Get Tangled Up In Me

With words I thought I’d never speak.

“Then prove it,” He growled. His voice echoed through my head, making my ears ring.

“I.. B-but how?” I whispered desperately. He smirked before kissing me roughly. I sat still, letting him control me and not really kissing him back. He broke off and wrapped his arm around my wrist. I hissed in pain but he just laughed.

“Come on Raven. What do you think I want you to do?” He asked coldly. He laid on me, not caring about the fact that he was squishing me and I could hardly breathe. His warm breath tickled my neck and I shuddered. He smirked and whispered in my ear. “Why don’t you just pretend I’m the teacher? Will that help?”

My eyes grew as wide as a deer’s stuck in the headlights, and I somehow forgot to breathe. My mind just comprehended what he had said and I couldn’t believe it.

“No.” I cried. “No no no no no! Get the fuck off of me!” I screamed trying to push him off. He slapped me a couple more times then got something shiny out off his pocket. Suddenly I gasped as the cold sharp item traced my throat. I couldn’t believe this was happening.

“Gerard knows you cut doesn’t he?” He laughed and seeing the look of shame on my face, it was clear he was right and he knew it. “So I doubt he’d no the difference if I happened to..” He pushed the blade in my arm slowly. “Accidentally cut you, hmm?”

I felt the familiar stung of numbness as the blood ran down my arm and hissed as I relived the cut a few more times. He had pushed the blade a bit more than I usually did and I was surprised he didn’t just slice my whole arm off while he was at it. The blade had found its way back to my neck, outlining a pale blue vain as I trembled under its touch.

“I-I’ll do it!’ I cried sobbing for all I was worth. “Whatever you want, it’s done.” I swore. He pulled the knife off of me with a satisfied grin.

“I knew you’d come around,” He mumbled putting his lips where the blade had just threatened me. I was still crying, nothing he did was going to stop that, but now I had quieted down a whole lot and sobbed silently he didn’t care as much.

As his lips were busy working my neck his hands trailed all over my body, touching me, pulling at my clothes, making me uncomfortable. His hand reached to my back, snapping me out of my bra in one try, pulling my shirt over my head and my bra off me.

His lips found mine and I didn’t respond until he smirked on my lips and dug his knife into my side. I hissed in pain and opened my mouth finally kissing him back. I could feel him smiling still, knowing I was giving in. Even though I really wasn’t.

He began to fumble with the button on my jeans. I broke away from him, staring at him with a look full of hate. “Stop, Billy, just stop please!” I begged. I just wanted him to stop. He just smiled.

“Don’t make me get the knife again, Raye.” He mocked. I closed my eyes, pretending I was anywhere but here.

My mother always used to tell me sex was beautiful. It was supposed to be with somebody who loved you just as much as you loved them. It was suppose to be magical, wonderful, even feel good. But the movies lie. Sex is bad.

It hurts people. It hurts me. I didn’t want it, I couldn’t stop him. He took my virginity, the only thing I wanted to share with someone else, and he stole it away. Sex isn’t beautiful. How can it be?

I felt so dirty. I just wanted this all to go away. All the promises that I made were gone. It was supposed to be fucking perfect. But it wasn’t. It wasn’t at all. And I hated myself for letting myself be point in this position.

The knife he used to torture me lay forgotten on the floor, along with our long discarded clothes. It was supposed to be perfect. Perfect. Not like this at all. I wanted him out of my bed. Out of my room, out of my house, out of my life. Gone, gone, gone forever.

I looked over at the boy laying next to me, staring at me with a mocking smirk. I had had enough of him. I felt a burning passion flow through me, one that I recognized as hate. I hated him.

I felt more tears flow in my eyes and I just wished I could forget. I curled up in a ball and wrapped myself in a blanket as he got up off the bed and pulled on his boxers and pants. He looked over at me in disgust and five stared my back.

“Well I’m gonna go home now Ray,” He whispered, leaning over me. He didn’t notice the figure in the door watching him in shock. “Don’t I get a kiss goodbye.”

“Billy,” I sobbed. “Why the fuck did you do this to me?” he slapped me again and I shrank back into my pillow like a wounded animal.

“Fine then Sugar. I’ll see you soon,” He winked and draping his jacket over his back he pranced happily out my door.

I crawled out of bed and pulled a big shirt over my head and a par of underwear on. I glanced back tearfully at my bed. I didn’t want to sleep there, with the blood and the memories. It would be to hard. Easier just to forget. Forget.

I slowly walked out of my room, probably looking like a zombie and crawled in Jared’s bed, turning on my side and staring at the wall for hours.

I didn’t even realize that Jared was missing. He should have been home right around when Billy came. I didn’t even notice the quiet whispers coming from the bathroom acrossed the hall. I didn’t even remember what my brother had warned me last time he saw me like this. “Raven. If this happens again I’m telling Gerard.” No, the only thing that I knew was that I hated him.