I Keep on Running

“Boy, am I glad that you're driving, Theresa... My head is absolutely spinning,” I say, shaking my head still, trying my best to hold back my happy tears.
She continues looking forward, focusing on the traffic in front of us. “Why is that? What's going on? I mean, what did you even have an appointment for?”
I rolled my eyes, “Enough with the questions!”
She laughs, “Tell me what's going on!” she groans, hitting her steering wheel playfully.
I chuckle at her childishness, “Alright, alright. Well, I originally set the appointment up because I thought I had stomach ulcers,” I say, waiting for her to respond. She just nods, having nothing to say about it. “So, as I told you earlier, she took a piss test on me to make sure I wasn't pregnant because x-rays give off radiation which isn't good for babies, obviously.”
I watch her bring her eyebrows together as she tries to understand what I'm trying to say to her. “Payton... Are you trying to tell me that you're...” she trails off, looking at me.
I grin at her out of excitement, nodding lightly. “Reese, Jorel and I are having another baby!”
Hearing this, she slams on the brakes, causing me to go forward a little, “What?! You're actually pregnant?!” she exclaims, giving me her undivided attention.
“Theresa, what the fuck! You can't just stop in traffic like that!” I yell frantically, bracing myself for someone to careen into us. “Can you move the car to the side of the road or something?”
She shakes her head, realizing how stupid her reaction was. She then takes off, pulling over onto the nearest side road, putting the car in park before turning herself towards me.

“Explain, now.”
I laugh nervously at her seriousness. “I mean, you of all people should know how babies are made... Speaking of which, where is Scarlett?” I say, turning towards the backseat.
“Haha, very funny,” she says, clearly unamused, “She's at home with my mom. Now, speak.”
I rolled my eyes, turning away from her, crossing my arms over my chest. “Well, after I came back from the hospital after my breakdown, they put me on anti-depressants and such,” I pause to look at the confused look strewn across her face. I completely forgot that her and all the boys don't really know all the details behind what had happened after Marissa was born, but that didn't matter right now, I think as I cringe at my mistake. “Long story, anyways... I've been feeling a lot better about myself and we started going back to our old ways. About a month ago, Jorel and I became sexually active again after like four months of me just shrugging him off,” I frown to myself as I thought about that. “Well, here I am. Pregnant, once again. And this time, I feel real good about it.”
She cups her face in her hands, smiling. “I'm so happy for you, Payton. C'mere,” she mumbles, reaching over to me with both arms wide open.
I lean towards her, wrapping my arms around her the best I could in the car. I laid my head on her shoulder, starting to tear up again as I once again thought about this baby being here. She pats my hair, running her hand down the length. “You're gonna be a great mom, and I mean that wholeheartedly.”
I let out a happy sob, pulling away from her to wipe the tears away from my cheeks. “Thank you. It really means a lot, coming from such an amazing mother, such as yourself.”
“You're welcome. Now stop crying, because I'm gonna start crying, and we need to get home safely,” she giggles, turning back towards the wheel, putting the car in drive.

Now that I told Theresa the big news, all I wanted to do was to spill the beans on Jorel, but I really didn't want to do it over text or by phone call. I have to Skype him tonight, but it still doesn't seem right telling him then because he's not really here. I wanted to really see and feel his excitement, rather than just watch his reaction. It saddened me a little to find out that I'm expecting, but to not have him here by my side. I had to think of another thing to tell him tonight, but I wasn't sure what. I looked over at Theresa, hoping by just looking at her, I'd be able to solve this problem. But nothing came to mind.

“So, when are you going to tell J?”
I groaned, seeing as this wasn't what I was hoping for. “I've been trying to figure that out. I'm Skyping him tonight, but I just don't feel comfortable telling him then.” I brought my lip into my mouth again, chewing on it as I contemplated on what to do.
“Hmm,”she mumbles to herself. “So basically you want to tell him in person.” I nod at her as she thinks for a minute. “Why don't you just tell him when we go to Chicago? I mean, he plans on taking you out to the ferris- shit!” she slaps a hand over her mouth, gasping as she clearly said something she didn't mean to. “Oh my god! Pretend I never said anything!”
I shake my head at her, obliging to what she told me to do. “Why didn't I think of that?” I continue to shake my head to myself, seeing as I should have obviously thought of that myself.
“I don't know, why didn't you?” she chuckles at me.
Rolling my eyes at her, I lean back against my seat, resting my eyes.

-+-+-+-

I stared down at my barely-yet-still-protruding belly, leaning against a propped-up pillow. A tiny smile makes its way across my face as I think about having another tiny human being inside of me. It wasn't just any tiny human, obviously, but it was my and Jorel's baby. Our little bundle of joy. It still hadn't really sunk in that I was pregnant-- hell, it was hard to understand that I was able to conceive in the first place! I chuckle to myself, placing both my hands on my small belly. I slowly rub my stomach, hoping to soothe it. I couldn't wait to tell Jorel, or to have his hands do what mine were doing right now. My eyes start to water, thinking about our first pregnancy, and just how happy we were. He had been so excited to the point where he couldn't keep his hands off of me, and any time he could, he would lay soft kisses on my baby bump. That was his way of bonding with her, and I honestly couldn't wait to have him do that to this baby. I sniffle, a single tear leaking out of my right eye.

My eyes fall lower, landing on the long scar that ran across my abdomen. I traced it with my fingertips as I usually would, frowning. I wish this scar would just disappear-- it does nothing but bring back memories that I don't want to have anymore. I wrench my eyes shut, trying to hold back my saddened tears as I think about that day in the hospital all over again. It seemed so much more real now, having another baby inside of me... What if it happens again? What if they take this baby away from me, too? My lips involuntarily tremble, still trying to hold back my sadness... Sobbing, I take my hands away from my belly, covering my face. I couldn't keep it back anymore; I was so scared of having a repeat.

My phone rings and vibrates next to me, distracting me for a moment. There was a text from Jorel, telling me to get on Skype since he finally got some alone time away from the boys. Instantly, I sit up and reach for my laptop, opening it up as I sat cross-legged on my bed. I opened up Skype, waiting for his call. When it did finally come through, I couldn't help the enormous smile that spread across my face. Oh, how I missed looking into his deep brown eyes-- even if it was just through the computer screen. I longed for his perfect smile and his comforting voice. I wipe away a straggling tear that never went away from when I was crying about the thought of losing this baby, and instantly, Jorel was concerned. “Baby, why are you crying? Are you happy to see me?”
I chuckle, embarrassed, and rub my eyes to rid of the remaining tears. “I am happy to see you, but that wasn't why I was crying,” I smile towards the camera.
He cocks his head to the side, “Then why? Is something wrong?”
I shake my head 'no'. “Not necessarily, I was just thinking... About Marissa. About losing her.”
“Oh,” he replies, saddened, “I'm sorry, doll. What made you start thinking about that?”
I pulled my lip into my mouth and chewed on it like I always would when nervous. “I'm just lonely,” I lied quickly. I couldn't tell him the actual reason why-- not here, not now.
“I know you're lonely, and I'm sorry... I wish I could do something better than video chat with you. I wish that you were here, or I were there, honestly... But babe, do me a favor and look at the sky.”
I furrowed my brow, scooting myself off of my bed to do so. It was dark out, seeing as the sun set not too long ago. The sky was a beautiful navy blue, with the stars and moon shining as bright as ever.

“You see the sky, right? I can, too. We're looking at the same sky, so you're not as lonely as you think you are. Whenever you are lonely, just look up and remember that I'm looking at it, too, missing you.”
I walked back over and sat down in front of my laptop again. “I guess you're right about that.”
“No, Payton, I am right about it. There's no guessing that.”
I smile at him. “Thanks for that, really. I miss you so much, J.”
I watch him grin into the camera. “I miss you so much, too, Pay. But remember, there's only a couple more weeks and I'll have a nice surprise waiting for you.”
I cock my head to the side, “Really?” I ask, my voice raising a few octaves.
“Mhm.”
“Like what?”
He chuckles at me. “Don't worry, you'll find out. I wouldn't want to ruin the surprise, anyhow.”
“Well, fine. I guess I won't tell you my surprise, either,” I retort, folding my arms over my chest.
“Oh? And what might that be?”
I shake my head at him. “I'm not telling you,” I reply in a sing-song voice.
He pouts at me, whining. “Pleeease?”
“Nuh uh, don't pull that shit on me. I really can't tell you through chat, anyways.”
“Alright, fine. But you better let me give you your surprise first, okay?”
I smile lightly. “Okay.”
He flashes me his heartwarming smile that I've been missing, my heart pounding in my chest.

Seeing him like this made me realize just how much I did miss him. I couldn't wait to be there with him in a few weeks, holding him to me and breathing in his comforting nicotine-axe smell. I couldn't wait to just lay in bed with him, sharing stories about god only knows what, cuddling all night long. I just couldn't wait to tell him that I was pregnant, and see his reaction and have him kiss my stomach all over like I knew he would. I couldn't help but to smile, imaging all of this.

“What are you grinning at?”
I sigh deeply, beaming still. “Nothing, Jorel. I just can't wait to see you.”