Get Tangled Up In Me

The bruises and contusions will remind me what you did when you wake

When my mom came to pick me up that morning, Dani walked over to me with a grim look on her face and hugged me tightly.

“Don’t worry Raven, this will not happen again,” She vowed. Oh how wrong she was. He’d never leave me be. Sure hopefully one day he’ll be rotting away in a jail cell miles away, but he’d always haughty my dreams. This will never go away.

I nodded in response and walked to the car, not saying a word to anyone. Jared was sitting in the backseat with a bright pink shirt, white skinny jeans, and a pink belt. I refrained myself from laughing and sat in the front next to my mother.

We sat for a while in silence, me scowling at my reflection in the side mirror, Jared fiddling with his belt, and my mom glancing at us every five seconds trying to think of something to say.

“Can you turn the radio up, Raven?” Jared’s bored voice asked. My mother reached over and brushed my hand away, turning the radio up herself. I rolled my eyes and pulled my hand back like I had just got bitten by a snake.

“So honey, have fun at Dani’s?” She asked with a half smile. I just rolled my eyes and ignored her. She pursed her lips and turned her head as she drove on. “How about we stop at Baskin Robbin’s on the way to the airport, yeah? Get a treat?” I huffed and turned to glare at her.

“We’re not five years old. Ice cream isn’t going to magically make everything better Ma! You’re a drunk for fucks sake! You’ve left you seventeen year old daughter to take care of your house, your son, and herself. I pay the bills, I go shopping, I clean, and what the fuck do you do all day? You sit on your ass and drink yourself to death.” I turned my head and crossed my arms. She turned her head to glare at me.

“Do you think it’s easy to have everybody leave you?” She demanded. I looked at her like she was crazy. Which she probably is.

“What the fuck do you mean by that?” Jared snarled from the backseat. She glanced back at him through her mirror.

“Your father is at war. Any day he could be killed.” She replied to him dryly. “Your sister is close to eighteen. In May she’ll be done with high school for Christ sakes. It may be just you and me Jared, and very soon. And then you’ll find your way out as well. They always do.”

“Who would want to stay with you Ma? If anything ever happened to Dad, Jared would live with me. End of discussion.” I snapped at her. She laughed.

“You don’t know a thing about the real world, sweetie. You wouldn’t last a day without me and your father’s pay check.” She smirked and pulled into a parking spot. I rolled my eyes.

“I believe we would get Dad’s social security checks Ma. And We live without you now, what would make then different?” I turned to face her again and decided to speak slowly, to make her look even stupider. “You need help.”

I didn’t know exactly what in her snapped, but just about a second later I left her hand slap my cheek. Hard. I felt my jaw drop, just like that day with Billy, and my hand raise to my cheek.

“Raven, no, baby! I didn’t mean to! I’m so sorry! Come back, baby!” She cried as I jumped out of the car. I leaned down in the window and glared at her.

“Oh Yeah Ma, your such a fucking good mom when dad’s not here.” I laughed at the irony. “Too fucking bad you never fucking noticed that what you just did in there isn’t half of what I face every fucking day! I think that there may just be something fucking wrong with that shit, huh?” I mocked then spun on my heal and speed walked into the airport. I didn’t want to be in a fifty mile radius of that bitch.

***

“What’s wrong, Chirp?” Dad asked sitting on my bed. I smiled as he stroked my hair, it was just like when I was little.

“Nothing, Dad.” I answered with a sigh sitting up next to him. I didn’t comment on the use of my old nick-name because I figured it wouldn’t hurt just for the three short days he was here if I let him say it.

“Ok,” He replied, seeing through my lie. He left it alone knowing that I would talk about it when I was ready. “Well Gerard came by to see you. I’ll send him up.” I nodded weakly and let my body fall back on the bed, closing my eyes and relaxing.

I didn’t hear the squeak of my door opening so I opened an eye to see Gerard standing above me, staring at me with an odd look on his face. I said the first thing that came to my mind. Well more like blurted it out. Like word vomit.

“I love you.” We said at the same time, then stared in shock at each other. His eyes were filled with confusion, shock, and alarm. I stood up and touched his face, caressing his cheek and sighing. “Gerard Arthur Way, I think I fell in love with you.” I whispered then kissed him. He gave in easily, sliding his arms around my waist and kissing me roughly, as I was him. My fingers were knotted in his hair, and he pushed us on my bed.

It was like a dream come true. And it didn’t stop. We didn’t stop. Everything felt natural. We didn’t stop to think, or even breath. We didn’t stop when he took off my shirt, or when I fumbled with the button on his pants. We didn’t stop to make sure that this was right, if this was what we wanted to do. We didn’t stop to think about Billy whom I was now cheating on, and we didn’t even stop to put on a fucking condom.

Oh shit.