Shut Up
Fade to black
29th of April 2003
The extent of my anger amazes me.
I spent the whole day working, ignoring the cracks of the displeased bones, bones that wanted to rest and not work, brain that wanted to scream at my boss’s ‘Didn’t I give you a free day today?’ that Yes, dammit, I was supposed to spend my day as a useless layabout.
But I said I needed money instead, which is not a lie…but I need rest more.
But…Valerie…
I didn’t want to return; it was that anger that she caused that made me continue, exceeding every limit my body imposed out of self-preservation.
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words? Shit, words break my whole being.
It’s not that I’m mad about her saying that my house is cold, it really is. Most of the time I’m too tired to notice or writing helps ease the pain…They don’t have either of these things…
But, Val…kick you out?
Did I ever hint that you’d bother me, or that your presence suffocates me?
How can I kick out family? I can’t even kick Lore out and she drives me mad with hatred…
You…You’re relief from loneliness.
Why would I want to drive away my medicine?
29th of May 2003
‘Look, I know it’s not my business what you do in there, but can you keep it down in the morning? My parents already dislike that poor bastard as it is’ From: Johnny N; 10:49 29-May-2003
‘Dude, we really need your help‘ From:Plague of Mike’s home-the sad one; 10:50 29-May-2003
‘ If it’s physical labor, I’ll pass’ From:Johnny N; 10:52 29-May-2003
‘No-_-“. It’s…we upset Mike really bad. He left the apartment’ From:Plague of Mike’s home-the sad one; 10:53 29-May-2003
‘What did you do? Did Val rape him?;))’ From:Johnny N;10:53 29-May-2003
‘Fuck off, Nixx’ From:Plague of Mike’s home-the mad one; 10:53 29-May-2003
‘Morning, Val’ From:Annoying no. 1; 10:54 29-May-2003
‘So, Valerie was complaining about the cold and she said something about money. Kind of mentioned he was poor ‘ From:Plague of Mike’s home-the sad one; 10:56 29-May-2003
‘Matt, man! I told you to deal with Valerie!’ From:Johnny N; 10:56 29-may-2003
‘Yeah, but…is it that bad?’ From:Plague of Mike’s home-the sad one; 10:58 29-may-2002
‘I don’t think he’s the type to get upset so easily.But, dude, I would’ve punched you’ From:Johnny N; 11:00 29-may-2003
‘What’s the big deal?! He is poor, it’s not like I lied’ From:Plague of Mike’s home-the mad one; 11:01 29-May-2003
‘Think of it this way: if you work your ass off to learn to play the guitar and then some smart-ass comes and says you suck, you’d be pissed, right?’ From: Annoying no.1; 11:03 29-May-2003
‘Do you know where his money goes? Does he have a kid and he needs to pay life-support?’ From:Plague of Mike’s home-the sad one; 11:05 29-May-2003
‘No:)) Where the hell do you come up with these ideas? He has to pay for his mom’s hospitalization’ From: Johnny N; 11:06 29-May-2003
‘:O What’s wrong with her?’ From:Plague of Mike’s home-the sad one; 11:07 29-May-2003
‘Jesus, I don’t know! You’re filling up my inbox with stupid questions and I’m tired. Just don’t ever bring up this subject again, ok?’ From: Johnny N; 11:07 29-may-2003
The extent of my anger amazes me.
I spent the whole day working, ignoring the cracks of the displeased bones, bones that wanted to rest and not work, brain that wanted to scream at my boss’s ‘Didn’t I give you a free day today?’ that Yes, dammit, I was supposed to spend my day as a useless layabout.
But I said I needed money instead, which is not a lie…but I need rest more.
But…Valerie…
I didn’t want to return; it was that anger that she caused that made me continue, exceeding every limit my body imposed out of self-preservation.
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words? Shit, words break my whole being.
It’s not that I’m mad about her saying that my house is cold, it really is. Most of the time I’m too tired to notice or writing helps ease the pain…They don’t have either of these things…
But, Val…kick you out?
Did I ever hint that you’d bother me, or that your presence suffocates me?
How can I kick out family? I can’t even kick Lore out and she drives me mad with hatred…
You…You’re relief from loneliness.
Why would I want to drive away my medicine?
29th of May 2003
‘Look, I know it’s not my business what you do in there, but can you keep it down in the morning? My parents already dislike that poor bastard as it is’ From: Johnny N; 10:49 29-May-2003
‘Dude, we really need your help‘ From:Plague of Mike’s home-the sad one; 10:50 29-May-2003
‘ If it’s physical labor, I’ll pass’ From:Johnny N; 10:52 29-May-2003
‘No-_-“. It’s…we upset Mike really bad. He left the apartment’ From:Plague of Mike’s home-the sad one; 10:53 29-May-2003
‘What did you do? Did Val rape him?;))’ From:Johnny N;10:53 29-May-2003
‘Fuck off, Nixx’ From:Plague of Mike’s home-the mad one; 10:53 29-May-2003
‘Morning, Val’ From:Annoying no. 1; 10:54 29-May-2003
‘So, Valerie was complaining about the cold and she said something about money. Kind of mentioned he was poor ‘ From:Plague of Mike’s home-the sad one; 10:56 29-May-2003
‘Matt, man! I told you to deal with Valerie!’ From:Johnny N; 10:56 29-may-2003
‘Yeah, but…is it that bad?’ From:Plague of Mike’s home-the sad one; 10:58 29-may-2002
‘I don’t think he’s the type to get upset so easily.But, dude, I would’ve punched you’ From:Johnny N; 11:00 29-may-2003
‘What’s the big deal?! He is poor, it’s not like I lied’ From:Plague of Mike’s home-the mad one; 11:01 29-May-2003
‘Think of it this way: if you work your ass off to learn to play the guitar and then some smart-ass comes and says you suck, you’d be pissed, right?’ From: Annoying no.1; 11:03 29-May-2003
‘Do you know where his money goes? Does he have a kid and he needs to pay life-support?’ From:Plague of Mike’s home-the sad one; 11:05 29-May-2003
‘No:)) Where the hell do you come up with these ideas? He has to pay for his mom’s hospitalization’ From: Johnny N; 11:06 29-May-2003
‘:O What’s wrong with her?’ From:Plague of Mike’s home-the sad one; 11:07 29-May-2003
‘Jesus, I don’t know! You’re filling up my inbox with stupid questions and I’m tired. Just don’t ever bring up this subject again, ok?’ From: Johnny N; 11:07 29-may-2003