I was nervous, but didn’t let it show.

“We’ll see about that. Follow me.” I was led backstage to a room with several guitars.

“Show me what you’ve got,” he said, crossing his arms.

I picked out a guitar and quickly tuned it. I decided to play Heaven’s Calling by Black Veil Brides. Halfway through the song, the guy held up his had, stopping me.

“The name’s Johnson. AS long as you do that well on stage, you’ve got yourself a job,” he said. “Now tell me about yourself.”

“I’m Rylii. I just moved here a recently, and but have been performing in places like this for years.” Johnson didn’t tell me much about himself, but that was typical in places like this. Apparently I’d said enough though.

Johnson told me when I’d go on. If I was popular enough, I’d occasionally fill in for someone else. We agreed on how much I’d be paid for each gig before Johnson had to go prepare for the night. I took the opportunity to explore.

As I turned the corner of a hallway, I saw two guys exchanging money. Just what I needed. I could get by taking painkillers and that type of thing, but I preferred harder stuff.

The supplier saw me first, and tried to hide what was going on. “How much can I get?” I asked, holding up a $50. When neither said anything, I turned away, putting the money away. “Shame for you. I guess I’ll have to buy from someone else.” I had barely taken two steps when I felt someone grab my arm.

“Not so fast,” someone said. I looked back, to see the dealer holding me. “Let’s see that money again,” he said.

I pulled the bill back out with a smile. “So, what can I get?”

“I don’t know about this, Tony,” the other guy said. “How do we know she really wants the pills we have? She doesn’t look like a user.”

I pulled the last two pills out of my pocket. I’d been saving them in case I couldn’t find a dealer, but it looked like I needed them now.

Tony’s eyes widened, recognizing the pills. “If you take those, I’ll sell you whatever you want.”

I tossed the pills in my mouth, swallowing them quickly. “Satisfied?” I asked the still nameless guy. He nodded. “Now get out of here,” I said. Just like that, he turned and ran back up the hall.

“Alright. I’ll give you this bag,” Tony said, pulling a plastic bag from his pocket. It held about twenty or so pills of various colors. “But I need more than $50.”

I sighed, knowing immediately what he was referring to. But this was my first night back in the clubs, and I wanted to enjoy it. I smiled slightly, putting my hands in Tony’s chest, pushing him back against the wall. “I’ll make you a deal,” I said. “You sell me that bag for $50, and next time,” I paused, sliding one hand up to Tony’s neck. I had to stand on my toes to whisper in his ear, “Next time,I won’t give you any money, but I’ll do whatever you want.”

Tony smirked, lust filling his eyes. “Alright. But you better not try getting away by avoiding this club,” he threatened. “Because I will find you.”

I laughed, pulling away from him. “Don’t worry, I’ll be here; Johnson hired me as a regular.” Tony’s smirk never faltered. “Now, I’ve got to get ready, so I’ll just be taking this,” I said, slipping the bag from Tony’s hand.

As I walked back up the hall, I could feel Tony watching me. Making sure the bag was safe in my pocket, I made my way back to the bar and ordered a drink. As I drank, I wondered why nobody ever checked my id; I was underage, and yet I was always served at bars. I finished my drink and headed backstage again. There was still half an hour before I went up on stage, so I found an empty room and locked myself in.

I pulled out my razor and made slits across my arms. I’d started cutting in part because I missed my brother. But now I lived with him, and I was happy for the first time in a while. But I had new reasons to cut.

I cut because of what I had to do with Tony. I cut because of all the guys I’d done that with before Tony. I cut because I hated my addiction to pills. I cut because I couldn’t stop myself from cutting. I cut because I couldn’t tell Craig about any of it.

I sat there, watching the blood run down my arms and hands. When I glanced at the clock again, I only had five minutes before I was supposed to be onstage. Quickly, I rinsed and covered my arms before running out of the room. The band before me was just finishing and I saw Johnson with the guitar I’d used earlier. He handed it to me before going up to the mic to introduce me.

People clapped as I made my way to the mic. “How’s it going?” I asked. I got a few responses, and the normal whistles and catcalls. I smiled, waiting for everyone to quiet down. As they did, I started playing the guitar. That got the rest of the people quiet. As I played a few songs, I watched the crowd. There were young couples, groups of friends, people there alone, and those looking for company for the night. In one corner, I saw Tony. I could tell by the look on his face that he recognized me.

After a while, I saw Johnson as the foot of the stairs. I nodded in acknowledgement and finished the song. The crowd clapped as I took a bow. Some booed when Johnson reached the mic. “Hey, hey,” he said. “She’ll be back. I hired Rylii as our new regular.” The crowd cheered again. Johnson and I left the stage as the next group began setting up.

After putting the guitar away, I returned to the bar. Before I could ask for anything, the bartender set a glass in front of me. “Sent over by an admirer,” he said.

“Thanks,” I said, looking around. There were plenty of people here it could be from. The next few hours passed like that; as soon as my glass was empty, another replaced it. It wasn’t long before I was drunk. Occasionally a guy would come over and hit on me, then leave not much later.

I stayed there until closing, around 4am. I stumbled home alone, and managed to unlock the door on the third try. The house was quiet, and I made my way to my room without much noise. This was one of those times I was glad I had the only bedroom downstairs. Who knows what could have happened if I accidently fell into one of their beds? I changed into something more comfortable and fell onto my bed, falling asleep almost instantly.