The Day The World Stood Still
The End.
I felt like I was a zombie.
Nothing was real. Nothing was happening. I was dead. I didn’t know what was going on. People kept trying to talk to me, to get me to say something. But I couldn’t. How could I? I wasn’t alive. Not anymore. I was just walking the earth, purposely. Lifelessly. Slowly, gradually, they all stopped trying. They all left me alone How do you interact with a zombie?
I never heard from Alex again. It was probably better that way. I probably would have strangled him. Killed him. If he cared enough to try to apologize to me, I would have killed him. If he cared. He didn’t, though. I swore to myself that I would never talk to him again. I knew in my heart that he would never try, anyway.
I tried to go to school again. I tried like hell. Johnny wouldn’t want me to just give up. He wouldn’t. But I just couldn’t do it. I couldn’t focus. I was failing all my classes. And I saw him everywhere, like he was taunting me. It was like we were playing hide and seek, and he was just bad enough for me to get peeks at him... but just good enough so that I never knew where he was hiding.
Finally, it was just too much to bear. I couldn’t take it. Everyone comforting me. Talking to me. Trying to console me. Like anything could ever fix the giant whole that had been ripped into my heart. Like anything could ever fix me. I was drowning. Deeper, deeper, deeper into the water I slipped. No way out. I didn’t deserve to be out. It was all my fault. His death. Everything.
All my fault...
***
The cool silver beckoned to me.
It loved me. The only thing left in this world that did. The only thing whose time I was worthy of. I traced the cool metal of the barrel across my temple. Thinking. Thinking. Nothing was worth being here anymore. I couldn’t bear it. Couldn’t bear the looks. The guilt. The sympathy. I didn’t want it. Didn’t deserve it. Wasn’t worthy of it. Not me. Everything was my fault. The cool metal soothed me. Called to me. Wanted me. I had to give in. I just had to.
I’m so sorry, Johnny. Please, please forgive me...
Nothing was real. Nothing was happening. I was dead. I didn’t know what was going on. People kept trying to talk to me, to get me to say something. But I couldn’t. How could I? I wasn’t alive. Not anymore. I was just walking the earth, purposely. Lifelessly. Slowly, gradually, they all stopped trying. They all left me alone How do you interact with a zombie?
I never heard from Alex again. It was probably better that way. I probably would have strangled him. Killed him. If he cared enough to try to apologize to me, I would have killed him. If he cared. He didn’t, though. I swore to myself that I would never talk to him again. I knew in my heart that he would never try, anyway.
I tried to go to school again. I tried like hell. Johnny wouldn’t want me to just give up. He wouldn’t. But I just couldn’t do it. I couldn’t focus. I was failing all my classes. And I saw him everywhere, like he was taunting me. It was like we were playing hide and seek, and he was just bad enough for me to get peeks at him... but just good enough so that I never knew where he was hiding.
Finally, it was just too much to bear. I couldn’t take it. Everyone comforting me. Talking to me. Trying to console me. Like anything could ever fix the giant whole that had been ripped into my heart. Like anything could ever fix me. I was drowning. Deeper, deeper, deeper into the water I slipped. No way out. I didn’t deserve to be out. It was all my fault. His death. Everything.
All my fault...
***
The cool silver beckoned to me.
It loved me. The only thing left in this world that did. The only thing whose time I was worthy of. I traced the cool metal of the barrel across my temple. Thinking. Thinking. Nothing was worth being here anymore. I couldn’t bear it. Couldn’t bear the looks. The guilt. The sympathy. I didn’t want it. Didn’t deserve it. Wasn’t worthy of it. Not me. Everything was my fault. The cool metal soothed me. Called to me. Wanted me. I had to give in. I just had to.
I’m so sorry, Johnny. Please, please forgive me...