Tomorrow

I took one last look at Jimmy incase this was the last time I was going to see him and took another deep breath.

“I’ll start at the beginning” I said and he nodded waiting for me to speak again.

“Growing up I was always the smart kid- I always got the good grades like mom and dad wanted but that was a lot of pressure for me to carry. They wanted me to go far in life and go to a great college get a degree and be something smart like a doctor or lawyer anything along those lines unlike how matt was in a band. I started to go down hill after matt left. He was always there for me and he would help me out when mom and dad got too tough on me. So when he left after my freshman year mom and dad kept pushing me to try harder and harder but I was already doing the best I could.” I stopped to take a breath and too see jimmy’s reaction so far but there wasn’t really one.

“Well in the middle of my sophomore year I met someone named Mike. Mike was in my grade and he transferred from the school the next town over. We both became great friends and from there we had a relationship. He brought me to parties and he got me drunk for the first time. I felt free for once in my life. Well as the parties progressed he got me to try some weed. The weed made me feel even more free- like I had no cares or worries but after the high I was back to reality. So I continued to use some drugs and it progressed into different drugs. From weed it went to coke and than to some ecstasy to heroin. While doing all of this my grades slipped and I didn’t really focus on school so I was barley passing but I did make it to my senior year. Matt came back for a few months before my before senior year started. He started to notice me coming in late but shrugged it off until one night he came into my room and saw me shooting up. He yelled at me and told me to stop doing that do my self and made me promise that I would stop. And I promised him I would stop but I never did I was just careful enough for him not to notice.” I took another shaky breath as a memory of the last time I ever saw matt came to me and I started to cry. Through blurry vision I could see Jimmy’s caring face his hand reached up to wipe my tears away and he brought me into a hug.

“Shh its okay take as much time as you need to finish your story. I understand it’s painful” he whispered in my ear. His hot breath tickling my ear. I nodded and took a few minutes before continuing my story with sniffles and sobs coming from me.

“In the middle of my senior year matt came back to visit for a week and mom and dad were away . Well one night I just stumbled into my house and went up the stairs to my room making lots of noise. I had made it into my room but matt roughly jerked me around to face him. He started to question me angry asking where I was because he found out I lied to him going to my friends house. Then he saw my eyes and flipped out shouting about how I lied that I stopped and how I could do that when im just killing myself cause I was a stick and telling me to stop. I just shook my head at him and ran down the stairs to leave but he just blocked me so I tried pushing him which resulted in me falling back because he’s so much bigger than me. Well I dropped my bag and my drugs came out I went to get them but he had it and stared at me in disbelief. He yelled some more telling me I went too far and that I was more into it last he saw me. He asked what happened to his little sister and I told him I was still here and he got so pissed off saying that im not her cause if I was I wouldn’t be a fucking druggie loser and that I need to straighten the fuck out and to either chose to live or die. He tried taking off with my bag but I yelled after him and finally tackled him to the ground. I told him I needed it and he told me I don’t but I kept trying to get it and I finally succeeded in getting my bag and ran to my room locking it. I took some pills and shot up some heroin before my door got kicked down. He yelled at me saying he couldn’t believe what I had just done and all I had done was laugh in his face. He began shaking me and than he slapped me I tried stabbing him with my needle but I got flew into the wall hitting my head on my night stand. I stayed down cause the pain hurt but I did get back up I slapped him and he pushed me back down again so I stayed down for good. The next thing I knew a bottle was flying next to my head shattering and I passed out as I watched him walk out. After I gained consciousness I wrote a letter to him and ran away. I still remember what that letter says till this day.” I sighed blinking back tears as I read over the letter in my mind.

“Well what did it say?” I heard a quiet voice ask. I opened my eyes to see a sad looking jimmy ready to cry. I looked away from his face as more tears came down my face.

“Dear Matthew,
I am this fucked up person because of you. Every single drug I have done is all because of you. You’re the reason for me being like this. Everything’s because of you.

Xoxo Nikkita XoXo” I recited it as it was written. It was silent for a while until I broke it.

“I blamed him for everything all because he left. When really it was all my fault.” I said and got up leaving him there to take everything in.