Love Like Woe

I spent the next few days reading the book Jack had sent me, just out of curiosity. I’d replaced the sticky note on the page where he’d highlighted the paragraph about Gemini and Cancer being compatible. I reread the paragraph over and over, wondering if maybe it would change just for the sake of ruining my good mood.

And I was, in fact, in a very good mood.

My mother had come home last night, though I’d hardly seen her since. She was very busy with Senator Durbin promoting his platform. I wasn’t quite sure how politics worked; I’d never cared to learn after my father left. Anything that was associated to him in any way was automatically something I wasn’t interested in.

I’d been communicating with Jack for the past few days as well, when he managed to log into his Facebook account. We didn’t talk much; his schedule was quite hectic. Not that I minded, I simply enjoyed speaking to him. Tour stories were my favorite, it seemed like there was never a dull moment.

Of course, constant communication with someone you may have a bit of a crush on is never good. I’d become a little more attached than I’d like to admit. I knew I was in trouble the moment I found myself disappointed that he hadn’t logged on tonight. I checked the clock on my computer and on my nightstand just to verify that it was indeed 8:45. He was usually online by now. I waited another hour, but was rewarded with nothing but a blank screen. I frowned and stuck my tongue out at my computer.

I really needed to work on the essay Mr. Wilson had assigned us. It was due in three days, and the only thing I’d typed so far was my introduction. I sighed, grimacing as I stood up. My legs were cramping from sitting cross-legged on my bed for so long. If I was going to finish that paper, then I needed sustenance. I padded down the hall, nearly tripping over Layla who was lying in the middle of the hallway.

“What the hell are you doing, Layla?” I asked after I’d regained my balance.

“Meditating,” she answered simply.

“Doesn’t one do that in an empty space, sitting and not lying down?” I asked, looking at her skeptically.

She shrugged. “I don’t know. I’m just hanging out here, okay?”

“Alright, alright,” I admitted. I walked to the kitchen digging through the fridge for something to eat. I found a fruit salad my mom had made earlier. I served myself a large bowl of salad and a glass of milk and made my way back to my room. I turned on my iPod and settled myself on the bed, opening up Microsoft Word.

“Alright Arianna, time to focus and finish this essay,” I psyched myself up. “Okay, let’s go…”

I began typing, finally getting into my essay when a screen popped up. Jack was online.

Jack Barakat: Hey, do you have Skype?

Arianna Roberts: Uh, yes. Why?

Jack Barakat: Because I wanna actually talk to you, and see you.

I smiled to myself, considering his suggestion.

Arianna Roberts: Fine, add me, arianna716.

Jack Barakat: =) Thank you!

I logged into my Skype account and waited for his request. I remembered that I wasn’t entirely presentable. I pulled on a different shirt, something that showed les of my cleavage than the tank top and untied my hair smoothing it out with my hands.

A screen appeared signaling that I had a request from jackbarakat88. I grinned at his username and hit the accept button. My laptop emitted a ringtone I’d chosen for video calls. I hit the answer button and Jack’s face appeared in my screen.

“Hey,” he smiled. He was lying down in front of the laptop, all I could make out was what I assumed was his bunk.

“Hey,” I greeted back. “Uh, how are you?”

“I’m good, good. Just had some down time after meet and greet so I decided to call you up somehow, and I remembered I had a Skype account for a reason,” he grinned.

“Oh, to talk to other women who refuse to give you their number?” I joked.

Jack chuckled. “Yeah, that’s exactly the reason. How are you?”

I smiled at the screen. “Uh, I’m fine. I was just working on an essay I’m supposed to turn in on Thursday.”

“Oh, what’s it about?”

I looked at him oddly. “You’re not really interested in what I’m writing about, Jack. It’s boring.”

“I am,” he defended. “Tell me what it’s about.”

I sighed before explaining the point of my essay. “Alright, it’s about the psychological effects divorce has on children.”

“Really? Why’d you pick that?”Jack asked curiously.

I hesitated, wondering if I should tell him exactly why I’d chosen that subject. I wasn’t sure I wanted to tell him my life story.

“Uh, it just interested me and I’ve always wondered what it does to kids… you know?” I shrugged.

“Oh, well yeah I guess so, I mean personally my parents’ divorce sucked, but it wasn’t like terrible,” Jack shrugged. “Then again, I wasn’t a kid when it happened. I mean this was like two months ago.”

“You’re parents got divorced?” I asked. I couldn’t help it; it just slid out of my mouth without warning. “Sorry, I don’t mean to pry.”

“No it’s okay; it’s not some huge secret. My parents just decided that marriage wasn’t working for them anymore. I guess they just kinda fell out of love,” Jack shrugged.

I cocked an eyebrow at Jack’s image on the screen. “And that’s a good enough reason for you?”

Jack chuckled, giving me an odd look. I quickly realized that I sounded accusatory.

“Sorry, I just mean,” I paused trying to gather my thoughts. “What I mean is, how is it okay for two people who pledge their lives to each other to just, just stop? Doesn’t that scare you in the least? I mean, that means the person you supposedly love so much, who supposedly loves you just as much back will leave you, even when you need them the most.”

Jack stared at me for a second, opening his mouth to speak, but shut it again. He stared at me again, making me feel subconscious about myself.

“Well,” he finally began. “Honestly, I’m scared shitless. But, at the same time, I think it’s better to fall in love with someone and maybe lose them, than to never find someone who makes you feel amazing in every way possible. My parents had that once, and it sucks that it didn’t really last, but it’s been the best few years of their lives. They don’t regret it in the least; my siblings and I just have to understand that. It’s not like we can change it. And besides, my relationships aren’t dictated by my parents’ relationships,” Jack finished.

I sat staring at him in shock at his in-depth explanation. It made sense, what he said. Did I believe it? Maybe not.

“Well, I guess that works for you, but for me,” I pointed at myself. “I don’t think that marriage and love are anything real.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa; a girl who doesn’t believe in marriage?” Jack chuckled. “Where have you been all my life?”

I laughed along with him, shrugging in answer.

“Yo! Jack, we’re going to that Mexican restaurant downtown. Are you coming?”

Jack turned to face something off screen as another face appeared next to his. His band mate, Alex grinned. “Is that your girl?”

Jack shoved Alex off camera and turned to face the computer. “Uh, sorry Arianna, Alex is pretty stupid when he’s hungry. Well, not just when he’s hungry, but still. I should go.”

“Dude, I know you said she was pretty, but dude, she’s fucking hot!” Alex told Jack, who immediately went as red as I did.

“I didn’t say that, actually I told him you were beautiful,” Jack fumbled. I blushed harder, feeling the blood rush to my cheeks. Even with the dim lighting, I was sure he could tell how red I was.

“Thanks,” I managed to say.

“Yeah, I wasn’t really going to say that out loud, on account that you won’t give me your legit number, but since I did say it and you know what I think, I feel more relaxed about telling you,” Jack admitted.

I laughed. “You’re sweet, Jack.

“And you’re beautiful,” Jack stated. I blushed again, barely any recovery time from the last face flush.

“Your attempts to woo me have been working, but butt kissing compliments are a bit much,” I laughed.

“Who said I was doing it just for brownie points?”

“Goodbye Jack,” I smirked at him. “And even though you’re not doing it just for brownie points, you did just earn some.”

“Sweet,” Jack grinned. “I’m almost there then. Oh, this week’s kind of hectic so I might not be on very often, but I’ll message you, okay?”

“Sure thing, Jack,” I grinned back.

“Bye Aria.” Jack smiled one last time before the screen went black. I smiled to myself as I closed my laptop. My essay could wait another day; for now I wanted to enjoy the moment of happiness.

My stomach felt funny, like a zillion butterflies were fluttering around in there. I laughed to myself at the description I just gave for the feelings I had. I sounded like a lovesick teenager.

~*~*~*~*~
The week for me went by entirely too slowly. Jack’s schedule was indeed hectic; he’d only managed to send me one message on Thursday wishing me luck with my paper. I’d replied with a quick thank you and wished him luck on his show, though I’m sure he didn’t need it.

I was stuck in between a rock and a hard place. I actually sort of liked Jack, he made me smile; but I also was aware that I was not relationship material, and based on his flirtatious ways, neither was Jack. His way of life was very different from mine. He was constantly in a different town, probably meeting tons of other girls, and what’s to say that I’d remain in his thoughts?

Liking Jack too much was a bad idea; very bad idea.

Thursday evening, after dinner with my mom and Layla, I was getting ready for bed when my computer emitted a shrill ring. I grinned as I jumped onto my bed and accepted Jack’s Skype call.

“Hey!” He greeted.

“Hi, how are you?” I smiled.

“I’m good. We just did an interview with one of the radio stations here in Boston. What about you, how’d your paper go?”

“Good, I only just turned it in, but I think it went well. My professor actually read a piece of it in class, without naming me of course, but it went over well, seems like.”

“Good,” Jack nodded. “So, tomorrows the last show for this tour.”

“Oh? It’s already the sixth?” I asked, checking the calendar on the wall. “Wow, it is. So that means you’re going home.”

Jack nodded. “Yeah, I get to see my mom. I’ve missed her.”

I smiled at him. “That’s sweet. Are you a mama’s boy?”

Jack chuckled and shrugged at the camera. “Uh, well, I’m the baby of the family. I’m really attached to my mom.”

“That’s adorable, Jack. You have brothers or sisters, right? I forgot to ask.”

“Yeah, I have a brother named Joe, and a sister named May. But, they both live in New York.”

“Oh, I see. So you’re the only one living in Baltimore.”

“Well, actually, I only live in Baltimore half the time,” Jack replied sheepishly.

My eyebrows knit together. “Huh?”

“I live in Los Angeles. I bought a house there with a friend of mine.”

“That’s pretty far from your mother, Jack. How on earth do you cope?” I teased.

“Well, it’s been so hard, but I’ve managed to get by with a phone call everyday and the care packages she sends me,” Jack grinned. “What about you? You mentioned that you lived at home with your mom and sister. Is that the only family you have?”

“I have two siblings; an older brother, Tristan, and my younger sister, Layla,” I confirmed.

“That’s cool. So you’re the middle child. Do you suffer from middle-child-syndrome?”

“No,” I laughed. “I’m convinced that it’s a myth. I mean really, my mom did a great job raising us and we never had an issue growing up.”

“Was your mom a stay-at-home mom?” Jack asked.

“No,” I answered. “She’s a lawyer and a political commentator on the side.”

Confusion radiated off Jack’s face. “A political what?”

“A political commentator,” I repeated. “She gives her opinions on what she thinks about politics. It’s basically journalism; she writes articles, or appears on radio or television with her opinion on politics and because she’s a lawyer, they ask her about current, high profile cases.”

“Oh,” Jack nodded. “That means absolutely nothing to me.”

I laughed. “I didn’t expect it to. Don’t worry about it.”

Jack sighed and stared at me through the computer. “What about your dad? You never told me about him.”

My face darkened slightly, but I managed to feign normality. Hopefully Jack hadn’t noticed the difference. “Uh, my dad died when I was seven,” I lied easily.

But, it sort of was the truth. My father was dead to me. He’d chosen to abandon us, and I had no issue with abandoning him.

“Oh, I’m so sorry,” Jack said softly.

“It’s okay. It’s been a long time. We just don’t talk about him anymore.”

Jack nodded, but said nothing for a few minutes and we sat watching each other for a minute.

“Well, I guess I should let you go. Thanks for talking with me,” Jack grinned. He paused, thinking about something. “So, you still refuse to give me your number?”

I smiled ruefully as I nodded. “Sorry.”

Jack heaved another sigh. “Okay… I guess I just have to keep trying.”

“Why?” I cocked my head to the side, something I tended to do often.

“Why what?”

“Why do you keep trying? I mean, by now, most would’ve given up and left me alone,” I explained.

Jack thought for a moment, no doubt choosing his words carefully. “I’m not like most guys. Yeah, I flirt and sometimes I’d sleep around, but I’m more of a commitment type. You’re not like most girls; I’m finding myself more intrigued every time I talk to you. And, while this might hurt my chances, I’m going to be completely honest with you. I’m enjoying the chase.”

I frowned, realizing what he was saying. “So that’s what this is, right, a game?”

“No,” Jack shook his head. “I knew that’s what you’d think right away. It’s not just a game. I mean, you’re not exactly making this easy, Arianna. I’ve never had to try this hard, and I like it. But in the end, I’m really hoping that all my work pays off.”

I scoffed. “Oh with what, the reward of sex?”

Jack rolled his eyes at me, further pissing me off. “No, Arianna. With the reward being that I can hold your hand whenever I want and take you out on a date and show you off to the world. I’m looking for a relationship. You’re looking for a reason to say no.”

I stared at the screen. “I have to go.”

“I’m sure you do,” Jack mocked.

“Shut up,” I muttered.

“I’m not going to shut up. You know I’m right. You’re getting off because you don’t like this conversation anymore,” Jack challenged.

“You’re the one who said you had to leave,” I defended myself.

“Yeah, but you’re the one who asked why, meaning you still wanted to talk to me. I don’t know why you’re so stubborn, but eventually you’re going to give in.”

“You’re so full of yourself Jack Barakat,” I spat. “Goodbye.” I moved my mouse to the ‘end call’ button.

“Don’t log off mad at me,” Jack interrupted. “It’s not going to change the fact that I like you and that you’re scared you might like me too.”

My jaw dropped at his accusation. “I am not scared!”

Jack’s eyes glistened with mischief. “Prove it, then.”

“How am I supposed to do that?”

“You’ll see next week,” Jack replied nonchalantly fixing me with a grin. “You’ll see.”

With that the screen went black and a window popped up saying that the call had ended. I growled at the screen and shut the lid of my laptop. Just who did he think he was? I paced my room for a few minutes, replaying the conversation in my head.

How could someone so adorable be so infuriating?
~*~*~*~

“Arianna, you have mail!” My mother Amina Fakhoury, one of Chicago’s best lawyers, called.

“I’m coming!” I answered, pulling on a pair of shoes and walking to the kitchen. There was a medium sized box on the table with an envelope sitting on top. I grabbed the envelope, running my finger under the flap, tearing it open.

“Where are you going?” she asked.

“Out with Mike. He invited me and some of his friends out to eat,” I answered.

“Oh, I was making dinner. I hoped that you, Layla and I could spend some time together,” my mom stated absently, looking down. I stopped pulling out the folded sheet of paper and looked around the kitchen, noticing the pots and pans on the stove; surrounded by various ingredients. My mother hardly ever cooked; she was usually extremely busy.

I frowned, suddenly realizing that maybe I should cancel on Mike. “Oh, okay. I can just cancel on Mike. I’m sure there are plenty of people for him to hang out with.”

Amina brightened considerably as I grabbed the box and walked to my room with my unread letter and found my cell phone.

I searched through my recent calls for Mike and hit send.

“Hey Ari, are you almost ready?” Mike answered.

“Uh, I was, but um, something came up. My mom wants to spend some quality time with me and Layla,” I told him. “I’m sorry. Can I get a rain check?”

Mike was silent on the phone for a second. “Yeah,” he sighed. “That’s fine.”

“I really am sorry, but dude, she’s cooking like a legitimate meal. I mean she always had food on the table, but this time’s different. She has all of my and Layla’s favorites cooking.”

“All of your favorites? Like both of yours? Cause that would be a lot to cook,” Mike asked uncertainly.

“Yes, each of our favorites. The last time she cooked like this was,” I trailed off, searching my brain for the answer. I frowned as I remembered the last time I’d eaten Siyyadiyeh “The last time she put so much effort into cooking was when she and my dad split.”

“Wow, that’s not a good sign,” Mike agreed. “But, maybe she really just wants to spend some time with you. It doesn’t necessarily mean something bad is happening.”

“Maybe,” I sighed. “I’ll let you know what happens.”

“Okay, sounds good. Be careful,” Mike said as he hung up.

I turned my attention on the envelope lying on the bed. I’d forgotten I’d had it. I pulled out the letter and unfolded the paper. Jack’s messy scrawl greeted me. I’d not spoken to him in over a week. He’d honestly made me mad, but I’d been busy with school and he’d been with his mother so our lack of conversation wasn’t completely my fault.

Hey Arianna, I hope you’re doing okay.

So I told you to prove that you weren’t scared and you asked me how. Well, here’s how: I’ve enclosed a list of places I’ve been to and liked in Chicago that I’d like to share with you. So here are your directions. Go to each place that is described and get each item listed. Even if you’ve already been there or already have done those things, just do them. I’d wear some comfortable clothes and shoes. Also, inside the box are a few things you’ll need.

I promise there’s a point to all of this. If you follow directions, then I’ll believe you’re not scared of liking me. Start the list tomorrow, Saturday, May 14th at about 9:00am. Let’s have some fun, babe.

-Jack

I found myself grinning in spite of myself. I pulled out the list Jack had talked about in the letter and scanned over it. Jack was definitely spiking my interest. I pulled the tape off the box and lifted the lid, rifling through the items. There was a knitted bag, a Polaroid camera with a few packages of film, a Sharpie and ticket for Chicago Tribune Freedom Center.

This would definitely be interesting.

I was still smiling when Amina called Layla and I out of our rooms for dinner. Layla seemed especially moody today; her facial features arranged in such a way that she seemed intimidating.

“What’s your problem?” I asked.

“Oh, shove off,” Layla spat. I flinched and moved away from her.

“Okay then.” I joined my mother at the table, sitting as far away from Layla as possible.

“This is nice,” my mother noted. “I’m glad you girls are home.”

“Well some of us didn’t really have a choice, now did we?”Layla muttered.

“Is that why you’re mad?” I asked her. “Seriously? Mom made us an amazing dinner. She made your favorite dessert. Do you even know how hard it is to cook all this?”

“I didn’t ask her to make it. I had plans. It’s Friday night; I want to be with my friends.”

My mother said nothing, simply continued to eat and stare at her food. I felt awful for her. God, I would’ve slapped Layla for being such an unappreciative brat.

“You’re so selfish,” I snapped at Layla. “I can’t believe you.”

“Girls, that’s enough,” my mother interrupted us. I shut my mouth and ate my food. “So who was the package from?”

Layla looked up at me and grinned. “He sent you another package?”

“Who’s this ‘he’?” Amina looked up at me in concern. “You’ve never mentioned a ‘he’.

I put my fork down. “I just met this guy at the club a couple of weeks ago. He’s been sending me packages with little gifts here and there.”

Amina smiled slightly. “This, guy as you put it, is he a nice young man?”

I nodded. “He’s very nice. He’s a good friend.”

“Is he just a friend?” Layla interrupted.

“That’s not any of your business,” I told her, ignoring her question.

“Well, Arianna, is he justa friend?” Amina repeated.

“Look guys, I don’t know how I feel about this guy, whose name is Jack by the way. He’s very nice, but I’m not looking to get into any type of relationship with him.” I shrugged.

“Oh my god Arianna; it’s Jack Barakat! Why wouldn’t you date him?” Layla asked.

“Because I don’t even know him,” I stated.

“If he’s as nice as you say, then maybe it would be a good idea to entertain the notion of a relationship,” Amina smiled. “A relationship would be good for you.”

“Mom, I’m not looking for a relationship. I’m in the middle of getting my degree in psychology and have no time for a relationship.”

“I’m only saying,” Amina smirked. “Relationships are a part of life.”

“Well, for most people it is a part of their lives, but for me, it’s not. I don’t want a relationship. So, can we please just drop it?”I asked exasperatedly.

“Okay, okay,” Amina let the subject drop.

We ate in silence with very little conversation in between eating the rest of dinner and desert. I found myself suddenly tired and called it an early night.