We're Not Perfect

I’d been living with my brother and his band for a few months now. We were all friends, but Max and I were closest. I still hadn’t told anyone about my addiction or what I’d done as a result of it.

Craig, Robert, and Monte had left earlier in the morning, leaving Max and I home alone. I had left Max watching tv while I talked to my mom on the phone in the backyard.

This was the first time we’d spoken since the airport, which I hadn’t minded too much. As usual, we quickly began arguing. I never remembered what we were arguing about, but the arguments usually consisted of mom accusing me of anything and everything she could, from her stretch marks to problems at work. I’d never understood how I received the blame, but this was how things had been since I could remember.

After we hung up, I threw my phone at the cement wall separating our yard from the neighbors. A quick check showed Max still in front of the tv, so I took the opportunity to make several slits in my arm. It wasn’t until I put my glove back on that I realized what I had done.

Max was in the kitchen when I reentered the house. “What the hell happened to your arm?” he asked, staring at the bloody line.

“I, uh,” I stuttered. What could I say? “I just caught it on a the table outside,” I finally muttered, hoping Max wouldn’t hear. Unfortunately, he did.

“Let’s get you cleaned up, then I want you to show me where this was so we can get it fixed,” he said, leading me to the sink. Max carefully cleaned the top of the cut, but when he reached to move the glove, I stopped him. “Move your hand, I have to get the rest clean so you don’t get an infection,” he said, trying to brush my hand away.

“Max, please. It’s fine,” I pleaded. But I was too late. Max had managed to move my hand enough to remove the glove. I couldn’t stand the look on his face as he stared at the scars and still red wounds crossing my arm.

“Why?” he whispered. “Why would you do this to yourself?”

I pulled my arm away roughly. “Why would you care?” I cried running to my room. I heard
Max running after me as I locked the door behind me. Seconds later the handle jiggled and Max pounded on the door.

“Please Rylii, let me in,” he said. I didn’t respond. The tears continued to pour down my face as I heard Max lean against the door and slide to the floor. He continued calling me, begging me to open the door.

“What the fuck are you doing Max?” I recognized Monte’s voice. When did they get back? Max didn’t respond to Monte’s question.

I heard Craig next. Max answered that time. “Rylii was on the phone earlier, and she was really upset when she came back in,” I heard Max say. “I’ve never seen her so upset, and I was worried, and she’s not answering me,” he continued. The last part was rushed, as if he was trying not to cry. I couldn’t believe Max had just lied for me though.

“Let me handle this,” Craig said. I heard the guys leave. “Come on Rylii, let me in,” he said softly. Like Max, he continued to beg. I still didn’t respond. Until I heard Craig again. “Rylii Bianca Mabbitt, open the damn door!”

That scared me. Craig had never yelled at me before, and he’s never called me by my full name like that either. I ran to unlock the door before returning to my bed.

I heard Craig come in, closing the door behind him. “Rylii,” he said softly. I was lying on my stomach, facing away from the door. Tears were still slipping out when I felt Craig sit next to me. He gently rubbed my back to clam me down, just like he did when we were younger. “Come on Ry, tell me what’s wrong.” I couldn’t stop crying. “You really freaked Max out with that. Who were you on the phone with?”

I mumbled “mom” into my pillow.

Craig sighed; he knew how our arguments went. “Don’t let her get to you so much,” he said. “Remember, she’s on the other side of the country, so there’s not much she can do to you.”

I smiled a little at that, turning so I could see Craig. “You always knew how to make me feel better,” I told him.

“That’s what brothers are for,” he said. “Now, sit up and give me a hug.”

I shot up, hugging him tightly. I buried my face in his chest as a mumbled an apology.

“It’s ok Ry. Just try not to scare us like that again.” I nodded in agreement. “I’m going to let the guys know everything’s ok. Do you want to come?” I shook my head, staying where I was.

I waited until I heard Craig’s voice in the living room before pulling out my remaining pills. I swallowed a few before searching for an empty space on my wall. I found an area that hadn’t been written on yet. It wasn’t huge, but it was big enough for now.

I heard someone knock on my door. “It’s open,” I called, finishing my sentence before turning around to see Monte.

“I just wanted to let you know I’m going to get you a new phone,” he said, holding up the remains of mine. “I found it in the backyard. Mind if I ask what you did to it?”

“I threw it at the wall,” I said. “And thanks for the phone.”

Monte started to leave, but stopped. “And Rylii, please, remember we all love you like family here,” he said finally. I smiled at him, unable to say anything.

He left after that, and I went back to writing on my wall. I was almost finished when I heard another knock on the door. “It’s open,” I called again. I heard the door open and close behind my silent visitor. Monte had left, and Craig was never this quiet, meaning it had to be Robert or Max.

As I wrote the last word, the person wrapped their arms around my waist, pulling me into a hug. I tensed, trying to free myself. “Hey, relax. It’s just me,” he whispered into my ear.
I relaxed, leaning back against him. “You know how much that freaks me out, Max,” I complained.

“I’m sorry,” he said. He turned me around to face him. His eyes met mine. “Please, tell me why you’ve done this.”

I sighed, pulling away from Max to take a seat on my bed. I stared at the blanket, trying to figure out what to say.

Max came to sit in front of me. “Rylii,” he said softly, taking hold of my hands. I couldn’t look at him.

“Why do you care so much?” I asked. I could feel tears forming again. “Nobody has ever cared before; what makes you so different?” A tear fell, landing on our hands.

Max stretched his arm, raising my head to look at him. “If nobody else has ever cared about you, they have no idea what they’ve lost out on,” he said. “I hate seeing you like this Rylii.”

I broke our gaze, shaking my head. “I’m sorry, but I can’t explain,” I said softly. We sat in silence for several minutes, my hands enveloped in his, before Max got up. “I’m sorry,” I said again.

Max paused, his hand on the doorknob. “I know,” he said. With that, he was gone.

I dried my tears before swallowing the rest of my pills. I was meeting Tony tonight, so I had to start getting ready. Something had been bothering him recently, and I was afraid he’d take his anger out on me. But I was more afraid of what he’d do to me if I didn’t show up.

As I was preparing to leave, Monte jumped out of his car. “Rylii, I have your phone,” he called. “They managed to transfer all your numbers and info from your old phone.”

“Thanks,” I said. I laughed when he advised me not to throw it at any walls. I said my goodbyes to the band, hugging Max and Craig tightly before making my way to the club.