Open Your Eyes

By Monday morning Erin was back to work and enjoying the craziness that the new week had brought her. Jenna had told her the moment she had stepped into the office that the week ahead was going to full of appointments with potential clients and with the less than stellar night she had seeing Brian again, she was thankful. She needed something to take her mind off of the harsh words he had thrown her way.

The guy who had bought her a new drink, she hadn't actually gotten his name, had proved to be a fairly decent distraction for most of the night but she could still feel the dark brown eyes burning into her back.

She was greatly looking forward to the out of office appointment that Jenna had told her they'd be conducting after their lunch hour. Erin was literally counting down the minutes until they left, her lunch hour began in less than fifteen minutes and then she'd only have to wait another hour before she and Jenna left Huntington behind for a few hours to travel up to Long Beach.

Erin currently sat her desk staring down the clock that was perched on the adjacent wall. Out of the corner of her eye she could see someone opening the door to her office. She half expected it to be Alex ready to drag her out to lunch, her assumption upon seeing the tall frame was that it was in fact Alex. However, as she tore her eyes away from the clock she was proven incorrect with that assumption as Matt's tall and muscular frame stepped inside instead.

“Hey,” He flashed her a weak smile before she cast him a confused look. She greeted him in return but the puzzled look didn't leave her face and he quickly took notice. “sorry about just showing up like this I know you're working but I need to talk to you.”

Erin stood up from her chair and moved herself around her desk so that she and Matt could speak without it feeling like some kind of business meeting. By the look on his face it was something personal and she didn't want to make him feel anymore uncomfortable.

“Okay, do you want to sit down?” Erin motioned to the two chairs that sat in front of her desk but Matt shook his head no.

“It's about Brian.” He said softly, intently watching her expression change from one of confusion to one of annoyance. She crossed her arms over her chest as she clenched her jaw tightly.

Matt took her silent stare as his cue to continue. “He's not answering his phone and he's ignored everyone since the night at Johnny's.” Matt cleared his throat before he peered his hazel eyes downward at the shorter woman. “I was hoping you might stop by his place and talk to him. We've all tried and nothing's worked.”

Erin had to bite down on her bottom lip to keep herself from letting out a doubtful laugh. “What makes you think he'll talk to me?” She asked, genuinely curious as to what Matt thought she could get out of Brian that his long time friends couldn't.

Matt shrugged his shoulders. “Because we've all tried. Me, Zacky, Johnny, his dad. We've all failed, you're our only hope at this point.” He muttered truthfully.

He had lost count of the times he had stopped by Brian's place only to be denied being let inside or having to hear the spastic ramblings of his drunk and heartbroken best friend. Johnny and Zacky had been met with the same outcome, though sometimes if he were already having a bad day, Johnny would join in. Even Brian's own father hadn't been able to crack through the bubble he had formed around himself since Jimmy's passing, and knowing how close the father and son were, it said a lot about the lead guitarists mental state.

“Look, I know Brian's an asshole when he's drunk, I'm not denying that at all or saying its okay. Believe me there have been several occasions where I wished I could just walk away and not deal with him but he's one of my best friends.” Matt explained softly as the expression on his face gradually transitioned from solemn to somber. “We were all in fucked up place after Jimmy died...”

Erin felt like the air had been sucked out of the room and her stomach twist into a familiar knot at the mention of the late drummer. She briefly looked away from Matt to take a glimpse at one of the picture frames she had sitting on her desk, one that was of herself, Jon, Jimmy and Leana. The photo had been taken by the woman working the front desk of the small Vegas chapel that the couple had promised the rest of their lives to each other in. Neither one of them aware how short that union would last.

“I swear if he says anything out of line, call me and I'll be there in a second to kick his ass.” Matt reasoned, forging a weak smile from Erin in response. “Papa Gates said he was stopping by today, but I don't know if he's come and gone yet.” Matt glanced down at his wrist that held a silver watch. “Shit I gotta go, but will you at least consider what I said?” He flashed her a charming smile as he backed himself towards the door.

Erin exhaled a heavy breath before throwing her hands up in the air in defeat. “Sure, Sanders. I'll consider it.” Matt cracked a relieved smile before sending her a wave as he headed out of the office.

Erin watched his retreating form before turning back to her desk and situating herself on the corner of it. The picture that had caught her eye during Matt's visit once again struck her attention, with a heavy sigh she took the frame in her hands, studying the photograph as if it were going to disappear the moment she let it out of her grasp. She felt her chest tighten as she remembered the happiness that night had been filled with, and a part of her wished she could go back to that time when everything, and everyone, wasn't so messed up.

She knew that if Jimmy were able to tell her anything, it would be to suck up her pride and go talk to Brian. Jimmy cared about Brian probably more so than she did, and despite her ex-boyfriend's harsh words at Johnny's Bar, she still cared for him more than she'd like to admit.

“I guess I should go talk to him.” A faint smile cracked at her lips as she set her eyes on Jimmy's bright smile in the photo. With a light hand, she placed the picture frame back onto her desktop before she gathered her necessary belongings and headed across the hall to Jenna's office. Once there, Erin arranged it so she could meet Jenna at the location of their consultation of the new potential client.

“I hope I don't regret this.” Erin muttered to herself as she headed out to her car in the parking lot. A strong gust of wind blew against her in response.

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

“All clear?”

Brian looked over his shoulder as Kelsey, the young blonde he had been spending most of his nights with recently, walked into the living room with a cigarette planted between her middle and pointer fingers. Her painted red lips curved into a half smirk, and her free hand was planted on her hip.

“Yeah, all clear.” He answered shortly, shutting the front door harder than intended. Brian let out an exasperated sigh before plopping himself down on the couch and ran a defeated hand over his face.

He had just finished getting into it with his father, who unbeknownst to Brian decided to pay him a visit. Both himself and Kelsey hadn't expected anyone to show up so his father ended up catching them in the midst of removing each others clothing.

It hadn't been the first time Brian Sr. caught him in a compromising position nor would it probably be the last, however unlike the previous times, the look on his fathers face told Brian that he was not amused in the slightest. After hearing a long winded and unsuccessful speech on how he shouldn't be drinking away his sorrows and using casual sex as a remedy, Brian Sr. left.

Kelsey perched herself on the couch next to him, she was so close that Brian could feel the heat radiating off her skin. “He's not coming back is he?” She questioned with the hint of lust that had filled her voice before they had been rudely interrupted.

“No, he's not.” Brian faintly shook his head before he closed his eyes and brought his finger tips up to massage his pounding temples. He knew she was ready to get back to what they had been doing prior to his father's abrupt arrival but with the pounding headache and his father's word reiterating in his head, Brian was no longer in the mind set to do so.

“Here.” Kelsey's voice said in his ear. When he opened his eyes her dainty hand held out a pill bottle in front of him. She gently shook it and the sound of the small pills hitting the walls of the plastic bottle filled his ears. “It'll make it go away in no time.” She breathed enticingly as a smirk crossed her lips.

Brian grabbed the bottle clean out of her hands and eagerly opened it before popping two pills into his mouth. Kelsey put out her cigarette in the nearest ash tray and watched as he drank whatever was in the nearest cup, washing down the capsules.

“I'm not in the mood anymore.” He stated to the blonde before he leaned back into couch, slowly feeling the numbness wash over him. His hand released the bottle onto the couch cushion next to him before Kelsey pouted and gathered her things.

“Ugh, fine. I have better things to do anyway.” She grumbled as she slipped on her jacket and heels. Brian laughed softly to himself, knowing that statement wasn't true but let her believe it anyway.

He listened as her heels clicked violently against the hardwood and stop as she went to open the front door. Instead of hearing her carry on her way, he heard her laugh lightly. “You again.” Kelsey said with a hint of annoyance in her voice.

Brian forced himself to look over his shoulder, wondering what had caught Kelsey's attention enough to stop her from making her exit. He half expected to find his father back in the doorway ready to give him yet another talking to.

Brian would be lying if he said he wasn't surprised when his eyes landed on the tall blonde from his past. Kelsey stared Erin up and down, just as she did the last time they had seen one another but this time Erin held air of confidence that she had previously lacked.

“I'll leave you two alone.” Kelsey smirked devilishly as the two blondes innocently brushed passed one another. Erin's blue eyes followed the younger blonde until Kelsey shut the door behind her, leaving the two ex-lovers in an awkward yet tense silence.

“She seems nice.” Erin flashed a fake smile along with her forced words as she hesitantly walked further into the house . Brian rolled his eyes before he noticed the pill bottle sitting next to him. He quickly nudged it underneath one of the throw pillows so that Erin wouldn't see it. The last thing he needed was another long lecture on what he should and shouldn't be doing with his time.

“I would ask how you are but the guys kind of filled me in.” Erin spoke softly as she looked around at the disastrous living room.

Various bottles and cans littered the coffee table and floor while several pieces of clothing were strewn over pieces of furniture, she couldn't tell whether they belonged to Brian or the young blonde that had left only moments ago.

“And by the looks of this place they weren't lying.” She attempted to joke with him but his vacant stare said he wasn't having it.

“Wow, they must be really worried if they're sending in the big guns. It's okay sweetheart, I don't need someone to tell me everything's going to be okay,” Brian grabbed a can of beer from the coffee table and popped it open. “this guy right here does the trick.”

Erin pursed her lips together as she became aware that his bad attitude from the other night seemed to carry over. She wasn't going to let him render her speechless yet again, if he wanted to be that way, she'd play his game.

“Don't fucking patronize me, Brian. I only came because Matt asked me to.” Erin crossly glared at him but knew deep down that it wasn't all Matt's doing that she had come. She was genuinely concerned but wasn't about to show Brian that with the way he was currently acting. She knew he wasn't drunk, his eyes weren't hazy like the night before and his voice was clear of any drunken slur.

“They're all worried about you.” She told him pointedly, never lifting the heated stare.

“Whatever, sorry to drag you away from Nevada for no reason but I'm perfectly fine, doll.” Brian muttered sharply as Erin cringed at his once lovingly nickname for her which was now laced with bitterness. “I don't need you.” He spat harshly, turning his head away to hide the contradicting expression in his dark brown eyes.

“Just like you don't need Matt and the guys? Or even your dad?” Erin snapped back, with her arms firmly crossed over her chest. She chose not to correct him on her current residence, if Brian wanted to think she was merely in town for a limited time, then she would gladly let him. “Just because Jimmy isn't here doesn't mean you can push everyone away, Brian. People do care about you.”

“Yeah well what difference does it make? We all end up dead in the end anyway.” He shrugged nonchalantly before taking a large mouthful of the alcoholic beverage. Erin shook her head in disappointment, ready to turn on her heels and leave. Brian must have noticed because once the liquid slid down his throat, he quickly spoke before she managed to even take a step towards the door.

“You didn't even fucking come to his funeral.” He stated bluntly, somewhat surprising her.

With her back to him, Erin squeezed her eyes shut as she heard the deep rooted heartache in his tone. The disappointment lacing his voice almost rivaled that of Jon's when she had told her little brother that she wasn't flying out to California for Jimmy's service. A part of her regretted it, but another part knew that she couldn't have left her ailing grandmother alone after she had just suffered a relapse. Tears pricked at her eyes as she remained in her position for a few moments before inhaling a deep breath and turned on her heels to face him.

She cleared her throat to get rid of the sound of tears that was sure to be there. “Did you ever think that another reason why I came here today is to apologize?” She explained softly, catching a glimpse of his hardened features softening.

“I'm sorry for overreacting when the truth came out about my grandma and I'm sorry I couldn't be there for you when Jimmy died. I was in a horrible state of mind, it's no excuse but it's all I have.”

The former couple were left in silence. Brian stared down at the can of beer in his hand, digesting the words that came out of Erin's mouth. To put it lightly, losing her had fucked him up, he began drinking a hell of a lot more which hadn't gone unnoticed by his band mates.

Jimmy had constantly tried to get him to call her and talk it over but Brian never listened, he left it up to her to make the first move. He wasn't going to force her to speak to him if she didn't want to but he had thought she'd attend Jimmy's funeral regardless of whether they were speaking or not. He was crushed and a little angry when he was told she wasn't going to make it.

“You know, five months ago I would've been the happiest guy in the world hearing that. It's kinda ironic that you finally say it and now I could fucking care less.” Brian pushed down the surge of guilt pooling inside as he watched her bright blue eyes become glassy with tears. He turned his back to her, no longer able to look at the hurt gracing her features, before he forcefully continued his tirade.

“You know where the door is. Thanks for stopping by.” He quipped as he started towards the glass door that led to the deck. He heard her sniffle a few times before she began to leave.

Brian peeked over his shoulder as he watched her retreating figure. Once again he was left watching the woman he loved walking away from him in tears. However this time, he had no one but himself to blame.

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

After Brian basically told her he could careless about her, Erin found herself driving with tear filled eyes aimlessly around Huntington. She wasn't sure where she was going, her mind was too muddled with the vicious words Brian threw at her. It wasn't until she saw the stone wall that enclosed the large piece of land did she realize where she had driven. Erin swallowed the lump forming in her throat as her eyes studied the cemetery's gate, all the while Jimmy's words reiterating in her head.

Promise me if I go, you'll come keep me company?

With fresh tears in her eyes, she cracked a genuine smile just as she did when he first spoke those words to her. The smile soon faded as she came to the realization that she hadn't held up her promise to him. She had driven by a few days ago with Lisa, who made the forlorn comment about it being the resting place of their late friend.

Turning her car into the closest empty parking space, she killed the engine and slowly got out of the vehicle. Erin was far from a stranger to cemeteries, she had grown accustomed to them over the years visiting her mother. However, the first time was always the hardest.

It didn't take her long to locate his headstone, she found it fairly easily due to the colorful bouquets of flowers decorating it. Erin felt guilty for not bringing anything, but she knew Jimmy would just be happy that she had come even if she came empty handed.

Jimmy jumped into life and never touched the bottom.

A ghost of a smile crossed her lips as she read the script etched into the stone below his name. She gingerly sat herself down on the still dewy grass, not caring about the moisture soaking into her skirt. She sat silently for a moment, unsure of how to begin. With her mother it had always been easier just to talk to her like she were sitting right across from her, but after seeing the mess that Jimmy's death had left behind, it wasn't that easy.

“I'm sorry it took me so long to get here...” Erin sniffled as she swept her fingers lightly over her cheek, wiping away the fallen tears. “things have gotten pretty fucked up since you've been gone.”