I Love You, but I Fear Love

The bell rang, signaling the end of fourth period and the beginning of lunch. I grabbed my things and walked out of the room, only to be greeted by Gerard right away.

"Hey, November!" He said loudly. I jumped and he laughed at me.

"Shut up, Gerard. You scared me." I said, but I couldn't stop the corners of my mouth from pulling up in a smile. He laughed again and we started walking to the lunch room.

"So, November, wanna sit with me at lunch today?" I raised my eyebrow a bit, but nodded. "Sorry that I'm so... pushy, but I'm not used to people actually... talking to me." He rubbed the back of his head and gave me a sad little look with his now guarded hazel eyes.

"Why? You seem pretty nice to me." I said. His eyes flashed with something I couldn't distinguish, but he replaced it with the guarded look he had earlier and shrugged.

"People just don't tend to like me or my friends." I nodded, fully understanding what he meant. I was definantly not with the 'popular' group in all my other schools. They didn't like my naturally black hair with soft spoken waves, or my ocean green eyes. They made remarks about how skinny I was, saying that I was anorexic. My friends said that they were just jealous, which I think they were. Not that I like how I look, but apparently they did.

"I understand, Gerard." He stopped and looked at me with a raised eyebrow. "What?" I asked, confused as to why he stopped.

"You're joking, right? I mean, I'm seriously asking. Are you messing with me?" I felt my nose scrunch up in confusion.

"Um, no, I'm pretty serious..." I said, still confused.

"Wow, that just shows how insecure some people are about how they look." He shook his head with slightly wide, surprised eyes. Taking that as an insult because I thought he was talking about me, I punched his arm. Hard.

"Ow! What was that for?" He asked, rubbing his arm.

"You think that I'm insecure about how I look!" I said, my voice full of anger. His eyes grew tremendously in size at my anger and my retort.

"No! No, I wasn't talking about you! I was talking about the people who made fun of you! I mean, you're really pretty and so they must have felt challenged or whatever and made you feel like crap!" He must've realized that he just called me pretty, because his cheeks immediately burst into patches of red. I felt my eyes go wide with shock, and then I started crying and slid against the wall. When I reached the floor, Gerard ran over to me.

"Oh my God, Nov, are you okay?" His nickname for me made me cry even harder. The sobs were making my whole body shake as he pulled me to his chest, murmuring soothing words in my ear. After a while of him holding me as I cried, I finally calmed down enough to talk.

"I-I'm sorry, G-Gerard." I stuttered as my breath caught on left-over sobs. He stroked my hair.

"It's okay, Nov." He murmured.

"D-don't call m-me that." I said, but I still clutched to his shirt for comfort.

"Why?" He asked, his voice full of concern and curiosity. I drew in a shaky breath.

"M-my ex-boyfriend u-used to call m-me that." I said, feeling the prick of tears again as I remembered Henry. He was by far the best boyfriend I've ever had.

"Oh... Tough break up?" I couldn't help the harsh laugh that escaped my lips.

"You could say that..." I said. I could feel Gerard's confused gaze on my face.

"What do you mean, November?" He asked. I mentally sighed and drew in a few shaky breaths. After a few minutes silence, I finally responded.

"Henry, my ex-boyfriend, was killed in a car crash. He... He meant the world to me, and now... He's g-g-gone." I barely forced out the last word before tears started falling again. Gerard held me closer in his warm, comforting embrace. After a few more minutes, I stopped crying and stood up and wiped away my smeared make up.

"Come on, I bet your friends are waiting for you." I sniffled and a small smile formed on my lips as I held out my hand for him to take. He gave me a smile and took my hand. After he was up and we started walking again, he glanced over at me.

"Would you mind if I started calling you Ember? It sounds cool." I smiled a bit.

"Yeah, I like it." He smiled an actual full-blown smile.

"So, Ember, we're officially friends now, right?" I laughed a bit and nodded.

"Yes, Gerard, we're friends." He smiled again and if it's even possible, his smile grew.

I had to stop in the bathroom to wash my now mascara smeared face. When I was done, we walked into the lunch room and Gerard looked around for his friends.

"Gerard, over here!" I heard someone shout. I turned to see the boy with the afro waving at us. Gerard smiled and took my arm.

"Come on, Ember." He led me to his friends' table and sat down on the hard bench, pulling me with him. All the boys looked at me and I fidgeted under their heavy gazes.

"So, Gee, you already picked up the new girl?" The blonde finally said, breaking the awkward silence with a laugh. The other guys laughed, too, and Gerard's face turned cherry-red.

"Shut up, Bob." He murmured, inching closer to me subtly. Okay, so blondie is Bob. Got it.

"Oh, I don't know. It looks like he's already pretty attached. What do you think of your big brother, Mikey?" Bob turned to the tall boy with glasses. Okay, so he's both Mikey and Gerard's little brother. Check.

"I would say so! What do you think, Torosaur?" Mikey asked the afro guy. Torosaur? What kind of name is that? I'll stick with afro guy. Afro guy smiled and looked at Gerard and I.

"I agree. I mean, he's practically touching her side!" He laughed.

"Ray, shut up." Gerard growled. Okay, Ray sounds more like an actual name. Ray equals afro guy. Alright, got it.

"Guys, leave them alone." The short one from science said with a smile.

"Thank you, Frank." Gerard said, relief obvious on his face. Frank smiled and nodded.

"No problem, man. So, who is this lovely lady you've got here?" Frank turned to me and I felt my cheeks heat up a bit. I looked down and little pieces of my black hair fell into my eyes.

"Oh, this is Ember. Ember, this are my... friends..." Gerard hesitated on the word friends. They all gave me a smile.

"I apologize for my friends' immature ways. Can you ever forgive me and them?" Gerard gave me an adorable puppy dog face that I couldn't refuse.

"Of course, Gerard." I smiled and his face broke into a big smile.

"And so she can talk!" Ray said with a smile. I felt the corners of my lips rise a bit.

"I like your name, Ember. Is it short for something?" Mikey asked shyly, his cockiness gone now that they were done teasing me and Gerard. I looked over at him and his dark brown eyes, longish brown-blonde hair mostly hid under a striped beanie, and slender face.

"Yeah, it's short for November." I said softly. He smiled at me.

"Hey, Gee, you've got a giant wet spot and a few black spots on your shirt." Frank said, pointing at his shirt. Crap, I didn't mean to get makeup on his white button up shirt.

"Oh, Gerard, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to stain your shirt." I said, looking at the spot that were, indeed, stained onto his stark white shirt.

"Oh, it's fine, Ember." He gave me a warm smile, which I returned.

"Why did Ember get black stuff and wetness on your shirt? Gee, you're not drinking or doing drugs again, are you? You promised you'd-" Frank got cut off by Gerard slapping his hand over his mouth.

"Frankie, shut up. Ember doesn't need to know about that." Frank nodded, but it was too late. I was looking at Gerard with wide eyes.

"Gerard... Tell me you didn't..." I said. I know what alcohol and drugs do to people. They turn them into monsters. It happened to one of my foster parents before. That's the reason I was moved.

"I'm sorry that you had to hear that, Ember..." Gerard looked down with shame.

"Just... Just tell me that you've stopped." I said, closing my eyes and biting my lip to keep out the memories.

"I'm working on it. It's hard." Gerard said softly. I opened my eyes to look at him. Everyone was looking at me to see my reaction.

"I understand that, Gerard... As long as you're working on it... I'm okay." I said. Gerard's face lit up a bit at my reply. Just then the bell rang and I realized that I hadn't eaten. Oh well. I'll live.

I walked with Gerard and Ray to our next class that we shared. Gerard and I passed notes the whole class that were about nothing in particular. Before I knew it, it was the end of the day and I had to leave. I walked to my car with the guys and said good bye. Right as I was turning to get into my car to wait for my siblings, Gerard took my arm to spin me around. I was then met with his strong embrace as he gave me a warm hug.

"Thank you, Ember." He whispered into my ear.

"For what?" I asked as he pulled away.

"For talking to me and being my friend. And for not turning away from me when you found out about my... problems." I smiled and wrapped my arms around his torso again to give him a tight hug.

"No problem. Thank you too, for holding me when I was falling apart." I pulled away and smiled, as did he.

"Oh, here's my number. Text me some time." He smiled as he pressed a piece of paper into my hand. I smiled and he took off to his car. He turned around once to wave and give me a big smile and I returned both. Finally, someone who accepted me with no problem.

Now if only the butterflies I got when I was around him would go away.