We Must Be Careful Who We Pretend To Be

I stood in the club, looking around. I smoothed my freshly cut hair. I had decided it was time for a change. I went and got my hair done, cropped short and layered with bangs swept across my forehead. I had also died it black, which made my skin pale and creamy. I was wearing black capris and a red tank top. I had put on tons of black eyeliner and red lipstick. I thought I looked hot. My cell phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Where the hell are you?"

"Where the hell are you?" I asked.

"I'm standing by the bathroom."

"K, I'm coming."

I made my way over to the bathroom. I saw Will standing there. I stopped for a moment and admired him, tall, thin, with dark, curly hair. His bright blue eyes caught mine and narrowed. He began to approach me.

"Abigail?" he asked.

I spun around.

"The one and only."

"My god!"

"You don't like it?" I asked nervously.

"Abigail, you look incredible."

I blushed.

"Thank you."

He wrapped an arm around me and we walked into the concert hall where Conner and Bright Eyes were setting up. We just stood there and listened. Conner Oberst is the new Dylan. His lyrics are always insightful and meaningful. He began to play "Will You…You Will". I took a sideways glance at Will. He looked awkward and misty eyed. I took a chance and slid my hand into his. I hoped and prayed he wouldn't move it. He looked down at me and removed his hand.

"I'm sorry, Abigail, I can't."

I just bowed my head.

"Excuse me," I whispered and rushed to the bathroom.

I just couldn't do it. I couldn't stand next to him and not have any feelings. This situation had been brewing for two years. I somehow managed to stop crying. Minutes later, I went outside. Will was leaning against the wall, he walked towards me when I exited. I began to speed up my steps towards the door.

"Abigail! Stop!"

I kept walking. Unfortunately, Will's legs were longer than mine. He caught up to me in the parking lot, grabbing my arm.

"Abigail!"

"Let me go, Will!"

"We should talk."

"We've done enough talking!" I cried. "It just ends us up in the same place. I love you Will! I can't be just friends with you. It's like some horrible joke where I never get the punchline. I screwed up. I've apologized over and over again, and it's just not enough. I cry myself to sleep every night. I beat myself up about what I did all the time. I'm depressed, I don't eat, I don't sleep. Look at my pants! They're falling off me! I can't fix this. You're never going to get past this!

I sank to the ground, covering my face with my hands.

"Abigail, stand up," Will ordered.

"Just leave me here!" I yelled.

He took my hands and pulled me to my feet. I collapsed into his chest, sobbing. He arms went around me.

"Come on, calm down. You really just scared me, Abigail. I respect the fact that you were honest with me, but it hurt."

"You don't think it hurt me? Everything that has gone wrong between us has been because I screwed it up. Maybe it's just time for me to move on. After two years, I should have gotten the hint."

"If that's what you need to do to be happy, then do it."

I was shocked. I just shook my head.

"You don't love me anymore, do you?" I whispered.

"That's the problem, I still do," he murmured.

"Will, don't lead me on. Tell me, is there any chance that you could be with me again?"

He sighed heavily and looked at me.

"I really can't say."

"Well then tell me, why is it ok that you slept with Amanda, but it's not ok that I slept with Adam?"

"I knew this was going to happen. I was going to marry Amanda, you weren't with Adam. And, you did it after I tried to tell you how I felt."

"I hate to break this to you, Adam and I had been seeing each other for about 6 months. And, that wasn't the first time."

"What?" he asked, shocked.

"That's why I was going to LA so much. I could have done most of that by email and conference calls."

"Why didn't I know this?"

"I never told anyone, not even Ellie. I needed privacy. I did the same thing you did, Will. Slept with someone I cared about."

"Oh, god."

"So, now I'm going to leave you in this parking lot. Hopefully, you feel like an ass. Because we both broke up with someone to be together and we're not."

"Abigail, wait."

"No, you're being stupid, Will Harrington. I want the big gesture. If you really want to be with me, you have to prove it."

I got in my car, but I heard him murmur under his breath.

"Way to turn the table."

I had turned the table. But that's because I had come to a realization, Will and I had done the same thing and he couldn't hold it over me anymore. If I couldn't be angry about Amanda, he couldn't be angry about Adam. The ball was in his court now.