Open Your Eyes

With an obvious blush on her cheeks, Erin moved herself quickly down the staircase, forcing the image of her topless ex out of her mind. Although, the harder she tried the hotter her cheeks got. It wasn't until she reached the living room and caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror, there was a faint smile haunting her lips. She promptly pursed her lips together and mentally scolded herself for the inappropriate thoughts.

Instead of torturing herself with impure thoughts, she pulled out her blackberry and sent Jenna a text telling her boss that she was going down to San Diego for the day to look at the venue for Lisa's wedding. If anything should come up, she'd head back to the office as soon as possible. She opted out of mentioning who would be accompanying her, merely due to the fact that it didn't really matter nor did anyone else need to know. Brian and Erin were simply striving to become the friends that both of them could use at the moment.

After sending the text, Erin wondered around the spacious living area, taking a long gaze out the floor to ceiling windows that lit the room better than any fancy light fixture possibly could. Peering out at the scenic view of the sand meeting the ocean and how the sun shone brilliantly off the blue abyss, she missed the peacefulness it used to bring her. Whether it was an early morning cup of coffee on the deck or a calming walk down the shoreline at dusk, she missed it. Her current place of residence was fine, but it just didn't compare to the home she was standing in.

Erin felt the blackberry buzz against her palm, with a flick of her thumb she read Jenna's reply and insistence to have fun on her only day off during their busy upcoming week. Aimlessly the blonde took a glance over her shoulder towards the stairwell, in hopes of seeing the shadow of the homeowner coming her way. She sighed heavily as she was met with no such luck.

Upon looking away, her eyes landed on a pile of papers and magazines that were situated on the floor next to the coffee table. With a frown she briskly walked over and knelt to the floor as she began straightening them out. What she found were several car and tattoo magazines and one newer issue of playboy, nothing shocking given that it was Brian's house. However, amongst the magazine's a few pieces of lined paper were sandwiched in between the playboy and a hot rod weekly issue.

Etched messily among the blue lines was what appeared to be Brian's handwriting, the distinctive way he wrote the letter S at the top of the page gave that away almost immediately. Her eyes scanned the three words at the top.

So Far Away

Her breath caught in her throat when she scanned the first few lines. It wasn't until she hit the second chunk of lines did she realize just what it was. Erin could feel her heartache as she read the lyrics, Brian's words spoke so true and close to home that tears were almost inevitable. The corners of her blue eyes began to sting while light fingertips came to rest on her lips that were ever so slightly trembling from the emotions brewing inside.

Jimmy's loss had been hard to deal with, for everyone who knew him. But among all the ones Erin knew herself, none seemed to take it as hard as Brian. Losing a childhood friend, and someone whom you considered your own personal family could severely damage a person if they weren't careful. It was obvious by his most recent behavior that being careful was the last thing on his mind.

Ever since Erin had met Brian, he always held an air of confidence that bordered on cocky, and she envied him for never apologizing for simply being himself. Since the late drummer's passing however, Brian's behavior had become obnoxious and arrogant. While his self-assured attitude remained, it was different than before. He was broken and thriving to feel something other than the numbing pain of his closest friend's loss. To everyone around him, it appeared that he was on the edge of giving up hope.

Without even having to ask, it was clear that he was still reeling from the loss, as they all were. But even so, she didn't realize the true extent of his pain until she had it all scribbled onto a piece of paper in front of her. It was almost as if she became aware of just how much Jimmy Sullivan meant to not only Brian himself, but the world as a whole.

She felt warm tears slide down her cheeks as she reached a line talking about old friends growing old only to be abruptly forced to face the alarming truth of how unpredictable life could be. Something that she could easily relate to when she had her mother suddenly torn from her life.

She sucked in a deep breath, regaining some of her composure before she completely broke down into muffled and unattractive cries. Her eyes blinked several times as a method of stopping the tears from escaping. In the midst of her attempting to relax, it suddenly dawned on her that after striving for so long to write a song, Brian had finally overcome the hurdle that had taunted him for years.

“I co-write a lot and yeah that's fine but unlike Jimmy and Matt I can't point to a song and say 'That's mine I wrote that. I put everything I had into it.' I don't know how to be able to do it.”

“You want to know what I think, Brian? I think you need to stop thinking about it. Don't force it, don't try to write a song just to say you did. Wait for something to inspire you so much that it just flows out of you. We all have those big events that trigger something and it ignites something inside, just wait Brian, your time will come. I know it.”

“Whatchya doin' down there?” Brian's voice echoed slightly as he rounded down the staircase.

Erin's head shot up at the sound of Brian's voice, instantly thankful that her back was to him. She silently cursed to herself for getting lost in the lyrical dedication to the late drummer and not paying attention to her surroundings. Erin slid the song in between the stack of magazines before swiping away any shed tears that may have lingered with her fingertips.

The blonde casually got to her feet before glancing over her shoulder. “Yeah, just tidying a few things up.” Luckily for her, during her stay at Brian's she had always been the one cleaning up little things here and there so her story was somewhat believable.

Erin plastered a bright smile on her face just as she dropped the stack of magazines onto the coffee table. Her eyes connecting with the Playboy issue that sat on top. “Certainly have some interesting reading material.” She quirked with a raised brow, pushing the sadness back inside and let a smile play on her lips.

Brian chuckled as he rubbed the back of his neck with a clear expression of exasperation gracing his features. His eyes flashed everywhere but at her as he mumbled a passing comment that she didn't quite hear.

“Sorry, I didn't quite catch that.” She tilted her head to the side before stepping around the large couch and moved towards the guitarist. Her playful smirk directed towards Brian as she watched him shake his head at her.

“I said, I'm single and sometimes I need the stimulation.” He answered with a simple, matter of fact shrug.

“Kelsey not doing it for you anymore?” Erin quipped without thinking, she wanted to take it back promptly after it had left her mouth, it wasn't like her to ask him something like that.

However, she was curious about the company that Brian was keeping. None of the guys seemed to like young blonde who had been on his arm recently, and they weren't a particularly hard crowd to please. Zacky had even told her that Kelsey had thrown herself at him which had only made Lisa want to rip the bleach blonde's fake hair right out of her scalp. Lisa's words, not hers.

“Curious about my love life now?” He asked with an all too confident tone, and Erin was aware that however she answered his question would only lead to more complication between the them. And to be fair, she hardly considered the young blonde much of a love interest to begin with. A fuck buddy, maybe but definitely not someone who was long term. Erin though, decided to keep her thoughts to herself.

“Just making conversation.” Erin said before glancing down at the screen of her phone and her eyes widened slightly at the current time. “We should probably get going we have a long drive ahead of us.” She commented as she recalled the last time she and Brian were stuck in a car for a lengthy period of time had been while they were dating. A point in time where talking hadn't really been on either of their minds, so this time around should prove itself to be interesting at least in the conversation department.

“I'll drive?” Brian offered as they stepped out in the warm California sunshine and Erin glanced back at him over her shoulder. “For old time sake.” He said casually motioning to his Escalade in the driveway. Erin did her best to hide the light blush that was creeping onto her cheeks as she got into the passenger seat and caught sight of the back seat out of the corner of her eye.

Their lengthy road adventures had seen many different types; there were many that consisted of them laughing about something that one of the guys said, more often than not it was something Jimmy had said. Several others had the two of them bickering back and forth on stupid little things that seemed meaningless now in the grand scheme of things. Erin couldn't even remember what started most of them. The ones that remained clear as day were the long drives that either one, or both of them, though more often than not it was Brian, where they just couldn't keep their hands to themselves.

Erin could recall one particular drive from Las Vegas back to Huntington that seemed to drag on and on. It was after she had taken him to see her mother, she was frustrated in the passenger seat sweating in the sticky summer heat while Brian was driving, his wife-beater clinging tightly to his glistening tattooed skin. It just so happened that the air conditioning had decided to break down the night before they headed back and Brian hadn't had a chance to find someone to fix it before they left.

She didn't know what came over her that day, she blames it on the heat, but sitting there watching the muscles shift underneath his tattooed skin did something to her. Erin had to tell him to pull over, and it wasn't until she removed her tank top and slid into the backseat that he understood her reason for stopping him. Needless to say their typical four and a half hour drive back home had taken them a generous five and a half instead.

“Uh, you okay?” Brian chimed from the driver's seat, the car keys dangling from his fingers. She silently nodded her head Brian's way before he started the ignition. Erin felt the vehicle rumble from underneath her and she turned her flushed face away from him and towards the window. She caught a glimpse of herself in the rear view mirror and a smirk she didn't realize she had was playing on her lips.

“Yeah, I was just thinking about something Jenna told me.” Erin lied, and prayed that he believed her less than stellar job of hiding her dopy grin. If he didn't, he didn't let her know because he simply nodded before pressing his foot down on the gas as they embarked on the long road ahead.

As he hit the highway, Erin felt her eyes get heavy and her body relax into the plush seat, it wasn't long before her head was leaning against the window and her eyes lulled closed.

- - - - - - - - -

By the time they hit the venue of the wedding, a Tuscan inspired Golf Course just thirty minutes outside of San Diego, it was already late afternoon. They were fortunate enough to run into major traffic construction between San Clemente and Oceanside which put them behind by at least thirty minutes Erin guessed. During the surprisingly silent drive, thanks to her nap, Bobby had sent her a couple of texts informing her of the outcome of the game. They had lost in OT but he had racked up an impressive four points in goals and assists. He also let her know that he was still in the arena and hadn't gotten a chance to shower or eat. He promised to call her after he got the nasty smell of sweat off of him and some sushi in his stomach.

At the mere mention of food, Erin felt her stomach grumble violently and her mouth water. “I'm starving.” She whined as Brian pulled into the parking lot of the Golf Course, but she knew that she was late for the appointment Lisa had set up so her aching stomach would have to hold off a little longer.

“Fuck, me too.” Brian agreed upon pulling quickly into the closest parking spot. It was the first time since she had awoken in San Clemente that Brian had said anything, and Erin suddenly felt guilty that she had spent so much time texting Bobby after waking up and ignoring him. Erin let herself out of the vehicle and Brian met her around the front as they walked towards the entrance of the building together.

“You think this will take long?” He asked before opening the door for her. Erin shrugged before they were greeted by a young woman no older than herself who was dressed appropriately in a yellow collared golf shirt and a pair of white shorts with matching tennis shoes.

The well put together brunette informed them that the event planner was running late due to conflicting meetings and that they could take a walk of the venue or sit down to lunch as they waited for the woman to arrive. Both Erin and Brian perked up at the prospect of lunch and the woman led them out onto the patio of the golf course's own restaurant to a truly breathtaking view of exceptional greenery and crystal clear blue skies. The pair were then left to themselves as they were seated at a small round table overlooking the course

“Sorry about sleeping most of the way down here. I haven't been sleeping well lately.” She revealed the god honest truth, she hadn't been sleeping well for the past week. There was a multitude of things that were going on; her work life was hectic and constantly busy, her boyfriend was traveling in and out of the state, her ill grandmother was in another state, she was given the responsibility of maid of honor while also the scary title of godmother to her best friend's unborn child. Her life at the moment was on the busy side so finding the time to relax seemed next to impossible.

“You okay?” Brian asked, obviously concerned about her behavior. Erin kept her eyes focused on the golfers in the distance and the scenery surrounding her rather than her ex-boyfriend.

Erin stifled a laugh at the irony of him making sure she was alright. “Yeah, just been a busy week. Bobby's friend Ryan has Jenna and I constantly on the go.” She chuckled lightly, casually mentioning her boyfriend who Brian hadn't even met. She caught herself a moment after it left her lips, and pursed them briefly before asking “Is it weird for you, when I mention Bobby?”

Brian calmly shrugged his shoulders, and it wasn't until she peered over at him that she noticed he had his sunglasses now hiding his eyes. “Nah, you've always been the honest and open one between the two of us. Why change now?” He stated, and Erin wondered if he was taking at dig himself for the situation that had split them up.

“Maybe you'll meet him at the rehearsal dinner.” She replied with a smile before the waitress came out to take their drink orders before leaving them alone once again.

Erin's eyes drifted down to the menu in front of her, lightly scanning all the appealing options. It wasn't until she smelled the familiar scent of his cigarettes that she lifted her head to look at him once again. His signature Marlboro red cancer stick was hanging loosely from his lips as smoke billowed out of the corners of his mouth.

The corners of her mouth curved upwards as it was clear his smoking habit still hadn't disappeared. “So shouldn't I be asking you how you're doing?” Erin raised her brows at him before resting her chin on her hand.

His finger inked with the letter L and thumb gripped the thin stick before moving it from his lips completely. “You could, but it hasn't changed much since the last time you asked. I'm just sober now, that's all.” He breathed solemnly, letting the smoke empty his lungs and his dark, soulful eyes rest on her. “It's still fuckin' hard, maybe even harder than before.”

“It'll get better, Brian.” She assured with a nod of her head, before forcing herself to make eye contact though it was difficult while he had his aviators on. “I promise.” Her lips curved upwards ever so slightly, flashing a vacant smile that she prayed seemed somewhat believable.

Brian returned the smile with one of his own before bringing the cigarette back to his lips and inhaling deeply. He seemed less tense at the present moment, but Erin wasn't sure if it was merely the nicotine or if he was actually making progress.

He had taken her advice and cleaned up his appearance. His chiseled features were now clearly visible again, his scruffy facial hair was gone as was the over grown mop of black hair. It was now tamed and groomed, still long but not long enough to constitute as messy or careless. His eyes still held a darkness underneath them but it was nothing compared to what they used to be. Everything seemed to be good, but she knew that appearances could sometimes be deceiving.

“You know Jimmy and Leana broke up before he passed right?” He asked catching her off guard. Erin's brow furrowed as she shook her head at this new, surprising news. Brian's right side of his lip curved faintly upwards at Erin's baffled expression.

“Sometime in November.” He revealed casually with a nod of his head, Erin's wide eyes amusing him more than intended. “I thought you would've known since you saw him after the fact.”

In the midst of her surprise Erin didn't realize it her mouth had been hanging open until she went to speak. “He never told me, that's why I'm so shocked.” She explained, recalling Jimmy telling her hat Leana was visiting her sister up in Northern California during her spontaneous visit help him renovate. She didn't understand why he wouldn't have told her the truth, but with Jimmy there was always a method to his madness.

“Yeah, after they broke up he was in weird place so Zacky named Jimmy his best man.” Brian mumbled as he was looking over the lunch menu. Erin casually peered over at Brian and instantly took note of the pained expression on his face.

“He had this huge bachelor party in mind, he told me all about it...” Brian recalled with a faint smile, he could almost picture the excited and wide-eyed expression of his late friend. “ consisted of some really fuckin' weird shit that I don't even know if it's legal and knowing him it probably isn't.”

The both of them shared a laugh as Erin agreed that Brian was most likely right and he should throw the bachelor party for Zacky in honor of Jimmy's ideas. Though she warned him to be careful because if Lisa's groom was stuck in jail the day of the wedding, he'd have to deal with the wrath of an angry pregnant bride.

Once the laughter ceased, Erin was left with a hint of smile on her mouth. “There's something I should tell you.” She began with a clearing of her throat. Her tone of voice making it sound far more serious than it actually was but she felt she owed it to him to be honest.

Brian's eyebrows rose with a piqued curiosity, which she took as her cue to go on with it. “When I was waiting for you earlier, I started cleaning, you know me always doing something...” Erin inserted a chipper but forced laugh, then licked her lips quickly and continued. “I found something in between your magazines. I'm so sorry, it wasn't intentional I swear but I just thought you should know. It was really beautiful Brian.” She winced as she waited for his reaction, his sunglasses and relaxed position in his chair made it difficult to decipher.

“You found the song.” He stated, his was tone flat and his lips were pressed into a thin line. His reaction was confusing to her. “What did you think?” Brian asked, trying not to sound overly eager to hear her response, after all she had read his personal material without asking him. But in the end, he had been too nervous to even approach his best friends with the unfinished piece so to get feedback at all would prove beneficial to complete it.

“I shed a couple tears, not gonna lie. Like I said, it's really beautiful.” She shared, recalling the heartbreaking words that were etched on the paper. “Have you shown the guys yet?”

“Uh, no. It was just something I needed to write. It's not even finished.” Brian shook his head dismissing her question immediately which left Erin confused.

“They'd probably love to hear it,” Erin had no doubt in her mind that the boys would be more than willing to look over Brian's lyrics, in fact they'd probably be even more proud of him than she was. “and maybe if you show them they could help you fill in those blanks that are missing.” She offered lightly, trying not to push him too hard if he wasn't ready but she knew that he was taking a step in the right direction.

Brian inhaled a shaky breath as he put out his cigarette in a nearby ashtray. “It's still rough...”

Without thinking, Erin's hand reached across the table and covered the back of his hand lightly with her palm. The pad of her thumb lightly grazing his tattooed knuckles.

“Brian, it's good. Jimmy would be proud and I'm sure the guys will be too.” Erin smiled sincerely at him as she gently squeezed his hand. She felt his hand rotate so that his palm was now pressed against hers and his rough fingertips brushed the smooth skin on the back of her hand.

“I'll think about it.” He promised with a sincere smile of his own, his hand still embraced with hers. Neither one seemed to want to be the first to pull away but Erin quickly did so as she felt her phone buzz against her thigh signaling she had a message.

“It's Bobby.” She muttered lowly, an uneasy laugh escaping her throat. The air surrounding the table was uncomfortable and silent as Erin typed a quick reply to her out of country boyfriend. Luckily the waitress chose to lift the awkwardness as she brought them two tall glasses of ice water and informed them of the specials of the day.

Erin didn't really pay much attention, her mind was reeling. Not over her insane work schedule the next couple of days or the fact that her grandmother was a state away still fighting cancer. In that moment, it was simply focused on the man sitting across from her. She was wondering how in just a couple of hours, it felt like their six month hiatus had never even happened.