When You're Not Around

It wasn’t even twelve in the afternoon yet, and I was already stifling a yawn, not that it was that surprising; I hadn’t been sleeping much since I had been anticipating the whole God awful tour I was about to embark on for the next three months.

“Hey Maci!” Travis called, breaking me out of my thoughts. “Say goodbye and get your ass on this bus pronto!”

I rolled my eyes and turned to my parents and mustered the best smile I could. My mom touched my cheek and pulled me into a hug. Suddenly, I was a kid again and needed my mom to keep me encouraged and going.

“Everything will be fine. Just ignore him and have fun. If you need me, I am just a phone call away.”

I smiled and pulled away, “I know Mom,”

My dad pulled me into a hug and gave me a kiss on the forehead, “I am proud of you for doing this, but you need to promise me one thing.”

“Of course,”

“Show him what he’s missing.”

I laughed “I’ll certainly try.”

My sister, Rei and I hugged. “So you’re going to come out with us in a few weeks right?”

She smiled, “When don’t I? Besides, you’re going to need girl time more than ever now.”

“That’s for sure.” I mumbled. I saw Travis reappear at the bus’s door, signaling me over. “I love you all. I’ll call you tonight.” And with that, I walked over to where my new home for three months would be.

As I boarded the bus, I found myself tracing the tattoo that we had gotten for each other that year and a half ago. It was on my left wrist, the word ‘love’ in script with a heart next to it. It was all for him. There was a pang in my chest.

Me and my stupid, stupid heart.

Once I was on the bus, I realized everyone was in their new, respected bunks. There was one with the curtain pulled back, on the bottom left, first row. That was always where mine was. I quickly put on my sheets and threw in my pillow before climbing in. Landon’s head appeared from the top of my bunk, his entire body was practically hanging out from the bunk above me.

“Hey Maci,” He said and gave me a heart felt smile. “Mind moving over and letting me come in?” I shrugged and moved against the wall. Landon disappeared back into his bunk for a few seconds before pulling himself feet first into my bunk.

Now, if there’s one thing I’ve learned from having a bus for about a year on tours, its that the bunks are not made to fit two people. Because of this, Landon’s arm was awkwardly and completely on top of mine.

“So what’s up Landon?” I asked.

“I just wanted to let you know that we’re all really proud of you for being able to go through with this tour. I can only imagine how hard it is for you to come and stand with knowing that we’re going to be touring with…him. I don’t think it’s going to be easy and just know that you have all of us by your side. We love you and its only going to be for a few weeks. If he gives you any trouble, whatsoever, just come to me. I will be more then honored to give him a piece of my mind, or fist.” He smiled.

I had no doubt in my mind knowing that if I really wanted to, Landon would beat up anyone I asked him to, with or without explanation. Being the drummer in our band, he was most definitely the biggest of all of us.

I smiled and rested my head on his shoulder, “Thank you, that means a lot.”

“No problem baby girl. We’re all going to kick some major butt this tour! You’re going to sing the greatest that you’ve ever sang, and the three of us are going to play the best we’ve ever played. You’re going to have Davis crawling through your hands by the end of this tour cycle.” He explained. My heart sank to my feet at the sound of his name. Landon must’ve realized he’d said Davis’s name because his face fell.

“Oh, Mac…I, I, don’t know why I said that. I doubt you even want him back. I mean…” He tried to smile but it came out forced and fake.

“It’s fine L, really. No, I don’t want him back. I am just going to try to move on.” Landon nodded and kissed my forehead before slipping out of my bunk while mumbling, ‘I am so sorry.’

What in the world was I thinking? Why hadn’t I just told the guys I was not emotionally stable to do this? They all had have heart breaks before, they would understand. But I know that since Davis has only broken up with me six weeks ago, it would be such a short notice to say ‘Nope, sorry. I can’t do this’. If Davis could go through with seeing my face everyday, I could try to manage with his.

I shook my head, just the thought of him just made my heart ache. For the past six weeks I’ve been pushing him out of my mind constantly, and working on the final touches for tour. But here I was, six weeks too late of being able to back out of it, and sitting on a bus that was taking me to the first venue.

When you’re in love with someone for three years, you seem to question quite often what it was that you did wrong to make them call it quits. Davis was my first serious relationship and for a big part of it, I had no idea what it was that I should be doing to be a ‘good girlfriend’. So, I took it day by dad until the day came that I had my heart ripped out.

Sometimes I wonder if its another girl, but in the few times I’ve talked to his band mates, they’ve told me otherwise. Maybe I was too boring for him. Maybe my antics hadn’t changed in three years and he was done; he’d figured out I wasn’t the one for him. But that didn’t make any sense either, since we had so many conversations of us getting married on day.

I sighed and sank deeper into my bed. I had made a promise to myself a few weeks ago that I would not let him get to me. From this moment forward, he was just another person, another face to add onto the list of people we have toured with. I refuse to let these three months be the worst three months. I could do this.

I think.

________

I hadn’t realized that I fell asleep until I woke to sound of very rowdy boys in the front of the bus. That and the sound of my phone going off.

I didn’t need a name to pop up on the screen to know the number that came up.

Looking forward to seeing you -DB