Love Letters to Write Before I Die

Aisha and Dan excused themselves when they noticed Nate was there (Aisha, quite a bit too reluctantly). And Haley protested too, because 1) their last meeting didn’t go smoothly, actually, and she didn’t want to have another unpleasant conversation with Nathan.

And 2) her parents were in there. She feared two of her friends would kill themselves.

So with that in mind, she said to her lovely friends in a very grim voice, “Remember, do not initiate eye contact. Tread with caution. Run up the stairs to my room. Use your stealth skills.”

“Change your mind,” Nathan said, smirking.

“That is probably the most romantic thing everyone had ever said to me,” Haley said sarcastically, emphasizing it with a gasp as her hand shot up to her chest with her eyes looked at him dreamily. He rolled his eyes and walked over to her.

Nathan didn’t have any comebacks this time. Maybe he ran out of them. Maybe he was just too exhausted to fight anymore. To convince her otherwise. She did remember the last time they met at the park, when she told him she was leaving. The first thing he did was frowned and exclaimed, “Oh wow, so now you’re running away?” and she vaguely recalled him calling her a hypocrite.

Or was that herself?

She didn’t mind. She was being a bit hypocritical.

Unable to answer her, Nathan and Haley stood there in silence.

“I’m sorry,” he began, breaking the silence first. “For practically insulting you. I wasn’t being rational.”

“If it’s of any consolation, Nathan, I always think that I’m not being practical or rational about this decision either. I kept thinking it would be just a year and it won’t be too damaging. But a lot can happen in a year, right?”

She looked up at his eyes, hoping that he would see the message she was trying to send.

“Mm,” was all that he could manage. Just as Haley thought it was hopeless, Nathan looked down at her, smirking as his fingers rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “Are you afraid that I’d get snatched away by another girl?”

Haley shot him a glare but even so, she felt her cheeks tingled slightly. “Well, don’t flatter yourself too much! No girl would be able to stand the dark cloud hovering above you everywhere you go, anyway. So I’m assured.”

“So you do like me,” he pointed out, his smirk turning into a smug grin.

She shrugged casually, as if the conversation was meaningless to her while in actuality, it was screwing up her heartbeat.

“Sort of. Kinda.”

She felt a warm, gentle touch on her upper arm. It drew her in.

And unlike the kiss they had in the park, this one was more urgent. As if the both of them were trying to prove a point. Of what, Haley wasn’t sure. But fuck, he drove her hormones crazy. Her fingers went through his hair, ruffling it more. Every time their tongues battled each other, he pressed himself closer to her, kissing her harder. He pulled her head back, his kisses trailing from her lips to her neck. Her back was pressed against the brick wall of her house.

“You’re…” she gasped. “You’re not making this any easier for me.”

“That’s my mission, yes,” he muttered, the vibrations of his voice against her neck was sending shivers down her spine.

She laughed and pushed him away with her flimsy arms but her fingers were still gripping his shirt tightly. He looked down with an amused glint in his eyes. “Hold it any tighter and I might just go home looking as if I’ve been molested.”

“Tell me something,” she said, still panting slightly. “What did your doctor said? When is your…your life…”

“Shh,” he whispered, pulling her closer. “That’s not very optimistic of you.”

Haley inwardly rolled her eyes. Would he just stop using that against her for crying out loud?

Sensing her displeasure, he sighed and ran a free hand through his hair before reaching the back of his neck and lingering there for a while. “I had a severe issue of shitty lungs when I was a kid. The pneumonia is better now, but still. That’s all I’m telling you.”

“Wuss,” she said, trying to challenge him but obviously with the way how determined he looked, he had decided not to tell her a long, long time ago. And it was a firm decision.

She frowned before blurting out, “Don’t…go. When I’m not around. Don’t.”

“I can’t promise you that. I might get hit by a truck or something.”

Haley grimaced. There was something about his expression that she didn’t like.

“Nathan,” she whispered and he shook his head.

“We’re not talking about it, Haley.”

His grip around her tightened. Haley sighed, resting her head on his shoulder. Well, she would pester him about that some other time, then. For that short moment, being in his arms, she felt content. And even if the future looked blurry than ever, she know they would deal with it somehow. Nathan started to play with her hair before he kissed the side of her head.

“I’m really going to miss you and your antics,” he added. She chuckled.

“Well, we could always write letters to each other,” she said, looking into his eyes.

Nathan laughed before kissing her again.

The future was definitely gray and fuzzy. New beginnings were almost exclusively paired with new surprises, and with that said she had a lot to be scared about. A lot. And as she wrapped her arms around Nathan’s neck, pulling him closer to her, she realized that moving to a new environment and experiencing new things weren’t the only things that scared her. She didn’t want to lose him. She didn’t.

The future was definitely gray and fuzzy.

But frankly, she knew that somehow, everything would work out one day.

After all, she was an excellent optimist.