We Must Be Careful Who We Pretend To Be

I woke up early the next morning to catch my plane. Still, no Will. He wasn't going to forgive me, he wasn't even talking to me. I tried calling again, he still didn't answer. Adam drove me to the airport and gave me a hug. I got out of the car and walked dejectedly into the airport. I stood in the lines, and finally boarded the plane. Sitting in the seat next to mine was Will, reading a newspaper.

I settled into the seat and looked at him.

"Hey you. Where have you been?"

"Got my own hotel room," he replied shortly.

"Are you going to talk to me?" I asked.

"What am I supposed to say? Hi, Abby, I put it all out on the table and you went and fucked some guy because..."

I winced at the anger in his voice.

"Will,"

"I know, you're sorry. But sorry doesn't change the fact that you slept with him when you knew I wanted to be with you."

I sat there silently. There was nothing to say. Will raised an eyebrow, smirked, turning back to his newspaper. I turned away, feeling the tears coming on. I felt dirty, and no amount of showers in the world were going to wash that feeling away.

The trip back was silent. Will wouldn't talk to me, and I didn't try. Why couldn't we work things out? We were two people who loved each other but seemed to have bad luck. We got back to his house and I hesitated.

"What do I have to do to get you to forgive me?" I asked.

"I already forgave you. But, I'm not going to forget."

I began to cry...again.

"You know, a marriage proposal is something a little big to spring on someone only a month after his last engagement. I'm not going to make up excuses. I was drunk, I was confused and that's the truth. Besides, our last try was so bad, were you really ready to take it that far?"

Will glared at me.

"I was. Our last relationship failed because I was too selfish," he said sternly.

"It was me. I made bad choices. I chose work over you. I'm sorry."

Will nodded. I made my way over to my car.

"I'm sorry too," he called after me.

I bowed my head sadly and got into my car. I left Will by himself at his house and headed back to my apartment. Thankfully, Ellie wasn't there. I shut myself in my room, and stayed there.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A couple weeks later there was a knock at my door. I chose to ignore it. Finally Ellie walked in, uninvited.

"Abby, I was going to go out with Rob. Are you going to be ok by yourself."

"God! I'm not a two year old!" I cried, using the remote to turn up my stereo. Then, I rolled over on my bed and tried to ignore Ellie.

"Come on, I'm worried about you."

"Don't worry about me!" I hollered.

"Look!" she yelled back, "excuse me for worrying! You haven't left the apartment in two weeks. You're in the same pajamas from last week! You only leave your room to smoke and go to the bathroom. Which, by the way, don't get me started on the smoking!"

"I'm sorry."

"No, you aren't! Hey, aren't you supposed to be in LA right now?"

"I quit."

"What?"

"You heard me," I snarled. "I quit."

"You quit Decaydance," she repeated dumbly.

"She finally gets it."

"But, you loved that job!"

"Well, things change."

She sat down on the bed.

"What do you want to do for your birthday next week?" she asked.

I rolled my eyes and groaned.

"Nothing. It's just another day. 29 is just one year closer to thirty.

"Well, figure it out, because you're doing something. Oh, and stop being a bitch. I didn't do anything to you."

I turned to face her, softening.

"Oh Elle, I'm sorry. This has just been a rough time for me."

"Tell me about it. It's no wonder you're depressed. Beck, Fiona Apple, Death Cab, it's some great sad bastard music."

"Go. Have fun with Rob. I'm not going to slit my wrists or anything."

"Oh that makes me feel better," she replied, sarcasm dripping.

She got up and left the room. I got up, grabbing my pack of cigarettes. Old habits die hard. The nasty habit came back to help me through my depression. I had quit Decaydance. I just didn't care anymore.

I went and sat on the patio faithfully dragging on my cigarette. I stared out at the horizon where the sun was setting in amazing pinks and oranges. I couldn't stop thinking about Will. I dreamed about him and I had nightmares about Adam. It hasn't been pretty when I quit. He had been angry with me, and he was hurt. But, that's life, one giant series of disappointments that keep coming one after another. I began to dread what Ellie was going to do. I knew there was going to be a birthday party whether I wanted it or not. My first year in Boston had been overly eventful.