Have Faith in Me

It had been like this ever since anyone could remember; the arguing, the fights, the full-on screaming matches that, most of the time, ended with the cops being called. They loved each other, there was no doubt about that, but they were just too much alike, and when two forces like that came together as one, there was bound to be trouble.

Yes, if you took one look at Matt and Jessica Sanders, one would agree they appeared to be the perfect couple; insanely good looking, similar tastes in nearly everything, dimpled smiles, radiant eyes. But there was one other thing, something only those closest to them knew they had in common, and that was their emotional struggles. Matt had a problem controlling his anger, spawning from his rocky childhood and, since he never got help for it, broadening profusely in adulthood. Jessica dealt with depression her whole life; ranging from self-harming ways to suicidal tendencies. It’s fizzled out for the most part upon growing out of her adolescent years, but liked to rear its ugly head when things got dangerously bad.

Some would say the couple were both bipolar, others alleged they just didn’t belong with one another. Whatever the case may be, the fact of the matter was, that they were together; married even, and currently expecting a baby. They hoped that in doing this, having a baby, it would make things better between them, help them to realize that the fighting was pointless and nonsensical; they were wrong.

“Do you ever just shut the fuck up?!”

Matt's fist collided with the wall next to him, bits of plaster immediately flying around as he created a colossal hole. His friends quickly approached in an effort to calm him before he made an unforgettable mistake.

“Matt, relax,” Zack spoke in a soothing voice.

“No, I won’t relax. She needs to learn to keep her fucking mouth shut once in a while.”

“Matt,” Jessica whimpered, trying her very hardest to remain vigilant and civilized, as she knew her husband sometimes couldn’t help himself when he became enraged. “What did I do wrong?”

“Everything,” He spat in reply. “Literally, every-fucking-thing.”

“Matt,” Brian spoke now, as he tried to assist Zack. “Stop it. It’s not that big of a deal, all right?”

“It is,” Matt defended. “She can never just let stuff go. I’m sick of it.”

“Matt, I only asked you a question! I didn’t even make any assumptions. I was just curious.” Jessica was crying now, something she always did when things were this atrocious.

“And I already fucking told you.” Matt approached her, stopping inches from her face. “I’m going to take care of it. Just because I haven’t yet, doesn’t mean I won’t. But you have no damn patience, and you want everything to be done when you say.”

“Matt, that’s not true! You’re the one who’s always freaking out! I can’t even talk to you anymore; my own fucking husband!” She shoved at his chest until he stumbled away from her.

“Don’t put your hands on me, and don’t make this my fault,” Matt growled. He stepped toward her again. “All of this is because of you. All of it. Ever since the beginning, it’s all been because of you. I never had anger this bad until you and I got together.”

“Then why did you marry me?! Why did you get me pregnant?”

Matt was silent for a moment, still seething, but looking the woman before him up and down. He loved her; loved her with everything he had, but his anger was masking that fact. He’d never admit it, though.

“Mistakes,” Matt voiced, coldly. A small gasp left Jessica’s lips. “All just…heat of the moment mistakes. That’s all this relationship ever was, Jess, and all it ever will be; one…big…mistake.”

The room fell deadly silent. Matt had never said anything like that before. Hell, he didn’t even truly mean it, but like he’d said, heat of the moment. The scariest, most undesirable things can happen in the heat of the moment; and this was just solid proof of that fact.

Jessica’s eyes filled with tears, emerald orbs shining magnificently in the light. She didn’t want to believe it, didn’t even want to process what Matt said. She let out a shaky breath and looked down at the slowly growing bump being produced by the baby inside her, and her life with Matt suddenly flashed before her eyes. It hurt, what he said, worse than anything she’s ever felt before. Their nine year relationship, and two year marriage, all just…a mistake, according to him. She supposed that meant he didn’t even really love her, and that’s what ultimately broke her completely.

She stepped away from him and turned to pick up her purse from the table. Tears still leaked interminably from her eyes, but she made no noise to accompany them. She just needed to leave, to go away, and possibly never return.

“Jessie,” One of the voices from behind her spoke. It sounded despairing, and somewhat shocked, probably at the events that just took place.

Jessica didn’t respond to it, though, and merely grabbed her bag and began to walk from the room. It was when she pushed open the door that she recognized two other bodies just about to enter; one being her elder brother, and the other the band’s bassist.

“Jessica,” Her brother gasped upon seeing her state. “What the fuck happened?”

He attempted to grab hold of her to stop her from walking, but she pushed him away and continued on. Surprisingly, he didn’t follow this time, but turned to the three men already in the room, immediately stalking up to Matt.

“What the fuck did you do to her now, huh?” He shoved Matt hard, sending the bigger man stumbling backwards and barely able to catch his footing.

“I didn’t do shit, Jimmy,” Matt replied. “She’s always fucking hounding me about everything, so I understandably got upset.”

“That’s not what happened at all, Matt, and you know it,” Zack spoke up now. “I can’t even believe what you just said to her!”

“What did he say?” Jimmy asked, looking over toward the two guitarists.

“He fucking said some horrible shit. I don’t even want to repeat it.” Zack shook his head and leaned over to rest it on Brian’s shoulder. “You tell him,” He whispered to the lead.

“He…” Brian paused, closing his eyes tight and sighing. “God, why the fuck am I telling him? Matt, you’re the one who said it, so you should have no problem repeating it!”

Matt straightened himself out and shot Brian a dirty look. “I don’t have to say shit. None of you are the boss of me, and neither is Jessica.”

“She’s your wife! She’s pregnant with your child! Doesn’t that mean anything to you?!” Zack exclaimed, looking completely outraged.

“Yes,” Matt said. “But that doesn’t give her the right to treat me the way she does.”

“Oh, my God. He’s hopeless. Hopeless.” Brian threw his hands up in exasperation.

“Someone tell me what the fuck just happened,” Jimmy ordered. “Right now.”

“I told her everything was a mistake, okay?” Matt finally admitted.

Jimmy raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”

“Jesus, I told her that us being together and getting married and her being pregnant was a mistake. Do you understand now, Kemo Sabe?” Matt, unbelievably, still joked during this intense situation, and Jimmy didn’t respond right away. He stared at Matt, eyes unreadable, as Johnny, who still stood behind him, matched his gaze to the t.

“You didn’t,” Jimmy said quietly.

Matt scoffed. “I did, and maybe it was fucking wrong of me, but she was wrong, too.”

“Matt, I am seriously about five seconds away from beating you to a lifeless pulp. I cannot even…I can’t believe you. I know you have anger problems, we all know that, but…did you even see her face? Did that not even bother you or affect you in the least bit?”

It was Matt’s turn to remain quiet, as he thought back to Jessica’s face right before she left. A sharp pang of guilt rocked his being, but he wasn’t about to admit fallaciousness, lest his ego deflate dramatically. “Of course it did. But, like I said, I was pushed to that extreme. She pushes me to this point every single time we fight.”

“What is wrong with you? Seriously, like, what in the hell is the matter with you? Your wife, your pregnant wife just left here, practically in a traumatic daze, and you don’t even care. What happened to you?” Jimmy questioned him, as the others looked on, all wondering the same exact thing.

“She happened to me. My anger was never this bad until I got with her.”

“Fuck that,” Jimmy protested. “Your anger was bad when you were younger, and progressed as you got older because you never sought counseling for it. That’s why you are the way you are. You need fucking anger management. Hell, you need therapy or some shit. And I’m going to be fair here, and say Jess probably needs some, too. I saw cuts on her arm the other day.”

Matt’s eyes snapped to Jimmy’s immediately. “What?”

“Yeah. So, if you want to stand there and blame her for your anger, then we can all blame you for her cutting. How about that?”

Matt only stared into the other’s crystal blue eyes. She was cutting again? Matt had no idea. He knew she did throughout her teen years, but had been told she stopped upon entering adulthood. This was, without a doubt, a surprise to the singer.

“I…I don’t know what to say.” Matt’s resolved crumbled just a little, but his stubbornness was still ever present. “It’s not my fault. I don’t make her do that.” Do I?

“And she doesn’t make you lash out like this. Are you understanding yet?” Jimmy’s voice had quieted dramatically. “Listen, she’s my little sister. I love her more than anything, and she’s the only reason I’m not bashing your brains in right now, as strange as it sounds. She loves you. You’re the father of my unborn nephew. But you’ve got to get your shit together, bro. You can’t keep doing this.”

“What the fuck,” Matt growled again. “It’s not all my fault!”

“I didn’t say it was.” Jimmy’s voice deepened a little. “But it’s not all her fault either. And she’s the one who ran out of here crying.”

“Whatever. None of you understand.” Matt shook his head and turned away from his friends and falling onto the couch that sat against the back wall. This was going to be a long night.



Jessica could barely hold her composure by the time she made it to her car and started driving. Anyone who could clearly see her state would have told her to stop the damn car and collect herself before continuing, but the little voice in her head kept whispering sinfully: just get out of there, don’t stop, don’t turn around, he doesn’t want you. So, she pushed on.

Cars sped by her as she drove down one of the busiest streets in town. Her stomach ached as she rested her hand on it, and it briefly made her wonder if the baby was in some kind of distress. Considering the fact that she was literally sobbing, it was almost a guaranteed fact that the baby would feel some sort of discomfort. Hell, Jessica’s whole body was suffering, and if she was even a little bit in her right mind, she probably would have considered trying to calm down for the sake of the little one.

She wasn’t, though, in her right mind. This was her problem growing up. By the time Jessica was thirteen, she was cutting numerous times a week. She even dappled with bulimia for a little while as she battled symptoms of body dysmorphic disorder. That part didn’t last too long, as she’d gotten with Matt a little after it began and he quickly shunned away any and all doubts of how beautiful her body was. It still didn’t cease her depression altogether, which was why her raving attitude at that very moment was so much more altered than that of a robust, able-bodied person.

Jessica’s vision became more and more obstructed as she continued to drive. The tears were like liquid barriers in her eyes, and the fact that she was hysterical wasn’t helping matters, either. It was beginning to be an effort to even see the cars around her, let alone what color the stop lights were. She was, no doubt, in absolute danger; especially now, as she took her eyes off the road in search of a tissue or napkin. The vehicle continued to cruise at the appropriate speed limit, but Jessica’s eyes were no longer paying attention to her surroundings.

Her fingers brushed over a napkin on the floor below and she quickly picked it up. She dabbed it at each optical, but still cried crazily. So much so, that it didn’t even cross her mind that the light she was cruising up to was red. If there were any other car in front of her, she would have rear ended them, but seeing as she was the first approaching, she continued to drive right through it.

A monstrous truck coming from the other direction blasted its horn, doing anything and everything it could to alert Jessica she was about to be struck. The only thing it succeeded in doing was gaining a gasp from the young woman, as she looked just in time to see the massive automobile coming, and it collided callously into the side of Jessica’s delectable, petite Lamborghini.