We Must Be Careful Who We Pretend To Be
Did This Party of Two Have You Slightly Confused
Why is it that things never work out the way you think they should? Or why does everything fall to shit? That was the last time I heard from Will. I had slowly began to date my art director, Adam, but it was a huge secret. I didn't tell anyone. My heart belonged to someone else, but for some reason, Adam dulled the pain a little.
The next time I saw Will was at Christmas. I continued to hide anywhere I could during that gathering. He proposed to her. The thought, "it should be me," kept running through my head. I had to get over him, so, I talked Ellie into having a New Year's Eve party. We invited tons of people. And as pathetic as it is at my age, all I wanted to do was drink and forget about everything.
Music was blasting and Dick Clark was on TV. People were talking and drinking. I had all ready had a few and was feeling pretty good. I wasn't even thinking of Will. That was when someone covered my eyes with their hands.
"Will!"
"Ahh, how did you know?"
"I'd know those hands anywhere," I replied with a smile.
He plopped on the couch next to me and spread out.
"Where's A-man-duh?"
"In Florida visiting her parents."
"Why aren't you with her?"
"She didn't want me to go."
"Oh, so she's cheating then.
"Abigail! She is not cheating. Can we change the subject?"
"So, I went and saw Death Cab the other day."
"Oh yeah? I don't go to many concerts anymore," Will said sadly.
"You should've, they were amazing"
Will and I chatted like no time had passed. Then, Ellie came rushing through, passing out champagne. Everyone began to get excited. I was pretty drunk. I knew I was slurring, and probably not making much sense.
"What is your New Year's Resolution, Abigail?"
I looked at him right in the eyes.
"To stop loving you."
Everyone began the countdown. Will, just stared at me wide-eyed, not saying a word.
"5...4...3...2...1! Happy New Year!"
I gazed up at him, begging him with my eyes. Then I tried with my mouth.
"Will, don't marry her," I whispered.
"What are you trying to say?" he asked, sounding a little angry.
"She's not right for you."
"If she's not right, then who is? You?"
I, all of a sudden, was embarrassed. I felt stupid. Here I was hurting Will again. And I had a boyfriend...sort of.
"I'm sorry," I murmured.
I wanted to touch him and him to touch me. I wanted to kiss him, to tell him I love him. I was supposed to marry him, not this girl who didn't understand him. She didn't deserve Will. Then again, maybe I didn't either.
"Abigail?" he looked at me expectantly. I must have not said anything for awhile.
"I'm sorry Will, I should never had said anything. I'm just stupid and drunk."
"You are drunk. But, I think this is the first time you've ever been honest with me."
I smiled cynically.
"In the words of Pete Wentz, I should have set my clock early because I know I'm always late. I'm too late, I never should have ended it."
"I guess you shouldn't have. What do you want me to say?"
"Nothing, Will. I think I better go sleep this off."
"Probably would be a good idea."
I turned to walk away, but I changed my mind. It might be the only way.
"Will?"
"Yes?"
"Please forgive me."
I slid my arms around his neck and kissed him. It was our first kiss in God knows how long. At first there was almost no reaction. Then, his arms went around my waist, pulling me closer. My head was spinning and I didn't want to stop. Our bodies were pressed together. But, it had to. Will pulled away and blinked. His eyes were glassy and he looked confused.
"I'm…"
Will interrupted me.
"Don't apologize Abigail. I've got to go."
The next time I saw Will was at Christmas. I continued to hide anywhere I could during that gathering. He proposed to her. The thought, "it should be me," kept running through my head. I had to get over him, so, I talked Ellie into having a New Year's Eve party. We invited tons of people. And as pathetic as it is at my age, all I wanted to do was drink and forget about everything.
Music was blasting and Dick Clark was on TV. People were talking and drinking. I had all ready had a few and was feeling pretty good. I wasn't even thinking of Will. That was when someone covered my eyes with their hands.
"Will!"
"Ahh, how did you know?"
"I'd know those hands anywhere," I replied with a smile.
He plopped on the couch next to me and spread out.
"Where's A-man-duh?"
"In Florida visiting her parents."
"Why aren't you with her?"
"She didn't want me to go."
"Oh, so she's cheating then.
"Abigail! She is not cheating. Can we change the subject?"
"So, I went and saw Death Cab the other day."
"Oh yeah? I don't go to many concerts anymore," Will said sadly.
"You should've, they were amazing"
Will and I chatted like no time had passed. Then, Ellie came rushing through, passing out champagne. Everyone began to get excited. I was pretty drunk. I knew I was slurring, and probably not making much sense.
"What is your New Year's Resolution, Abigail?"
I looked at him right in the eyes.
"To stop loving you."
Everyone began the countdown. Will, just stared at me wide-eyed, not saying a word.
"5...4...3...2...1! Happy New Year!"
I gazed up at him, begging him with my eyes. Then I tried with my mouth.
"Will, don't marry her," I whispered.
"What are you trying to say?" he asked, sounding a little angry.
"She's not right for you."
"If she's not right, then who is? You?"
I, all of a sudden, was embarrassed. I felt stupid. Here I was hurting Will again. And I had a boyfriend...sort of.
"I'm sorry," I murmured.
I wanted to touch him and him to touch me. I wanted to kiss him, to tell him I love him. I was supposed to marry him, not this girl who didn't understand him. She didn't deserve Will. Then again, maybe I didn't either.
"Abigail?" he looked at me expectantly. I must have not said anything for awhile.
"I'm sorry Will, I should never had said anything. I'm just stupid and drunk."
"You are drunk. But, I think this is the first time you've ever been honest with me."
I smiled cynically.
"In the words of Pete Wentz, I should have set my clock early because I know I'm always late. I'm too late, I never should have ended it."
"I guess you shouldn't have. What do you want me to say?"
"Nothing, Will. I think I better go sleep this off."
"Probably would be a good idea."
I turned to walk away, but I changed my mind. It might be the only way.
"Will?"
"Yes?"
"Please forgive me."
I slid my arms around his neck and kissed him. It was our first kiss in God knows how long. At first there was almost no reaction. Then, his arms went around my waist, pulling me closer. My head was spinning and I didn't want to stop. Our bodies were pressed together. But, it had to. Will pulled away and blinked. His eyes were glassy and he looked confused.
"I'm…"
Will interrupted me.
"Don't apologize Abigail. I've got to go."