I Love You, but I Fear Love

"Ben, get out of the water. You're going to get a cramp!" Mrs. Brown had that stern look on her face that no one wanted to argue with.

"Ma, I'm fine! Just a little longer, please?" I could barely see Ben's head bobbing above the water of the murky lake. Mrs. Brown's expression softened the slightest bit. After a few seconds, she nodded.

"Fine. Just be careful, Benjamin." She sat back down next to me on the picnic blanket and smiled at me.

"So, November, I'm glad you could come. I know things must be rough in you're... home." She looked uncomfortable saying those words, when really, it was no big deal. I shrugged.

"Angelica doesn't mind. She knows that Ben and I are together." Mrs. Brown nodded. Angelica was my foster mom at the time. I had two other foster siblings; both were older than me.

I watched Ben in the water, his sleek body churning up waves as he swam for what seemed like hours. I heard a bird calling from a tree and looked up to see what kind it was. When I looked back, Ben was gone. I couldn't see his head anymore. Startled, I looked over at Mrs. Brown.

"Mrs. Brown, did Ben get out of the water?" I asked, thinking that maybe he just got out to dry off and join us. Mrs. Brown looked at me curious eyes.

"No, November, he didn't. Why?" She shaded her eyes and looked out to the lake. The water was now still, with only the slight ripple left over.

"M-maybe he's trying t-to scare us..." I said, though I knew it wasn't true. Mrs. Brown didn't waste another second before diving into the water to save her son. After a few moment of pure silence, her head broke the surface of the water. She waded out of the lake with Ben in her arms.

"Ben!" I yelled, running to them. Mrs. Brown laid him down and preformed CPR, but nothing was working. I felt the tears start streaming down my face when I realized that my Ben was gone, and gone for good.

"Ben! No, please, Ben wake up!" I screamed.

Suddenly, I was back in my room and someone was shaking my shoulder. I looked up and met those beautiful hazel eyes that I'd know anywhere.

"Gerard?" I asked, looking at my clock. 12:39? I had slept that long? I looked back to Gerard's worried eyes.

"Ember? What's wrong? Who's Ben?" He asked. I looked away. I didn't want to tell Gerard about another one of my boyfriends dying. He'd think I'm a freak.

"Um, Ben's my... brother?" I said.

"And did Ben... die?" Gerard asked. I slowly nodded.

"Oh, Ember! You just can't escape from people you love dying, can you?" He sat down and pulled me into his arms and held me as I fell apart all over again.

"Hey, guys! Oh, what happened?" I looked up and met Mikey's worried gaze through my tears.

"Ember, do you want me to tell him?" Gerard asked quietly. I looked deep into Mikey's eyes and decided that it was for the best that we told him. I nodded.

"Mikey, Ember had a dream of the day her brother, Ben, died." I amazed by how he put the pieces together, but I felt horrible about lying to him. Mikey's eyes widened and he rushed over to me and Gerard. We went through the same thing as yesterday, where Gerard was holding me and Mikey was stroking my hair.

After a while, Gerard spoke.

"We need to get you out of the house today. Let's get together with the guys and go somewhere to get your mind off of everything!" I nodded eagerly, wanting to get out.

"Alright, I'll go call the guys." Mikey left the room and it was just me and Gerard. I nestled into his warm embrace, knowing that I shouldn't but not being able to help it. He gave me something to rely on, something to help me stay sane. Yes, I've only known him for like three days, but we were already so close.

"Ember, are you okay?" Gerard whispered. I looked up and met his gaze.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just... I wish the memories would go away. I hate it, knowing I was there for almost every single death, but not doing anything. I could've asked Ben to lay in the sand with me instead of swimming. I could've told Kevin the side of town we were on was bad and convinced him to go somewhere else. I could've had Henry stay the night by insisting that it was too late for him to be driving. It feels like it's all my fault that they died." I felt tears start to stream down my face again.

"Ember, none of it is your fault. You couldn't have possibly known what was going to happen." I felt his soft fingers start to wipe away my tears. I held on to his shirt tightly, not willing to let go. He started to softly sing a song to me.

After a while, I recognized it as My Heart Will Go On by Celine Dion. I smiled at the vulnerability of his voice. Plus the fact that Gerard, the rock/metal type of person was singing the theme of Titanic was kind of funny in itself. But I have to admit, it did make me calm down and feel better.

When he finished, I looked up to his face.

"You have a pretty voice, Gee." I said quietly. He smiled down at me

"Well, thank you, Ember." I smiled at him and his smile grew. "You know, your eyes are beautiful." I blushed a bit. I didn't get many compliments on my eyes. A lot of people thought I wore colored contacts.

"Thank you, Gerard... You're eyes are really pretty, too." Gerard started leaning down, and this time, I didn't turn my head. Right as our lips were about to touch, Mikey walked into the room.

"Well, Frank and Torosaur can make it, but Bob's got some kind of wedding thing." He looked up and saw how close Gerard and I were and gave us a sly smile.

"Did I... interrupt something?" He asked slyly.

"No." I answered at the same time Gerard answered, "Yes." I looked at him and felt the confusion on my face.

Had Mikey interrupted something? I suppose he had...

Maybe, just maybe... I wish he hadn't.