Ruined

That was the last time I was ever going to put my foot on the stage. That was the last time that I was ever going to be able to consider myself as a true musician ever again. That was the one night where my entire life went crashing down and began to spiral downwards into the dark mess that it became over the next three years. It was a Thursday night, July 16th of the year 2008, funny how dates seem to stick in a person’s memory like that, so easily as if it was really that easy to remember the bad things but so difficult to remember the good.
I had just been performing at a local bar in down town Calgary, not a huge bar, just a small little local one that barely held fifty people. I had been part of a little band called the J.A.M.S. a mixture of our names, we had gotten together six or so months before and after jamming in basements and managing to get some half-decent material together we had decided as a band to play a few shows around town, nothing major and a mix of the music that we had come up with and covers that we enjoyed. We didn’t do a half bad show, there were a few kinks throughout the show but it wasn’t anything major, it was almost perfect and the crowd did seem to enjoy it. It was that night that single-handedly ruined my promising future.

“That was fucking awesome! Can you believe it! The crowd fucking LIKED US!” Our drummer, Ashley half screamed with excitement as she clutched her drumsticks. She was the youngest of the four of us at seventeen years old. Playing tonight had caused a few issues but she had just showed her fake ID and complained that she was always getting checked and they let her in without a second glance.

“Ashley calm down, they might not have liked us.” Jesse replied as he took his bass guitar off slowly and shook his red hair. Jesse was the oldest in the band and he acted like it with his always calming personality, it was like he could never be truly excited he always just seemed to be mellowed out

“They didn’t throw anything at us so that means they didn’t hate us!” She replied back making our singer Sarah-Jane but more commonly known as Sage let out a long peeling laugh.

“You know she’s right about that.” Sage said her voice strained, she sounded like though she was about to lose her voice, which was typical after a practice or anything of that sort. Afterwards she would just have to drink a lot of water and then she’d be fine again (or at least so she told us.)

“So what do we do now?” Jesse asked as he looked around the room from one face to the next, that was a good question. Jesse and Sage exchanged a look as I shrugged my shoulders helplessly, I didn’t know what to do any more than the others, it was my first time playing at a bar too. Canada, Alberta especially seemed to stifle it’s music scene by not allowing minors to play in bars even with parent consent. That was the main issue with getting Ashley in, not because we were actually drinking but because she was legally not allowed in the bar even though she had no intention of drinking what so ever.

“I don’t know, maybe just start packing up, Ashley just needs to dismantle the drum kit, which I’m sure she won’t have a problem doing since it is her drum kit.” Sage suggested as I exchanged a glance with Ashley. Sage was a slight fun killer off the stage, business wise, on the stage and when we were out she was a blast but at band practice. Nightmare.

“I guess, and then maybe afterwards we can hang around the bar for a little bit and maybe have a drink or something.” Jesse said, it didn’t sound like he was any happier with clean up duty then we were. Not like we didn’t expect it though. Okay so maybe I lied about the whole no intention of drinking, but it wasn’t like she had never had a drink before. She was seventeen years old and a self-proclaimed badass, which was technically true though not on the level that people thought she was much worse.

“I guess.” I mumbled rather reluctantly, I mean I knew that I was supposed to clean up I just didn’t like to clean up. Ashley nodded her head in agreement though I could see she was just as reluctant as me, just waiting to get out and party in a sense. I took my guitar off my shoulders, realizing that I still had it on and opened my case gently, it was raining outside and with my guitar which I had just recently purchased a few months before after my old one had been retired in a sense, I didn’t want to take any chances on it getting damaged or wet or anything like that really. I put my guitar in my case carefully before shutting it and latched it shut.

“Mommy I’m done cleaning, can I go and fuck around now?” Jesse said in a little kid voice before sticking his tongue out before Sage turned around.

“I guess you can, if you’re done cleaning.” Sage said, missing the point of the joke and speaking like a parent would. Jesse and I exchanged a look before practically bolting out from the back.

“Are you sure that you don’t want us to stick around and everything?” I asked cautiously as I turned around before leaving, the last thing we needed to do was to piss off our singer, because sometime soon it would have dire consequences. Like our next gig, if we had one.

“Well now that you mention it…” Sage said as Jesse glared at me, like it was my fault that I had offered to help so she wasn’t in a bad mood. “You guys could put your stuff in my car.” She finished as the dug the keys out of her pocket and threw them to me. I caught them easily. “Not a problem, I think I’ll just keep the keys.” I told her jokingly as a smirk appeared on her face.

“Go for it, the car’s a shit box anyways.” She replied, which wasn’t exactly a lie. It had been a great car, about six or seven years ago when it had been new to the road.

“So then you wouldn’t mind if I crashed the damn thing?” I asked in a sugary sweet voice watching her facial expression carefully as I took the steps back, picking up my guitar case with a groan, it wasn’t exactly light.

“If you crash my fucking car McKayla I swear to god I’ll smash that guitar over your head.” Sage said as her face started to go red, a sign that she was about to blow, her car was one of the many things that she had no sense of humour about.

“I’m kidding Sage, I wouldn’t dream of taking the box for a run.” I walked away, heaving my guitar case with Jesse carrying the case for his bass close behind.

“You know you could at least hold open the damned door.” Jesse grumbled behind me as I used my hip to push open the door and walked through.

“You know you could always be a gentleman and walk in front of me and hold the door open for me,” was my reply as he let out a snort of disbelief.

“Or not.” For that I bumped the back door open and kicked it closed, on Jesse hearing him swear loudly as it nearly shut on him.

“That was not very nice.” Jesse said of course adding a few other choice words that he was choosing to direct at me. I frowned at him as I put my guitar case down on my foot. It was sprinkling lightly outside, which wasn’t odd the weather men had predicted heavy rain over the next couple of days. I dug the keys out of my jacket pocket and inserted the key into the driver’s door. Yeah the car was that old that you needed to unlock it manually; on top of that you also needed to roll down the windows by hand.

I didn’t answer Jesse instead I swung the door open and clicked the unlock button while Jesse unlocked the back door and I popped the trunk. He could put his guitar in the backseat but my instrument was going in the trunk. It would only be there temporarily, until I planned to leave. I was walking home; I only lived a nice ten minute walk from the bar, in the shabby apartment’s downtown. It was all I could afford; working at a dry cleaners didn’t pay as much as you thought it did. Go figure. I put the car keys back into my pocket as I picked my case up off my foot and took the few steps to the trunk, heaving it up and into the trunk and setting it down with a gentle thud. My hand rested on the case for a moment before I withdrew and shut the trunk.

“You take forever!” Jesse teased me as I looked up; I had completely forgotten that I wasn’t alone.

“Not my fault, I don’t want anything to happen to my guitar.” I replied as I took the few steps back to the open door, my feet crunching on the sand that they poured everywhere during the winter to get rid of the ice. The city poured it everywhere but never seemed to get rid of it. I pressed the lock button, hearing the click as if confirmed that it had indeed locked the doors before shutting it and testing the door to make sure it was actually locked. You never knew with Sage’s shit box.

“And I obviously want something to happen to mine.” Jesse said sarcastically as I put the keys in my pocket before walking around the car and past Jesse back towards the bar. I didn’t respond to Jesse’s comment, I was more focused on just heading back to the bar and being able to have a beer or two and being able to unwind and relax after performing, after all the rush you got from performing in a bar was nothing compared to the rush you got when you were thirteen and playing some hokey Beatles song in front of your entire junior high, at the thought of that embarrassing memory I could feel my ears grow red followed by the rest of my face. “Or you can just ditch me, that’s cool too.” Jesse’s footsteps quickened on the gravel as he caught up with me. I wrapped my hand against the cool metal and pulled on it waiting for the back door to open so we could both get inside. It didn’t budge.

“I guess we’re going around to the front.” I said out loud as my hand fell to my side, I met Jesse’s eyes with my own and he shrugged like he wasn’t bothered at all by the fact it would take us another five or so minutes to walk around the side, not to mention it was still sprinkling and with the amount of hairspray I had in my hair that was not a good thing.

“Well then I guess we’d better get going before Sage thinks we took her car for a joyride.” He replied as a chuckle escaped both our lips. Jesse and I taking Sage’s car for a joyride was a slightly, alright very amusing thought. Especially the yelling that we would get after we got back if that was to ever happen. I felt around behind my shoulders for my hood, wanting to flip it up, rather having to deal with slightly knotted hair then wet hair when we got inside the bar. My hair was already damp which meant it was probably going to be a mess once it dried. I pulled the red hood up over my head and shoved my hands in my jacket pockets before Jesse and I fell in step as we walked towards the front of the building.

“We did really good tonight.” I said after a moment of silence, trying to start a conversation with him so it wouldn’t be so awkward on the walk to the front door.

“Yeah we did, better than I expected we would.”

“We must’ve just clicked tonight or something.” The words seemed to hit me in a weird way almost, like I wasn’t expecting Jesse to say it, or to mean it. Or that I wouldn’t expect them to stick with me for so long.

“I guess it did kinda seem like we clicked.” I mumbled to myself after a moment as I stared at my feet, trying to watch where I was going and avoid tripping over the gravel that was everywhere. I looked up for a moment and caught Jesse’s eye and we started to talk about anything that came to our minds while we were walking.

“Allow me to get that for you Miss.” Jesse joked as he slid in front of me and held open the door. I gave him a smirk as I walked in.

“Thank you kind sir.” I teased back as I heard the door shut behind me.

“Can you see any of ‘em?” Now that we were back around other people the comedy act was dropped. I didn’t even need to ask who “’em” were, that would be the other half of the band, Sage and Ashley.

“I think I can see Ashley over there.” I said as I spotted black hair that looked like it had been so tightly crimped it could only belong to Ashley, and perhaps Ashley’s twin Allyson.

“The black crimped hair?” Jesse asked as he peeked over my shoulder, I nodded my head.

“What if it’s Allyson?” He asked after a moment.

“Can’t be, Ash was bummed out earlier this week because she was working tonight and wouldn’t be able to make it.” Jesse paused for a moment before he bobbed his head.

“Then let’s go!” He half exclaimed before starting to push his way through the crowd, I followed close behind, letting Jesse do most of the work.

“Jesse! McKayla! Come on! What are you guys waiting for?” Ashley shouted as she saw us and waved, a grin plastered across her face and a drink of some sort in her hand.

“Yeah Jesse what are you waiting for?” I said sarcastically as he shot me a look.

“I’m waiting to know if you’d like a drink, so would you like an alcoholic beverage Miss?” He asked as he turned my attention back to me.

“Of course she does!” Ashley shouted as she thumped him hard on the back.

“Why not, just a rum and coke would be great.” I added after a moment with a little less enthusiasm then Ashley had.

“Sounds good, I’ll grab it for you!” Jesse called as he disappeared, leaving me with Sage and Ashley. We talked among ourselves for a few minutes until Jesse returned with two drinks. He held one out to me, which I took before taking a sip, feeling the Coca-Cola in the back of my throat before I swallowed, I couldn’t taste the alcohol, which wasn’t a good thing, it meant that I would drink faster which meant I had a higher chance of getting drunk or tipsy.
The night seemed to drag on for the next half an hour or so, at least until the rest of my drink vanished and two of Sage’s drinks vanished then it really seemed to pick up, mostly due to the amusement of Sage trying to teach Jesse how to dance.

“I hate to say this because it’s a great time, but I’m gonna head home.” I told Ashley as I stifled a yawn for what seemed like the billionth time in just a few minutes, I was beat, the adrenaline of being onstage had long since worn off while the alcohol and fatigue had begun to set in.

“What? It’s only like.” She stopped for a moment to pull her cell-phone out of her bra and check the time. “One-thirty, and it’s a Thursday, and you don’t work tomorrow.” She started, trying to convince me to say.

“No I’d better go, I’m tired, not to mention I have some running around that I have to do tomorrow.” Was my reply as a frown settled on her usually joyful face.

“If you want to be that way, you might need these.” She threw a set of keys at me that I caught after they hit the center of my chest. “Sage’s keys, I took them from her before she went dancing, just grab the guitar and return ‘em or she’ll have my head.”

“Not a problem, or just come with me so I don’t have to bring the guitar in here to return the keys, it’ll only take a second.” I said as she shrugged catching the keys as I threw them at her.

“Not like I have anything else to do.” As we wove our way through the bar, which was quite full considering it was a Thursday night, I only lived three or four blocks away, a nothing walk to an apartment complex where I rented the room with a roommate I barely knew. We slipped outside the same door that I had slipped out earlier in the night with Jesse to bring equipment out. It was cool but not cold, the air was wet but no rain was falling from the dark sky like it had been earlier.

“We did good tonight, you did good tonight.” I said after a few minutes of silence to Ashley as she popped the trunk of the car open and I retrieved the guitar case before slamming the trunk shut, looking at the reaction on Ashley’s face. She was the bands drummer, the youngest out of all of us who had only been playing drums for three years and was better than most drummers around, she had graduated in June and had gotten a musical scholarship to the University of Calgary for music and she wrote quite a bit of music for the band.

“Thanks McKayla, are you sure you don’t want me to drive you home? I’m sure Sage wouldn’t mind…” She started as a smile broke out across her face and I shook my head.
“It’s not a problem, you’re a fantastic drummer and I’m fine, the apartment is like four blocks away I can walk, plus it’s nice out.” I replied as she shrugged her shoulders.

“Suit yourself, I’d better get back or else Sage will think that I stole her car.” We both laughed before saying our goodbyes before going our separate ways, Ashley going back to the bar and ready to continue to celebrate a fantastic performance and me on my way home never expecting that on the streets of Calgary so many bad things could happen.