We Must Be Careful Who We Pretend To Be

Just a Distraction

Time had passed and so had I. You know how things go, life's not always exciting and eventful. I continued to teach and do work for Decaydance. I was beginning to get tired though. I think over the last 3 and a half months, I had dropped about 2 sizes in my jeans. I was wearing a size 7, which is tiny for me. I don't think I had been that small ever. Ellie constantly tried to get me to eat and socialize, but I continuously made excuses. Plus, I had a dirty little secret: Adam and I were together.
I was out in the kitchen one night, flipping through the mail when Ellie walked out of her bedroom.

"I'm going to make waffles. Do you want a waffle?" she asked.

"No, I just had some yogurt, I'm fine."

"So are you ready for Saturday?" she asked carefully.

"What's Saturday?"

"The wedding?" she asked incredulously.

"Oh, I'm not going," I replied nonchalantly.

"What? Yes you are! You have to!"

"I don't have to do anything of the sort."

"Maybe he won't go through with it if you're there," Ellie rushed.

"What? There's nothing I can do to stop that wedding. I'm not even friends with your brother."

"You won't even say his name anymore. You need to deal with this before Saturday Abby!"

I began to fume.

"I did Ellie. Face it! You're brother is going to marry Amanda, I'm not. There is nothing left to be said."

"He's not happy, Abby."

"Not my problem. I have a meeting with Adam this weekend."

"You've been talking about Adam an awful lot lately. Is there something going on between you two?"

I shook my head and walked towards the door.

"None of your business, Ellie."

"Abby," she pleaded, "why won't you talk to me anymore?"

"There is nothing left to say. You are busy, I'm busy. You have Rob"

"Have I been ignoring you?" she asked quietly.

I weakened for a moment.

"Ellie, you're in love. It's totally good. Rob makes you happy. I'm happy when you're happy. I know you're here if I need you."

"But, I wasn't. Not when you needed me most. You had to deal with all this Will crap by yourself."

I approached her and hugged her.

"Oh Elle. It's ok. Do you really want me at that wedding?"

"Yes!" she cried, "He can't marry her. He loves you Abby, he's always loved you. Maybe if he sees you there"

"I'll go, but I'm not doing anything. Ok? I guess I'll call Adam and cancel."

"So, you and Adam?"

I just smiled. The truth was it was just an excuse. It helped to keep my mind off of him.

"Adam's just a distraction."

"Do you…" she trailed off.

"Yes," I said before I walked out the door.

I knew what she was going to ask me. She didn't even have to vocalize it. I got in my car and called Adam to tell him I wasn't coming. Of course, he was cool with it. He had plenty of other distractions not including me. I went shopping and bought a new dress for the wedding. It was a deep purple which complimented my skin, hair, and eyes perfectly. It was a beautiful satin dress, simple, yet elegant.

I wasn't sure whether going to the wedding was a smart idea or not. You have to know how it feels. Everyone has someone they can't let go of. Will is that person for me. So, to sit there and watch him commit himself to someone else would be torture. But, at the same time, maybe it would help me to move on.