Tomorrow

I just ignored that jimmy guy and kept walking. I walked until I saw a little shady tree with nothing around it but a little picnic table. I lay under the tree staring up at the sky listening to my iPod which was now playing “time is running out”- by papa roach. I can relate to that song so much. People around me tried to help me but I wouldn’t admit I had a problem because I didn’t think I had one but it turned out I did. I couldn’t help but sing along quietly as tears slipped out of my eyes as I had a flashback of the fight me and Matt had.

flashback

I just stumbled into my house after unlocking the door with my shaking hands and made my way up the stairs to my room making lots of noise. I was glad my parents were out because they would kill me if they saw me like this again, I told them I stopped but I really hadn’t.
I had made it into my room but not before getting roughly jerked around to face my brother Matt.

“Where the hell have you been Nic? Its 3 in the morning and you were supposed to be back by 1! Do you have any fucking clue how worried I was? You wouldn’t answer your cell and you weren’t at Cadies house either I phoned their and her mom said you never hung around there anymore so where the fuck where you?” he asked raising his voice a little as he spoke getting a little angrier.

His eyes searching my face until his eyes turned to my bloodshot ones. I looked down and away from him but I could see he was shaking his head in disapproval.

“So you lied to me and mom and dad about stopping? How the fuck could you get into that shit anyways? This shit has to stop Nic! You’re killing your self! You’re fucking skinny as a stick! Just stop it already!” he yelled shaking me. I pried myself from his grip and went to run back down the stairs but was blocked by his gigantic muscled body.

“Move!” I shouted at him but still no luck he just pushed me backward until I stumbled onto the floor toward my bed making me drop my bag in the process. The contents spilled on the floor revealing all my stash. I hurriedly ran to pick it up but I was too late. Matt has picked up everything eying it up and staring at me in disbelief.

“Jesus Christ Nic! This has gone too fucking far! Your more into them than last time I saw you! What has happened to you? What happened to my sweet little sister?” he asked in another raised voice and cracking towards the end

“She’s still here Matt... “I muttered under my breath

“No she’s not! The real her wouldn’t be this… this... this person I see right now! All I see is a fucking loser who needs to straighten out what the fuck she wants to do either live or fucking die! I don’t fucking see how you could do this!” he yelled and slammed the door taking my bag with him.

I screamed after him telling him to get the fuck back here until I ran after him and tackled him from behind, us both on the ground. I was fighting to get my bag back.
“Give me my fucking bag back!! I need it!” I yelled in his face as he was on top of me and holding my wrists tight. He was breathing hard and looked beyond pissed.

“No your stopping this shit right now!You don’t fucking need it!” he screamed in my face

“Yes I do! I cant deal with this shit just give me my bag back!!” I screamed once again trying to get up, when that didn’t work I kneed him in the groin. He rolled off of me holding himself in pain. I took that as my chance to get my bag and run up the stairs. I locked my door behind me to slow him down. I took out a few pills and swallowed them and took the needle and the heroine out and did my thing within a few minutes. I just slipped the needle out of my skin when my door was broken in by Matt. His eyes looked at the needle that was in my hand. I looked up blankly at him then began to laugh uncontrollably. That made him look extremely pissed and that he was going to kill me.

“ I CANT FUCKING BELIEVE YOU!” he said in a deep angry voice as he advanced toward me; I was still laughing at his face . He gripped my shoulders and shook my violently and then slapped my face. I had stopped laughing as I hit the ground but soon got up and charged at him with my needle ,him punching me in the gut making me go down to the ground and drop the needle. I got back up but Matt pushed me back down making me hit my head on my nightstand in the process. My head was now bleeding but I didn’t care I was still going to get up, the drugs made me feel numb. I slapped him in the face but that didn't phase him. He pushed me back into the wall and I slid down giving up. and looked up just in time for a beer bottle to come flying into my face shattering to pieces. He left just as i passed out.

* end flashback*

That was the last time I ever saw him, i ran away that night after I gained consciousness.I felt my face just where my scar was it was a nice jagged scar on the side of my face that was easily covered up by make up. It was the only one i had on my face the rest disappeared. I guess its their to remind me of how much of druggie i was or a horrible sister. i began crying quietly still listening to my ipod. i began to blink them away and when my vision cleared i sat up i met face to face with Jimmy again, I got up and ran. I didn't want anyone to see me cry.