Keeping His Secret

I sat on my couch, staring at a blank TV.

My mind wandered through thoughts as I absently munched on a bowl of cheese curls in my lap.

I could feel the ghost of Slade’s fingers roaming my body. The ghost of his breath on my skin, tingles running down my body just at the memory of everything. If I strained my ears enough, I could almost hear his infamous chuckle. Almost see the infamous smirk across his lips.

I could remember the feeling of grinding against him in my bed only the night before. The pure ecstasy that raced through me brought on by Slade. My heart beat picked up slightly at the memory.

I pushed a cheese curl through my lips.

He was so insistent on proving that I was gay. He made my heart race, my mind whirling around in a blender of emotions and confusion. He was everything I shouldn’t have wanted, and that made the lust all the greater.

I bit my lip as an epiphany hit me.

I pulled out my phone, opening up a new text message with Slade’s number as the receiver.

Slade. I think I’m gay.

I frowned, my thumb hesitating over the send button. It moved slightly over to the delete button, pushing down repeatedly.

Slade. I need to tell you something.

Once again, I scratched it.

I’m gay.

Too blunt. He would definitely read it smirking, chuckling to himself. I didn’t want to get an ear full of ‘I told you so’ either.

We need to talk.

Sounded like I was going to break up with him.

I don’t think I’m gay, but I know I’m feeling something when I’m with you. We need to talk about this.

Still, I disliked the way it was written. It didn’t feel right to be sending him that. I needed to fix it… make it from the heart.

I deleted the last sentence.

I’m not gay, but I feel something different when I’m with you. Call me.

Without thinking it through, I pressed the send button, closing my phone. I threw it across the room, gripping the edge of the couch. I wasn’t going to change my mind anymore. I needed him to know that I felt something towards him.

I needed him to tell me it was ok.

I needed confirmation that I was normal, sane.

I snorted.

Normal?

Sane?

A boy who was turned on by an older man touching him in ways he’d never been touched before? That wasn’t normal. That wasn’t sane.

A few seconds later, I heard the familiar beeping of my phone sound through-out the silence of the room. The screen lit up on my phone in the corner it laid, vibrating slightly from the text message.

I moved the bowl of cheese curls off my lap, walking warily towards my phone. I bent down, picking up the piece of metal. Opening the screen, I read the message aloud. To who? I didn’t know. It only felt right.

“Danny, baby, I’ll be back soon. I promise. Don’t tell anyone about us. Don’t believe anything you hear. I like you too. I need you to trust me.”

I frowned, re-reading the message again.

What was he talking about?

What are you talking about? I sent the message.

I waited for a response.

And waited.

And waited.

Yet, nothing came.

I sat on the couch with the bowl of cheese curls in my lap again. My eyes were trained on my phone diligently while I waited for the screen to light up with a message from Slade. I need an explanation.

He was worrying me.

My head snapped up at the sound of a door opening. My heart beat picked up at the thought that it was Slade.

“Daniel, what are you doing?” Mom asked, closing the door behind her, “Are you feeling alright?”

I nodded, “I’m fine. What are you doing home so early, Mother?”

She furrowed her eyebrows, “Are you sure you’re alright? I always come home around this time.”

“But…”

“Are you in trouble with the school or something? Do you have a fever? What’s wrong, Daniel?”

“Nothing, Mother, I swear.”

She nodded hesitantly. “I’m going to get started on dinner then. It’s just frozen pizza tonight.”

“Alright.”

“Don’t eat too many cheese curls. Are you sure you’re feeling well? You look a little pale…”

“I’m fine.”

She made her way into the kitchen silently.

The silence was interrupted when she turned on the kitchen TV, an old, small set that had been in there for years. She had a total of five basic channels on it, all of which consisted either of news of Christian worship.

Mom flicked on the news channel.

“—live from Race Street, let’s head over to our reporter Shelia McDonald.” A man’s voice said.

“Thanks Rodger,” A woman’s voice, supposedly Shelia’s, said. “Behind me is the house where infamous sexual predator, Slade Benner, was arrested only moments ago.”
My ears perked up. I moved off the couch subtly, standing in the doorway of the kitchen. I could see the TV screen from here. Mom was distracted with the food.

“Slade Benner was caught with multiple files of child pornography, some as old as ten years ago. The police were given an anonymous tip only hours ago, and searched the house while Benner was out. This is not the first time Benner has been arrested for having child pornography.”

I felt my heart sink.

The screen changed to a video of Slade being led out of the house in handcuffs. Two police officers were on either side of him, a tight grip on his elbows. He let his head hang down, hair covering it.

I could feel my throat constraining.

“When questioned about this, Benner denies having possession of any of the photos.” Shelia continued, “Benner was accused of statutory rape to two teenage girls eight years ago, only one of which was proven guilty.”

Water blurred my vision.

The screen moved back to the original anchorman. He shuffled his papers before looking back into the camera seriously.

“Thank you Shelia.” He said. A box appeared above him with a picture of some sort of product, “In lighter news, a product that prevents tooth decay has been called a fraud, yet has been shown to prevent skin cancer? More on that after the break.”

The show cut to commercial.

I couldn’t breathe.

My mind disgusted everything that I’d just heard.

Slade… Slade had child pornography?

He had raped girls?

He…He couldn’t have.

“No.” I whispered aloud. “No, No, No.”
Mom didn’t hear me.

I took a step back, shaking my head, “No. No. He couldn’t have. He… No. He can’t have done it!”

He couldn’t have.

It was impossible.

Slade… Slade wasn’t like that. He didn’t do that kind of thing. He’d never forced me into something I didn’t want to do.

I felt my hands begin to shake violent. I took in a deep breath, black dots covering my vision. I was panting. Air couldn’t come fast enough. Black engulfed my vision.

I could feel myself falling.

~*~

Something buzzed next to me.

I opened my eyes to a dark room. My room. I could hear the watering running downstairs. Mom was still home.

I turned my head to the side, looking at the phone. The light from the screen light up the area around it.

I reached over, flipping it open and reading the text.

It’s not true.

What lies.