Open Your Eyes

“Are you ready yet?” Jonathon called as he impatiently waited in the living room of his sister's home. It was the first time he had actually been inside. The previous times he had dropped by to say hello to his sister, he only caught a glimpse of the outside never the interior. Erin had mentioned to him that the firm she was working with were happily paying the rent and had even filled the home with a beautiful décor.

However, despite the nice ambiance of the house, Jon couldn't help but smile at the messiness of it. The coffee table was scattered with her binders, sketchpad and textbooks for the classes she was taking at a local school, while random pieces of clothing were thrown about.

“You know, for all the shit you gave me over the years on how I kept my room.” Jon began as he gathered some of the clothing in his hands before tossing it into a pile on the couch. “You certainly don't keep your house very clean.”

“I'm busy with work and school!” Erin yelled from upstairs. He could hear her heeled boots frantically click against the hardwood flooring as she went from her bedroom to the bathroom. If Jon had to take a guess, he would say that Erin had spent the past twenty minutes deciding on an outfit to wear. Which was why they were now running late. “I'm sure your dorm room smells like dirty laundry and moldy pizza.”

“It smells like a tropical breeze, actually.” Jon countered with a smart aleck tone and continued collecting the clothes.

“I highly doubt that.” Erin assured as she finally descended down the stairs. Once she hit the bottom, she slung her purse over her shoulder and snatched her keys from the small table by the door.

“Whoa, what is this?” Jon bellowed as Erin glanced over her shoulder. Jon, who had his back to her, turned himself around with the most revolted look on his face. Between both of his thumbs and pointers fingers, he held a new shirt she had received several days prior. “Has my sister turned to the dark side?” He asked, his voice sounding somewhat offended at her choice of attire.

Erin placed a firm hand on her hip before she rolled her eyes at Jon's ridiculous dramatics. “It's a shirt, Jon. It's comfortable.”

“It's an Anaheim Ducks shirt.” Jon said as a matter of factually, telling her of the logo on the front as if she hadn't already known. His eyebrows raised suspiciously at her before he extended his arm further away from his body, acting as if the piece of black cotton contained some viral disease. “Where did you get this.”

Erin released an annoyed scoff as Jon continued to disgustingly stare at it. She swiped the slightly large shirt out of his hands and held it against her chest. “It was a present from Bobby.”

Jon's brows slightly furrowed when he heard the unfamiliar name leave Erin's lips. “Bobby who?” He clarified with a sideways glance cast her way.

Erin had been intending to tell Jon about her new relationship but with him being at school and her busy with work and her night time classes, she just hadn't had the right moment. She sucked in a jagged breath before deciding that now was a good a time as any. Plus she had just revealed his first name, half the job was already done.

“Bobby Ryan, we've been seeing each other.” Erin answered with a confident smile, causing Jon's mouth to drop slightly. Erin giggled softly at the bewildered look on her brothers face before she snatched the shirt from Jon's hands and the rest of the clothes he had collected within her living room. She dropped clothing items in the small laundry room just off the main living space. When she returned to the living room, Jon was standing in the same spot with his mouth still agape.

“Left wing center for the Anaheim Ducks, Bobby Ryan?” Jon arched an eyebrow as the news slowly began sinking in. Erin lightly nodded her head, confirming his question. Jon struggled to come up with words to express what Erin's sudden news had made him feel. “How-how did you two even meet?”

“At a bar on St. Patrick’s Day.” while her voice held a slightly curious tone to it. She knew that Jon had grown attached to Brian during their six month relationship and now that she was out dating another guy

“You’re dating the enemy!” He exclaimed with a slight crack in his voice. Erin cracked a smile as she shook her head at Jon. She shook her finger that the car keys were looped on and glanced at the large clock hanging on the wall, as a way of telling him they should be on their way.

Jon stopped himself from continuing on his tirade as he followed his sister out the front door. The pair silently situated themselves in Erin's car. However, once Erin had the key in the ignition and the engine rumbling beneath her, Jon's comments regarding Bobby began once again. He insisted on knowing where her loyalties lay and if she was going to defect to the opposing side. Jon also brought up the fact that her father would be disappointed due to the fact that she had grown up watching the LA Kings play since she was old enough to know what hockey was.

During the drive to Matt's home, Erin began to regret telling Jon anything about her new relationship.

“Jon, I told you about Bobby because I didn't want to lie to you. I wanted to be honest.” Erin spoke softly once the car had come to a halt in Matt's driveway. She noted that both Zacky and Johnny were already there, however Brian's SUV wasn't in the driveway. Due to his excessive drinking and party animal behaviour, it was a strong possibility that he had caught a ride with either of them. “If you're just going to tell me all the reasons I shouldn't date him, one of which being because of the team he plays for... then I don't want to hear it.”

Jon sat in a stagnant silence for a moment. “Erin, I was joking around.” Erin turned her head to glance over at her brother who had his hands held up as if he were surrendering. “You can date whoever you want.”

A light sigh escaped Erin's throat and a weight felt like it was lifted from her shoulders. “Thank you.”

“If I'm being honest...and please don't get mad at me for saying this.” Jon began, looking slightly uneasy with the statement he was about to make. “A part of me was hoping you and Brian would work things out.”

With Jon's last sentence, Erin felt like she had been punched in the stomach and had the wind knocked out of her lungs. She stared blankly at her younger sibling, unsure of how to react to something like that. Under her pondering stare, Jon sat with his eyes cast down and his fingers playing with the hem of his shirt.

He somewhat resembled a lost child which instantly reminded her that she wasn't the only one going through different situations in life. Due to all of the changes going on in her life, she had never once considered how Brian's behavior was effecting Jon. Before their split, and even after, the boys remained close. Everything had seemingly taken a large turn once Jimmy passed.

“He's pretty messed up, he could use a friend like you.” Jon insisted, his blue eyes sparkling with a sense of hope that Erin wasn't sure was in the realm of reality. From what she witnessed first hand Brian was pretty far gone and she wasn't sure she could help Brian in the way Jon wanted her to. Erin ran her tongue lightly over her lips before she sucked in a jagged breath.

“Brian's made it very clear that he doesn't want me around, let alone be his friend.”

“Maybe you just need to show him you aren't going anywhere this time.” Jon replied bluntly, catching her slightly off guard. If he hadn't of sounded so innocent while saying it, Erin would've guessed he was making her feel guilty for the choice she made several months ago. She opened her mouth to reply but Jon beat her to the punch. “He's probably afraid of being vulnerable. He's stubborn, like you.”

Erin released a sigh of defeat. “Point taken. Can we go inside now?” She cracked a meek smile her brothers way before he silently nodded his head and step out of her car. She sat for a moment, her mind reeling over everything that was going on in her life. Her new relationship, her workplace, her friends and family and now attempting to help Brian work through his demons.

Once out of the vehicle, Erin let her feet move quickly after Jon. She caught up to him just before his fist hit the wood door. He knocked twice before the siblings were left waiting in a brief silence. Soon enough the large oak door opened to reveal Matt's large frame in the archway. He had an eyebrow arched and cast each of them a curious look, wordlessly asking them what had caused their late arrival.

“Sorry, man. You know girls.” Jon commented with a sly smirk and a pointed thumb in Erin's direction.

The blonde lightly slapped Jon's arm before he brushed past Matt to get inside. Erin attempted to do the same but Matt caught her arm before she could get by. Erin was stuck in between the door frame and Matt's body. She was so close she could feel the heat radiating off of him.

“I'm glad you came.” He said with a small smile. Erin softly returned it before Matt released her arm and led her down to the basement which also acted as his personal home studio, a room she had never seen until now.

“Where's Val?” Erin questioned as her and Matt descended down the large set of carpeted stairs to the basement. A deep, annoyed scoff was released from Matt's throat as he shrugged his shoulders and glanced back at her.

“San Diego with Chelle.” He said simply causing Erin to frown at his reply. It was hard to believe that after years of knowing the guys and Jimmy, that Val would simply leave for a vacation. Especially knowing the heartache the five men were all still dealing with and the wounds that would be reopened while they tried their best to move on with their music careers.

“They planned it weeks ago, I told her to go.” He attempted to sound convincing but Erin wasn't buying it, something told her that there were underlying issues that Matt wasn't letting her know about. She mustered as weak smile as Matt stopped next to a closed door, his hand barely grazed the iron knob before Erin spoke.

“Matt?” The lead singer's hazel eyes downcast at her as she toyed with the hem of her shirt. She swallowed the lump forming in her throat before she shifted her curious blue eyes up at him. “How long has Brian been...” She struggled to come up with the right words to describe Brian's condition but the right ones seemed to be failing her at the moment.

“Messed up?” He clarified with steady stare, Erin softly nodded her head. She watched Matt shift slightly on his feet and his right hand come up to rub the back of his neck. “After you guys broke up he drank like normal but towards the end it got a little worse. I think the reality of going home and knowing you wouldn't be there was what set him off. He got a little better once we were home then what happened with Jimmy...”

The crack in Matt's voice didn't go unnoticed by the blonde, her eyes softened as he shrugged off the oncoming emotion. “It's been pretty bad since then.”

He concluded with a forced smile, his eyes revealing his true emotions. Erin suddenly felt a wave of guilt wash over her upon hearing Matt's explanation of Brian's drastic downfall. She couldn't help but feel like a part of his problems were due to her and that once Jimmy had passed that they only got worse from there.

In the midst of their emotional discussion, the door to the home studio was abruptly whipped open. “When did you start seeing someone? And when do I get to meet this new boyfriend of yours?” Zacky set his eyes firmly on the blonde, she in turn let her mouth drop while her eyes widened at his comment. “Jon just told us.” He pointed backwards into the studio.

Matt furrowed his brows at the rhythm guitarist before he directed his eyes on Erin. Her body language gave away the fact that she was uncomfortable being put on the spot. She shook her head lightly at her siblings large mouth and inability to keep things to himself.

“I was–” She began to form an explanation for her two friends but Matt and Zacky's eyes seemed to be focused on something else entirely.

“Gates, glad you could make it.” Matt commented before looking down to the silver watch on his wrist. “Even if you are half an hour late.” He quipped dryly, making it hard to determine if he was joking around or being perfectly serious. Things between the two friends had been fairly rocky over the past few months.

Erin sucked in an uneven breath, hoping that Brian had shown up after Zacky had made the comment about her having a new boyfriend. The last thing she wanted was for Brian to find out like that, she would've rather told him herself. After all, if she were in his shoes she'd want the same respect in return.

She could hear him approaching from behind but she hadn't expected him to be so close when she glanced over her shoulder. He was a mere two feet away and the strong smell of cologne mixed with the familiar odor of his cigarettes filled her nostrils. However, unlike last time his usually expressive brown eyes were being covered by dark aviator sunglasses. His whole outfit consisted of black, which wasn't out of the ordinary but ironically enough expressed his state of mind all too well.

“Better late than never right?” He quipped dryly, his tone was almost robotic. Brian flashed the trio a somewhat sarcastic smile that Erin could tell even with the dark glasses, didn't reach his eyes like it typically would have.

“Zee.” Brian muttered as he moved himself in between Matt and Erin and past the rhythm guitarist. Not once acknowledging Erin's presence. Zacky's once amused expression fell as Brian disappeared inside the studio.

Zacky directed a sympathetic smile her way before Matt placed a large but gentle hand on her shoulder. The look he gave her wordlessly urged her to let it slide off her back and keep her chin up. With a light sigh, Erin did just that and let Matt guide her into the studio. Once inside, Erin found a vacant spot next to Lisa which also happened to be a safe distance across the room from her former boyfriend.

Zacky took a seat on the opposite side of his fiance while Johnny sat with Jon on a small loveseat near Brian. Johnny had the phone pressed to his ear and seemed to be talking to someone. It wasn't until he was called out on not paying attention to the reason they were there that he revealed Lacey had gotten stuck at her office in the midst of a large case. She was on the other end of the phone and wanted to listen to Jimmy's final piece with everyone else even if it was only over her mobile device.

After the issue was settle, Matt stood in the center of the room, closest to the sound board. He rubbed his hands together before he cleared his throat, getting all six sets of eyes settling on him.

"So uh, before Jimmy passed we were working on this song that he was really passionate about..." Matt paused as the day Jimmy had brought in the lyrics for the first time came rushing back which then led to the day where the two of them finally began to work on it. "We only got a small portion of it done but I couldn't just let it...die. He'd want it to be heard."

Matt finished with a half halfhearted shrug before he took a seat in the overly large leather chair, he pressed a few buttons before he turned to the rest of the group. "It's only a demo, there’s no drums or guitar, just piano for now." His finger hit a large green button before he turned a knob and suddenly the only thing that filled the room was a beautiful piano introduction.

“Around this mark is where I think the drums should kick in.” Matt explained ten seconds into the intro before the group situated in the room was left to imagine the insane beats Jimmy would've created to go along with his masterpiece.

Erin felt a shiver travel lightly down her spine when Jimmy's voice laced with Matt's filled the small space. A course of goosebumps broke out along her arms just as she felt the stinging of tears prick the corner of her eyes. She attempted to blink them away before glancing at those around her.

Johnny held his cellphone away from his ear so Lacey could hear the music from the other end. As he did so, Johnny exchanged a somber look with Jon. Lisa and Zacky sat next to Erin looking as if they were made of stone, neither one had moved since the piano intro had began. Matt sat contently at the sound board, clearly not as effected as the rest since he had heard Jimmy's vocals during the editing process. Though his expression was anything but happy.

The group was fairly easy to read, all except for one. Erin tried to gauge Brian's reaction but his aviators made it difficult. Other than his lips pressed firmly into a tight line, she couldn't quite tell what expression his face held. She had never come across someone so hard to read. It was slightly frightening how good at it he really was.

The group remained quiet for most of the piece, it wasn't until another piano interlude that a soft cry filled the room. All eyes shifted to Lisa, who had Zacky soothingly rubbing her back as several tears slid down her cheeks. She softly apologized before all ears concentrated on Jimmy's unique voice again fill the room.

I hope it's worth it, out on the highway, yeah.

Erin's lips tugged upwards at Jimmy's definitive style of singing. In her mind and surely in those of his band mates, there had never been anyone quite like him in terms of vocal ability. Of course Matt had an undeniably great voice, but Jimmy was willing to try anything and everything. He wasn't afraid to think outside of the box and because of that he created some of her favorite songs of all time. She felt lucky to be apart of the Avenged family because in the midst of becoming apart of it, she had somehow not only fallen in love with Brian but everyone involved as well.

I know you'll find your own way, when I'm not with you.

The rest of the song faded away after Jimmy's solo. Her attention zeroed in on the late drummers uniquely toned voice and the oddly prophetic lyrics. She couldn't help but feel like Jimmy was somehow speaking to her with the last line. After everything that had happened in the past year; meeting Brian and the guys, becoming apart of their family while in the process falling in love with the lead guitarist. Then ultimately having her new world crash down around her only to be brought back into it after Jimmy passed. It just made sense.

Everyone seemed to be finding their own way after his passing. Johnny and Lacey were talking about moving in together permanently with the prospect of marriage in the future. Zacky and Lisa were going to be married in less than three weeks and had a baby on the way. Jon was busy with school while also learning everything the guys were willing to teach him about music. Matt was busy in the studio editing, producing and thinking of new directions for the band to go in which was meeting a fairly warm reception by the guys. The only one who seemed lost along the way was Brian.

Erin had a strong inkling that this was Jimmy's way of telling her that this was where she was meant to be, and that maybe she needed to be here more than she first thought. Not only for her sake, but for Brian as well.

It wasn't until Matt's booming voice sounded through the small room, did Erin realize that the song had come to a conclusion. He had since turned around on his swivel chair, his back was no longer facing them but instead a somewhat expectant expression on his face. He slowly stood up before leaning his body against the edge of the small sound board.

“What did you guys think?” He asked curiously to the silent room, waiting for the on coming critique from his friends. The only thing that could be heard was the faint sound of Lacey's voice coming from Johnny's cellphone.

“Lacey said it's amazing, dude. And I agree.” Johnny smiled before standing up to give Matt a one handed hug. Zacky and Lisa then piped in and told Matt how moving they felt it was. Erin didn't even have to tell Matt her thoughts, she flashed him a smile and he immediately knew that it was a job well done.

“It took me a while to get it right. Jon and I spent hours going through the tapes trying to see what would work. Some of the piano that Jimmy laid down didn't turn out so well so Jon redid a small portion. This kid's a fucking genius on the piano by the way.” Matt explained as he wrapped a brotherly arm around the much thinner young man. Jon bashfully looked to the ground, his long blonde hair acting as a curtain for his face. Erin smiled softly at Jon's behavior, he was clearly overwhelmed by Matt's praise after spending years looking up to him.

“Matt tried to get me to try out the drums but I won't do it.” Jon said, a halfhearted smile crossing his lips. “You need someone who can live up to Jimmy's legacy, I'm no where near that caliber.”

“Yet.” Zacky stated pointedly before he ruffled Jon's messy blonde mane. “You're his prodigy remember that.” Matt slapped Jon's back proudly, while the youngest of the group couldn't imagine even coming close to the legend that was Jimmy Sullivan.

“You know, I was thinking about this the other day...” Matt began as the guys began to form a group around the sound board, all minus one. “what about Portnoy?”

Erin looked over to the spot Brian was supposed to be vacating but was met with an empty space. She glanced around the studio quickly, only seeing Lisa talking on the phone to Lacey and the guys in deep discussion of Jimmy's successor. Her blue eyes darted towards the door that was in the midst of closing and for a brief second she caught a hint of something black making a quick exit.

Assuming that no one would notice her disappearance, the blonde dodged out of the room without a second thought. Once in the hallway of Matt's basement, Erin wasn't sure where Brian had escaped to. There weren't many rooms in the basement, only the laundry room. Once Erin had checked that, she began to make her way to the main level, thinking that was her best bet.

Upon searching the den and the kitchen, she was met with nothing. Her last space to look was the living room and that had been just as productive as the previous ones. Just as she was about to give up and join the others back downstairs, out of the glass patio door she saw a cloud of smoke floating through the warm California air. She mentally scolded herself for not thinking to check outside first. Brian was a smoker, that should have been the first place she looked.

She found him casually slumped against the outside wall of the house, a Marlboro Red cigarette planted between his thin lips. He remained firm in his position, not flinching as she opened the door to join him. The aviator glasses were still in place over his eyes so she wasn't quite sure if he had bothered to even look to see who had found him.

“You left pretty quick, I almost didn't notice.” Erin commented with a joking tone in her voice. A part of her was still mad about all the harsh and unkind words Brian had thrown at her since her arrival. However, a larger part of her felt like it was merely a defense mechanism. She felt obligated to try her best to help him get back on track, it was what Jimmy would've wanted her to do.

“That was kind of the point.” He muttered once the cigarette found a new spot in between his thumb and pointer fingers. The smoke billowed out from his lungs, causing her nostrils to fill with that all too familiar smell. “I doubt anyone cares that I left.”

Erin mindlessly rolled her eyes before releasing an annoyed scoff. “Brian, that's not true.” She stated firmly, trying to catch his gaze but failed due to the dark lenses over his eyes.

“Everyone in that room cares about you.” She assured. Brian scoffed lightly as he discarded the fully smoked cigarette into the ashtray sitting nearby. “Including me.” Erin breathed softly before a light gust of wind tickled her skin and caused some of her golden locks to blow in the warm California breeze.

As Erin turned her head to gaze out at the ocean, Brian was overcome with the familiar and alluring aroma of vanilla radiating off of the blonde's skin. He was suddenly brought back to several months ago and recalling how lost he had become just being around her, he wasn't sure if he was ready for that again.

Pushing those intimate thoughts aside, Brian focused on her words instead. After everything that he had said and done to her since that had reunited, she was still putting forth an effort to make things better between the two of them. He had never stopped caring about her even despite being upset and hurt that she hadn't shown up for Jimmy's service. The feelings he had were still very much there and being face to face with her again, only cemented that. However, one thing had been churning in his mind for the past twenty minutes.

“So you're seeing someone.” He stated with his eyebrows raising slightly above the lenses of his sunglasses. The dark haired guitarist simply reignited another cancerous stick, acting as if he weren't the least bit phased by her comment. He sucked in a deep breath as the toxic chemicals filled his lungs.

Erin felt her mouth go dry as she realized Brian had heard Zacky's comment when he had first arrived. That was the last way she wanted him to find out, she'd have much rather taken him aside and told him herself.

“Brian, I'm not talking about me right now.” She shook her head lightly. “Why did you leave?” She questioned, crossing her arms over her chest as she waited for his reply. “I'm sure they would've wanted your opinion on the song.”

The guitarist shifted on his feet, visibly uncomfortable with the sudden topic change. “They'll be just fine without me.” Brian muttered. There was a slight bitterness in his voice, the same one she had come far too familiar with over the past few weeks. Though she wasn't sure why it was being directed at his friends this time around and why he was talking like he was no longer a part of the band.

“What are you getting at, Brian?” She inquired, narrowing her blue eyes at him.

Brian removed the Marlboro brand cigarette from between his lips and released the smoke he had inhaled. “Nothing.” He shook his head and turned his body to move back inside but Erin placed a firm hand on his chest.

“Brian.” She murmured gently, putting a brief bit of force behind her touch in hopes of persuading him to tell her. Brian cast a glance over at her only to realize that their faces a mere six inches from each other. Her feathery light touch sent a warmth to erupt within his chest. A feeling he hadn't experienced, without the help of alcohol, in well over six months.

“It hurts.” He revealed bluntly, his voice coming off somewhat hoarse. Brian briefly turned his head away to clear his throat before shifting back to Erin and catching her blue eyes soften. “I can't just go on and pretend I'm okay. I'm not ready to move on like they are.”

Erin's brows shifted down into an annoyed expression. “Just because they aren't drinking themselves to the point of blacking out doesn't mean they're okay or they're any less devastated over what happened.” She was rendered speechless for a moment, attempting to digest the fact that he believed that his friends were healed and ready to move on with their lives. He was sorely mistaken if that was his honest opinion. She knew first hand that healing was a long and tiring process, and three months was only a small interval in the lifetime that was ahead of all of them.

“Why do you think Zack is naming the baby after Jimmy? Or why Matt has locked himself in his basement and spent the past month working on that song we just listened to? Better yet, why is Johnny suddenly committing to Lacey after years of not being able to? Everyone deals with shit differently, Brian. I know it hurts but don't for one second think that they're hurting any less than you are.”

The guitarist stared her down for a good five minutes. He could tell he had hit a nerve and she was clearly upset with his comment. All the tell tale signs were there. Her full rosy lips were pursed tightly together, her eyes slightly darkened and her chest was moving up and down at a fairly fast pace. He inhaled a deep breath before he broke his steady gaze on the blonde and shifted them to the stone patio beneath.

"When faced with death, people change. Sometimes for the good and sometimes not. He wouldn't want this for you, Brian." Her words gradually grew softer but her fingers that had been lightly resting on his chest, pushed slightly harder. "Neither do I.” She whispered.

If he hadn't been in such close proximity her hushed words most likely would've come out as nothing more than an inaudible mumble. Brian didn't care to admit it aloud or to Erin's face, but the fact that she was still willing to talk to him after everything, and admit that she cared, meant more than she probably realized.

For a short moment, all the bottled up pain from losing his best friend, band mate and brother hadn't been at the forefront of his thoughts. The only thing that clouded his mind was how he could somehow repair the damage he had caused between the two of them. And if the beautiful blonde would ever forgive him for the things he had done.

"Brian?" A feminine voice broke him out his inner thoughts. However, it wasn't of the woman who had once resided in Nevada. It belonged to the young twenty-one year old blonde he had picked up in a bar a couple of blocks from his house.

As soon as he was broken from his daze, the overwhelming aching in his chest returned and the urge to numb it with liquid substances come on strong. His eyes set on the skinny blonde who had one hand placed on her hip and a eyebrow raised to match.

Erin removed her hand from his chest and took a small step back before casting him a longing look. "Remember what I said." She lightly ran her tongue over her lips as she mentally prepared herself to watch Brian walk away from her and into the waiting arms of the younger blonde.

"And please don't anything to hurt them or yourself." She almost pleaded before he moved past her. Erin was aware of the damage his new found friend was sure to cause, especially after such an emotional day.

In the midst of walking away, Brian acknowledged her request with a short nod then joined his awaiting guest.

He had told Erin before that he would never hurt her and in the end he proved to be liar. He wasn't about to make Erin another promise he couldn't keep.