Rudy Can't Fail

Things were real good with Nat and me. The guys seemed to like her; I'd had a conversation with Mike in my kitchen and he thought she was cool. He asked me if I had told her I loved her yet and I had said no, but it was only because they had showed up. Dumbasses!

Anyway, I wouldn’t be seeing her till later that week, cos there was some work stuff coming up and we had to go to Vegas, but that was cool. Nat wasn’t the type of person to sit and pine. She had actually said that she'd be "Glad not to see your ugly mush for a few days." whatever that means.

Me and the guys were back now and I was gonna pick Nat up from the Doctor's Office. When I had asked her what was wrong, she got a bit pissy and told me it was a routine check up. I was a bit pissy too, cos I wanted to say what was on my mind, but whenever I tried; something always came up. So I was a touch distracted, like today; when I'm about to leave home, and Billie calls:

"Whatcha doin'?"

"About to go meet Nat, why? What do you want?"

"Who pissed in your coffee, today?" He teased.

"What?!…look, was there something you wanted, Bill? I'm going out."

"Come pick me up. Adie's gone back East with the boys and I'm lonely. Play with me, Tre. Amuse me…" He whines.

I sigh…I wanted to tell Nat today. Better think fast.

"Where's Mike?"

"Out with Brit and Stelle. Dude, please…I promise to behave!" He's pleading now. "You wont even know I'm there!"

Fuck it.

"Ok fine, but if you start your shit, Billie Joe, your ass is being dumped on the Freeway. Can you say 'Road kill'? "

"I'll be good. Jeez." He sighs, and if I know Billie, his rolling his eyes. "So hurry up and come get me!"

Picking Billie up was a bad idea. He's fidgety and keeps fucking up the presets on my stereo, while droning on about how much he missed Adie and the kids. I had got him to shut up by shouting "Freeway!" or slapping him round the back of his head.

We arrive at the Doctor's a few minutes late; Nat was already outside smoking. On seeing us, she smiles and walks over. Even though she seems happy enough, she looks like she hasn’t slept in days. Something was bugging the fuck out of her, and I wanted to know what it was.

"What's kicking', chickens?" flicking her cigarette to the curb, she watches Billie scramble over the front seat to sit in the back, in wonder.

"Hey baby. Billie, you fuck-face! Why didn’t you just get out, like normal people?" I spit. Sometimes, hanging out with Billie was like looking after Frankito.

"Cos that was quicker, fat boy!" He says falling into the leather seats, laughing.

"Now, now children!" Nat opens the door and slides in, placing a kiss on my lips. "'Sup, you."

"I'm not fat, Bill. How many times…it's just relaxed muscle!" As I sigh, he flips me off. Looking back infront, I drive out of the parking lot.

There's this weird silence- we both wanna say something but we can't cos Billie's back there, again, bitching about something or other.
I look at her, from the corner of my eye and I can see her wringing her hands and biting her bottom lip. Since telling us off, she hasn’t said a word.

"Something's bothering you…" I keep my eyes on the road, noting that Billie has decided to shut up…for now.

"Well that’s the pot calling the kettle." She turns her body so she's facing me

"What's that supposed to mean?" How did she know I wanted to talk…

"Can't we do this later?"

"No. I want to do this now."

"Oh Tre, your so forceful!" Billie says and he sounds a lot like a chick. I whip my head round and glare at him.

"Bill, I'm warning you."

"Oh, leave him alone…You've been acting strange since last Sunday night, What's the matter? Haven't found the extra ball you need to say whatever it is yet?"

"Oooooh! You tell him girlfriend!" Billie Joe chimes, moving to the edge of his seat putting his hands on the corner of both mine and Nat's.

"Be quiet, Bill…well? Out with it…then I'll tell you after."

"You go first."

"No…you."

"You started this, so you go."

"Why is a serious conversation so hard for you?" I laugh. I have to- this is fucking insane!

"Just say it, Tre."

"No. Not till you do."

"For the love of God!! Would one of you fucking say something!" Billie cries from behind us.

"Shut up, Billie." Nat snaps. Looking slightly shocked, he sits back obediently.

"Ok, fine. We'll say it together. On three. Ready?" I couldn’t believe we were doing this.

She nods ad prepares to speak.

"One…two…three…"

"I LOVE YOU!"

I pull the over S.U.V in shock. Did I hear this right? I knew I said it, but did she? Billie gasps, and Nat looks stunned.

"Oh, you guys!!!" the Valley Girl in the back says leaning forwards again, grinning.

"BILLIE!" Nat and I speak together, again.

"Sorry!" He sighs, not moving back this time. "Jeez!"

"You said you love me!"

Nat adjusts pulls at her collar "I didn't." All of a sudden, she looks uncomfortable. "I said 'elephant juice'" With a shake of her head she looks out the window.

Billie cracks up laughing.

"No…you said it. You can't take it back!" I'm confused. We share something like that and now she wants to make a joke?

"Well you said it first!" She folds her arms over her chest and gives me this look. A kind of 'don’t push this any further or I'll kill you then throw your body off a cliff' type look.

"No, you did!" I gasp, anyway.

"Well technically, like, since both of you said it at the same time, you both said it first. But as a spectator, turned judge, you know, I would say that Nat, you were first by, like, a nanosecond." Billie throws in casually. I forgot the little shit was in the car.

This really wasn’t how I had planned it. But it was out there now and I didn’t want to change it.

"Well that blows." Nat fixes me with those beautiful chocolate brown eyes of hers; pouting, and I feel this tingly sensation in the pit of my stomach.

"How about we go home and you can 'blow' me there?" I'm whispering suggestively at Nat, who just smiles and turns back to the window.

"Eww! I do not need to see that at all; I've seen your bare ass too many times, Tre. But to see you as naked as a Jay Bird, Nat, I would make an exception." Bill shrugs, finally happy to sit back and stay there.

"Shut the fuck up, Armstrong!" I shout at him as he starts mimicking my face, smirking to himself, when he's done. "Remember the freeway? I could turn back!"

"Okay, okay!" He huffs "Don’t lose your last nut over it."

"Yeah, Tre. Why are you so…testi?" Nat chips in as she and Billie laugh at my expense.

"Everybody's a fucking comedian now, huh?" I say quietly.

We all get lost in the moment and its quiet , with the exception of the radio playing some 50's shit. There's not even a peep from Billie Joe, who seems to be caught up in sending messages from his cell. Nat's switched off again and I'm about to turn into Billie's drive when this rancid stench fills the car.
When I say rancid, I mean rancid like a rotting corpse stuffed with boiled eggs, man. Just raw. It's so foul I open all the windows. This seems to get Nat out of her trance and making her talk since our declaration to eachother, 20 minutes ago.

"Ok, whodunit? That is the most disgusting thing I have ever smelt" She's looking between both of us. "Nasty ass, mo-fo‘s."

"Not me! Jesus! Something definitely climbed up your ass then died! It fucking reeks!" It would never have been me; my ass smells like a meadow in summer.

"Fuck you! It wasn’t me either! I've smelt your ass, Tre and know its lethal toxins could wipe out a small country!"

We both turn to look at Billie Joe, who was still curiously quiet; he was laying on the back seat, rubbing his belly, with his eyes closed.

"Ah, man" He groans, "Never eat a bean curd burrito, that's been left out all night."