Modern Romance

Despite the fact that things were going almost perfectly so far today, I couldn't shake the feeling that something bad was going to happen. I decided that it was probably just nothing and that I wouldn't let it bother me or ruin the time I was spending with Jack, my boyfriend.

Although I considered him my boyfriend at this point, he wasn't technically my boyfriend. He had a girlfriend, so technically I was 'the other woman'. I sometimes felt bad about what we were doing, but I suppose you couldn't really helped who you loved. I had to forget my guilt if we ever wanted to be truly happy together and be a family; I was four months pregnant with his baby and we were definitely planning on raising the baby together once Jack told his girlfriend about us.

“Stella?” Jack's voice broke me out of my thoughts, which I hadn't even realized I'd been so deeply focused on. “Are you okay?”

“Yes, I'm fine.” I paused and smiled at him. “I was just thinking about something.”

“What were you thinking about?” he asked with a smile on his face.

“Nothing that important.”

“You're a terrible liar,” Jack whispered in my ear. I didn't really want to talk about what I had been thinking about for some reason. It was a perfectly innocent thing to think about, but I still wanted to keep it to myself. Maybe it was because ignoring the bad feeling I had didn't seem to help. I didn't want Jack to worry over something so needlessly.

“It's really nothing to worry about, Jack. I just want to be with you right now, alright?” I responded, kissing him on the cheek. I sighed and laid my head on his chest. I wasn't sure what – if anything – Jack had said in response to me. I just let myself lay there and listen to his steady heartbeat and eventually, felt myself fall into a deep sleep.



I woke up with tears running down my face and a horrible feeling of panic and fear. The dream I had was one of the worst I'd ever had and it all seemed so real. If I hadn't still felt Jack's arms around my waist when I woke up, I would have been absolutely terrified. In my dream, Jack tried to tell his girlfriend about us, but she already knew. She even planned out her revenge, so to speak, and killed him. It was extreme and unrealistic, yes, but it wasn't completely impossible, either.

The irrational fear of that becoming reality made me realize that I couldn't do this anymore. I couldn't be with Jack anymore, or expect him to leave her for me. Things were somewhat complicated by the fact that I was pregnant, but as far as his girlfriend was concerned, it was just a one-night stand that meant nothing. Of course, I had no way of knowing if Jack would be okay with it, but he would have to be okay with it.

I bit my lip as I thought about what I should do next. Did I tell him what happened and why I had to leave or did I just leave without even saying anything? I couldn't tell him exactly why I was leaving because it sounded extremely foolish and paranoid. However, I couldn't just get up and go, either. I loved Jack far too much to do that to him. He deserved some kind of reason, even if it was bullshit.

“Jack?” I tapped him lightly on the shoulder in a half-hearted attempt to wake him up.

“What?” he asked, tiredly.

“We can't do this anymore,” I said more quietly then I had intended.

“What did you say?” Jack looked up at me. He still looked tired, but he looked concerned at seeing what a mess I was. “Stella, what's wrong?”

“I said we can't do this anymore,” I repeated. At this point, I stood up to leave. I knew deep down that what I was doing was past being stupid, but it was too late for me to change my mind. I had to get out of there before I saw how my stupid paranoia would end up hurting the person I loved the most.

“What the fuck are you talking about? Why can't we do this -”

“We just can't, alright?” I walked quickly out the door and down the hallway to the stairs. Some great excuse you came up with.

“No, it's not alright. What's going on, Stella?” I could hear a mix of anger, confusion, and pain in his voice. I ran down the stairs, out the door, and into my car before he could catch up to me. When I got home, I cried harder than I ever had in my entire life, realizing that I had fucked up the best thing I ever had all by myself.



Three months had passed since that horrible day. Jack had called me a few times, but of course I didn't pick up. What would I have said to him? I didn't know. Saying that I loved him and I missed him would have been pointless considering I was the one that left him with no explanation at all.

I was rather surprised when a knock at my door interrupted my new routine of feeling sorry for myself and watching daytime TV. I wasn't exactly sure who it was (though, deep down, I did know who it was before I even opened the door) but I was feeling particularly lonely, so any company would have been welcomed. I got up as fast as I could, considering the fact that my stomach had gotten bigger over the last three months and made it harder to move around like I used to.

When I opened the door, I felt a mix of shock and regret. I was surprised to see Jack, and I regretted leaving him because he looked awful. His eyes were dull and bloodshot, and the look on his face was hard for me to look at. I hated seeing him upset, and I hated even more knowing that I had caused it.

“You look good, Stella,” Jack said quietly.

“So do you,” I lied. I forced a half-smile on my face.

“You don't need to lie about it. I know what I look like,” he said flatly. Tears began to form in my eyes, and I hoped he wouldn't notice them.

“What did you want, Jack?”

“Can we talk inside?” he pointed inside my apartment. “I don't think your neighbors need to know what's going on in your personal life.”

“Oh, sure, sorry.” Jack smiled the same smile I had smiled at him, and he walked into my apartment and sat on the couch. I closed the door and I sat down next to him.

“What did I do to you, Stella?”

“What are you talking about?” I asked. I knew what he was talking about, of course, but I didn't know what else to say.

“Why the fuck did you leave me?” he demanded more then asked.

“It wasn't anything you did, Jack. I promise. It was-”

“Then what was it? You owe me some kind of an explanation.”

I decided to tell him the truth. I couldn't take seeing him like this. I wasn't expecting forgiveness, or even for him to understand but he was right. He did deserve an explanation as to why I left him, so I finally gave it to him. I told him about the stupid dream I had, about the feeling I had that something bad was going to happen, and about my idiotic paranoia.

“Your dream was wrong, you know,” Jack said after I was done telling him everything. He smiled genuinely for the first time since I'd seen him today. “I told her about us, and I'm still here.”

“You still told her?” I asked, surprised that he had told her.

“Of course I did. She left me, but she didn't kill me.”

“Well, I'm glad my dream was wrong,” I responded with a smile. Jack smiled too, leaned over, and kissed me. I was surprised he had done that after what I had done to him, honestly.

“Don't be so surprised,” he whispered in my ear. “I still love you, and I still want us to be a family.” He put his hand on my stomach and kissed me again. I kissed him back, told him that I loved him, and despite my stupidity, I got just what I wanted in the end.