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Chapter Ten

As November ended it became gloomy and gray outside, it had been nearly three months that Erin had been at Grimmauld Place, and she hadn’t been outside in the longest time. She missed being outside, though she had never been an outside person before, now she found herself doing more and more drawings of lake sides and little towns. Her magic lessons were becoming less and less for she was able to do magic better and better, but Remus still had a few more things to show her.

“What we will be doing today is called the Patronus charm” said Remus. Erin stood in the cleared out drawing room again, twirling her wand in her fingers. “What your patronus does is; it can fend off Demetors it can also send messages if need be.”

She nodded, saying she understood and that she was still listening, but she was staring out of the window, she wondered if it was going to snow soon, Christmas wasn’t that far away now and she would love to have a white Christmas, even if she couldn’t go outside and enjoy it.

“Now repeat after me…. Expecto Patronum said Remus, but he did not have a wand so nothing happen when he said it. “I don’t expect you to get this right away, Harry learned this in his third year and it took him awhile, it is quite odd for someone so young to learn this charm, some adults even have trouble.”

Erin nodded again, but didn’t say anything; she was going over the words in her head.

“Now, when you say these words a white mist will come from your wand and once you get good at it, it will form a shape of an animal.”

“What’s yours?” she suddenly asked.

“A wolf.”

She smirked at this, of course it was a wolf, she now wondered what hers would be …maybe a dog, a cat… a bunny? She had no idea.

“Shall we try?”

“Yeah…alright” she muttered, still thinking hard about what animal it would take, her favorite animal had always been dogs, she had one when she was a little girl, but he ran away.

”Right then, now think of the happiest memory you can think of, a strong memory, let it fill you up and say Expecto Patronum"

She pointed her wand at nowhere imparticular and breathed in deeply. “Expecto Patronum."

White mist fizzed from the tip of her wand, but it did not shape into an animal. Remus didn’t find this shocking at all he just told her to try once again and she did to have the same white mist come from the wand.

“Like I said, some adults can’t even do it” Remus said, an hour later when he was leaving. “You’ll get it.”

Once he was gone she went to find Sirius in with Buckbeak. She patted his beak softly and he ruffled his fathers at her.

“We were doing Patronuses today” she told Sirius.

“And how did that go?”

“Not good… it didn’t shape into an animal…” she trailed off.

“It’s a hard charm, don’t feel bad” Sirius told her.

“That’s what Remus said.”

Sirius smiled and nodded, before feeding Buckbeak a bucket of odd looking things.

“What are those?”

“Dead rats” he smirked.

“OK….” she mused, looking degusted. “I have to go now.”

She could hear Sirius laughing as she shut the door behind her and went down the stairs, she took refuge in the kitchen, but she couldn’t bring herself to cook anything just thinking about them dead rats Buckbeak was eating floors above as she sat there. Soon Sirius joined her, taking his usual seat.

“You know, it took a bit for me to master the Putronus too, the trick is to pick the right memory, it was hard for me to think of a good one, what was yours?”

“When the old lady told me I was a witch, I was so happy to finally figure out what was wrong with me” Erin told him.

“Hm” he mused, thoughtfully. “I don’t think that’s strong enough.”

“Well, I mean, the day I met you and Remus, I wouldn’t say that I was too happy, so…”

“It doesn’t have to do with magic at all... it could be just you and some muggle talking, as long as you felt a strong enough emotion, a happy emotion.”

“I don’t know” she said, glum.

“You’ll think of one” Sirius said, reassuringly.

In the weeks to come she still couldn’t think of a happy memory or when she felt a strong happy emotion, Remus still thought she was doing good though, or he said he did, she wondered if he was starting to feel frustrated with her again, he didn’t show it, but he didn’t last time either.

“Staying for dinner, Moony?” Sirius asked, as Erin and Remus walked into the kitchen.

“Yes, I thought I would….if you don’t mind.”

She made them dinner, but she wasn’t feeling hungry, she was angry with herself, she wanted to do good, she was doing so well with her magic now, almost like any other witch her age, but how come the Patronus was so hard for her? It never took her this long to figure a charm out before.

“Aren’t you going to eat?” Sirius asked, already taking seconds of his Pot Pie.

“No, I’m not hungry” she said, her voice dull and glum.

“Are you still upset about this Patonus?” Sirius asked, rolling his eyes.

“I’m telling you, Erin, this is normal, the Patonus is a very hard spell, it takes some longer then this to learn it and you’re doing very well.”

“You’re just saying that….” she trailed off.

“I mean it, you’re doing very good… don’t you trust me?”

“Of course I trust you…” she glared at Remus; who just smiled back at her.

“She just thinks you’re a lying git” Sirius smirked.

“I do not think he’s a git… he’s very smart” Erin snapped at him.

“Then why don’t you believe me when I tell you how good your doing?” Remus asked.

“I just want to do better…that’s all” she stated. “It’s the memories, is what it is, I can’t think of any happy ones.”

“Was your life that horrible with the muggles?” Sirius asked, taking thirds.

“NO!” she yelled. “My life was great before….”

“Then why don’t you remember them or something?” Sirius asked. “How old was your sister?”

“She was seven….”

“Then remember playing a game with her... or having a chat with your mum” Sirius told her.

“I’ve tried that… I just end up getting sad.”

“Yes, well if you’re ever round the demetors you’ll be feeling a lot worse, trust me” said Sirius, with spite.

“We’ll try again, next time, I’m sure you’ll get it soon” said Remus, but she wasn’t listening, she had just thought of a happy memory; one of her happiest.

“I’ll be right back” she jumped up and ran out of the room, she went back into the drawing room. Where she closed her eyes tight and remembered her sister and her mother, she remembered the day her sister was born, it was so scary, she had been an only child for years and years, she was worried for her mom and excited to see her new sister. Erin remembered when her mother called her into the room, a little thing was in her mother’s arms, wrapped up in pink blankets, and her mother handed her over to her just like it was her baby too. Erin looked down onto that little face, the big blue eyes staring back at her, she knew it wasn’t possible but she swore she thought that baby…her little sister, smiled up at her. She then pointed the wand and kept thinking of that day.

“Expecto Patronum ” she nearly yelled, closing her eyes, tight to hold back the tears. After a few seconds she opened her eyes again to see a white, misty animal standing there, it began to walk about her, she looked at it intensely, trying to figure out what it was, could it be a dog? It looked like a dog. But it was a big dog if it was. It got closer to her and she could see it was a Labrador Retriever. She smiled at it and relaxed her wand, the misty animal was gone, only thing left was a bit of vapor, but soon that was gone too. She sunk into a chair nearby, sighing. She hadn’t thought of her sister’s birth in a long time, as happy as she was that day that’s how sad she felt now. She let the tears slip down her rosy cheeks, not able to contain them anymore. After a few minutes she heard footsteps, then voices.

“Where did Erin run off to?” it was Remus asking.

“She probably went to draw again, let’s have a look in the drawing room” said Sirius. [i[Oh no, they’re coming she thought, trying to mop up the tears and pinch her cheeks, so her eyes didn’t look so red and puffy, she managed to rid herself of the tears by the time they walked in, but her face was still red and blotchy, Remus looked at her concerned.

“You alright?” he asked, both he and Sirius were standing by the door, while Erin was across the room, Sirius now looking at her greatly concerned too.

“I’m…I’m fine” she mumbled, she feared if she spoke at all she would break again.

“You look like you’ve been crying” stated Sirius, they moved a bit closer to her, not getting to close though.

“I…no..I…I’m fine” she couldn’t help it, the tears started to fall again. “Damn.”

Sirius looked slightly apprehensive about approaching her, but Remus was to her side in less than three seconds.

“What's the matter?” he asked, concern strong in his voice, Remus got down on one knee and patted her back, soothingly. “Tell me what's wrong.”

“I..I...nothing...”

“Well, there's obviously something wrong” said Sirius, coming a bit closer now.

“I..I just... I just produced a Patronus” she cried, trying to mop away the tears again.

“That's great” said Remus.

“Why are you crying then?” Sirius asked.

“I..I...I thought of when my sister was born, that was my happy memory...weh..when my sister was born.”

“That sounds like a happy memory” said Sirius, a bit confused.

“It...it..it was, but now..now...they are g-g-gone...”

“We know how you feel” Remus said, rubbing her back now. “We've lost people we cared about to.”

“Yeah, like James” said Sirius. “I was a wreck.”

“As was I... I thought two of my best friends were dead and the other was in prison for their murder...”

“But..but..” she sobbed into her hands, thinking how very embarrassing it was for her to be balling in front of Remus and Sirius. “I just miss them so much.”

“Not a day go's by that I don't miss James” Sirius told her, coming closer again.

“And Lily” Remus added. “Imagine how Harry feels, he hasn't any family at all…well, he does, but…well at least we got to know the family we loved.”

“Oh, po-poor Harry” at this the tears got worse and now Sirius was kneeling down next to her. Patting her on the knee, kind of awkwardly.

“We still have each other, and one day we will all live happily together... remember what we talked about?”

“Ye...yes” she mumbled. “But I just... I just... I feel so bad, I'm n-never doing the Patronus again.”

“Now, don't say that, I want to see it” said Sirius.

“Its...its... a d-dog” she muttered.

“Really?” Sirius smiled. “Brilliant.”

“Don't worry about it now, you can show us when you’re ready” Remus then told her, she nodded, trying to rid her tears.

“Come now, no more crying” Sirius said. “We have desert to eat.”

“Is food all you think about?” she looked up at him and he was smirking

“Well, when you’re in prison for twelve years then on the run for a year, you don't get good food... and yours is some of the best.”

“Well, then, we should go have some desert” she muttered.

“Will you be alright?” Remus asked her, she nodded slowly.

“I'll be fine” she sniffed and they backed away from her slowly, standing up, she rose out of the chair and smiled at them slightly, Sirius then left the room, on his way back to the kitchen. “Remus...”

“Yes?” he asked, turning around from leaving the room.

“Thank you” she said softly.

“For what?”

“Making me feel better...”

He smiled at her.

“Any time, can’t have you crying now, can we?”

Later that night she lie in her bed, Erin still felt sad, but better, much better, she was just about a sleep when…BANG.

She sat up quick; there was another bang, what in the world was going on? She got out of her bed quick and raced to the door, she opened to see a dog racing down the hall; he stopped and looked at her, showing his teeth.

“What was that?” she asked, knowing full well he couldn’t answer, he was a dog. The dog growled and raced past her. He wanted her to stay in her room, but she didn’t care, she wasn’t going to let him go down there alone, she fallowed the black, shaggy dog down the stairs and into the hall, by now Sirius’ mothers painting was screaming her lungs out and it was pitch black, the dog could see better in the dark then Erin could, so she stayed close to him. She could feel his body heat on her leg as they walked. But they could hear something, something moving, someone was in the house. Suddenly Padfoot leaped and barked, and there was a scream. Erin stood there very confused and very scared till she heard…

“Bloody hell, Tonks” coming from Sirius. “Sorry about the bite.”

Suddenly the lights were on and Tonks was getting off the floor, while Sirius stood, looking a bit mad.

“What are you doing here?” he asked her, helping her off the floor.

“I’m sorry, I’ve been on duty all day, finally Kingsley came and relieved me, I can’t barely think, I need a cup of tea and some food… I knew if I came here…” Tonks looked over at Erin.

“Right” said Sirius, like scaring them both to death was all forgiven, he ushered Tonks down the kitchen stairs. “Mind making her something to eat, Erin?”

“Not at all…”

Erin was still shaky as she cooked, she hadn’t been that scared for awhile, she put a plate of food in front of Tonks and sat down next to Sirius; who was half dozing in his chair.

“Am I wrong in thinking that was scary as hell?” she finally asked him, pocking his shoulder; he blinked a few times and looked over at her.

“Yes, it was a bit…”

“What was with the dog thing?”

“I used my dog form just in case… but I Was prepared to duel at anytime.”

“Yes, Mr. Happy Paws… just looking for an excuse to go all Padfoot on us, eh?” Erin smirked at him. He gave her a dirty look then went back to dozing off.

“Mind if I send the night here?” Tonks then asked.

“Not at all” Sirius muttered. “You can use the room Remus stays in.”

Tonks nearly choked on her food when he said this, both Erin and Sirius just looked at her.

“Er… thanks” she blushed, looking back down at her food. Erin didn’t know why but she wasn’t feeling tired anymore, what she was feeling was scared, what if that was a Death Eater? How would they know who was here though? The house was protected. But still, it could have been a Dementor coming to get Sirius.

“I think I’m going back to bed” said Sirius and got up and made to leave the room.

“Goodnight” Tonks smiled, drinking some tea.

“Yeah...night” Erin muttered, feeling a lot worse now that he had gone, once she heard the kitchen door shut she flinched. She sat there biting her nails while watching Tonks.

“You seem a bit on edge…”

“I’m fine” she lied; she didn’t want to tell Tonks she had nearly made her pee her pants. “I’m just a bit tired, is all.”

“Right, so am I, I’m off to bed now” Tonks smiled at her. “Thanks for the food.”

Erin smiled and watched as Tonks left too, she was all alone now, all alone, in a big, creepy house, all alone with the thoughts of Death Eaters and Dementors on the loose, one could be going down the street as she stood there, looking for Sirius, no wonder he was in his dog form. She did the dishes and put them away, all the time being very alert; she wished she didn’t leave her wand up stairs. But what would she have done with it? She couldn’t duel, one thing she knew for sure, a Death Eater would not be as patient as Remus. She then started wishing he was there, he would be able to calm her down, he was nice and talked in a manner that calmed her no matter what, his voice was soothing, and his smile made her feel better, like that evening when she was upset over her family. She liked his smile and liked how he would stay calm when arguing, she liked how he was insecure about his ‘problem’, you could see it in his eyes. And she liked his eyes, they were deep, like he had been through many things in his life, and he had, he was strong and brave and trustworthy....

She sighed with a silly smile on her face, falling into her chair once again. She was nearly asleep at the table, thinking about the next magic lesson, she was going to impress Remus with her dog patronus, she had learned it faster than Harry, which had to impress him, it just had too. Suddenly there was another loud bang. She jumped out of her seat, looking around, this wasn’t Tonks this time. She looked around for a weapon of some kind, but the Death Eaters had a killing curse as a weapon, she nearly cried as she grabbed a wooden spoon and ever so slowly walked up the kitchen steps, once back in the main hall, the lights were still on and she looked around, there was nothing and no one there, she heard a noise, like someone was on the stairs. She crept slowly to the stairs, where she saw Sirius walking down them.

“Are you going to stew me?” he asked, with a grin.

“No” she said dropping the spoon to her side.

“Then what are you doing?”

“I thought I heard something...” she trailed off.

“Right” he smirked. “I was just coming back to make sure you are ok, you seemed a bit shaken, but I see now that you have your trusty wooden spoon to keep you safe.”

“Shut up” she rolled her eyes at him. Erin fallowed Sirius up the stairs, there was once again another bang and Erin jumped, nearly falling backwards down the stairs. Sirius grabbed her arm.

“It was just Buckbeak, you need to calm yourself, Erin.”

“I know...I know...” she trailed off, sighing, looking around, nervously. “But I can't help it... I'm not a big, strong, brave Gryffendor like you.”

“You don't have to be a Gyrffindor to be all those things” he told her, pulling her away from the steps a little more, just to make sure she didn't fall down them. “You fallowed me downstairs a bit ago, that shows you are brave.”

“I almost had a heart attack.... if I knew where some hills were, I would have ran for them.”

Sirius chuckled at this.

“It’s not funny.”

“It's a bit...but I was scared too, everyone gets scared, its life.”

She just shook her head and he swung his arm around her shoulders.

“Tell you what, if your still scared you can spend the night in my room.”

“Where will you be?” she asked, staring at him strangely.

“Er, with you” he looked at her puzzled for a second. Her eyebrow rose at that.

“Isn't that a bit weird?” she asked.

“Well, it’s either me or Tonks...”

“YOU!” she almost yelled, Sirius laughed and pulled her down the hall. They got to a door that even said Sirius on it, she had been in front of the door a few times before, but had never been inside the room.. He pushed open the door and walked in. She fallowed; the walls were covered with posters of motorcycles and people on broom sticks, she walked around the room a bit, looking at different thing; she then found a picture, a moving picture of four teenagers.

“That's James” Sirius said, coming out of nowhere, pointing at the guy with black, messy hair and round glasses.

“He was cute” she smiled; she knew Sirius was giving her a weird look but didn't bother to smirk over at him. The person standing next to James in the photo; also had black hair, but it was a bit longer, she knew right away that was Sirius. And there was no question which one was Remus. She was right in thinking he looked just as he did now, but younger, he had that same smile, he looked wise beyond his years, and had a few less marks on his face. She stood there for awhile, just staring at the teenage Remus Lupin, she had forgotten about the others, didn't even bother to look at the other boy in the picture.

“Stop staring at Remus and get into bed already” she heard from behind her. She tore her eyes away from Remus and glared at Sirius.

“How do you know who I was looking at?” she spat. “I could have been very taken with James...”

He said nothing and closed his eyes, for he was already in bed. She felt weird, she had never shared a bed before, maybe with her little sister a few times, but never with a man... it was odd, and she didn't like it. She got into the bed quick and rolled on her side, facing away from him. She could still see the picture of the four teenagers, she couldn't make out Remus' face but she could see his shape; slightly moving. She closed her eyes while biting her lip, thinking once more of how she was going to wow Remus with her patronus.